New to unschooling and ? on littles
messy_boys
Hello all,
I started looking into unschooling a while back (maybe a year ago?), but eventually I let fear take back over and back to the workbooks we went. You can imagine how stressful that has been. So here I am...back again at unschooling. I've been reading and reading and unschooling just makes so much sense! But at the same time it goes against everything I have ever been taught to believe.
I have been making a point to enjoy my kids this week. It's such a change in thinking...and so much more enjoyable for all of us! One morning I made omelets for my two oldest boys. I usually let them get their breakfast themselves, so they were really surprised. I've also been playing more with my little ones and just sitting with them. They are so pleased when you just sit down! They immediately run over and sit on top of you, showing you what they're playing with or babbling on...
I've also cooled it on the "chores" and have just been doing things myself. I still ask for help, but I don't get angry and start screaming about how no one ever helps me and it's not fair. The house is in better shape than usual AND I am less stressed!
I was hoping for suggestions on my littles as we continue to deschool...they are screamers. I think it's because they are wanting attention and they want to be heard. I've been trying to find out what they need instead of just assuming they are noisy brats...but it is still a lot of screaming and trying to talk over each other at the same time. (they are 2, 4, 5 and sometimes my 7 year old even joins in) Is there anything more I can do to cut down on the noise level? It is very stressful for all of us.
Thanks!
Kristie
I started looking into unschooling a while back (maybe a year ago?), but eventually I let fear take back over and back to the workbooks we went. You can imagine how stressful that has been. So here I am...back again at unschooling. I've been reading and reading and unschooling just makes so much sense! But at the same time it goes against everything I have ever been taught to believe.
I have been making a point to enjoy my kids this week. It's such a change in thinking...and so much more enjoyable for all of us! One morning I made omelets for my two oldest boys. I usually let them get their breakfast themselves, so they were really surprised. I've also been playing more with my little ones and just sitting with them. They are so pleased when you just sit down! They immediately run over and sit on top of you, showing you what they're playing with or babbling on...
I've also cooled it on the "chores" and have just been doing things myself. I still ask for help, but I don't get angry and start screaming about how no one ever helps me and it's not fair. The house is in better shape than usual AND I am less stressed!
I was hoping for suggestions on my littles as we continue to deschool...they are screamers. I think it's because they are wanting attention and they want to be heard. I've been trying to find out what they need instead of just assuming they are noisy brats...but it is still a lot of screaming and trying to talk over each other at the same time. (they are 2, 4, 5 and sometimes my 7 year old even joins in) Is there anything more I can do to cut down on the noise level? It is very stressful for all of us.
Thanks!
Kristie
Meredith
"messy_boys" <messy_boys@...> wrote:
Start to notice patterns in what they need, too, so you can anticipate. Learning to be proactive, instead of reactive will head off the screaming before it starts - in fact, the biggest, most important parenting "trick" you can learn (whether you continue unschooling or not) is to be more proactive. It takes time and practice to get the hang of it, though!
---Meredith
> I think it's because they are wanting attention and they want to be heard. I've been trying to find out what they need instead of just assuming they are noisy****************
Start to notice patterns in what they need, too, so you can anticipate. Learning to be proactive, instead of reactive will head off the screaming before it starts - in fact, the biggest, most important parenting "trick" you can learn (whether you continue unschooling or not) is to be more proactive. It takes time and practice to get the hang of it, though!
>>Is there anything more I can do to cut down on the noise level?Something else to consider is if some of the kids - the little ones, especially - are going through a stage where they need to use their big muscles a lot. Screaming uses the big muscles of the chest, back and abdomen as well as moving a lot of oxygen around - so if the kids aren't getting enough big body movement in general, screaming is going to be really attractive as a way to meet some basic physical needs. Getting them out to run around can help - and getting them out also lets the little ones scream without breaking any eardrums ;) If the weather isn't amenable, though, you can also do things like blow bubbles and blow up balloons so the kids can use some of those big muscles in ways which don't drive you out of your mind.
---Meredith
[email protected]
It sounds like you are doing fantastic! Really. It may not feel like that every day but you are heading in the direction of more connections and a happier life together.
Screaming is one way to get attention and the littles may not have learned yet, or trust, that you are really there as much as they need. So they scream for attention. That's what they've learned to do and it works.
But if you meet their screams with a normal/quiet voice (hard to do, I know -- but try not to yell over each other) that can lead to responses at normal/quiet levels.
And you have a full house. It's going to be noisy sometimes. :)
Nance
Screaming is one way to get attention and the littles may not have learned yet, or trust, that you are really there as much as they need. So they scream for attention. That's what they've learned to do and it works.
But if you meet their screams with a normal/quiet voice (hard to do, I know -- but try not to yell over each other) that can lead to responses at normal/quiet levels.
And you have a full house. It's going to be noisy sometimes. :)
Nance
--- In [email protected], "messy_boys" <messy_boys@...> wrote:
>
> Hello all,
>
> I started looking into unschooling a while back (maybe a year ago?), but eventually I let fear take back over and back to the workbooks we went. You can imagine how stressful that has been. So here I am...back again at unschooling. I've been reading and reading and unschooling just makes so much sense! But at the same time it goes against everything I have ever been taught to believe.
>
> I have been making a point to enjoy my kids this week. It's such a change in thinking...and so much more enjoyable for all of us! One morning I made omelets for my two oldest boys. I usually let them get their breakfast themselves, so they were really surprised. I've also been playing more with my little ones and just sitting with them. They are so pleased when you just sit down! They immediately run over and sit on top of you, showing you what they're playing with or babbling on...
>
> I've also cooled it on the "chores" and have just been doing things myself. I still ask for help, but I don't get angry and start screaming about how no one ever helps me and it's not fair. The house is in better shape than usual AND I am less stressed!
>
> I was hoping for suggestions on my littles as we continue to deschool...they are screamers. I think it's because they are wanting attention and they want to be heard. I've been trying to find out what they need instead of just assuming they are noisy brats...but it is still a lot of screaming and trying to talk over each other at the same time. (they are 2, 4, 5 and sometimes my 7 year old even joins in) Is there anything more I can do to cut down on the noise level? It is very stressful for all of us.
>
> Thanks!
> Kristie
>
Bun
http://sandradodd.com/peace/noisy
Check out Sandra Dodd's page on A Loud Peaceful Home and there is a free audio file to listen to at the bottom.
With four kids, sometimes I have said something like, "I want to hear what each of you have to say. But I can't hear anyone if we all talk at the same time. Let's let Kanoa say what he needs to say and then I can hear you next." (Kanoa is my youngest).
If no one needs immediate help with the bathroom or diaper or is hurt or might get hurt if I don't respond to them right away, the younger child usually gets to say what they need to say first (they have the hardest time waiting...usually).
Laurie
Check out Sandra Dodd's page on A Loud Peaceful Home and there is a free audio file to listen to at the bottom.
With four kids, sometimes I have said something like, "I want to hear what each of you have to say. But I can't hear anyone if we all talk at the same time. Let's let Kanoa say what he needs to say and then I can hear you next." (Kanoa is my youngest).
If no one needs immediate help with the bathroom or diaper or is hurt or might get hurt if I don't respond to them right away, the younger child usually gets to say what they need to say first (they have the hardest time waiting...usually).
Laurie