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Thank you so much Kelly. There are so many similarities to my family. My
son left school at the end of the sixth grade, actually we didn't wait for
the year to end. I remember telling his teacher that I was going to homeschool
him and thinking that was a threat..lol. I never thought I would actually
do it. I can just imagine what she would think about unschooling. She was a
very controlling woman.."he has to conform, we all have to so he might as
well get used to it now"... that kind of thing. I'm actually glad she chose
those words because that's what pushed us out of the school system.

Anyway I also have a son eight years younger. I am so glad he won't ever
have to start at school. I'm especially glad that he won't have to DEschool.

<<That deschooling thing is hard----it's really, really hard. He needs to
know
you're there. He needs to know you care. But he needs to be left to heal. I
don't mean just left alone. There's this incredibly fine line between
leaving
him alone and letting him alone. I don't know how to explain it. But you'll
know it AFTER you're through it! <G> Go figure!>>

Thank you so much for admitting how hard it was. I know it's OK for him to
spend his time pursuing his interests but when I see how fast the time seems
to fly by I start getting anxious. I know it's OK for him to play video
games, or whatever as much as he wants, but I have to keep reminding myself that
I know it's OK, if you know what I mean. <G> And sometimes when I read the
boards you guys who've been at it for a while sound so sure of yourselves and
I wonder if I lack something-- trust? in my kids? in myself?

But I am definitely commited to unschooling. And knowing that it was hard
for others and that they made it definitely helps me to keep going. And I
know what you mean about that fine line. I think I have been good about erring
on the side of caution, trying to offer variety and fun stuff to do without
turning into "teacher-mom". <BWG>

<<It gets better! It gets GREAT!>>

It is great. And you guys online have opened up a new world for my family.
Thanks. And I apologize if I am rambling, I'm just coming off a 12 hour
night shift and my husband is on his 12 hour day shift, so it's me and the kids
and very little sleep. But thanks again.

Cheryl in FL



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In a message dated 1/9/2005 9:56:17 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
Luckiebyrd@... writes:

Thank you so much Kelly. <<<<

You're welcome. I'm just reciprocating! I had LOTS of help from others too!
<G>

>>>>> She was a
very controlling woman.."he has to conform, we all have to so he might as
well get used to it now"... that kind of thing. I'm actually glad she
chose
those words because that's what pushed us out of the school system.<<<<<

YUCK! But that's a *very* common sentiment in out society! We just don't
hear so much of it *here*! <g>


>>>>Anyway I also have a son eight years younger. I am so glad he won't
ever
have to start at school. I'm especially glad that he won't have to
DEschool.<<<<

Yeah---me too. Duncan seems so "at peace"---it's a whole different
feeling/attitude! Nothing to be undone.


>>>>>Thank you so much for admitting how hard it was.<<<<
It's REALLY hard. And it can be harder if you've invested your time and mind
in 'education' as the be-all-end-all!

Cameron was obviously struggling---and talking with his friends didn't help
at all. *They* thought they were being helpful---by saying that he NEEDED sc
hool. But that just made it harder for him and me. He just couldn't see how I
could possibly be right!

I believe that sleep is the absolute BEST thing he can do during
DEschooling. We heal during sleep. Physically and mentally. It's SO important. It's also
important to 'veg out'----so that even when we're NOT sleeping, we're
deconstructing that school life.


>>>>>I know it's OK for him to
spend his time pursuing his interests but when I see how fast the time
seems
to fly by I start getting anxious. I know it's OK for him to play video
games, or whatever as much as he wants, but I have to keep reminding myself
that
I know it's OK, if you know what I mean. <G> <<<<

Yeah----just keep repeating, "It's OK!" <g> Over and over! <g>

He'll be whole again soon.

And Mary (Zenmomma) Gold had a note she taped on the wall or mirror: "It's
NOT unschooling, it's the....." To remind herself that, when things seemed
dark, it wasn't the unschooling. Unschooling was the GOOD thing. It was
something else causing the problem: lack of sleep, hunger, traffic, ..whatever. But
it's NOT the unschooling!

>>>> And sometimes when I read the
boards you guys who've been at it for a while sound so sure of yourselves
and
I wonder if I lack something-- trust? in my kids? in myself? <<<<

We're sure because we have living PROOF in our homes. We also had that lack
of trust (and often NO willpower! <g>). It is a lack of trust in your kids
and in yourself. But as you get better and better, that trust grows and grows.
When Ren and I are long gone from this e-list---YOU may be the one to take up
the torch! <G> *You * will be the one lending a hand! You'll be surprised: I
never thought *I* would be the one telling people how to do this! <G>



It is great. And you guys online have opened up a new world for my family.

Thanks. <snip> But thanks again.<<<<

You're welcome again. I felt the same way just a few years ago! Welcome to
the new world! <G>

~Kelly





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**I believe that sleep is the absolute BEST thing he can do during 
DEschooling. We heal during sleep. Physically and mentally. It's SO
important.  It's also
important to 'veg out'----so that even when we're NOT sleeping, we're 
deconstructing that school life.**

I think for kids who leave school at that adolescent, 11-13ish age, physical
activity is really important too. My son spent hours riding his bike or just
walking the hills behind our house (in Santee CA 1989) the first year after I
pulled him from school. It helped work out the residual stress - plus it's just
really helpful to help moderate moods when hormonal effects start bouncing
kids around.

A job is good too. Adolescents need to be needed. Adolescents who've just
changed their whole way of life REALLY need to be needed and valued by folks
outside of their family. If you can help your son find and appropriate volunteer
position in some area where he has skills/knowledge/interest it will really
help to smooth his transition. It's something I really wish we'd managed for my
oldest.

Deborah in IL


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