finding playmates
iris777888
Our son is about to turn 5, and lately he's expressed an interest in having friends, and more specifically friends that can come over to play trains with him. He really wants more free play time with other kids and I need help figuring out how to try and make this happen for him.
He's been at home with my DH from age 0-4, now my sister, but they don't get out much. I am excited to finally get to quit my full time job as of next month! When I'm home, he asks to go out a lot. Right now on the weekends we go to the library, swimming, playground, etc. but that's not been very good for establishing friendships. The kids all play together great and then the others have to leave. Usually the parents are busy on their cell phones and hardly look up to say hello, let alone chat. We tried the local homeschool group events a few times, but so far haven't made inroads with anyone (lots of questions about curriculum, whinging about plastic, sweets, TV watching, toys, etc. and all the kids playing together and not much with my son because they already all knew each other). I've met a few other parents in the area, but none well enough I'd just call them up.
My social skills are very rusty. I feel a bit silly saying this, but I feel like I don't know what to do! I'm definitely willing to make the extra effort for him though. My son is great in social situations, all about introducing himself (and me!) to everyone we meet. :-)
Anyone have advice for me about how to find regular playmates, and specifically ones we could invite over? That second part seems to add a lot of complexity in my head.
Heather
http://unsheeply.net
He's been at home with my DH from age 0-4, now my sister, but they don't get out much. I am excited to finally get to quit my full time job as of next month! When I'm home, he asks to go out a lot. Right now on the weekends we go to the library, swimming, playground, etc. but that's not been very good for establishing friendships. The kids all play together great and then the others have to leave. Usually the parents are busy on their cell phones and hardly look up to say hello, let alone chat. We tried the local homeschool group events a few times, but so far haven't made inroads with anyone (lots of questions about curriculum, whinging about plastic, sweets, TV watching, toys, etc. and all the kids playing together and not much with my son because they already all knew each other). I've met a few other parents in the area, but none well enough I'd just call them up.
My social skills are very rusty. I feel a bit silly saying this, but I feel like I don't know what to do! I'm definitely willing to make the extra effort for him though. My son is great in social situations, all about introducing himself (and me!) to everyone we meet. :-)
Anyone have advice for me about how to find regular playmates, and specifically ones we could invite over? That second part seems to add a lot of complexity in my head.
Heather
http://unsheeply.net
Meredith
"iris777888" <iris777888@...> wrote:
It takes time to meet people - and really, very few people besides home and unschoolers have Good social skills for meeting people they don't know. I'm always amazed at how much better my kids are than other kids And adults at walking up to strangers and saying "hi" - including my "shy" kid!
Something that helped when my kids were younger was I told Everyone we were homeschooling - especially people like librarians and desk clerks and cashiers at places we went regularly. Sometimes I'd come in to "hey, I met another homeschooler! do you know...?" and get a phone number for my trouble. Not often, but we found a few playmates that way.
To quote a Disney movie, take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead. Write yourself a script if it helps - really: hi, I'm so-and-so's mom we met at such-and-such and wondered if you'd like to come over and play. The worst thing they can do is say no ;) And use homeschool groups as a way to collect some more phone numbers to call. It's okay to say "my kid does better one on one" and ask if someone wants to set up a play-date... it's just scary at first ;)
Do adults play trains with him? You and your sister and your husband? Do that as much as you can. You may not Find another kid who wants to play the same way your son does - that's the catch of "I want another kid to play My Most Fun Thing with". The other kid often has his or her own ideas of the most fun thing and how to play it. So break the problem down into parts and try to meet the parts instead of the whole:
More playmates
More visitors in the home
More trains
... and maybe more Kids - but that's not Necessarily part of any of the other three things. Both my kids have had adult and teen playmates at various times. The important thing with adult and teen playmates is to treat them as playmates (even if you're paying them) rather than babysitters. That helps things stay fun. Hiring a playmate is an option! Call local middle and high schools and see if they have babysitting referrals, and ask on local homeschool lists.
What kinds of trains does he like? Is there a local club? Can you start one? Lots of kids like trains, after all, so maybe you can start something for 3-5yos in your area (or older, if you do it weekends or after school hours).
---Meredith
>> My social skills are very rusty. I feel a bit silly saying this, but I feel like I don't know what to do!************
It takes time to meet people - and really, very few people besides home and unschoolers have Good social skills for meeting people they don't know. I'm always amazed at how much better my kids are than other kids And adults at walking up to strangers and saying "hi" - including my "shy" kid!
Something that helped when my kids were younger was I told Everyone we were homeschooling - especially people like librarians and desk clerks and cashiers at places we went regularly. Sometimes I'd come in to "hey, I met another homeschooler! do you know...?" and get a phone number for my trouble. Not often, but we found a few playmates that way.
>I've met a few other parents in the area, but none well enough I'd just call them up.***************
To quote a Disney movie, take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead. Write yourself a script if it helps - really: hi, I'm so-and-so's mom we met at such-and-such and wondered if you'd like to come over and play. The worst thing they can do is say no ;) And use homeschool groups as a way to collect some more phone numbers to call. It's okay to say "my kid does better one on one" and ask if someone wants to set up a play-date... it's just scary at first ;)
> Our son is about to turn 5, and lately he's expressed an interest in having friends, and more specifically friends that can come over to play trains with him.********************
Do adults play trains with him? You and your sister and your husband? Do that as much as you can. You may not Find another kid who wants to play the same way your son does - that's the catch of "I want another kid to play My Most Fun Thing with". The other kid often has his or her own ideas of the most fun thing and how to play it. So break the problem down into parts and try to meet the parts instead of the whole:
More playmates
More visitors in the home
More trains
... and maybe more Kids - but that's not Necessarily part of any of the other three things. Both my kids have had adult and teen playmates at various times. The important thing with adult and teen playmates is to treat them as playmates (even if you're paying them) rather than babysitters. That helps things stay fun. Hiring a playmate is an option! Call local middle and high schools and see if they have babysitting referrals, and ask on local homeschool lists.
What kinds of trains does he like? Is there a local club? Can you start one? Lots of kids like trains, after all, so maybe you can start something for 3-5yos in your area (or older, if you do it weekends or after school hours).
---Meredith
iris777888
Thanks for the response, Meredith. It helps a lot for me to talk this through. :-)
--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> Something that helped when my kids were younger was I told Everyone we were homeschooling - especially people like librarians and desk clerks and cashiers at places we went regularly. Sometimes I'd come in to "hey, I met another homeschooler! do you know...?" and get a phone number for my trouble. Not often, but we found a few playmates that way.
---
Good idea! I will definitely start doing this once I officially quit my job in the next week or two. There are a lot of homeschoolers around. Hopefully I will start to meet even more of them once I'm home all the time.
---
>
> Do adults play trains with him? You and your sister and your husband? Do that as much as you can. You may not Find another kid who wants to play the same way your son does - that's the catch of "I want another kid to play My Most Fun Thing with". The other kid often has his or her own ideas of the most fun thing and how to play it. So break the problem down into parts and try to meet the parts instead of the whole:
>
> More playmates
> More visitors in the home
> More trains
> ... and maybe more Kids - but that's not Necessarily part of any of the other three things.
>
---
Thanks for the reminder that there are multiple pieces to this. He definitely feels the need to be around other people much more than DH or I do. I need to try and get him more interaction of all types, in and out of the house. We don't have visitors over very often, so definitely room for improvement there. He also has been specifically requesting play with other kids, which he has indicated he sees as different than playing with adults. He also showed me on the box that came with his latest train set what kind of friend he is looking for.
Maybe I'll have to be on the lookout for an older kid that could still be a "kid friend" but be a bit more understanding about him wanting to give directions.
We do play trains, a LOT! Still maybe not enough. He often wants to do things waaaaay past the threshold of everyone else. I'll have to pay attention and see if maybe I'm diverting the play or not staying with him as long as he needs me to. In general I'm trying to work on thinking ahead, preparing and finding ways to make it work for him (and me) to be able to do things for as long as he wants.
It's not really about trains I don't think. He's not particularly interested in trains in general. He's very into toys, all kinds of toys, and the trains (Thomas take and play sets) are just his latest and greatest interest, and one that he seems to prefer with more than one person playing. And also, I think he just has all these cool things he's really interested to show to other people.
I am aware that once we do get people over it might not go smoothly, especially if he has a certain scenario in mind. (It occurred to me he may be trying to emulate what he sees on the box and in the promotional videos for the toys. But he doesn't do that with the toys themselves, so IDK.) He does often like to control the play, especially with his stuff. But he has done pretty well the few times we were with other kids and play with his things. Worth trying I think and we can go from there.
It occurred to me too that maybe we could find a way to take the toys somewhere else, so being at our house wouldn't be an issue (primarily for me, and potentially for other random parent). Since it's winter here, outside is not an option for these kind of toys. Trying to think of places inside that we could get together with someone and bring loads of stuff. Does that make sense? Ideas?
Heather
http://unsheeply.net
butterscotchchelsea
Libraries usually have meeting rooms you can reserve and use for whatever you want.
Meredith
"butterscotchchelsea" <thurman.chelsea@...> wrote:
Community centers, senior centers, sometimes even banks have rooms like this. It helps to ask. You can even call it a "homeschool playgroup" or something if you want and have regular themes like "dress up" or "trains" or "blocks/legos" if you have enough stuff to support that.
---Meredith
>*****************
> Libraries usually have meeting rooms you can reserve and use for whatever you want.
Community centers, senior centers, sometimes even banks have rooms like this. It helps to ask. You can even call it a "homeschool playgroup" or something if you want and have regular themes like "dress up" or "trains" or "blocks/legos" if you have enough stuff to support that.
---Meredith
Susanne Starkman
As a way to give my children more play opportunities with other out-of-school children, I've done this at my local library for the last three-ish years. (I think I'd thought to respond with this when I read the Op ;-).)I checked the calendar of the library to see when it was available on a regular basis & then decided what days/times of those available I was willing to commit myself to on a regular, ongoing basis. Then I contacted the coordinator for that space at the library & very sweetly asked about using the space. I announce it & have it added to at least one local Hs'ing list calendar. It is also on the library's calendar with my email addy so I get people contacting me from there.
The first year was okay, the second much better. There are more school-at-home folks here than not & since the morning works better for me/my children, I get a lot of people who say they'd like to come but do their "work," in the morning & well, that's more important than playing :-(. This year it's been more like the first year with sparse attendance. I keep doing it though, in large part because it gets us to the library on a regular basis ;-).
Another idea, perhaps more for the future, is to find other Hs'ing parents & put together a co-op. Find a space that works (you could just rotate among your homes), and have parents "teach" classes that they are willing to & the children are interested in. Some parents & I have done this & we started in sept and its going pretty well so far.
I hope you find something that works for you & your son!
Susanne
Sent from my iPhone
Posted by: "butterscotchchelsea" thurman.chelsea@... butterscotchchelsea
Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:44 am (PST)
Libraries usually have meeting rooms you can reserve and use for whatever you want.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The first year was okay, the second much better. There are more school-at-home folks here than not & since the morning works better for me/my children, I get a lot of people who say they'd like to come but do their "work," in the morning & well, that's more important than playing :-(. This year it's been more like the first year with sparse attendance. I keep doing it though, in large part because it gets us to the library on a regular basis ;-).
Another idea, perhaps more for the future, is to find other Hs'ing parents & put together a co-op. Find a space that works (you could just rotate among your homes), and have parents "teach" classes that they are willing to & the children are interested in. Some parents & I have done this & we started in sept and its going pretty well so far.
I hope you find something that works for you & your son!
Susanne
Sent from my iPhone
Posted by: "butterscotchchelsea" thurman.chelsea@... butterscotchchelsea
Sat Jan 28, 2012 7:44 am (PST)
Libraries usually have meeting rooms you can reserve and use for whatever you want.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]