Introverted son
Cindi
I have come to the realization that my son, who is 12 is VERY introverted. I began doing research on this over the internet, and books for the past week, only because he is simply not interested in other children! After all these years of pushing him, questioning him, trying to get him, to do things, I now realize he is simply introverted....and WOW what an awakening!! He is perfectly content to "be home" where he can be comfortable. My last post I was telling the group how I though we might be moving to SC, however that doesn't look like that will be happening until next spring anyways... What is hard about this is that I like to get out and do things, I am just the opposite!! He is just like his father, I mean, soooo much. Does anyone in the group have an introvert also? I sure would like to chat if anyone does. Thanks for letting me share. I have also learned that there is nothing "wrong" with introvert, it is actually a personality, just like everyone has they're own personality, like some kids just love to be around other kids, introverts are so much more happier with 1 good friend or maybe 2. Any views?
Joyce Fetteroll
On Sep 14, 2011, at 11:46 PM, Cindi wrote:
husband! ;-) It will help to see him as just introverted. Help even
more to see him as someone who is perfectly content being with his own
thoughts :-)
There are also social introverts -- which sounds like a
contradiction! ;-) -- but people who enjoy being with other people but
need alone time for recharging.
important. Trust him to give you clues to what he needs.
That's why unschoolers keep emphasizing moms shouldn't be looking at
what experts say about kids but at their own children, learning to
read their kids, trust what their kids are saying (with words, with
body language, with actions.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I have come to the realization that my son, who is 12 is VERYVERY introverted suggests he doesn't even like being with you or your
> introverted.
husband! ;-) It will help to see him as just introverted. Help even
more to see him as someone who is perfectly content being with his own
thoughts :-)
There are also social introverts -- which sounds like a
contradiction! ;-) -- but people who enjoy being with other people but
need alone time for recharging.
> some kids just love to be around other kids, introverts are so muchWhat's your son saying through his actions and words? *That's* what's
> more happier with 1 good friend or maybe 2. Any views?
important. Trust him to give you clues to what he needs.
That's why unschoolers keep emphasizing moms shouldn't be looking at
what experts say about kids but at their own children, learning to
read their kids, trust what their kids are saying (with words, with
body language, with actions.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray
For what it's worth, my son is introverted, too, and quite content with being so.
I've spent time over the last few years trying to figure out something he would like to get out and do, but alas, nope! Recently, he's been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease which in needing multiple doctor's visits and trying to learn anything and everything that can help, he's been getting out much more and has even wanted to start taking karate. Turns out, he's just fine being *social* when there's a reason or an interest but when there isn't, he's content just being.
Everything the experienced unschoolers say about how kids learn (to read, do math, live...) applies to being social as well. At least that's our experience. I see nothing wrong with being introverted. It's just another way of being.
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've spent time over the last few years trying to figure out something he would like to get out and do, but alas, nope! Recently, he's been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease which in needing multiple doctor's visits and trying to learn anything and everything that can help, he's been getting out much more and has even wanted to start taking karate. Turns out, he's just fine being *social* when there's a reason or an interest but when there isn't, he's content just being.
Everything the experienced unschoolers say about how kids learn (to read, do math, live...) applies to being social as well. At least that's our experience. I see nothing wrong with being introverted. It's just another way of being.
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Here's a view -- get out and do things you enjoy and leave him home in peace and quiet. Once in a while and everyone may enjoy it. :)
Nance
Nance
--- In [email protected], "Cindi" <jerseerose@...> wrote:
>
> I have come to the realization that my son, who is 12 is VERY introverted. I began doing research on this over the internet, and books for the past week, only because he is simply not interested in other children! After all these years of pushing him, questioning him, trying to get him, to do things, I now realize he is simply introverted....and WOW what an awakening!! He is perfectly content to "be home" where he can be comfortable. My last post I was telling the group how I though we might be moving to SC, however that doesn't look like that will be happening until next spring anyways... What is hard about this is that I like to get out and do things, I am just the opposite!! He is just like his father, I mean, soooo much. Does anyone in the group have an introvert also? I sure would like to chat if anyone does. Thanks for letting me share. I have also learned that there is nothing "wrong" with introvert, it is actually a personality, just like everyone has they're own personality, like some kids just love to be around other kids, introverts are so much more happier with 1 good friend or maybe 2. Any views?
>
plaidpanties666
"Cindi" <jerseerose@...> wrote:
My daughter is a strong introvert - I am too, and my partner, but not my stepson, who's very extroverted. Two things have helped with Morgan. One is to make sure she has something to take with her if we're going out, something she can bury her head in so she doesn't have to interact until and unless she decides she's ready. A laptop or hand-held game work well for that, but sometimes bringing legos or a project she can do in the car works also - it kind of depends on the weather and circumstances! Using the car or some other location as a "safe space" has also been enormously helpful, since people do try to "draw her out" periodically even if she's obviously busy playing a game or reading. I try to gently deflect people when I can, but sometimes they slip by me.
It also helps to keep in mind that after socializing Mo is going to need a period of time to "nest" and turn inward. For awhile that meant we only went out one day a week at most - my stepson is a strong introvert, so when he was home a lot Mo would go weeks of not wanting to socialize with Anyone else, since she was getting more than enough human contact at home.
There are different ways of defining/conceptualizing introversion and extroversion. One idea is that extroverts "charge their emotional batteries" by socializing while introverts do that in solitude. That means someone can be fairly social but also an introvert - which is true of my partner. He's a pretty social guy, but he needs a certain amount of solitude to recoup.
Another conceptualization is that some people learn best about social situations by getting into the middle of them and interacting, while others are wired to observe before interacting. That's something I've seen with Mo and with myself, too. That's sort of the classic "shy" or "slow to warm" person. Someone who is an observant learner, socially, won't learn social skills as quickly if he is pushed into interacting before he's had time to observe - hence the stereotype of the shy maladroit person. I know I was pushed by my parents and by school to interact before I was ready most of the time, so I didn't learn very much about social interactions until I was an adult. Darn that "socialization!" ;)
Making sure Mo had a place to go and rest (or avoid people entirely) And that she had a kind of "tool" like a game or movie has helped her be in charge of deciding when to observe and when to interact. She can watch people openly, knowing I'll divert people if she needs me to do that, or she can watch people surreptitiously so they don't notice her until she's ready to join in - or not!
Anyway, even though she is very much an introvert and also easily described as "shy" she has several friends and is able to choose to do very social things. Recently she attended a two-day birthday party culminating in a trip to play laser-tag and had a blast, despite knowing few of the kids at the party and being surrounded by strange adults playing tag.
---Meredith
> What is hard about this is that I like to get out and do things, I am just the opposite!! He is just like his father, I mean, soooo much. Does anyone in the group have an introvert also?******************
My daughter is a strong introvert - I am too, and my partner, but not my stepson, who's very extroverted. Two things have helped with Morgan. One is to make sure she has something to take with her if we're going out, something she can bury her head in so she doesn't have to interact until and unless she decides she's ready. A laptop or hand-held game work well for that, but sometimes bringing legos or a project she can do in the car works also - it kind of depends on the weather and circumstances! Using the car or some other location as a "safe space" has also been enormously helpful, since people do try to "draw her out" periodically even if she's obviously busy playing a game or reading. I try to gently deflect people when I can, but sometimes they slip by me.
It also helps to keep in mind that after socializing Mo is going to need a period of time to "nest" and turn inward. For awhile that meant we only went out one day a week at most - my stepson is a strong introvert, so when he was home a lot Mo would go weeks of not wanting to socialize with Anyone else, since she was getting more than enough human contact at home.
>>I have also learned that there is nothing "wrong" with introvert, it is actually a personality, just like everyone has they're own personality, like some kids just love to be around other kids, introverts are so much more happier with 1 good friend or maybe 2.****************
There are different ways of defining/conceptualizing introversion and extroversion. One idea is that extroverts "charge their emotional batteries" by socializing while introverts do that in solitude. That means someone can be fairly social but also an introvert - which is true of my partner. He's a pretty social guy, but he needs a certain amount of solitude to recoup.
Another conceptualization is that some people learn best about social situations by getting into the middle of them and interacting, while others are wired to observe before interacting. That's something I've seen with Mo and with myself, too. That's sort of the classic "shy" or "slow to warm" person. Someone who is an observant learner, socially, won't learn social skills as quickly if he is pushed into interacting before he's had time to observe - hence the stereotype of the shy maladroit person. I know I was pushed by my parents and by school to interact before I was ready most of the time, so I didn't learn very much about social interactions until I was an adult. Darn that "socialization!" ;)
Making sure Mo had a place to go and rest (or avoid people entirely) And that she had a kind of "tool" like a game or movie has helped her be in charge of deciding when to observe and when to interact. She can watch people openly, knowing I'll divert people if she needs me to do that, or she can watch people surreptitiously so they don't notice her until she's ready to join in - or not!
Anyway, even though she is very much an introvert and also easily described as "shy" she has several friends and is able to choose to do very social things. Recently she attended a two-day birthday party culminating in a trip to play laser-tag and had a blast, despite knowing few of the kids at the party and being surrounded by strange adults playing tag.
---Meredith
Vicki JohnsonBarrett
It took me a long time to realize that I was not shy, weird, antisocial, or lacking in some other way, but am, instead, an introvert.
My grown daughter is extroverted, but my son (14) is very much the introvert, too. As a parent, even knowing about what it means to be introverted, I still have times when I feel I must DO SOMETHING to get him to be more social. It's times like those it's good to revert to this article, which is a tongue-in-cheek summary of what introversion is.
Enjoy.
http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/caring-introvert.htm
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My grown daughter is extroverted, but my son (14) is very much the introvert, too. As a parent, even knowing about what it means to be introverted, I still have times when I feel I must DO SOMETHING to get him to be more social. It's times like those it's good to revert to this article, which is a tongue-in-cheek summary of what introversion is.
Enjoy.
http://www.learningplaceonline.com/relationships/friends/caring-introvert.htm
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Cindi
Thank you Joyce :) VERY was a bit harsh (ugh)...his actions show, well...happiness..and I guess I was raised so totally different, (you know, kids aren't supposed to be happy) learning was tedious, boring, and to me as a kid humiliating! I remember hating school as a child, and following my mom home from school when she would walk me there.. LOL...she even at one point had to have the principal pick me up from home, because she just couldn't get me out the door! So, I know how my son feels, which is why I love to see him joyful, not stressed or forced to do the work...but every once in a while that critical voice still likes to be heard!! Thank you so much for your reply:)
Cindi
LOLOL!!! Thank you Nance, we have done that!! and yes, it has worked out well, if "I" would just let it be, and let him be...sometimes I feel like I'm hovering over him too much, and I'm starting to catch myself...Thank God!!
--- In [email protected], "marbleface@..." <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> Here's a view -- get out and do things you enjoy and leave him home in peace and quiet. Once in a while and everyone may enjoy it. :)
>
> Nance