Unschooling fear
Cornelia
Hi,
I have a question about an unschooling anxiety I have & I would love some input from you - either personal ideas or thoughts etc, or links to articles/book recs etc.
The one issue I find difficult to resolve in my mind is a question of family dynamic, and school being a new reality and space away from home. When I was a child, my family was disturbed, and school was although less than ideal (ha!) it was a place where I could escape my family and have space to redefine myself away from the powerful influences of my parents and brother.
Of course my family now is emotionally about a million miles away from my family of origin, but I still have a lingering doubt about providing this time and space away from powerful parental influences. Plus, I'm not perfect (!) and aware I have foibles and ups and downs. I worry about immersing my children in too closed a world, emotionally. Some days I have issues to deal with, and am pre-occupied at times. Other days I am sure I act in response to what's going on internally. I believe my husband & I are pretty healthy emotionally but still this nagging doubt about room to escape the family.
Do you think that it is a moot point and that a truly healthy relationship makes this a non-issue?
Also, since my children are so young, am I just not quite tuned into the fact that they will have plenty of self elected external opportunities, should they desire?
Do you consider the school dynamic so emotionally broken and disruptive, that a healthy, loving child-led home side-steps this whole thought...?
Finally, is it simply a question of confidence and shaking off an entrenched idea of the superiority of school?
Thank you!
Cornelia
I have a question about an unschooling anxiety I have & I would love some input from you - either personal ideas or thoughts etc, or links to articles/book recs etc.
The one issue I find difficult to resolve in my mind is a question of family dynamic, and school being a new reality and space away from home. When I was a child, my family was disturbed, and school was although less than ideal (ha!) it was a place where I could escape my family and have space to redefine myself away from the powerful influences of my parents and brother.
Of course my family now is emotionally about a million miles away from my family of origin, but I still have a lingering doubt about providing this time and space away from powerful parental influences. Plus, I'm not perfect (!) and aware I have foibles and ups and downs. I worry about immersing my children in too closed a world, emotionally. Some days I have issues to deal with, and am pre-occupied at times. Other days I am sure I act in response to what's going on internally. I believe my husband & I are pretty healthy emotionally but still this nagging doubt about room to escape the family.
Do you think that it is a moot point and that a truly healthy relationship makes this a non-issue?
Also, since my children are so young, am I just not quite tuned into the fact that they will have plenty of self elected external opportunities, should they desire?
Do you consider the school dynamic so emotionally broken and disruptive, that a healthy, loving child-led home side-steps this whole thought...?
Finally, is it simply a question of confidence and shaking off an entrenched idea of the superiority of school?
Thank you!
Cornelia
plaidpanties666
"Cornelia" <corneliablik@...> wrote:
That's part of it. Its normal to see what's going on now as The Way Things Are, when living with children is all about things changing. Little kids have very different needs than tweens or teens.
Do your kids seem to want time away from you? You could look for ways to offer that -playdates with friends where you go do something else, or little classes... sunday school or dance class or whatever. If they want you close, then you can know they don't need time away from you.
A good response to personal doubts is a little experimentation. You can't always know what your kids need - but you can offer and see what happens. That's an especially good strategy with kids who aren't terribly verbal.
You are not your parents. That's something to remind yourself maybe ;) That matters. Your kids have something you didn't have - they have you. If you're engaged with and responsive to your children, then its likely they won't need a way to escape from you.
There's some of that, too. There are tons of cultural messages that kids "need" time away from parents. Young children often need a whooooole lot more time with parents than is culturally normal these days. And as kids get older, if you're engaged and responsive, you'll see when they need time to themselves and you'll be actively helping them get their space, or helping them find other things to do.
I have a 17yo who spends time with friends, works, travels... I tell people he's more like a 21yo in a lot of ways. Home is where he touches base, his safety zone or backup plan, but not somewhere he Needs to be all the time. That's not going to be true of every teenager, but for comparison, four years ago this same kid rarely left the house, kept "vampire hours" and played Runescape most of his waking hours. Things do change with time ;)
---Meredith
>> Also, since my children are so young, am I just not quite tuned into the fact that they will have plenty of self elected external opportunities, should they desire?*****************
That's part of it. Its normal to see what's going on now as The Way Things Are, when living with children is all about things changing. Little kids have very different needs than tweens or teens.
> Of course my family now is emotionally about a million miles away from my family of origin, but I still have a lingering doubt about providing this time and space away from powerful parental influences.****************
Do your kids seem to want time away from you? You could look for ways to offer that -playdates with friends where you go do something else, or little classes... sunday school or dance class or whatever. If they want you close, then you can know they don't need time away from you.
A good response to personal doubts is a little experimentation. You can't always know what your kids need - but you can offer and see what happens. That's an especially good strategy with kids who aren't terribly verbal.
You are not your parents. That's something to remind yourself maybe ;) That matters. Your kids have something you didn't have - they have you. If you're engaged with and responsive to your children, then its likely they won't need a way to escape from you.
> Finally, is it simply a question of confidence and shaking off an entrenched idea of the superiority of school?****************
There's some of that, too. There are tons of cultural messages that kids "need" time away from parents. Young children often need a whooooole lot more time with parents than is culturally normal these days. And as kids get older, if you're engaged and responsive, you'll see when they need time to themselves and you'll be actively helping them get their space, or helping them find other things to do.
I have a 17yo who spends time with friends, works, travels... I tell people he's more like a 21yo in a lot of ways. Home is where he touches base, his safety zone or backup plan, but not somewhere he Needs to be all the time. That's not going to be true of every teenager, but for comparison, four years ago this same kid rarely left the house, kept "vampire hours" and played Runescape most of his waking hours. Things do change with time ;)
---Meredith