another food issue ?
flyingtwinsmom
I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my girls. They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things that they ask for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount and I don't set a time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate meal if they don't eat at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix a micro meal, reheat leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course meal like we had earlier. (They usually will come in close to when the meal is served unless they are having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep a variety of foods including veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy bars and SF popsicles, for example) My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big boned girls) I don't want to make an issue of it, but I don't want their self-esteem or health to suffer either. It seems they are eating constantly lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is. They are very active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is trying to compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we don't keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work through how to deal with this. Thanks
Bonni
Bonni
lylaw
I have many thoughts, but am too tired to post them at the moment – I just wanted to share one bit of info that I *wish* I had had when my daughter (now 16) was around 11 and 12 – and that is that as girls approach puberty, they gain, on average, something like 30-40 POUNDS. this can be quite alarming to them, and to parents, especially in a culture that values thinness at every turn. it’s normal, healthy, and their bodies are preparing for menstruation and growth.
also, you might want to look into the “health at an size” campaign. largeness of body does not have anything to do with health, directly. there are plenty of large people who are very healthy and plenty of thin ones who are not.
how do they express not liking their body size? you say they are very active. is there any reason to believe they are eating for emotional comfort/boredom reasons rather than appetite? growing pre/teens often have pretty large appetites!
lyla
From: flyingtwinsmom
Sent: Sunday, July 10, 2011 8:42 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] another food issue ?
I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my girls. They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things that they ask for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount and I don't set a time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate meal if they don't eat at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix a micro meal, reheat leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course meal like we had earlier. (They usually will come in close to when the meal is served unless they are having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep a variety of foods including veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy bars and SF popsicles, for example) My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big boned girls) I don't want to make an issue of it, but I don't want their self-esteem or health to suffer either. It seems they are eating constantly lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is. They are very active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is trying to compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we don't keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work through how to deal with this. Thanks
Bonni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
also, you might want to look into the “health at an size” campaign. largeness of body does not have anything to do with health, directly. there are plenty of large people who are very healthy and plenty of thin ones who are not.
how do they express not liking their body size? you say they are very active. is there any reason to believe they are eating for emotional comfort/boredom reasons rather than appetite? growing pre/teens often have pretty large appetites!
lyla
From: flyingtwinsmom
Sent: Sunday, July 10, 2011 8:42 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] another food issue ?
I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my girls. They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things that they ask for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount and I don't set a time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate meal if they don't eat at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix a micro meal, reheat leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course meal like we had earlier. (They usually will come in close to when the meal is served unless they are having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep a variety of foods including veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy bars and SF popsicles, for example) My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big boned girls) I don't want to make an issue of it, but I don't want their self-esteem or health to suffer either. It seems they are eating constantly lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is. They are very active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is trying to compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we don't keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work through how to deal with this. Thanks
Bonni
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
11 is a big growth period. Have you gone to a conference, or anywhere with lots
of kids of varying ages? Look for the prepubescent kids, they are rounder
(often) then the rest of the kids. It takes a lot of energy, particularly for
girls, to power through puberty. It's easy to flash onto this point that they
are getting too fat. Linnaea has put weight on and then put height on. She's
taller than a lot of girls her age now. I'm tall, I figure she'll be tall as
well.
Back off and breathe. Don't worry about it too much. They are at an age when
their bodies are changing enormously. Try and think about something that you
really worried about when they were 3 or 4 and see how irrelevant it is now.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: flyingtwinsmom <flyingtwinsmom@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, 11 July, 2011 4:42:30
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] another food issue ?
I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my girls.
They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things that they ask
for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount and I don't set a
time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate meal if they don't eat
at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix a micro meal, reheat
leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course meal like we had earlier.
(They usually will come in close to when the meal is served unless they are
having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep a variety of foods including
veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy bars and SF popsicles, for
example) My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish
pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big boned girls) I don't want to make
an issue of it, but I don't want their self-esteem or health to suffer either.
It seems they are eating constantly lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut
popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't
think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is.
They are very active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is
trying to compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we
don't keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work
through how to deal with this. Thanks
Bonni
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of kids of varying ages? Look for the prepubescent kids, they are rounder
(often) then the rest of the kids. It takes a lot of energy, particularly for
girls, to power through puberty. It's easy to flash onto this point that they
are getting too fat. Linnaea has put weight on and then put height on. She's
taller than a lot of girls her age now. I'm tall, I figure she'll be tall as
well.
Back off and breathe. Don't worry about it too much. They are at an age when
their bodies are changing enormously. Try and think about something that you
really worried about when they were 3 or 4 and see how irrelevant it is now.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: flyingtwinsmom <flyingtwinsmom@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, 11 July, 2011 4:42:30
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] another food issue ?
I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my girls.
They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things that they ask
for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount and I don't set a
time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate meal if they don't eat
at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix a micro meal, reheat
leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course meal like we had earlier.
(They usually will come in close to when the meal is served unless they are
having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep a variety of foods including
veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy bars and SF popsicles, for
example) My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish
pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big boned girls) I don't want to make
an issue of it, but I don't want their self-esteem or health to suffer either.
It seems they are eating constantly lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut
popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't
think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is.
They are very active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is
trying to compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we
don't keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work
through how to deal with this. Thanks
Bonni
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
"flyingtwinsmom" <flyingtwinsmom@...> wrote:
In what way? That's important. If they're saying "ugly" than focus on helping them feel more beautiful. That could include shopping for clothes which are flattering and emphasize their curves - are you up for buying them clothes that look "sexy" if that will help them feel better about how they look?
If they're saying "unhealthy" then help them take a look at their lifestyle and see what could be healthier - but please don't start with food! Start with activity and energy and wind - as in, if one of them gets out of breath going up stairs, would she like some kind of exercise to improve her wind? Would she like to take an aerobics class or get a treadmill or stair-climber?
If they eat when they're hungry and stop when they're no longer hungry, then "a serving" isn't really all that relevant. If they're used to having food regulated and will tend to overeat as a result, then its worth talking about smaller servings.
Why do you thing that's bad? Is it that you've been stuffed full of theories about how and when people "should" eat? I know there's one idea that eating before bed is bad. Any food theory is only ever going to work for *some* people - there's too much variation in human needs in that regard.
---Meredith
>My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it.*************
In what way? That's important. If they're saying "ugly" than focus on helping them feel more beautiful. That could include shopping for clothes which are flattering and emphasize their curves - are you up for buying them clothes that look "sexy" if that will help them feel better about how they look?
If they're saying "unhealthy" then help them take a look at their lifestyle and see what could be healthier - but please don't start with food! Start with activity and energy and wind - as in, if one of them gets out of breath going up stairs, would she like some kind of exercise to improve her wind? Would she like to take an aerobics class or get a treadmill or stair-climber?
>>I don't think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is.************
If they eat when they're hungry and stop when they're no longer hungry, then "a serving" isn't really all that relevant. If they're used to having food regulated and will tend to overeat as a result, then its worth talking about smaller servings.
>>Last night, they each had 2 coconut popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier.**************
Why do you thing that's bad? Is it that you've been stuffed full of theories about how and when people "should" eat? I know there's one idea that eating before bed is bad. Any food theory is only ever going to work for *some* people - there's too much variation in human needs in that regard.
---Meredith
flyingtwinsmom
--- In [email protected], "lylaw" <lylaw@...> wrote:
thanks for the reminder. I think you mentioned it to me once before. I guess I need it knocked into my head. I'll look into that. It's a busy week so I don't have as much computer time, but that will be first on my list.
Thanks
Bonni
>Lyla,
> I have many thoughts, but am too tired to post them at the moment â" I just wanted to share one bit of info that I *wish* I had had when my daughter (now 16) was around 11 and 12 â" and that is that as girls approach puberty, they gain, on average, something like 30-40 POUNDS. this can be quite alarming to them, and to parents, especially in a culture that values thinness at every turn. itâs normal, healthy, and their bodies are preparing for menstruation and growth. >>
>
> also, you might want to look into the âhealth at an sizeâ campaign. >>
thanks for the reminder. I think you mentioned it to me once before. I guess I need it knocked into my head. I'll look into that. It's a busy week so I don't have as much computer time, but that will be first on my list.
> how do they express not liking their body size? you say they are very active. is there any reason to believe they are eating for emotional comfort/boredom reasons rather than appetite? growing pre/teens often have pretty large appetites!>>They hate clothes, mainly I think because we can't find any that fit. They don't have breasts yet and like their shirts big. They often make comments about being too fat and ugly. I don't think they eat for emotional comfort but boredom may be an issue. They don't eat much as long as they are outside playing but it almost non-stop when they come in for the evening. It may be that they are trying to make up for not eating much during the day, or it may be that they are "bored" watching TV and playing in the house.
Thanks
Bonni
flyingtwinsmom
--- In [email protected], Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
We have been to a conference and most of the girls their age were much smaller, both in height and weight. But I needed to be reminded that I'll look back someday and this won't be a big deal.
Bonni
> Back off and breathe. Don't worry about it too much. They are at an age whenThanks Schuyler,
> their bodies are changing enormously. Try and think about something that you
> really worried about when they were 3 or 4 and see how irrelevant it is now.
>
>
> Schuyler
We have been to a conference and most of the girls their age were much smaller, both in height and weight. But I needed to be reminded that I'll look back someday and this won't be a big deal.
Bonni
Schuyler
>>They don't eat much as long as they are outside playing but it almost non-stopIt may be that they are tired. I eat more when I'm tired. It may be that they
>>when they come in for the evening. It may be that they are trying to make up
>>for not eating much during the day, or it may be that they are "bored" watching
>>TV and playing in the house. <<
are hungry if they've been more active during the day. You could bring them food
when they are playing out during the day which may make them less likely to eat
more in the evening.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
>>We have been to a conference and most of the girls their age were much smaller,Linnaea is 11 and is bigger in height and weight than most of her peers. She
>>both in height and weight.<<
looks so much larger than the rest of the girls in the drama class she's in.
Well, not so much larger, but definitely further up the growth chart. She
doesn't have any issue with it. She really likes the way she looks. I really
like the way she looks and how comfortable she is with who she is.
My dad has always been a public commenter on body size. My body size got a lot
of commentary. It probably made me more aware of Linnaea's body size. But I've
successfully not made it my issue. It's her body. It's got nothing to do with
me. Honestly.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
flyingtwinsmom
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
Thanks for the nudge to think more about my girls and not some "standards."
Bonni
>They are unhappy about trying to find clothes that fit, unhappy that all their friends are much smaller and make fun of them for being heavy and unhappy because they feel it's a permanent thing because dad and I both struggle with our weight. I'll buy anything they are interested in but they aren't interested because they can't find clothes that fit. Mostly they wear big, baggy men's clothes to feel comfortable.
> "flyingtwinsmom" <flyingtwinsmom@> wrote:
> >My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it.
> *************
>
> In what way? That's important. If they're saying "ugly" than focus on helping them feel more beautiful. That could include shopping for clothes which are flattering and emphasize their curves - are you up for buying them clothes that look "sexy" if that will help them feel better about how they look?>
>We have talked about exercising alone and together, but somehow I always come out the bad guy. I think they hear me suggesting we talk a walk and think "mom thinks we're fat so she's making us go for a walk." I know they have said something to that affect to me lately. I'm in a bind because they want help but don't want me to help. Make any sense?
> If they're saying "unhealthy" then help them take a look at their lifestyle and see what could be healthier - but please don't start with food! Start with activity and energy and wind - as in, if one of them gets out of breath going up stairs, would she like some kind of exercise to improve her wind? Would she like to take an aerobics class or get a treadmill or stair-climber? >
> If they eat when they're hungry and stop when they're no longer hungry, then "a serving" isn't really all that relevant. If they're used to having food regulated and will tend to overeat as a result, then its worth talking about smaller servings. >I'm so used to letting go of expectations in learning and I'm still so far from applying that to other areas. :) I don't know why it has never sunk into me that a "serving" isn't that relevant as long as they are listening to their bodies.
> Why do you thing that's bad? Is it that you've been stuffed full of theories about how and when people "should" eat? I know there's one idea that eating before bed is bad. Any food theory is only ever going to work for *some* people - there's too much variation in human needs in that regard.Yep, I guess I was letting the "experts" influence how I was thinking rather than letting go and accepting that they eat what, when and how much they need even if it's not to society's standards. (but the popsicles got to me because they mentioned that they almost finished a box in one night. It was a shock for me.)
>
> ---Meredith
>
Thanks for the nudge to think more about my girls and not some "standards."
Bonni
Jill Finkenbine
Look up books by Geneen Roth. She struggled with food issues and dieting
for years and finally made peace with food and learned to eat what she
wanted and enjoy food. That is when her weight normalized
Jill.
On Sun, Jul 10, 2011 at 11:42 PM, flyingtwinsmom
<flyingtwinsmom@...>wrote:
for years and finally made peace with food and learned to eat what she
wanted and enjoy food. That is when her weight normalized
Jill.
On Sun, Jul 10, 2011 at 11:42 PM, flyingtwinsmom
<flyingtwinsmom@...>wrote:
> **[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
> I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my
> girls. They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things
> that they ask for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount
> and I don't set a time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate
> meal if they don't eat at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix
> a micro meal, reheat leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course
> meal like we had earlier. (They usually will come in close to when the meal
> is served unless they are having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep
> a variety of foods including veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy
> bars and SF popsicles, for example) My struggle is that both girls are on
> the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big
> boned girls) I don't want to make an issue of it, but I don't want their
> self-esteem or health to suffer either. It seems they are eating constantly
> lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut popsicles near bed time after
> having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't think they really
> understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is. They are very
> active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is trying to
> compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we don't
> keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work
> through how to deal with this. Thanks
> Bonni
>
>
>
thehanna
--- In [email protected], Jill Finkenbine <peace.goodwill@...> wrote:
Likewise, Bonni, you cannot change your daughters, the way they look, think and do. But, you can change your thought about them. And who they are cannot be put in terms of body weight. one pound more or less, does not make them more or less themselves. Holding in thought their true individual character, will show their original nature and form.
Hanna
>I like that story, Jill. I think that is the approach how things always work out. In this example, it is not the body that has to be changed, but the thought about oneself, and about food, that must change. And the thought that allows peace, will solve things in one way or the other.
> Look up books by Geneen Roth. She struggled with food issues and dieting
> for years and finally made peace with food and learned to eat what she
> wanted and enjoy food. That is when her weight normalized
>
> Jill.
Likewise, Bonni, you cannot change your daughters, the way they look, think and do. But, you can change your thought about them. And who they are cannot be put in terms of body weight. one pound more or less, does not make them more or less themselves. Holding in thought their true individual character, will show their original nature and form.
Hanna
plaidpanties666
"flyingtwinsmom" <flyingtwinsmom@...> wrote:
It has also helped me, as a white woman, to look at styles popular among women of other ethnic backgrounds, which are a little more accepting of robust, sturdy, and curvaceous figures.
I'd work on stepping away from thinking of this as "a food issue" and seeing it as a discrimination issue. How do you talk with your kids about homeschooling - another area where they likely experience some discrimination? It could help to think in those terms.
---Meredith
>> They are unhappy about trying to find clothes that fitDo you sew at all? I got into sewing as a teen because I couldn't find clothes that I liked which fit me. It still irritates me that there are *much* cuter clothes available in smaller sizes, but I make that into an asset as much as I can, altering clothes in interesting ways, or making clothes that are quirky just for me.
It has also helped me, as a white woman, to look at styles popular among women of other ethnic backgrounds, which are a little more accepting of robust, sturdy, and curvaceous figures.
>>all their friends are much smaller and make fun of them for being heavy********
I'd work on stepping away from thinking of this as "a food issue" and seeing it as a discrimination issue. How do you talk with your kids about homeschooling - another area where they likely experience some discrimination? It could help to think in those terms.
---Meredith
Sara Uselton
I see I'm a little late on this thread, but reading "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" was essential for me letting go of my body issues. I think it's nearly impossible to not pass on body issues to your children, unless you resolve them for yourself.
Sara
Sara
--- In [email protected], "flyingtwinsmom" <flyingtwinsmom@...> wrote:
>
> I'm struggling right now with food issues in our home with both of my girls. They are 11, and I do not control their food. I try to get things that they ask for if they are not already in the house. I don't limit amount and I don't set a time. On the other hand, I don't usually fix a separate meal if they don't eat at dinner time with the rest of the house. I will fix a micro meal, reheat leftovers or a fix a sandwich but not a full course meal like we had earlier. (They usually will come in close to when the meal is served unless they are having too much fun playing with friends.)We keep a variety of foods including veggies, fruit and some junk food (mini candy bars and SF popsicles, for example) My struggle is that both girls are on the large size (5'1" 150ish pounds)and are unhappy about it. (They are big boned girls) I don't want to make an issue of it, but I don't want their self-esteem or health to suffer either. It seems they are eating constantly lately. Last night, they each had 2 coconut popsicles near bed time after having had dinner an hour or so earlier. I don't think they really understand how much they eat and what a serving actually is. They are very active most of the time. I think some of the extra eating is trying to compensate for dehydration. They hate to drink much except soda and we don't keep it in the house all the time. (Can't afford too.) Please help me work through how to deal with this. Thanks
> Bonni
>
Karen Swanay
I'm currently working on my Masters in Clinical Mental Health and one of my
areas of interest is eating disorders. (Of course because I have these
tendencies.) Eating disordered attitudes -- are those thoughts and
behaviors which indicate an unhealthy attitude towards food, the body and
two big screaming red flags of personal "damage" -- low self esteem and
control.
Low self-esteem seems self explanatory for this issue, "hate yourself = hate
your body" but control? If you've never had EDA or studied it, you might
not realize how important control is as an activating event. If you can't
control anything else in your life, you can control what you put in your
mouth, or what you keep in your body to metabolize. This is very similar to
struggles parents have with toddlers on potty training. They can't control
anything else in their lives, but if you think you can make them poop on the
potty...you've got another thing coming.
It is an interesting issue to me that women are willing to blame the media
for the unhealthy "ideal" woman or Barbie, or whatever else, but it's FAR
less about that and much more about cognitive schema and control issues for
most women with EDA. It may be helpful to show the girls the Dove company's
campaign for real beauty materials. This one is especially good
http://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=campaign+for+real+beauty
Just 1:15 long, it will leave a lasting impression.
However, more important is not setting up unrealistic ideals for your kids.
One example I have from my kids and I is about sex. My boys are almost 15
and almost 13 years old. I do not delude myself. At their age I was a
raging ball of hormones. (I did not have sex the first time until 2 weeks
before my 18th birthday, ironically that was a Good Friday and I was an
Irish Catholic at the time, and I was date raped.) But I digress...I do not
preach to my sons about abstinence. I tell them "Don't get anyone
pregnant." I believe they will do what they will do for themselves when
it's right for them. (My 13 yr old's "girlfriend" lives in the UK so there
is little that is going to happen there.) But I don't believe they have the
"right" to hurt others. And teenage pregnancy is a tragedy for the BABY. I
don't "care" about anyone else involved frankly. So, anyway, the "advice" I
hope they take to heart is about the devastation to the infant.
So, back to your daughters. If you preach to them about this food or that
being "unhealthy" you will lose that battle. In point of fact you can find
many examples of people who "eat healthy" who are not healthy at all. Lance
Armstrong comes to mind though he may have brought about his cancer by
steroid usage. I don't know. I also know there are 100+ yr old men living
in Afghanistan who do not "eat healthy" and yet are long lived. So do watch
what you say and what you demonstrate. Anything you do that removes their
sense of control over their lives, including restriction of food choice, ups
the risk of EDA or full blown ED.
Some quick facts about eating disorders:
*PREVALENCE*
- It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder �
seven million women and one million men
- One in 200 American women suffers from anorexia
- Two to three in 100 American women suffers from bulimia
- Nearly half of all Americans personally know someone with an eating
disorder (Note: One in five Americans suffers from mental illnesses.)
- An estimated 10 � 15% of people with anorexia or bulimia are males
*MORTALITY RATES *
- Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
- A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated
Disorders reported that 5 � 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after
contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and
only 30 � 40% ever fully recover
- *The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher
than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 � 24 years old.
*
- 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from
complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart
problems
*ACCESS TO TREATMENT *
- Only 1 in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment
- About 80% of the girls/women who have accessed care for their eating
disorders do not get the intensity of treatment they need to stay in
recovery � they are often sent home weeks earlier than the recommended stay
- Treatment of an eating disorder in the US ranges from $500 per day to
$2,000 per day. The average cost for a month of inpatient treatment is
$30,000. It is estimated that individuals with eating disorders need
anywhere from 3 � 6 months of inpatient care. Health insurance companies for
several reasons do not typically cover the cost of treating eating disorders
- The cost of outpatient treatment, including therapy and medical
monitoring, can extend to $100,000 or more
*ADOLESCENTS*
- Anorexia is the 3rd most common chronic illness among adolescents
- 95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and
25
- 50% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight
- 80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight
*RACIAL AND ETHNIC MINORITIES*
- Rates of minorities with eating disorders are similar to those of white
women
- 74% of American Indian girls reported dieting and purging with diet
pills
- Essence magazine, in 1994, reported that 53.5% of their respondents,
African-American females were at risk of an eating disorder
- Eating disorders are one of the most common psychological problems
facing young women in Japan.
Given these numbers, the average cost of treatment for an eating disorder is
over $280K and it is statistically not likely to work. When faced with
that...what would you rather have your daughters do -- drink soda or develop
AN?
I want to share some other thing here which I do not to frighten or punish
anyone. But I'd like to let you into my head a little. Let you know what
it's like to live a life once these cognitive schema have taken root. I did
not write this, but it could have been written by me. I weigh myself 7
times a day on a good day. I have a scale which measures my weight to the
.01 of a lb. (And I don't get rid of the scale because I'm working on NOT
weighing to eliminate the drive. Not having access to it would be both going
"cold turkey" and wouldn't allow me to change my maladaptive schema.)
The site on which this appears proclaims that AN is a lifestyle, not a
disease and enjoins the reader to "suck it in harder"... both sad and
terrifying. And I live this each day, the fight between these thoughts and
what I know to be a more healthy way to live.
ANA Creed
I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the
chaos that is my world.
I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have
existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and
attention.
I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they
could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds as unbreakable laws to determine my
daily behaviour.
I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did
yesterday.
I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of g_d, and memorize them
accordingly.
I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and
failures
I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.
I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight,
recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
And this:
Ana Psalm
Strict is my diet. I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.
It leadeth me past the confectioners.
It trieth my willpower.
It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my figure's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department, I will buy
no sweet rolls for they are fattening.
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.
Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce.
I filleth my stomach with liquids,
My day's quota runneth over.
Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the fear of the scales forever.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
areas of interest is eating disorders. (Of course because I have these
tendencies.) Eating disordered attitudes -- are those thoughts and
behaviors which indicate an unhealthy attitude towards food, the body and
two big screaming red flags of personal "damage" -- low self esteem and
control.
Low self-esteem seems self explanatory for this issue, "hate yourself = hate
your body" but control? If you've never had EDA or studied it, you might
not realize how important control is as an activating event. If you can't
control anything else in your life, you can control what you put in your
mouth, or what you keep in your body to metabolize. This is very similar to
struggles parents have with toddlers on potty training. They can't control
anything else in their lives, but if you think you can make them poop on the
potty...you've got another thing coming.
It is an interesting issue to me that women are willing to blame the media
for the unhealthy "ideal" woman or Barbie, or whatever else, but it's FAR
less about that and much more about cognitive schema and control issues for
most women with EDA. It may be helpful to show the girls the Dove company's
campaign for real beauty materials. This one is especially good
http://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video?p=campaign+for+real+beauty
Just 1:15 long, it will leave a lasting impression.
However, more important is not setting up unrealistic ideals for your kids.
One example I have from my kids and I is about sex. My boys are almost 15
and almost 13 years old. I do not delude myself. At their age I was a
raging ball of hormones. (I did not have sex the first time until 2 weeks
before my 18th birthday, ironically that was a Good Friday and I was an
Irish Catholic at the time, and I was date raped.) But I digress...I do not
preach to my sons about abstinence. I tell them "Don't get anyone
pregnant." I believe they will do what they will do for themselves when
it's right for them. (My 13 yr old's "girlfriend" lives in the UK so there
is little that is going to happen there.) But I don't believe they have the
"right" to hurt others. And teenage pregnancy is a tragedy for the BABY. I
don't "care" about anyone else involved frankly. So, anyway, the "advice" I
hope they take to heart is about the devastation to the infant.
So, back to your daughters. If you preach to them about this food or that
being "unhealthy" you will lose that battle. In point of fact you can find
many examples of people who "eat healthy" who are not healthy at all. Lance
Armstrong comes to mind though he may have brought about his cancer by
steroid usage. I don't know. I also know there are 100+ yr old men living
in Afghanistan who do not "eat healthy" and yet are long lived. So do watch
what you say and what you demonstrate. Anything you do that removes their
sense of control over their lives, including restriction of food choice, ups
the risk of EDA or full blown ED.
Some quick facts about eating disorders:
*PREVALENCE*
- It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder �
seven million women and one million men
- One in 200 American women suffers from anorexia
- Two to three in 100 American women suffers from bulimia
- Nearly half of all Americans personally know someone with an eating
disorder (Note: One in five Americans suffers from mental illnesses.)
- An estimated 10 � 15% of people with anorexia or bulimia are males
*MORTALITY RATES *
- Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness
- A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated
Disorders reported that 5 � 10% of anorexics die within 10 years after
contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and
only 30 � 40% ever fully recover
- *The mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher
than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females 15 � 24 years old.
*
- 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from
complications related to their eating disorder, including suicide and heart
problems
*ACCESS TO TREATMENT *
- Only 1 in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment
- About 80% of the girls/women who have accessed care for their eating
disorders do not get the intensity of treatment they need to stay in
recovery � they are often sent home weeks earlier than the recommended stay
- Treatment of an eating disorder in the US ranges from $500 per day to
$2,000 per day. The average cost for a month of inpatient treatment is
$30,000. It is estimated that individuals with eating disorders need
anywhere from 3 � 6 months of inpatient care. Health insurance companies for
several reasons do not typically cover the cost of treating eating disorders
- The cost of outpatient treatment, including therapy and medical
monitoring, can extend to $100,000 or more
*ADOLESCENTS*
- Anorexia is the 3rd most common chronic illness among adolescents
- 95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and
25
- 50% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight
- 80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight
*RACIAL AND ETHNIC MINORITIES*
- Rates of minorities with eating disorders are similar to those of white
women
- 74% of American Indian girls reported dieting and purging with diet
pills
- Essence magazine, in 1994, reported that 53.5% of their respondents,
African-American females were at risk of an eating disorder
- Eating disorders are one of the most common psychological problems
facing young women in Japan.
Given these numbers, the average cost of treatment for an eating disorder is
over $280K and it is statistically not likely to work. When faced with
that...what would you rather have your daughters do -- drink soda or develop
AN?
I want to share some other thing here which I do not to frighten or punish
anyone. But I'd like to let you into my head a little. Let you know what
it's like to live a life once these cognitive schema have taken root. I did
not write this, but it could have been written by me. I weigh myself 7
times a day on a good day. I have a scale which measures my weight to the
.01 of a lb. (And I don't get rid of the scale because I'm working on NOT
weighing to eliminate the drive. Not having access to it would be both going
"cold turkey" and wouldn't allow me to change my maladaptive schema.)
The site on which this appears proclaims that AN is a lifestyle, not a
disease and enjoins the reader to "suck it in harder"... both sad and
terrifying. And I live this each day, the fight between these thoughts and
what I know to be a more healthy way to live.
ANA Creed
I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the
chaos that is my world.
I believe that I am the most vile, worthless and useless person ever to have
existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and
attention.
I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they
could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
I believe in oughts, musts and shoulds as unbreakable laws to determine my
daily behaviour.
I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
I believe in salvation through trying just a bit harder than I did
yesterday.
I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of g_d, and memorize them
accordingly.
I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and
failures
I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I'm living in it.
I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight,
recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
And this:
Ana Psalm
Strict is my diet. I must not want.
It maketh me to lie down at night hungry.
It leadeth me past the confectioners.
It trieth my willpower.
It leadeth me in the paths of alteration for my figure's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the aisles of the pastry department, I will buy
no sweet rolls for they are fattening.
The cakes and the pies, they tempt me.
Before me is a table set with green beans and lettuce.
I filleth my stomach with liquids,
My day's quota runneth over.
Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the fear of the scales forever.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]