Xbox live gold
Tina Tarbutton
As I mentioned in a previous post, one benefit of moving in with my
parents is that we have high speed wireless internet here. My mother
got 10 y/o Draven a 1 year XBox live gold membership for Christmas
this year, along with a headset. Up until about 2 days ago we
couldn't figure out why the headset wasn't working right, and then we
realized he was set on the wrong "parental control" setting and now it
works great.
This is both a positive and a negative thing, in my opinion. Before
he was playing online with others, but not verbally chatting with
them. I really don't mind the "shoot em up" games he plays, although
some are a bit too bloody for me to watch for long. Now he's
alternating between laughing into the headset as he chats with online
buddies, calmly discussing strategic plans, and sometimes screaming
things that make me a little uncomfortable. We don't forbid cussing,
however we've asked that he use it respectfully, by not cussing around
those that wouldn't approve (my parents as an example) and by not
cussing at people (we really ask that he not call anyone names at all,
but especially not degrading names). I've talked to him about the way
he speaks to others through the headset, reminding him that they are
real people, with real feelings, and of all different age groups. His
response is basically that he only does it if others are doing it, and
that since he's only chatting with team mates, it's all in good fun.
Since we left a lot of his friends behind, and he hasn't reconnected
with many of his "real life" friends here, I'm glad he's making
friends online.
I actually just realized that he's been playing and chatting online
with the same group of people for about 12 hours straight. I think
that's wonderful! I also just realized he hadn't eaten any "real
food" during that time so I took a break from writing this and made
him some easy finger food for a meal.
I am wondering how others have handled this online game play. For
some reason where I had no issues with him text chatting online, I'm a
little more uncomfortable with the voice chat, especially since a
headset is involved and I can't hear what's being said to him. I
don't want to forbid it, or even restrict it, but I'm wondering how to
work through my own unease.
Also, since we began unschooling (18 months ago or so) I've made it
routine that when I ask for his help with something and he's playing a
video game I typically say "Can you help me with X when you get to a
save point, or when you finish the level?" Now he's pretty much
non-stop chatting with his online friends and I don't like
interrupting the conversation, but I do have to ask him either for
help with something, or what he would like for his next meal
throughout the day. Has anyone found a good way to get their child's
attention while they're online gaming, without becoming the
"interrupting mom" that's disrupting his game play?
Also, if there are any unschoolers that might like to trade screen
names (gamer id's, whatever they're called now) with my son, let me
know and I'll ask him if he's interested in that.
Thanks for any and all advice!
Tina
parents is that we have high speed wireless internet here. My mother
got 10 y/o Draven a 1 year XBox live gold membership for Christmas
this year, along with a headset. Up until about 2 days ago we
couldn't figure out why the headset wasn't working right, and then we
realized he was set on the wrong "parental control" setting and now it
works great.
This is both a positive and a negative thing, in my opinion. Before
he was playing online with others, but not verbally chatting with
them. I really don't mind the "shoot em up" games he plays, although
some are a bit too bloody for me to watch for long. Now he's
alternating between laughing into the headset as he chats with online
buddies, calmly discussing strategic plans, and sometimes screaming
things that make me a little uncomfortable. We don't forbid cussing,
however we've asked that he use it respectfully, by not cussing around
those that wouldn't approve (my parents as an example) and by not
cussing at people (we really ask that he not call anyone names at all,
but especially not degrading names). I've talked to him about the way
he speaks to others through the headset, reminding him that they are
real people, with real feelings, and of all different age groups. His
response is basically that he only does it if others are doing it, and
that since he's only chatting with team mates, it's all in good fun.
Since we left a lot of his friends behind, and he hasn't reconnected
with many of his "real life" friends here, I'm glad he's making
friends online.
I actually just realized that he's been playing and chatting online
with the same group of people for about 12 hours straight. I think
that's wonderful! I also just realized he hadn't eaten any "real
food" during that time so I took a break from writing this and made
him some easy finger food for a meal.
I am wondering how others have handled this online game play. For
some reason where I had no issues with him text chatting online, I'm a
little more uncomfortable with the voice chat, especially since a
headset is involved and I can't hear what's being said to him. I
don't want to forbid it, or even restrict it, but I'm wondering how to
work through my own unease.
Also, since we began unschooling (18 months ago or so) I've made it
routine that when I ask for his help with something and he's playing a
video game I typically say "Can you help me with X when you get to a
save point, or when you finish the level?" Now he's pretty much
non-stop chatting with his online friends and I don't like
interrupting the conversation, but I do have to ask him either for
help with something, or what he would like for his next meal
throughout the day. Has anyone found a good way to get their child's
attention while they're online gaming, without becoming the
"interrupting mom" that's disrupting his game play?
Also, if there are any unschoolers that might like to trade screen
names (gamer id's, whatever they're called now) with my son, let me
know and I'll ask him if he's interested in that.
Thanks for any and all advice!
Tina
Schuyler
Draven has been asked to move from his home and his friends. He complied. He's
now living in a much smaller space with more limitations on his behaviour. He's
living with your mom and your sick step-dad and he's finding joy in new
relationships with folks on the Xbox. Give it to him. Give it to him and more.
Be generous with this more than generous child of yours. Think about how sweetly
he is accommodating you and your needs. Try and see it as part of how he is
dealing with a radical change in his life and make it easier and better for him.
Try not to ask for his help for a while.
Is part of the problem about the fact that you are also having to change your
life? You are also living in a more confined way, a more circumspect way with
your mom and your sick step-dad? Maybe if you can factor that into how you
assess your difficulties, recognise your own additional stress, you may feel
less that this is about him and that it is contextual for you as well.
I think you may have to figure out how to get over the swearing thing. These
games are totally intense and playing them with buddies on-line, well, the
swearing and the shouting and the saying things, man that's just part of the
deal. Simon says that it's part of the game, part of what makes it fun. Simon
said his best experience when playing was while playing Black Ops there was a
little boy singing. It seems Draven is aware of who he's playing with and when
it's appropriate. Simon and Linnaea have the same kind of skill. Breathe and be
kind and generous and relax, he's adapting to your newly implemented changes.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
now living in a much smaller space with more limitations on his behaviour. He's
living with your mom and your sick step-dad and he's finding joy in new
relationships with folks on the Xbox. Give it to him. Give it to him and more.
Be generous with this more than generous child of yours. Think about how sweetly
he is accommodating you and your needs. Try and see it as part of how he is
dealing with a radical change in his life and make it easier and better for him.
Try not to ask for his help for a while.
Is part of the problem about the fact that you are also having to change your
life? You are also living in a more confined way, a more circumspect way with
your mom and your sick step-dad? Maybe if you can factor that into how you
assess your difficulties, recognise your own additional stress, you may feel
less that this is about him and that it is contextual for you as well.
I think you may have to figure out how to get over the swearing thing. These
games are totally intense and playing them with buddies on-line, well, the
swearing and the shouting and the saying things, man that's just part of the
deal. Simon says that it's part of the game, part of what makes it fun. Simon
said his best experience when playing was while playing Black Ops there was a
little boy singing. It seems Draven is aware of who he's playing with and when
it's appropriate. Simon and Linnaea have the same kind of skill. Breathe and be
kind and generous and relax, he's adapting to your newly implemented changes.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 8:45 PM, Tina Tarbutton <tina.tarbutton@...>wrote:
things when Xbox live was new to him. I don't mean don't discuss your
feelings when he does something that hurts you but trust him.
Easy, 8 sometimes constantly chatters, chants or sings, at first I worried
that it would bother people. It does to some but not others. He has only had
one bad experience when an adult called him some unkind names. he simply
said you are name calling and my mother can hear everything you are saying.
The dude dropped out of the game. So it wasn't even that bad. I just
happened to be in the room . we laughed at how silly the guy was and blocked
him from being able to play with Easy again.
We were in a place where there were very limited people for Easy (and my
other kids) to hang out and play with. Online friends really.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
uneasy?
One thing that helped me is to listen to the chatting a little. Mine was
very little so he didn't feel that was obtrusive at all. If he were older I
may have asked him what kind of stuff they tall about and just listen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is new and huge and exciting.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
me and I will give you Easy's. He loves new xbox friends.
Faith
--
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>*** I would trust him to navigate it. Our then 7 year old tried out a few
>
> This is both a positive and a negative thing, in my opinion. Before
> he was playing online with others, but not verbally chatting with
> them. I really don't mind the "shoot em up" games he plays, although
> some are a bit too bloody for me to watch for long. Now he's
> alternating between laughing into the headset as he chats with online
> buddies, calmly discussing strategic plans, and sometimes screaming
> things that make me a little uncomfortable. We don't forbid cussing,
> however we've asked that he use it respectfully, by not cussing around
> those that wouldn't approve (my parents as an example) and by not
> cussing at people (we really ask that he not call anyone names at all,
> but especially not degrading names). I've talked to him about the way
> he speaks to others through the headset, reminding him that they are
> real people, with real feelings, and of all different age groups. His
> response is basically that he only does it if others are doing it, and
> that since he's only chatting with team mates, it's all in good fun.
> Since we left a lot of his friends behind, and he hasn't reconnected
> with many of his "real life" friends here, I'm glad he's making
> friends online.
>
things when Xbox live was new to him. I don't mean don't discuss your
feelings when he does something that hurts you but trust him.
Easy, 8 sometimes constantly chatters, chants or sings, at first I worried
that it would bother people. It does to some but not others. He has only had
one bad experience when an adult called him some unkind names. he simply
said you are name calling and my mother can hear everything you are saying.
The dude dropped out of the game. So it wasn't even that bad. I just
happened to be in the room . we laughed at how silly the guy was and blocked
him from being able to play with Easy again.
We were in a place where there were very limited people for Easy (and my
other kids) to hang out and play with. Online friends really.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>*** recognize it as your issue. Where is is coming from? Why are you
>
> I am wondering how others have handled this online game play. For
> some reason where I had no issues with him text chatting online, I'm a
> little more uncomfortable with the voice chat, especially since a
> headset is involved and I can't hear what's being said to him. I
> don't want to forbid it, or even restrict it, but I'm wondering how to
> work through my own unease.
>
uneasy?
One thing that helped me is to listen to the chatting a little. Mine was
very little so he didn't feel that was obtrusive at all. If he were older I
may have asked him what kind of stuff they tall about and just listen.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>***Can you write him a note? Also assume he won't be helping for a while.
> Also, since we began unschooling (18 months ago or so) I've made it
> routine that when I ask for his help with something and he's playing a
> video game I typically say "Can you help me with X when you get to a
> save point, or when you finish the level?" Now he's pretty much
> non-stop chatting with his online friends and I don't like
> interrupting the conversation, but I do have to ask him either for
> help with something, or what he would like for his next meal
> throughout the day. Has anyone found a good way to get their child's
> attention while they're online gaming, without becoming the
> "interrupting mom" that's disrupting his game play?
>
This is new and huge and exciting.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>*** There is an unschooling gamers list on yahoo. If you'd like you can DM
> Also, if there are any unschoolers that might like to trade screen
> names (gamer id's, whatever they're called now) with my son, let me
> know and I'll ask him if he's interested in that.
>
>
me and I will give you Easy's. He loves new xbox friends.
Faith
--
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]