plaidpanties666

I'm pulling this out of another thread because there's a separate topic in here:

>>>rinelle wrote: The way you deal with illness (choosing modern
medicine or homeopathics etc, whichever way you believe) can have long term
effects just as much as choosing schooling or unschooling. I wonder why the
original poster sees unschooling as a more difficult choice to make than
what style of medication to choose for her child? I would have seen health
issues are more serious (and thus harder to go against the norm) than
educational issues.
*****************

Something that can play into decisions about healthcare, though, is extreme thinking - painting things in terms of life-or-death makes the decision making *easier* if you see what I mean.

That's why now and then you'll see a family who unschools just one child - the most "different" member of the family in one way or another - or will say the decision to unschool was simple Because her child is so very atypical. Its easier to make a big decision when the cost-benefit analysis seems very cut and dried.

Extreme thinking pervades the way parents are expected to make decisions about children in the wider culture these days. Parents feel pressure to make the most Perfect decisions about pregnancy, birth, nursing, sleep, diapers - and then good grief the pressure to choose the most perfect preschool so the kid will get into the most perfect college down the road. There's a looooot of pressure on parents to make not just thoughtful choices, but perfect ones, and that sets up a whole lot of extreme thinking.

Part of deschooling for parents often involves learning to step away from the extremes that pervade the way we relate to our kids. Its very common for folks new to unschooling to frame things in extreme terms - terms of obsession or poison that make decisions seem simple. Those kinds of ideas can get in the way of being able to see kids for who they are as people though. Decisions about people and relationships are nuancy. There's a whole lot of "it depends" in unschooling!

Here's an article on the subject of balance:
http://sandradodd.com/balance

---Meredith

Sara Evans

Coming from someone who was raised to consider the use of natural medicinals
over modern when not an emergency, as well as to generally NOT consider
things that occur naturally (birth, chicken pox) emergencies, I understood
perfectly what the OP meant. Perhaps she is already a veteran of the Do Not
Medicate Every Bump and Bruise Club, but not of the 100% Confident
Unschooler's club. I'd say that's where I fall myself. I think it was a
perfectly valid way for her to explain herself.


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[email protected]

It was easier to start hsing and then unschooling because DS was so out-of-step at public school. DD never went to school because we had learned that unschooling is just such a lovely way to live by then. But the original decision was easier because our first child was "atypical."

Nance




-
>
> Something that can play into decisions about healthcare, though, is extreme thinking - painting things in terms of life-or-death makes the decision making *easier* if you see what I mean.
>
> That's why now and then you'll see a family who unschools just one child - the most "different" member of the family in one way or another - or will say the decision to unschool was simple Because her child is so very atypical. Its easier to make a big decision when the cost-benefit analysis seems very cut and dried.
>
>

plaidpanties666

Sara Evans <sunrayemomi@...> wrote:
>
> Coming from someone who was raised to consider the use of natural medicinals
> over modern when not an emergency, as well as to generally NOT consider
> things that occur naturally (birth, chicken pox) emergencies, I understood
> perfectly what the OP meant.

Technically, since this is a new topic, I'm the OP - or perhaps rinelle since I quoted her ;) and I think you're reading an accusation that isn't there.

It can be easier to make big decisions than little ones, and as a result, sometimes people blow decisions out of proportion. The quote above suggests a good example - there's a lot more hype about kids' health and safety these days, and some of it is pretty over the top! The same kind of hype pervades all aspects of parenting: OMG, I've Got to get my 3yo in a ballet class or I'll be Wasting her Potential!

There's a nice blog post by Ronnie Maier about being uncomfortable that I like, along this topic. Parenting isn't always smooth and effortless, but it can help a lot to step away from culturally induced messages of panic to something more like simple discomfort. Its okay to be uncomfortable with kids' choices sometimes - better to be uncomfortable than freaked out!

http://zombieprincess.blogspot.com/2010/06/joy-of-being-uncomfortable.html

---Meredith

odiniella

--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666"
<plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> Something that can play into decisions about healthcare, though, is
extreme thinking - painting things in terms of life-or-death makes the
decision making *easier* if you see what I mean.
>
>
> ---Meredith


My son's psychiatrist calls this kind of thinking "catastrophizing":
making an event into a potential catastrophe in the mind and mentally
preparing for that outcome. It sounds familiar to how I was raised.
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" became "find all the
potential catastrophes and do whatever it takes to avoid them. I can
understand how it's *easier* because there is no second-guessing. It
is mentally exhausting and I don't want my kids to pick this up.
Helen


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