help - unschooling and woh?
Queana
I'm not sure if I've even introduced myself here or not; I'll save that
for another post because this one may be long enough as it is. I need
some brainstorming help, and since this is a "beginners" list I figured
I could ask here. Although not new to the concept of unschooling, I
haven't actually done it yet. I've wanted to for a few years now but
have been teaching full time at a private school in order for my oldest
to be able to continue attending there (our public schools are horrible
and he emphatically did *not* want to homeschool). My middle son has
wanted to hs, but has gone along with whatever everyone else was doing.
My youngest was very interested in starting kindergarten in school this
year. Next year my oldest will be graduating from this school and going
to high school. We are financially in a different place, and I have a
perfect job as an internet charter school teacher already lined up for
next year. We just bought a new house that we will be moving in to next
month so that we will have enough room to actually enjoy being home.
Everything looked like it will fall into place perfectly.
Now there's a problem. My middle son (9 y.o., 4th grade) is unhappy at
school this year. His best friend is playing some game with another kid
all the time that my son doesn't enjoy. He does enjoy playing soccer
and football with the other boys, but they never pass him the ball (his
friend told him it's because they think he's no good). He is not an
athlete, definitely, but he is in tae kwon do, and is doing very well in
that. Another boy, who he was good buddies with, is now picking on him.
First he was poking him in the belly and saying, "Big belly". I talked
to the teacher, and she said that the problem seemed to have resolved
itself. Then he was pinching him every time they were in line. I found
out about this during Christmas break, but it never resumed when school
started back (I was ready to make a stink). This weekend my son told me
that every time he goes near this boy, the boy starts talking loudly to
whoever he is with about how "stupid and annoying" my son is. My son
wants me to do something so the kid will stop (and get in trouble) and
is dying to get out of school. I want to ring the kid's neck and take
down his mother (she is also a teacher at my school; she also has
attitude problems, even with her employer). Obviously not the best
solution.
Besides all this, my son is becoming less and less enamored with
learning as we speak. He had always fared pretty well and was pretty
resilient. We've never been pushy about grades or anything. He's
starting to really actually hate school work now.
I'm so sick about this right now. What to do:
- my husband suggested switching classes for the rest of the year;
however, the problem is at recess time, and the two classes are together
then
- if I quit to bring him home, I will not be able to afford my 8th
grader graduating with his class. We will not be able to afford our new
house. My husband would be very unsupportive of this idea (and he just
recently became finally supportive of homeschooling).
- if I keep him in, and talk to the teacher, administrator, other
parent, whatever it takes to make it stop... I don't know if it will
actually stop. Maybe the name calling will. But he is still being not
included by other boys. There are 4 boys in the 4th grade that he says
are nice, so he is not without any friends.
- I've thought about trying to get admin approval to have him with me
during the day (I teach jr. high). He would be able to read, use the
computers, help in the computer lab (which the teacher would love and he
is more than capable of), play his gameboy, etc. Negatives - not much
physical activity time, may get boring for him after awhile, and I don't
think the administrators would go for it. Although I am well-respected
and appreciated, and usually get my way, this seems like something they
would perceive as not looking good for the school, and therefore not
workable. I don't want to pull an ultimatum at this point (I would have
a few weeks ago before we bought a new freaking house).
- I can't think of anyone who could watch him during the day. Although
both grandparents are semi-nearby, they wouldn't be willing to watch him
every day, and it would add 30 - 40 minutes to our commute to and from
school each day. Even if there was an unschooling family nearby, I
wouldn't leave him with them, because I don't know them.
Is there anything I haven't thought of? Has anybody had a similar
dilemma? What would you do?
If you read this far, thanks!
Q
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for another post because this one may be long enough as it is. I need
some brainstorming help, and since this is a "beginners" list I figured
I could ask here. Although not new to the concept of unschooling, I
haven't actually done it yet. I've wanted to for a few years now but
have been teaching full time at a private school in order for my oldest
to be able to continue attending there (our public schools are horrible
and he emphatically did *not* want to homeschool). My middle son has
wanted to hs, but has gone along with whatever everyone else was doing.
My youngest was very interested in starting kindergarten in school this
year. Next year my oldest will be graduating from this school and going
to high school. We are financially in a different place, and I have a
perfect job as an internet charter school teacher already lined up for
next year. We just bought a new house that we will be moving in to next
month so that we will have enough room to actually enjoy being home.
Everything looked like it will fall into place perfectly.
Now there's a problem. My middle son (9 y.o., 4th grade) is unhappy at
school this year. His best friend is playing some game with another kid
all the time that my son doesn't enjoy. He does enjoy playing soccer
and football with the other boys, but they never pass him the ball (his
friend told him it's because they think he's no good). He is not an
athlete, definitely, but he is in tae kwon do, and is doing very well in
that. Another boy, who he was good buddies with, is now picking on him.
First he was poking him in the belly and saying, "Big belly". I talked
to the teacher, and she said that the problem seemed to have resolved
itself. Then he was pinching him every time they were in line. I found
out about this during Christmas break, but it never resumed when school
started back (I was ready to make a stink). This weekend my son told me
that every time he goes near this boy, the boy starts talking loudly to
whoever he is with about how "stupid and annoying" my son is. My son
wants me to do something so the kid will stop (and get in trouble) and
is dying to get out of school. I want to ring the kid's neck and take
down his mother (she is also a teacher at my school; she also has
attitude problems, even with her employer). Obviously not the best
solution.
Besides all this, my son is becoming less and less enamored with
learning as we speak. He had always fared pretty well and was pretty
resilient. We've never been pushy about grades or anything. He's
starting to really actually hate school work now.
I'm so sick about this right now. What to do:
- my husband suggested switching classes for the rest of the year;
however, the problem is at recess time, and the two classes are together
then
- if I quit to bring him home, I will not be able to afford my 8th
grader graduating with his class. We will not be able to afford our new
house. My husband would be very unsupportive of this idea (and he just
recently became finally supportive of homeschooling).
- if I keep him in, and talk to the teacher, administrator, other
parent, whatever it takes to make it stop... I don't know if it will
actually stop. Maybe the name calling will. But he is still being not
included by other boys. There are 4 boys in the 4th grade that he says
are nice, so he is not without any friends.
- I've thought about trying to get admin approval to have him with me
during the day (I teach jr. high). He would be able to read, use the
computers, help in the computer lab (which the teacher would love and he
is more than capable of), play his gameboy, etc. Negatives - not much
physical activity time, may get boring for him after awhile, and I don't
think the administrators would go for it. Although I am well-respected
and appreciated, and usually get my way, this seems like something they
would perceive as not looking good for the school, and therefore not
workable. I don't want to pull an ultimatum at this point (I would have
a few weeks ago before we bought a new freaking house).
- I can't think of anyone who could watch him during the day. Although
both grandparents are semi-nearby, they wouldn't be willing to watch him
every day, and it would add 30 - 40 minutes to our commute to and from
school each day. Even if there was an unschooling family nearby, I
wouldn't leave him with them, because I don't know them.
Is there anything I haven't thought of? Has anybody had a similar
dilemma? What would you do?
If you read this far, thanks!
Q
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Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Hi Q
I don't have any big idea for you. Reading about your son reminded me soo
much of my own son. He had increasing problems as he got further up in elem
school. He was bullied to a point where it was a problem starting in 4th
grade. His fourth grade teacher was a first year teacher or I think it would
have been much worse that year. But she was still young and idealistic, and she
protected him alot. But the next year he had a teacher who seemed to
indentify more with popular kids and kids who wore the latest fashion than she did
with the rest of the class. I swear she seemed to flirt all the time.
Anyway, the best thing in the WORLD that we have ever done for him is to
take him out of school and let him become his own person. There is a social
system in school that in itself should be the answer to the "socialization
question" that every one asks when they hear that your children don't go to
school. There is a ranking of individuals that doesn't play out in the adult
world and many young children are targeted for ridicule by people who don't even
know them. At a very young and impressionable age.
We have unschooled for the last year (almost- end of January). I have seen
my son interact with people of all ages and stages of life. He is caring and
considerate, he has a good sense of humor, and he has made friends with
people throughout our community. I used to feel a physical ache in my chest
when my son went to school. Now I have a happy, healthy, well adjusted 12 year
old son, who talks to me and tells me things.
I swear that I can't imagine having to go through all the "teen angst" you
hear so much about. Maybe I'm blind and can't see it coming. Maybe some
lifelong unschoolers will contradict me and tell me that it is a normal stage and
I need to be on the look out. But right now it seems so far out of the
realm of the possible.
I work 12 hour night shifts in a hospital. And I know that you don't have
that option as a teacher, but I hope you can figure out a solution because I
can identify with your situation and unschooling has made my life and my sons
life, hey, my whole family's life, 100% better. :-)
Good luck and keep reading, these people have great ideas.
Cheryl in FL
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't have any big idea for you. Reading about your son reminded me soo
much of my own son. He had increasing problems as he got further up in elem
school. He was bullied to a point where it was a problem starting in 4th
grade. His fourth grade teacher was a first year teacher or I think it would
have been much worse that year. But she was still young and idealistic, and she
protected him alot. But the next year he had a teacher who seemed to
indentify more with popular kids and kids who wore the latest fashion than she did
with the rest of the class. I swear she seemed to flirt all the time.
Anyway, the best thing in the WORLD that we have ever done for him is to
take him out of school and let him become his own person. There is a social
system in school that in itself should be the answer to the "socialization
question" that every one asks when they hear that your children don't go to
school. There is a ranking of individuals that doesn't play out in the adult
world and many young children are targeted for ridicule by people who don't even
know them. At a very young and impressionable age.
We have unschooled for the last year (almost- end of January). I have seen
my son interact with people of all ages and stages of life. He is caring and
considerate, he has a good sense of humor, and he has made friends with
people throughout our community. I used to feel a physical ache in my chest
when my son went to school. Now I have a happy, healthy, well adjusted 12 year
old son, who talks to me and tells me things.
I swear that I can't imagine having to go through all the "teen angst" you
hear so much about. Maybe I'm blind and can't see it coming. Maybe some
lifelong unschoolers will contradict me and tell me that it is a normal stage and
I need to be on the look out. But right now it seems so far out of the
realm of the possible.
I work 12 hour night shifts in a hospital. And I know that you don't have
that option as a teacher, but I hope you can figure out a solution because I
can identify with your situation and unschooling has made my life and my sons
life, hey, my whole family's life, 100% better. :-)
Good luck and keep reading, these people have great ideas.
Cheryl in FL
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Brandie in TN
I don't see that there is any perfect fix. When my daughter was miserable in school (she was always "below grade level" as they would say and bullied because of her size), we took her out. It wasn't a hard decision, because her needs come first. I can't really related to buying the new home, because we have purposely always lived in a very modest home...one that hubby could afford on his salary. I guess I think you might just need to take a serious look at your wants (new house) and your income and find a way to make it work. It won't be easy in the beginning, but I think it will be worth it in the long run.
Brandie
http://www.scrapbookingwithbrandie.com
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Brandie
http://www.scrapbookingwithbrandie.com
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Queana
Thanks to everyone who has responded. I really appreciate it! I did
want to clarify a couple things. We have been planning and preparing
for me to be able to homeschool after this year. We can afford
everything we need to afford (including the house) without me teaching
at this private school (which pays peanuts anyway). But, for the next
couple months while we are moving, preparing the old house to rent,
paying for inspections, etc., we actually do need the extra peanuts, not
to mention the teachers 93% tuition discount to keep the other two in
school where they want to be. At this point we could not pull out of
escrow without losing thousands.
I realize it sounded like I was trying to decide between our house and
our son, but that is SO not it in our family. It just was phenomenally
bad timing the way everything happened. A couple months ago I could
have quit no problem. In a couple months I could quit no problem. It's
just THESE couple months that are very difficult. We are so not the
people with two car payments, huge house payments, hair and nail appts,
golf memberships, etc. who "can't afford" to have one income.
My son's well being is obviously my priority, otherwise I wouldn't be
trying to solve this problem. I am going to talk with the teachers and
administrators tomorrow. Thanks again for giving your input Ren,
Cheryl, Brandie, and Deirdre.
Q
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Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
want to clarify a couple things. We have been planning and preparing
for me to be able to homeschool after this year. We can afford
everything we need to afford (including the house) without me teaching
at this private school (which pays peanuts anyway). But, for the next
couple months while we are moving, preparing the old house to rent,
paying for inspections, etc., we actually do need the extra peanuts, not
to mention the teachers 93% tuition discount to keep the other two in
school where they want to be. At this point we could not pull out of
escrow without losing thousands.
I realize it sounded like I was trying to decide between our house and
our son, but that is SO not it in our family. It just was phenomenally
bad timing the way everything happened. A couple months ago I could
have quit no problem. In a couple months I could quit no problem. It's
just THESE couple months that are very difficult. We are so not the
people with two car payments, huge house payments, hair and nail appts,
golf memberships, etc. who "can't afford" to have one income.
My son's well being is obviously my priority, otherwise I wouldn't be
trying to solve this problem. I am going to talk with the teachers and
administrators tomorrow. Thanks again for giving your input Ren,
Cheryl, Brandie, and Deirdre.
Q
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], "Queana" <queana7@c...>
wrote:
two homeschooling families or even someone doing home daycare who'd
like a helper, it seems like there's a very good chance it would be
better for him!
I do understand your concern about leaving him with strangers,
certainly. But I think it might be worth exploring, esp. if it's a
family that has watched other kids and therefore has references.
--aj
wrote:
> Even if there was an unschooling family nearby, II don't know...how much worse could it be? If you could find one or
> wouldn't leave him with them, because I don't know them.
two homeschooling families or even someone doing home daycare who'd
like a helper, it seems like there's a very good chance it would be
better for him!
I do understand your concern about leaving him with strangers,
certainly. But I think it might be worth exploring, esp. if it's a
family that has watched other kids and therefore has references.
--aj