confusion sets in.........
Cindi
I have one boy he is 12. I have officially began "un" schooling this year with him, although last year we were on the road heading to AZ. My mom died of cancer last Dec. I am struggling with this unschooling though, although I love doing it...there are times when I question if I am doing right by him... he always had his day scheduled, planned and a routine for curriculum. Now, I am beginning to let go. I let him stay up as late as he wants, watch whatever he wants, play his WoW, Minecraft, Lego Universe etc. and....what can I say he's happy! but what child wouldn't be .....right? That is exactly where I am questioning myself and the little voice that I have to hear everyday....how could you fail him? or better "all the other kids are going to school so why shouldn't he"? I love this new unschooling, he has had tremendous growth, and that hasn't been with homeschooling it has been with unschooling and me finally letting go and letting him be who he is, explore what he wants, but sometimes I just feel so darn confused.....there are not a lot of unschoolers here so maybe that is why....I have you, the Group, no one to set up play dates, which he is pretty introverted anyways and is perfectly happy at home. I feel like I am doing something wrong though....I am so thankful for this Group... Blessings.....
Debra Rossing
>? That is exactly where I am questioning myself and the little voice that I have to hear every day....how could you fail him? or better "all the other kids are going to school so why shouldn't he"?You might want to sit down and have a bit of a talk with that little voice. Whose voice is it you are hearing? When do you hear it (are there specific situations/moments)? Really 'sit' with the voice and explore what it is saying. Is what it is saying true? Are you truly 'failing' him? What/who defines "failure"? Oh, and BTW, the voice that's saying "all the other kids are going to school" doesn't know all of our kids who aren't going to school, many of whom have NEVER gone to school. So, right there, the voice is not being accurate. If it said "most" kids are going to school, well yeah, that's true. Most kids are. "Most" people do lots of things that you may or may not do as well. Is that any better or worse? Or is it just a different choice? Why is his being happy every day doing what he loves a 'bad' thing? Isn't that what all people strive for - to find the things that bring joy and happiness to their days? When you find an accurate thought, hold onto it, tuck it someplace. When you find an inaccurate thought, find another thought that is accurate to replace it with - it'll take some conscious doing to start but eventually the new thoughts will become habits and crowd out the old, inaccurate ones.
Remember too that you are BOTH deschooling right now - working out the toxins that the school mindset created. Compound that with the grieving process and there's a lot going on inside. Find ways to explore all that - whether you're a writer, or a sketcher, or a painter, or a cleaner (Yes I know people who clean closets when they need to think big thoughts), or a knitter, or a baker or whatever, whatever outlet you use to process your thoughts and feelings, do that. (Oh and if you're a baker of many lovely sweets, I'll send you my address, we'll gladly take the 'overflow' of baked goods LOL!)
Deb R
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Meredith
"Cindi" <jerseerose@...> wrote:
There's an old, old idea about academic learning which links it to hard work - as in "learning is hard and unpleasant, but the results are Worthwhile". It's a holdover from times when few people were literate and reading itself was harder than it is today because of the way writing was structured. It's a holdover which has nothing to do with modern life in a technological age, where information is ubiquitous and easy to access - but still it persists and schools are set up to give veracity to that old assumption. School learning *is* hard and unpleasant. It's a long dull slog through mostly useless and meaningless drivel.
The assumption that learning is hard and unpleasant is one of the reasons educational reform is so difficult - because reforming education means acknowledging that learning does Not have to be hard and unpleasant, that learning itself is something humans do naturally, and the moment schools start to reflect that, parents balk and push back, driving the educational system back to "hard and unpleasant". Because that's what education is "supposed" to be. That's a big part of why the educational reforms of the 70s failed, and it's likely to be a factor in the next movement.
That's kind of a tangent, but those same assumptions are what you're fighting against, now. You're looking at a happy kid and thinking "something's missing" because on another level you've been taught that learning Is hard and unpleasant. So a happy kid can't be learning much of anything, right? Unschooling shakes up your assumptions like that, and throws light on some of the ways you've been taught to think - ways you've been, essentially, brainwashed.
Another schoolish assumption lurking in the back of your mind, is that Children need packs of other children to be properly socialized - and it's a pack of nonsense. Some kids enjoy the company of same-age peers. Some prefer to hang out with younger kids, some older, some don't like other kids much at all and prefer the company of adults! But most people of any age connect with people with whom they share interests. What sorts of things does your son enjoy? If he's playing WoW and Minecraft (don't know about Lego Universe... maybe that, too) he Is meeting other people and socializing with his peers. Not only that, he's doing it in a culturally appropriate way for the new millennium - via the internet. That's Fine!
It won't hurt to look for venues where he can meet others with interests similar to his own in real life, but there's no hurry, either. You've had some big life changes, so chances are he Also needs time to hunker down in his own space and rest a bit. That kind of time for internal growth and healing is one of the great advantages of unschooling (or very low key homeschooling). People Need time to reflect and be themselves, young teens especially. Some teens, for that matter, kind of go into a "cocoon" for a couple years and don't go out much at all. Ray did when he was 13-14, but you wouldn't know it now - he's at an appointment at the moment and I'm playing social secretary "No, I'm sorry he's not in right now, can I have him call you back?" This guy is Buuuuuusy! but at 13 he rarely saw the sun unless it was shining out of a computer screen.
---Meredith
>what can I say he's happy! but what child wouldn't be .....right? That is exactly where I am questioning myself...******************
There's an old, old idea about academic learning which links it to hard work - as in "learning is hard and unpleasant, but the results are Worthwhile". It's a holdover from times when few people were literate and reading itself was harder than it is today because of the way writing was structured. It's a holdover which has nothing to do with modern life in a technological age, where information is ubiquitous and easy to access - but still it persists and schools are set up to give veracity to that old assumption. School learning *is* hard and unpleasant. It's a long dull slog through mostly useless and meaningless drivel.
The assumption that learning is hard and unpleasant is one of the reasons educational reform is so difficult - because reforming education means acknowledging that learning does Not have to be hard and unpleasant, that learning itself is something humans do naturally, and the moment schools start to reflect that, parents balk and push back, driving the educational system back to "hard and unpleasant". Because that's what education is "supposed" to be. That's a big part of why the educational reforms of the 70s failed, and it's likely to be a factor in the next movement.
That's kind of a tangent, but those same assumptions are what you're fighting against, now. You're looking at a happy kid and thinking "something's missing" because on another level you've been taught that learning Is hard and unpleasant. So a happy kid can't be learning much of anything, right? Unschooling shakes up your assumptions like that, and throws light on some of the ways you've been taught to think - ways you've been, essentially, brainwashed.
>>.there are not a lot of unschoolers here so maybe that is why....I have you, the Group, no one to set up play dates, which he is pretty introverted anyways and is perfectly happy at home.****************
Another schoolish assumption lurking in the back of your mind, is that Children need packs of other children to be properly socialized - and it's a pack of nonsense. Some kids enjoy the company of same-age peers. Some prefer to hang out with younger kids, some older, some don't like other kids much at all and prefer the company of adults! But most people of any age connect with people with whom they share interests. What sorts of things does your son enjoy? If he's playing WoW and Minecraft (don't know about Lego Universe... maybe that, too) he Is meeting other people and socializing with his peers. Not only that, he's doing it in a culturally appropriate way for the new millennium - via the internet. That's Fine!
It won't hurt to look for venues where he can meet others with interests similar to his own in real life, but there's no hurry, either. You've had some big life changes, so chances are he Also needs time to hunker down in his own space and rest a bit. That kind of time for internal growth and healing is one of the great advantages of unschooling (or very low key homeschooling). People Need time to reflect and be themselves, young teens especially. Some teens, for that matter, kind of go into a "cocoon" for a couple years and don't go out much at all. Ray did when he was 13-14, but you wouldn't know it now - he's at an appointment at the moment and I'm playing social secretary "No, I'm sorry he's not in right now, can I have him call you back?" This guy is Buuuuuusy! but at 13 he rarely saw the sun unless it was shining out of a computer screen.
---Meredith
Tova
You are on the right path. Honestly, life is about finding meaning and happiness. School just gets in the way of that. Think of all teens who commit suicide, are depressed etc. because they are miserable in the life that school offers. If your son has found happiness in his life, be so grateful for that. That is the most important thing. With happiness good things will follow.
By letting go you are raising a boy who will grow into a capable and confident man because he has learned to schedule and plan his own day, what works and what doesn't and he will learn natural consequences to his decisions .. You are giving him a great gift.
By letting go you are raising a boy who will grow into a capable and confident man because he has learned to schedule and plan his own day, what works and what doesn't and he will learn natural consequences to his decisions .. You are giving him a great gift.
--- On Wed, 10/12/11, Cindi <jerseerose@...> wrote:
From: Cindi <jerseerose@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] confusion sets in.........
To: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday, October 12, 2011, 11:50 PM
I have one boy he is 12. I have officially began "un" schooling this year with him, although last year we were on the road heading to AZ. My mom died of cancer last Dec. I am struggling with this unschooling though, although I love doing it...there are times when I question if I am doing right by him... he always had his day scheduled, planned and a routine for curriculum. Now, I am beginning to let go. I let him stay up as late as he wants, watch whatever he wants, play his WoW, Minecraft, Lego Universe etc. and....what can I say he's happy! but what child wouldn't be .....right? That is exactly where I am questioning myself and the little voice that I have to hear everyday....how could you fail him? or better "all the other kids are going to school so why shouldn't he"? I love this new unschooling, he has had tremendous growth, and that hasn't been with homeschooling it has been with unschooling and me finally letting go and letting him be
who he is, explore what he wants, but sometimes I just feel so darn confused.....there are not a lot of unschoolers here so maybe that is why....I have you, the Group, no one to set up play dates, which he is pretty introverted anyways and is perfectly happy at home. I feel like I am doing something wrong though....I am so thankful for this Group... Blessings.....
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tookute2eat
I can relate with the suicidal part of public school. At 16 I almost jumped. Literally. I won't go into detail. All I can say is, my daughter has never had a public school experience so I could protect her from all the trauma that makes teens want to quit life.
Connie
Connie
--- In [email protected], Tova <ml_ja@...> wrote:
>
> You are on the right path. Honestly, life is about finding meaning and happiness. School just gets in the way of that. Think of all teens who commit suicide, are depressed etc. because they are miserable in the life that school offers. If your son has found happiness in his life, be so grateful for that. That is the most important thing. With happiness good things will follow.
>
> By letting go you are raising a boy who will grow into a capable and confident man because he has learned to schedule and plan his own day, what works and what doesn't and he will learn natural consequences to his decisions .. You are giving him a great gift.
>
>
>
Joyce Fetteroll
On Oct 14, 2011, at 4:39 PM, tookute2eat wrote:
happens and she needs to go to school?
It's really good not to protect our kids from our fears. They have
enough of their own! ;-)
What's most damaging about school isn't school. It's because the kids
can't choose to quit. The only other place people are sent to without
choice is prison. :-/
My daughter took a couple of classes at the high school and ran on the
cross country team. Because she was there by choice she didn't have to
buy into it all and could observe the atmosphere objectively. She
decided she really didn't like teens much! ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> All I can say is, my daughter has never had a public schoolWhat will you do if she wants to go to school? What if something
> experience so I could protect her from all the trauma that makes
> teens want to quit life.
happens and she needs to go to school?
It's really good not to protect our kids from our fears. They have
enough of their own! ;-)
What's most damaging about school isn't school. It's because the kids
can't choose to quit. The only other place people are sent to without
choice is prison. :-/
My daughter took a couple of classes at the high school and ran on the
cross country team. Because she was there by choice she didn't have to
buy into it all and could observe the atmosphere objectively. She
decided she really didn't like teens much! ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Halldorson
I love what you wrote. I wanted to add this but didn’t want to swing things in a political direction.
*What's most damaging about school isn't school. It's because the kids
can't choose to quit. The only other place people are sent to without
choice is prison. :-/*
Another place people are sent without choice is war.
peace,
Kelly
From: Joyce Fetteroll
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 9:08 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: confusion sets in.........
*What's most damaging about school isn't school. It's because the kids
can't choose to quit. The only other place people are sent to without
choice is prison. :-/*
Another place people are sent without choice is war.
peace,
Kelly
From: Joyce Fetteroll
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2011 9:08 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: confusion sets in.........
On Oct 14, 2011, at 4:39 PM, tookute2eat wrote:
> All I can say is, my daughter has never had a public school
> experience so I could protect her from all the trauma that makes
> teens want to quit life.
What will you do if she wants to go to school? What if something
happens and she needs to go to school?
It's really good not to protect our kids from our fears. They have
enough of their own! ;-)
What's most damaging about school isn't school. It's because the kids
can't choose to quit. The only other place people are sent to without
choice is prison. :-/
My daughter took a couple of classes at the high school and ran on the
cross country team. Because she was there by choice she didn't have to
buy into it all and could observe the atmosphere objectively. She
decided she really didn't like teens much! ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cindi
--- In [email protected], Debra Rossing <debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>((((HUGS)))) to you Deb... thank you so much....
>
> Remember too that you are BOTH deschooling right now - working out the toxins that the school mindset created. Compound that with the grieving process and there's a lot going on inside. Find ways to explore all that - whether you're a writer, or a sketcher, or a painter, or a cleaner (Yes I know people who clean closets when they need to think big thoughts), or a knitter, or a baker or whatever, whatever outlet you use to process your thoughts and feelings, do that. (Oh and if you're a baker of many lovely sweets, I'll send you my address, we'll gladly take the 'overflow' of baked goods LOL!)
>
> Deb R
>
Cindi
Thank you Meredith!! ((((Hugs))))) I am so thankful to have this group, to have your advise!! it was exactly what I needed....I love that he is happy! and I absolutely hated school when I was a child, and to think that even at that age I just KNEW there was a better way than being away from home. I swore as I got older, that I would never put my children in one of those confinements (excuse the wording) but its true....and wow, I'm seeing the real "me" coming out and leading my son into the real world of learning!!! I was in tears reading both replies!! thank you again for opening my eyes....
Karen
I don't know that either of these statements are true.
In both of these cases, the consequences are results of choices that an
individual makes. Prison= choosing to do something against the law. War=
choosing to enter the military. (Since entering the military is currently a
choice and someone would be silly to enter the military if they didn't want
to be expected to go to war.)
Karen in NC
In both of these cases, the consequences are results of choices that an
individual makes. Prison= choosing to do something against the law. War=
choosing to enter the military. (Since entering the military is currently a
choice and someone would be silly to enter the military if they didn't want
to be expected to go to war.)
Karen in NC
On Fri, Oct 14, 2011 at 9:13 PM, Kelly Halldorson <kelly@...>wrote:
> **
>
>
> I love what you wrote. I wanted to add this but didn�t want to swing things
> in a political direction.
>
> *What's most damaging about school isn't school. It's because the kids
> can't choose to quit. The only other place people are sent to without
> choice is prison. :-/*
>
> Another place people are sent without choice is war.
>
> peace,
> Kelly
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tova
Connie,
I'm very sorry to hear that. I'm very glad to protect my daughter from that life, too. They are lucky to know that there are choices.
Tova
I'm very sorry to hear that. I'm very glad to protect my daughter from that life, too. They are lucky to know that there are choices.
Tova
Vickisue Gray
She decided she really didn't like teens much! ;-)
Joyce
________________________________________
LOL!! It's so nice to hear my son isn't the only teen to come to this conclusion.
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce
________________________________________
LOL!! It's so nice to hear my son isn't the only teen to come to this conclusion.
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]