spouse "on board" with unschooling?
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I'm passing on a question anonymously from a mom who is thinking about unschooling. The details of the situation seem rather chaotic, so I'd rather not include them in favor of letting experienced unschoolers tell their stories:
""I've been told by some people online that I absolutely have to get my partner on board, but I question how necessary that really is.""
""I've been told by some people online that I absolutely have to get my partner on board, but I question how necessary that really is.""
Eva
--- I've been told by some people online that I absolutely have to get my partner on board, but I question how necessary that really is. ---
One way to look at that is to think about how you would feel about your husband making a decision about your children's education that goes against your wishes.
Or maybe compare it to an entirely different situation. A comparison other people on the list have made before is How would you feel if your husband suddenly became very enthousiastic about a new religion and wanted to involve your children in it?
Another way to look at it could be to start applying more of the principles of radical unschooling to your life, without necessarily calling it unschooling. Find ways to make your lives more peaceful, interesting, fun. Do things for your family that show you love them. Not just for your children, but definitely include your husband in this! Make *his* life more comfortable too, that way it will be easier for him to see the pros to unschooling :-)
Eva
Berend (7) & Fiene (5)
From The Netherlands
One way to look at that is to think about how you would feel about your husband making a decision about your children's education that goes against your wishes.
Or maybe compare it to an entirely different situation. A comparison other people on the list have made before is How would you feel if your husband suddenly became very enthousiastic about a new religion and wanted to involve your children in it?
Another way to look at it could be to start applying more of the principles of radical unschooling to your life, without necessarily calling it unschooling. Find ways to make your lives more peaceful, interesting, fun. Do things for your family that show you love them. Not just for your children, but definitely include your husband in this! Make *his* life more comfortable too, that way it will be easier for him to see the pros to unschooling :-)
Eva
Berend (7) & Fiene (5)
From The Netherlands
Schuyler
""I've been told by some people online that I absolutely have to get my
partner on board, but I question how necessary that really is.""
David and I came on board together, or in a sort of leap frogging way. I was doing the reading and the thinking and the moving along the unschooling trajectory to start but he sees things often, and saw things often, with a clarity and a certainty that led me to greater understanding. I know of a few people whose partner never has really embraced unschooling. I think it is tolerated, gently, largely because the doubting parent, the not unschooling parent, trusts his or her partner and his or her vision of what unschooling can offer. But I think it can be a huge bone of contention to not make it easy for the other parent to play their part as a parent.
I don't think unschooling is necessary. I'm glad that it's a part of my life, but I don't think you have to have the whole shebang to be kind and loving and generous to your children. I think you can go slow, go gently, go one step at a time and move towards unschooling at a snail-ish pace, rather than leaping in with freedoms and no rules and changing the whole cloth of your daily life. There is a ticking clock to your child's childhood that may make it difficult, a sense that it is all slipping out of your fingers, like sand through the hour glass kind of thing. But every kindness that you are free to offer is a good thing. And the more your partner can see the kindness filling up your home and his or her life, the more likely they will understand what it is you are aiming for. Or be more willing to trust your vision than they may be right now.
Schuyler
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partner on board, but I question how necessary that really is.""
David and I came on board together, or in a sort of leap frogging way. I was doing the reading and the thinking and the moving along the unschooling trajectory to start but he sees things often, and saw things often, with a clarity and a certainty that led me to greater understanding. I know of a few people whose partner never has really embraced unschooling. I think it is tolerated, gently, largely because the doubting parent, the not unschooling parent, trusts his or her partner and his or her vision of what unschooling can offer. But I think it can be a huge bone of contention to not make it easy for the other parent to play their part as a parent.
I don't think unschooling is necessary. I'm glad that it's a part of my life, but I don't think you have to have the whole shebang to be kind and loving and generous to your children. I think you can go slow, go gently, go one step at a time and move towards unschooling at a snail-ish pace, rather than leaping in with freedoms and no rules and changing the whole cloth of your daily life. There is a ticking clock to your child's childhood that may make it difficult, a sense that it is all slipping out of your fingers, like sand through the hour glass kind of thing. But every kindness that you are free to offer is a good thing. And the more your partner can see the kindness filling up your home and his or her life, the more likely they will understand what it is you are aiming for. Or be more willing to trust your vision than they may be right now.
Schuyler
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Joyce Fetteroll
> ""I've been told by some people online that I absolutely have toI think it's clearer to say partners need to not be in disagreement. If a husband is leaving the educational decisions up to the wife, that's not really on board, but they're not wrestling over control of the rudder ;-)
> get my partner on board, but I question how necessary that really is.""
But if a husband is in disagreement, that needs to be a priority above unschooling. If you're divorced, whether you get to unschool your kids won't be in your control. It will be up to an angry ex-husband and a judge who may not be sympathetic to anything outside the norm.
An intact schooling family has a better chance of raising undamaged kids than a broken up schooling family.
Take his objections seriously, as you would your children's. Listen to his concerns. Write them down so he knows they're important to you. Find ways for him to feel more at ease. You can bring his objections here and list members might have ideas.
One very helpful way to keep husbands in the loop is to create a blog and write about what you're up to and include pictures. It can be helpful to keep other family informed too.
Joyce
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