Being sued by ex for homeschooling
Michelle
Hello all,
I just got served this morning and found my ex-husband is suing me for unschooling my 12 year old daughter. To give some background info., I took her out of public school this past year to unschool her. I was a special education teacher in middle and high school for the past 10 years and saw enough!
I know there are a lot of cases involving schools and parents in litigation, but I have not seen any between parents. I am scheduled to see a lawyer on Tuesday, but she is the lawyer that handled my divorce case in 2007 and may not know much about educational law and in particular, unschooling. Any advice would be most appreciated.
Oh, he also wants custody, which is unlikely since he is abusive.
I just got served this morning and found my ex-husband is suing me for unschooling my 12 year old daughter. To give some background info., I took her out of public school this past year to unschool her. I was a special education teacher in middle and high school for the past 10 years and saw enough!
I know there are a lot of cases involving schools and parents in litigation, but I have not seen any between parents. I am scheduled to see a lawyer on Tuesday, but she is the lawyer that handled my divorce case in 2007 and may not know much about educational law and in particular, unschooling. Any advice would be most appreciated.
Oh, he also wants custody, which is unlikely since he is abusive.
Meredith
"Michelle" <floater20@...> wrote:
Unschooling tends not to survive messy divorce situations. If the other parent is willing to give up all rights over education - or at least trust your judgement on the subject, unschooling Can work in a divorce, but I haven't seen it work in any divorce where there's contention on the subject. Best case scenario is a compromise - either a school or home-education program both parents can feel okay about.
A few years back I did some hunting on the legal aspect of this subject, when my partner was finalizing his divorce (after more than 10 years) and found courts favor schools over homeschooling in custody cases. You might be able to claim a psychological need for a break, if you can provide some documentation and show you're planning on having her hit the books again come fall. But unschooling is challenging even for people who are interested in unschooling to wrap their minds around - it's not going to stand much of a chance in a legal battle.
There Is no educational law where unschooling is concerned. It's a type of home education. If you're meeting the state requirements where homeschooling is concerned and can prove it, that's a good thing. If you can prove you're doing a better job than the school by school standards, then you've probably got a chance.
---Meredith
>> I know there are a lot of cases involving schools and parents in litigation, but I have not seen any between parents.****************
Unschooling tends not to survive messy divorce situations. If the other parent is willing to give up all rights over education - or at least trust your judgement on the subject, unschooling Can work in a divorce, but I haven't seen it work in any divorce where there's contention on the subject. Best case scenario is a compromise - either a school or home-education program both parents can feel okay about.
A few years back I did some hunting on the legal aspect of this subject, when my partner was finalizing his divorce (after more than 10 years) and found courts favor schools over homeschooling in custody cases. You might be able to claim a psychological need for a break, if you can provide some documentation and show you're planning on having her hit the books again come fall. But unschooling is challenging even for people who are interested in unschooling to wrap their minds around - it's not going to stand much of a chance in a legal battle.
>>she is the lawyer that handled my divorce case in 2007 and may not know much about educational law and in particular, unschooling******************
There Is no educational law where unschooling is concerned. It's a type of home education. If you're meeting the state requirements where homeschooling is concerned and can prove it, that's a good thing. If you can prove you're doing a better job than the school by school standards, then you've probably got a chance.
>>> Oh, he also wants custody, which is unlikely since he is abusive.Courts also tend to favor some measure of joint custody. Depending on how badly he abused her, you might get that pared back to visitation and if you're lucky, supervised visitation. If there's any way you can negotiate a compromise with him without taking things to court, that's your absolute best chance to continue homeschooling.
---Meredith
Meredith
A useful general source of info on homeschooling legalities:
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/directory/Legalities.htm
---Meredith
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/directory/Legalities.htm
---Meredith
Shell K.
Clonlara used to offer help and testimony in hs court cases.http://www.clonlara.org/home/why_choose_clonlara
To: [email protected]
From: plaidpanties666@...
Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2012 00:41:23 +0000
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Being sued by ex for homeschooling
A useful general source of info on homeschooling legalities:
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/directory/Legalities.htm
---Meredith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
To: [email protected]
From: plaidpanties666@...
Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2012 00:41:23 +0000
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Being sued by ex for homeschooling
A useful general source of info on homeschooling legalities:
http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/directory/Legalities.htm
---Meredith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Erica
I really would like to follow this and see how it ends up. I am in a similar situation right now. I am divorcing my husband, and he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school, and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly because I will never agree to that.
________________________________
From: Michelle <floater20@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, March 30, 2012 7:20 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Being sued by ex for homeschooling
Hello all,
I just got served this morning and found my ex-husband is suing me for unschooling my 12 year old daughter. To give some background info., I took her out of public school this past year to unschool her. I was a special education teacher in middle and high school for the past 10 years and saw enough!
I know there are a lot of cases involving schools and parents in litigation, but I have not seen any between parents. I am scheduled to see a lawyer on Tuesday, but she is the lawyer that handled my divorce case in 2007 and may not know much about educational law and in particular, unschooling. Any advice would be most appreciated.
Oh, he also wants custody, which is unlikely since he is abusive.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
________________________________
From: Michelle <floater20@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, March 30, 2012 7:20 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Being sued by ex for homeschooling
Hello all,
I just got served this morning and found my ex-husband is suing me for unschooling my 12 year old daughter. To give some background info., I took her out of public school this past year to unschool her. I was a special education teacher in middle and high school for the past 10 years and saw enough!
I know there are a lot of cases involving schools and parents in litigation, but I have not seen any between parents. I am scheduled to see a lawyer on Tuesday, but she is the lawyer that handled my divorce case in 2007 and may not know much about educational law and in particular, unschooling. Any advice would be most appreciated.
Oh, he also wants custody, which is unlikely since he is abusive.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 31, 2012, at 10:35 AM, Erica wrote:
Getting "ugly" is likely to make unschooling look even more insane than it does to most people.
The more reasonable you can be, the better chance you'll have. What you may want to do is look into Sudbury Valley or some of the homeschooling curriculums. Oak Meadow is unschooling friendly and may be able to pass as more rigorous than it is.
If there's any chance of changing your minds, if anyone here has thoughts of divorce and values their ability to unschool, look into Retrouvaille. They're a Catholic organization but their only agenda is to help marriages.
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
And for those who think it would be so much easier to unschool with the disapproving spouse out of the picture, that's only slightly less fantastical than unicorns.. This might help:
http://sandradodd.com/divorce
For radical unschooling parents who are running into rough patches, for those looking to strengthen a relationship, there's:
http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingpartnerships/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school,In cases of divorce, If the decision is up to a judge in your state and your soon-to-be-ex is protesting unschooling, the decision is not in your control. It's highly likely the judge will weigh on the conventional side.
> and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly
> because I will never agree to that.
Getting "ugly" is likely to make unschooling look even more insane than it does to most people.
The more reasonable you can be, the better chance you'll have. What you may want to do is look into Sudbury Valley or some of the homeschooling curriculums. Oak Meadow is unschooling friendly and may be able to pass as more rigorous than it is.
If there's any chance of changing your minds, if anyone here has thoughts of divorce and values their ability to unschool, look into Retrouvaille. They're a Catholic organization but their only agenda is to help marriages.
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
And for those who think it would be so much easier to unschool with the disapproving spouse out of the picture, that's only slightly less fantastical than unicorns.. This might help:
http://sandradodd.com/divorce
For radical unschooling parents who are running into rough patches, for those looking to strengthen a relationship, there's:
http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingpartnerships/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
<<<"I really would like to follow this and see how it ends up. I am in a similar situation right now. I am divorcing my husband, and he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school, and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly because I will never agree to that. ">>>>>
The brutal truth is that unschooling and even homeschooling will most likely not hold in a family court in the case of divorce. Sure that are families who
have been able to keep doing it but those are rare cases where both parents agree and want to homeschool or agreed to keep homeschooling.
Judges will rule on sending children to school because that is the norm , most of the time.
I wish you both good luck.
At other families that are still together I suggest you make your relationship with your partner a priority also because children of divorce do have many scars and
living in a safe home where parents get along goes a long way for a happy childhood.
Now I do understand there are cases , like abuse and others, that divorce is the safest and best solution.
I wanted to say that my marriage has not been in jeopardy but when I started using the principles of unschooling and applied them to my marriage and my relationship to
my husband, my marriage has become so much better. It is really amazing how it has gotten stronger and more loving.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Great advice by Joyce and I wanted to say that the exchanges at the unschoolingpartnership group have tremendously
helped me and my marriage blossom.
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
From: Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2012 11:38 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Being sued by ex for homeschooling
helped me and my marriage blossom.
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
From: Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2012 11:38 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Being sued by ex for homeschooling
On Mar 31, 2012, at 10:35 AM, Erica wrote:
> he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school,
> and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly
> because I will never agree to that.
In cases of divorce, If the decision is up to a judge in your state and your soon-to-be-ex is protesting unschooling, the decision is not in your control. It's highly likely the judge will weigh on the conventional side.
Getting "ugly" is likely to make unschooling look even more insane than it does to most people.
The more reasonable you can be, the better chance you'll have. What you may want to do is look into Sudbury Valley or some of the homeschooling curriculums. Oak Meadow is unschooling friendly and may be able to pass as more rigorous than it is.
If there's any chance of changing your minds, if anyone here has thoughts of divorce and values their ability to unschool, look into Retrouvaille. They're a Catholic organization but their only agenda is to help marriages.
http://www.retrouvaille.org/
And for those who think it would be so much easier to unschool with the disapproving spouse out of the picture, that's only slightly less fantastical than unicorns.. This might help:
http://sandradodd.com/divorce
For radical unschooling parents who are running into rough patches, for those looking to strengthen a relationship, there's:
http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingpartnerships/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
Erica <ericatrent1@...> wrote:
"Never agree" is the kind of roadblock which can scupper joyful living and natural learning. What frequently helps the most in order to create a life which is softer, more generous, more peaceful - and thus more supportive of natural learning - is getting away from single "once and for all" solutions and instead looking for collections of useful options.
It doesn't have to. One of the options you have available to you is to make your home a haven of peace and joy and support, a place where your kids delight in being and learning. Do fun things and go fun places, plan adventures, play games, enjoy each others time and company. You can do all of that and still have school as part of the picture. Find some school families with rich, full lives and take in what makes that possible.
It helps to keep in mind that your kids' other parent cares about them and wants what's best for them, too. It helps a whole lot to see your kids other parent as someone They love - just as you would see a game or book or movie you're not thrilled with as something your child loves, and therefore something of value. That's hard, I know. It's hard to realize that a divorce doesn't get you away from that other person, that parts of him or her are going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life in the person of your beloved child.
It's also somewhat of a shock to realize that divorce can give the other parent More influence on your parenting than when you are married. That's something to keep in mind for parents still in the earlier stages of considering divorce - if the other parent chooses to exercise it, he'll have More power of decision making over big issues like education. In a marriage, you can fudge and ease and make things work in a whole lot of ways that disappear a moment the courts get involved.
It's still possible to compromise and have some peace and gentleness in your life across a divorce, but that depends a whole lot on personal willingness to put your children's needs for the connection and support of Both their beloved parents at the top of your priorities.
I have a stepson - he's 18, but for five years he lived in our unschooling home full time so I know it's possible. Part of what made it possible was being willing to say Yes to the other parent, to live by principles rather than making "unschooling" into a set of rules we could beat our chests over.
---Meredith
> I will never agree to that***************
"Never agree" is the kind of roadblock which can scupper joyful living and natural learning. What frequently helps the most in order to create a life which is softer, more generous, more peaceful - and thus more supportive of natural learning - is getting away from single "once and for all" solutions and instead looking for collections of useful options.
>>he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school, and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly...****************
It doesn't have to. One of the options you have available to you is to make your home a haven of peace and joy and support, a place where your kids delight in being and learning. Do fun things and go fun places, plan adventures, play games, enjoy each others time and company. You can do all of that and still have school as part of the picture. Find some school families with rich, full lives and take in what makes that possible.
It helps to keep in mind that your kids' other parent cares about them and wants what's best for them, too. It helps a whole lot to see your kids other parent as someone They love - just as you would see a game or book or movie you're not thrilled with as something your child loves, and therefore something of value. That's hard, I know. It's hard to realize that a divorce doesn't get you away from that other person, that parts of him or her are going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life in the person of your beloved child.
It's also somewhat of a shock to realize that divorce can give the other parent More influence on your parenting than when you are married. That's something to keep in mind for parents still in the earlier stages of considering divorce - if the other parent chooses to exercise it, he'll have More power of decision making over big issues like education. In a marriage, you can fudge and ease and make things work in a whole lot of ways that disappear a moment the courts get involved.
It's still possible to compromise and have some peace and gentleness in your life across a divorce, but that depends a whole lot on personal willingness to put your children's needs for the connection and support of Both their beloved parents at the top of your priorities.
I have a stepson - he's 18, but for five years he lived in our unschooling home full time so I know it's possible. Part of what made it possible was being willing to say Yes to the other parent, to live by principles rather than making "unschooling" into a set of rules we could beat our chests over.
---Meredith
Meredith
Erica <ericatrent1@...> wrote:
"Never agree" is the kind of roadblock which can scupper joyful living and natural learning. What frequently helps the most in order to create a life which is softer, more generous, more peaceful - and thus more supportive of natural learning - is getting away from single "once and for all" solutions and instead looking for collections of useful options.
It doesn't have to. One of the options you have available to you is to make your home a haven of peace and joy and support, a place where your kids delight in being and learning. Do fun things and go fun places, plan adventures, play games, enjoy each others time and company. You can do all of that and still have school as part of the picture. Find some school families with rich, full lives and take in what makes that possible.
It helps to keep in mind that your kids' other parent cares about them and wants what's best for them, too. It helps a whole lot to see your kids other parent as someone They love - just as you would see a game or book or movie you're not thrilled with as something your child loves, and therefore something of value. That's hard, I know. It's hard to realize that a divorce doesn't get you away from that other person, that parts of him or her are going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life in the person of your beloved child.
It's also somewhat of a shock to realize that divorce can give the other parent More influence on your parenting than when you are married. That's something to keep in mind for parents still in the earlier stages of considering divorce - if the other parent chooses to exercise it, he'll have More power of decision making over big issues like education. In a marriage, you can fudge and ease and make things work in a whole lot of ways that disappear a moment the courts get involved.
It's still possible to compromise and have some peace and gentleness in your life across a divorce, but that depends a whole lot on personal willingness to put your children's needs for the connection and support of Both their beloved parents at the top of your priorities.
I have a stepson - he's 18, but for five years he lived in our unschooling home full time so I know it's possible. Part of what made it possible was being willing to say Yes to the other parent, to live by principles rather than making "unschooling" into a set of rules we could beat our chests over.
---Meredith
> I will never agree to that***************
"Never agree" is the kind of roadblock which can scupper joyful living and natural learning. What frequently helps the most in order to create a life which is softer, more generous, more peaceful - and thus more supportive of natural learning - is getting away from single "once and for all" solutions and instead looking for collections of useful options.
>>he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school, and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly...****************
It doesn't have to. One of the options you have available to you is to make your home a haven of peace and joy and support, a place where your kids delight in being and learning. Do fun things and go fun places, plan adventures, play games, enjoy each others time and company. You can do all of that and still have school as part of the picture. Find some school families with rich, full lives and take in what makes that possible.
It helps to keep in mind that your kids' other parent cares about them and wants what's best for them, too. It helps a whole lot to see your kids other parent as someone They love - just as you would see a game or book or movie you're not thrilled with as something your child loves, and therefore something of value. That's hard, I know. It's hard to realize that a divorce doesn't get you away from that other person, that parts of him or her are going to be a part of your life for the rest of your life in the person of your beloved child.
It's also somewhat of a shock to realize that divorce can give the other parent More influence on your parenting than when you are married. That's something to keep in mind for parents still in the earlier stages of considering divorce - if the other parent chooses to exercise it, he'll have More power of decision making over big issues like education. In a marriage, you can fudge and ease and make things work in a whole lot of ways that disappear a moment the courts get involved.
It's still possible to compromise and have some peace and gentleness in your life across a divorce, but that depends a whole lot on personal willingness to put your children's needs for the connection and support of Both their beloved parents at the top of your priorities.
I have a stepson - he's 18, but for five years he lived in our unschooling home full time so I know it's possible. Part of what made it possible was being willing to say Yes to the other parent, to live by principles rather than making "unschooling" into a set of rules we could beat our chests over.
---Meredith
Erica
Thank you Alex, your view on this situation are much more realistic. Yes, I have tried for many many years to make the marriage work, but the marriage itself is damaging the kids much more than a divorce will. It is a harmful situation to me and the children, mentally and financially. Therefor, I do believe my kids will thrive beyond this marriage and be happy with the decision in the long run. Now, to get this over with and find someone who is healthy for me and my family and supports UNSCHOOLING. Now that sounds much better than trying to stay in the marriage for asinine reasons as if its the only way unschooling works even though the spouse is disrespectful, selfish, unsupportive and ignorant. Hogwash!
________________________________
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2012 1:06 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Being sued by ex for homeschooling
<<<"I really would like to follow this and see how it ends up. I am in a similar situation right now. I am divorcing my husband, and he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school, and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly because I will never agree to that. ">>>>>
The brutal truth is that unschooling and even homeschooling will most likely not hold in a family court in the case of divorce. Sure that are families who
have been able to keep doing it but those are rare cases where both parents agree and want to homeschool or agreed to keep homeschooling.
Judges will rule on sending children to school because that is the norm , most of the time.
I wish you both good luck.
At other families that are still together I suggest you make your relationship with your partner a priority also because children of divorce do have many scars and
living in a safe home where parents get along goes a long way for a happy childhood.
Now I do understand there are cases , like abuse and others, that divorce is the safest and best solution.
I wanted to say that my marriage has not been in jeopardy but when I started using the principles of unschooling and applied them to my marriage and my relationship to
my husband, my marriage has become so much better. It is really amazing how it has gotten stronger and more loving.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
________________________________
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
Sent: Saturday, March 31, 2012 1:06 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Being sued by ex for homeschooling
<<<"I really would like to follow this and see how it ends up. I am in a similar situation right now. I am divorcing my husband, and he said he will fight for the kids to have to go back to public school, and actually thinks he is going to win. Looks like it's gonna get ugly because I will never agree to that. ">>>>>
The brutal truth is that unschooling and even homeschooling will most likely not hold in a family court in the case of divorce. Sure that are families who
have been able to keep doing it but those are rare cases where both parents agree and want to homeschool or agreed to keep homeschooling.
Judges will rule on sending children to school because that is the norm , most of the time.
I wish you both good luck.
At other families that are still together I suggest you make your relationship with your partner a priority also because children of divorce do have many scars and
living in a safe home where parents get along goes a long way for a happy childhood.
Now I do understand there are cases , like abuse and others, that divorce is the safest and best solution.
I wanted to say that my marriage has not been in jeopardy but when I started using the principles of unschooling and applied them to my marriage and my relationship to
my husband, my marriage has become so much better. It is really amazing how it has gotten stronger and more loving.
Alex Polikowsky
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
Erica <ericatrent1@...> wrote:
Sometimes that's the case, but it's hard to know ahead of time. As I said, a divorce can end up taking away more of your choices and power than you realize beforehand. Courts very much tend to view 50/50 custody as the best possible outcome - assuming both parents want custody - which gives the other parent a surprising amount of weight to throw around if he or she chooses to do so.
Most of the time, divorce puts a kink in unschooling. The vast majority of the time, from what I can tell, although it's all anecdotal knowledge. So it's not "hogwash" to suggest that a divorce might modify or even end your unschooling dreams. It can and does much, much more often than not.
One of the ongoing issues with visitation, for instance, is that you end up doing a bit of deschooling after every visitation - and that's with a Good outcome, one where you get to continue unschooling. A compromise where you get a curriculum and document your kids' education for the other parent is a more usual outcome, if you can agree Before you get to court. The more you can agree upon outside of court the better! And for many families, that absolutely does mean agreeing to put some of the same care into the marriage that you'd like to put into unschooling.
---Meredith
>I have tried for many many years to make the marriage work, but the marriage itself is damaging the kids much more than a divorce will.*************
Sometimes that's the case, but it's hard to know ahead of time. As I said, a divorce can end up taking away more of your choices and power than you realize beforehand. Courts very much tend to view 50/50 custody as the best possible outcome - assuming both parents want custody - which gives the other parent a surprising amount of weight to throw around if he or she chooses to do so.
>> trying to stay in the marriage for asinine reasons as if its the only way unschooling works even though the spouse is disrespectful, selfish, unsupportive and ignorant. Hogwash!*******************
Most of the time, divorce puts a kink in unschooling. The vast majority of the time, from what I can tell, although it's all anecdotal knowledge. So it's not "hogwash" to suggest that a divorce might modify or even end your unschooling dreams. It can and does much, much more often than not.
One of the ongoing issues with visitation, for instance, is that you end up doing a bit of deschooling after every visitation - and that's with a Good outcome, one where you get to continue unschooling. A compromise where you get a curriculum and document your kids' education for the other parent is a more usual outcome, if you can agree Before you get to court. The more you can agree upon outside of court the better! And for many families, that absolutely does mean agreeing to put some of the same care into the marriage that you'd like to put into unschooling.
---Meredith
lindaguitar
There is an organization called NHELD - National Home Education Defense League. http://www.nheld.com/
It is what its name says it is, withOUT the political/religious agenda of the other organization, which I am not going to name here.
Hopefully someone at NHELD will be able to refer you to the right kind of attorney in your state.
Good luck with your case. It seems unlikely that a judge would put much stock in what an abusive divorced father is claiming of the mother.
Linda
It is what its name says it is, withOUT the political/religious agenda of the other organization, which I am not going to name here.
Hopefully someone at NHELD will be able to refer you to the right kind of attorney in your state.
Good luck with your case. It seems unlikely that a judge would put much stock in what an abusive divorced father is claiming of the mother.
Linda
--- In [email protected], "Michelle" <floater20@...> wrote:
>
> Hello all,
>
> I just got served this morning and found my ex-husband is suing me for unschooling my 12 year old daughter. ...
> Oh, he also wants custody, which is unlikely since he is abusive.
Ann
The plain and simple fact is that once you are divorced or even into the divorce process, your children become wards of the court and the judge will decide where they live and where they go to school. And the judge will, in all likelihood, send your children to school. I have been through a divorce and know exactly what the judge can do. In our case, the judge tried to send our child back to school even though we both wanted homeschooling even after the divorce. And an ex spouse can, at anytime, change his or her mind, take you BACK to court, and get the children sent to school. Living under the heavy hand of the law is not a pleasant place to be.
And as to finding this new partner who is going to support you in your unschooling, please remember that step children have a much higher instance of abuse. Not to say this happens to all step children, but the chances increase when they become step children.
Ann
And as to finding this new partner who is going to support you in your unschooling, please remember that step children have a much higher instance of abuse. Not to say this happens to all step children, but the chances increase when they become step children.
Ann
--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> Erica <ericatrent1@> wrote:
> >I have tried for many many years to make the marriage work, but the marriage itself is damaging the kids much more than a divorce will.
> *************
>
> Sometimes that's the case, but it's hard to know ahead of time. As I said, a divorce can end up taking away more of your choices and power than you realize beforehand. Courts very much tend to view 50/50 custody as the best possible outcome - assuming both parents want custody - which gives the other parent a surprising amount of weight to throw around if he or she chooses to do so.
>
> >> trying to stay in the marriage for asinine reasons as if its the only way unschooling works even though the spouse is disrespectful, selfish, unsupportive and ignorant. Hogwash!
> *******************
>
> Most of the time, divorce puts a kink in unschooling. The vast majority of the time, from what I can tell, although it's all anecdotal knowledge. So it's not "hogwash" to suggest that a divorce might modify or even end your unschooling dreams. It can and does much, much more often than not.
>
> One of the ongoing issues with visitation, for instance, is that you end up doing a bit of deschooling after every visitation - and that's with a Good outcome, one where you get to continue unschooling. A compromise where you get a curriculum and document your kids' education for the other parent is a more usual outcome, if you can agree Before you get to court. The more you can agree upon outside of court the better! And for many families, that absolutely does mean agreeing to put some of the same care into the marriage that you'd like to put into unschooling.
>
>
> ---Meredith
>
catfish_friend
> --- And for those who think it would be so much easier to unschool with the disapproving spouse out of the picture, that's only slightly less fantastical than unicorns.. This might help:I thought my marriage was on the road to divorce months before I learned about unschooling. When I started to learn about unschooling, I thought of my husband and my flailing marriage as obstacles to unschooling. With the help of experienced unschoolers posting to lists like this one and Sandra and Joyce's wealth of pages on the web (including the page on divorce above!), I began to take my love for my children and the principles of unschooling and applied them to my husband and marriage. Knowing I would need my husband's support to unschool married or not, I made it a priority to work on our communication and create a respectful dialogue so that we could be civil and divorce in as peaceful a manner as possible. We would always both be parents to our children, so I wanted a "good" end to the marriage. Fortunately, my husband also wanted us to have good communication and to be civil. In creating that together, we realized we wanted to rebuild our marriage from what we both thought was certain to end in divorce. I can happily say that now we are gladly unschooling, enjoying being a family and he told me last week that he feels he's more in love with me than ever.
>
> http://sandradodd.com/divorce ---
For someone who has been in therapy off and on for the better part of 20 years and pursued couples counseling since we found out we were having a baby 6 years ago, I attribute most of my family's current happiness to learning about unschooling and applying it to my marriage as well as to my children's learning environment.
And I am the most contented I've ever felt in my life. I agree with an earlier poster -- it is remarkably healing to parent as I would have liked to be parented. It is also healing to save my marriage when my parents have not spoken to each other after their divorce over 20 years ago.
Ceci
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ann
Wow Cici, thank you for sharing this with us.
Ann
Ann
--- In [email protected], catfish_friend <catfish_friend@...> wrote:
>
> > --- And for those who think it would be so much easier to unschool with the disapproving spouse out of the picture, that's only slightly less fantastical than unicorns.. This might help:
> >
> > http://sandradodd.com/divorce ---
>
> I thought my marriage was on the road to divorce months before I learned about unschooling. When I started to learn about unschooling, I thought of my husband and my flailing marriage as obstacles to unschooling. With the help of experienced unschoolers posting to lists like this one and Sandra and Joyce's wealth of pages on the web (including the page on divorce above!), I began to take my love for my children and the principles of unschooling and applied them to my husband and marriage. Knowing I would need my husband's support to unschool married or not, I made it a priority to work on our communication and create a respectful dialogue so that we could be civil and divorce in as peaceful a manner as possible. We would always both be parents to our children, so I wanted a "good" end to the marriage. Fortunately, my husband also wanted us to have good communication and to be civil. In creating that together, we realized we wanted to rebuild our marriage from what we both thought was certain to end in divorce. I can happily say that now we are gladly unschooling, enjoying being a family and he told me last week that he feels he's more in love with me than ever.
>
> For someone who has been in therapy off and on for the better part of 20 years and pursued couples counseling since we found out we were having a baby 6 years ago, I attribute most of my family's current happiness to learning about unschooling and applying it to my marriage as well as to my children's learning environment.
>
> And I am the most contented I've ever felt in my life. I agree with an earlier poster -- it is remarkably healing to parent as I would have liked to be parented. It is also healing to save my marriage when my parents have not spoken to each other after their divorce over 20 years ago.
>
> Ceci
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
catfish_friend
> --- With the help of experienced unschoolers posting to lists like this one and Sandra and Joyce's wealth of pages on the web (including the page on divorce above!), I began to take my love for my children and the principles of unschooling and applied them to my husband and marriage. ---I remembered that an unschooling parent had emailed me privately with something particularly helpful. I went searching for it and it was from Alex Polikowsky. I want to post it here (she's given her permission) in case it helps someone else as it helped me. Seems so obvious to me now, but it was like someone turning the light on in a blackout.
/// The nicer you are to him, the way you want to be with your children, the better your relationship will be with him and his with his children.
:)Alex Polikowsky ///
So very true.
Ceci