how much space?
catia maciel
Dear all,
thanks you for recieving my question.
I'm Cátia, i live in Lisbon, with my husband and 2,5 years old sun.
We live in a small flat, so do the most part of the persons we know.
I'm not really having the problem i will talk about, in the moment, but i'm antecipating creative ways to solve it, before the time comes.
My sister in-law as 2 girls, with 4 ans 10 years old (both at school) and they are strugling with the lack of space. She says that the 10 years old one feels she does not have a space for herself because she shares the room with her sister and all the flat is small.
I was thinking that, maybe, children at home (not schooled) have a bigger need of space because they spend lots of time at home? Is that correct?
I was also thinking that my sister in law was kind of complaining because the 4 years old girl is not leting ther sister be in calm and peace in her own room... but, the responsability of finding calm space at home, to everyone, belongs to the parents, not to the younger children... how can we do that?
Do you have, from experience, creatives ideias to create space and time, at home, to respect everyone's calm space ans time?
in our 48m2 flat we created a litle space for your child to have the toys and play. I had the ideia that children like to hide and play. It seams it is not like that because my sun wants to be in is "litle house" but only if i'm there too. It is too small for both so... does not work. Maybe he will like it later?
Or, maybe, this ideia of children wanting space just for them is not for all kids? I imagine that, if the child is the entire day at home he always find space and time to do what he wants but if it is just a few hours after school he gets stressed?
thanks for your help
cátia maciel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
thanks you for recieving my question.
I'm Cátia, i live in Lisbon, with my husband and 2,5 years old sun.
We live in a small flat, so do the most part of the persons we know.
I'm not really having the problem i will talk about, in the moment, but i'm antecipating creative ways to solve it, before the time comes.
My sister in-law as 2 girls, with 4 ans 10 years old (both at school) and they are strugling with the lack of space. She says that the 10 years old one feels she does not have a space for herself because she shares the room with her sister and all the flat is small.
I was thinking that, maybe, children at home (not schooled) have a bigger need of space because they spend lots of time at home? Is that correct?
I was also thinking that my sister in law was kind of complaining because the 4 years old girl is not leting ther sister be in calm and peace in her own room... but, the responsability of finding calm space at home, to everyone, belongs to the parents, not to the younger children... how can we do that?
Do you have, from experience, creatives ideias to create space and time, at home, to respect everyone's calm space ans time?
in our 48m2 flat we created a litle space for your child to have the toys and play. I had the ideia that children like to hide and play. It seams it is not like that because my sun wants to be in is "litle house" but only if i'm there too. It is too small for both so... does not work. Maybe he will like it later?
Or, maybe, this ideia of children wanting space just for them is not for all kids? I imagine that, if the child is the entire day at home he always find space and time to do what he wants but if it is just a few hours after school he gets stressed?
thanks for your help
cátia maciel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tlbtsrh
Has your sister in-law thought about letting her 10 year old use her room (your sister in-law's room) for some quiet space, maybe for reading, listening to music, computer, thinking. Maybe for a couple of hours after school. Some time to unwind.
Sarah
Sarah
--- In [email protected], "catia maciel" <catiamaciel@...> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> thanks you for recieving my question.
>
> I'm Cátia, i live in Lisbon, with my husband and 2,5 years old sun.
>
> We live in a small flat, so do the most part of the persons we know.
>
> I'm not really having the problem i will talk about, in the moment, but i'm antecipating creative ways to solve it, before the time comes.
>
> My sister in-law as 2 girls, with 4 ans 10 years old (both at school) and they are strugling with the lack of space. She says that the 10 years old one feels she does not have a space for herself because she shares the room with her sister and all the flat is small.
>
> I was thinking that, maybe, children at home (not schooled) have a bigger need of space because they spend lots of time at home? Is that correct?
>
> I was also thinking that my sister in law was kind of complaining because the 4 years old girl is not leting ther sister be in calm and peace in her own room... but, the responsability of finding calm space at home, to everyone, belongs to the parents, not to the younger children... how can we do that?
>
> Do you have, from experience, creatives ideias to create space and time, at home, to respect everyone's calm space ans time?
>
> in our 48m2 flat we created a litle space for your child to have the toys and play. I had the ideia that children like to hide and play. It seams it is not like that because my sun wants to be in is "litle house" but only if i'm there too. It is too small for both so... does not work. Maybe he will like it later?
>
> Or, maybe, this ideia of children wanting space just for them is not for all kids? I imagine that, if the child is the entire day at home he always find space and time to do what he wants but if it is just a few hours after school he gets stressed?
>
> thanks for your help
>
> cátia maciel
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Ann
I'll answer part of your question as to children wanting to play alone. My son and daughter did not want privacy until they were 10 plus years old. My son is just now, at 11 years old, wanting space to himself, but only for a short time each day, maybe an hour or two a day to work on his Legos. He does have a good sized room to himself. All children are different, though, and when I was young, I wanted to play in privacy from an early age, but that was because there was so much chaos in our house.
I can't speak to the small spaces. We have tons of room here, maybe too much!
Ann
I can't speak to the small spaces. We have tons of room here, maybe too much!
Ann
--- In [email protected], "catia maciel" <catiamaciel@...> wrote:
>
> Dear all,
>
> thanks you for recieving my question.
>
> I'm C�tia, i live in Lisbon, with my husband and 2,5 years old sun.
>
> We live in a small flat, so do the most part of the persons we know.
>
> I'm not really having the problem i will talk about, in the moment, but i'm antecipating creative ways to solve it, before the time comes.
>
> My sister in-law as 2 girls, with 4 ans 10 years old (both at school) and they are strugling with the lack of space. She says that the 10 years old one feels she does not have a space for herself because she shares the room with her sister and all the flat is small.
>
> I was thinking that, maybe, children at home (not schooled) have a bigger need of space because they spend lots of time at home? Is that correct?
>
> I was also thinking that my sister in law was kind of complaining because the 4 years old girl is not leting ther sister be in calm and peace in her own room... but, the responsability of finding calm space at home, to everyone, belongs to the parents, not to the younger children... how can we do that?
>
> Do you have, from experience, creatives ideias to create space and time, at home, to respect everyone's calm space ans time?
>
> in our 48m2 flat we created a litle space for your child to have the toys and play. I had the ideia that children like to hide and play. It seams it is not like that because my sun wants to be in is "litle house" but only if i'm there too. It is too small for both so... does not work. Maybe he will like it later?
>
> Or, maybe, this ideia of children wanting space just for them is not for all kids? I imagine that, if the child is the entire day at home he always find space and time to do what he wants but if it is just a few hours after school he gets stressed?
>
> thanks for your help
>
> c�tia maciel
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Meredith
"catia maciel" <catiamaciel@...> wrote:
Some of that may be personality and some may very well be school - school is tiring And school separates kids by age. So a little sister is the last thing she wants at the end of her day.
You have a different situation, with just one child, so unless you have more, you won't have to worry about sibling issues. That's one of the advantages of just having one child! If he's not in school, he won't need time to decompress from school at the end of the day. Even if you do have more kids, the dynamics between home/unschooled siblings aren't exactly the same as those between schooled siblings, in part because they don't have the ongoing expectation of segregation by age.
Not that I've seen - most of the home/unschoolers I know in person have little bitty houses. And unschoolers are often very good at handling issues while they're still small and adapting to changing situations. So with that in mind, you don't need to find a perfect solution for the day when (maybe) your son wants more space. You can look at him and see what he needs from day to day. If he's starting to want a little bit of space to himself, you work on that, changing as he changes. Maybe a blanket over a table will be enough to make him a little private space for awhile. Maybe you'll convert a closet into a tiny bedroom, or build a basic loft - like a tall bunk bed, but without the bottom bunk. Those can be built free-standing so you don't have to worry about tying into the walls of your flat. Maybe that would work for your sister-in-law's older daughter, for that matter - she can pull up the ladder and have privacy from the little sister.
One way would be to plan to do something with the 4yo around the times her big sister needs some privacy. If she needs time right after school, that could be a good time to take the little one outside - to a park or a shop, maybe. Or it could help to put on a movie the 4yo likes - with headphones so the sound doesn't disturb big sister.
It could also help to talk to the 10yo about giving her sister some attention as a kind of self-defense. If she comes home, for instance, and little sister is sooooooo excited to see her, it might be better to play with her for half an hour and Then go take a break - otherwise she's trying to rest and little sister is all wound up wanting her wonderful, special, favorite big sister ;)
Make a bigger one! Hanging blankets - around your bed for instance - can give a cozy, tent-like feeling, and you can pull the fabric up out of the way later.
---Meredith
>> My sister in-law as 2 girls, with 4 ans 10 years old (both at school) and they are strugling with the lack of space. She says that the 10 years old one feels she does not have a space for herself because she shares the room with her sister and all the flat is small.*****************
Some of that may be personality and some may very well be school - school is tiring And school separates kids by age. So a little sister is the last thing she wants at the end of her day.
You have a different situation, with just one child, so unless you have more, you won't have to worry about sibling issues. That's one of the advantages of just having one child! If he's not in school, he won't need time to decompress from school at the end of the day. Even if you do have more kids, the dynamics between home/unschooled siblings aren't exactly the same as those between schooled siblings, in part because they don't have the ongoing expectation of segregation by age.
> I was thinking that, maybe, children at home (not schooled) have a bigger need of space because they spend lots of time at home? Is that correct?***************
Not that I've seen - most of the home/unschoolers I know in person have little bitty houses. And unschoolers are often very good at handling issues while they're still small and adapting to changing situations. So with that in mind, you don't need to find a perfect solution for the day when (maybe) your son wants more space. You can look at him and see what he needs from day to day. If he's starting to want a little bit of space to himself, you work on that, changing as he changes. Maybe a blanket over a table will be enough to make him a little private space for awhile. Maybe you'll convert a closet into a tiny bedroom, or build a basic loft - like a tall bunk bed, but without the bottom bunk. Those can be built free-standing so you don't have to worry about tying into the walls of your flat. Maybe that would work for your sister-in-law's older daughter, for that matter - she can pull up the ladder and have privacy from the little sister.
> I was also thinking that my sister in law was kind of complaining because the 4 years old girl is not leting ther sister be in calm and peace in her own room... but, the responsability of finding calm space at home, to everyone, belongs to the parents, not to the younger children... how can we do that?***************
One way would be to plan to do something with the 4yo around the times her big sister needs some privacy. If she needs time right after school, that could be a good time to take the little one outside - to a park or a shop, maybe. Or it could help to put on a movie the 4yo likes - with headphones so the sound doesn't disturb big sister.
It could also help to talk to the 10yo about giving her sister some attention as a kind of self-defense. If she comes home, for instance, and little sister is sooooooo excited to see her, it might be better to play with her for half an hour and Then go take a break - otherwise she's trying to rest and little sister is all wound up wanting her wonderful, special, favorite big sister ;)
>>I had the ideia that children like to hide and play.Some do, some don't. Ray liked to get into little bitty spaces when he was small, but Mo never did.
>> my sun wants to be in is "litle house" but only if i'm there too. It is too small for both******************
Make a bigger one! Hanging blankets - around your bed for instance - can give a cozy, tent-like feeling, and you can pull the fabric up out of the way later.
---Meredith
lalow
I think alot depends on the personalities, and ages of the kids. I have 4, they share 2 rooms. For a long time they all shared 1 room while my sister in law lived with us with her two sons. We had 9 people in 4 rooms. My oldest in 10 and youngest 6. my middle son needs his own space so we assigned hima "private space' . It was the closet of the bedroom. He haslittle table there to retreat to where he keeps his legos. He also retreats to his bed or a place under it. If there too many people in the house he can come to my room as well. I think some kids need more time alone and the nowledge that they can get away for a few minutes. But what realy helped with my son is the understanding that i was there to help him with this and help him find solutions that would work for him.