Too Many Kids, Not Enough Mom?
AllisonR
That Subject Title is meant to be rather facetious, but is helps sum up what I am struggling with. Briefly, we have four children, 11, 7, 4.5 and 3. I rarely get any one-on-one time with each child. How do you get personal, private time with so many children?
Yesterday, the oldest three went on an errand for their dad and left me and the 3 year-old alone in the house. We played with blocks and cars and had a nice time.
This rare occurrence of having only one child almost NEVER happens.
Usually, I have the whole crew all the time. It is nice that we all work well as a team and have so much contact but while I was playing with the little one,
I recognized that I don't KNOW my kids individually very well.
My two oldest and my two youngest tend to pair off and while I was playing with the youngest, I realized how much time he spends with his older sister and that this may not always be a good thing; as she can be rather domineering and possessive and he tends to consistently get the short end of the stick.
It was obvious while playing with him, that he did not expect a gentle, cooperative playmate. He had many of the same mannerisms and responses that my daughter has and they tend NOT to encourage happy, cooperative play. That made me sad.
Obviously, I am going to try harder to set up one-on-one time but I would love to see how other people with more than two kids in the house handle this issue.
Also, how do you handle getting some personal private time and still nurture a relationship with your children?
For example, my husband is home today and I have the unusual opportunity to go to the store alone
or do I take my daughter and have some private time with her.
I have been VERY cranky and prickly the past two days and feel like I need some time alone
but she needs Mommy Time and would LOVE it and shine like a buttercup if I took just her.
What would you do?
Yesterday, the oldest three went on an errand for their dad and left me and the 3 year-old alone in the house. We played with blocks and cars and had a nice time.
This rare occurrence of having only one child almost NEVER happens.
Usually, I have the whole crew all the time. It is nice that we all work well as a team and have so much contact but while I was playing with the little one,
I recognized that I don't KNOW my kids individually very well.
My two oldest and my two youngest tend to pair off and while I was playing with the youngest, I realized how much time he spends with his older sister and that this may not always be a good thing; as she can be rather domineering and possessive and he tends to consistently get the short end of the stick.
It was obvious while playing with him, that he did not expect a gentle, cooperative playmate. He had many of the same mannerisms and responses that my daughter has and they tend NOT to encourage happy, cooperative play. That made me sad.
Obviously, I am going to try harder to set up one-on-one time but I would love to see how other people with more than two kids in the house handle this issue.
Also, how do you handle getting some personal private time and still nurture a relationship with your children?
For example, my husband is home today and I have the unusual opportunity to go to the store alone
or do I take my daughter and have some private time with her.
I have been VERY cranky and prickly the past two days and feel like I need some time alone
but she needs Mommy Time and would LOVE it and shine like a buttercup if I took just her.
What would you do?
Katheryn Culwell
Sometimes taking just one child, especially and older child, is almost like
getting a day out with a friend, but better.
You can do something special and grown up, like getting a coffee drink
together or going out to lunch. Hit a bookstore and
you might get a few moments to look at books while your daughter looks at
what interests her. Your 11 daughter
will grow up in a blink of an eye. Take the moment now.
Katheryn
getting a day out with a friend, but better.
You can do something special and grown up, like getting a coffee drink
together or going out to lunch. Hit a bookstore and
you might get a few moments to look at books while your daughter looks at
what interests her. Your 11 daughter
will grow up in a blink of an eye. Take the moment now.
Katheryn
On Sun, Dec 5, 2010 at 8:41 AM, AllisonR <earlyhiker@...> wrote:
>
>
> That Subject Title is meant to be rather facetious, but is helps sum up
> what I am struggling with. Briefly, we have four children, 11, 7, 4.5 and 3.
> I rarely get any one-on-one time with each child. How do you get personal,
> private time with so many children?
>
> Yesterday, the oldest three went on an errand for their dad and left me and
> the 3 year-old alone in the house. We played with blocks and cars and had a
> nice time.
>
> This rare occurrence of having only one child almost NEVER happens.
>
> Usually, I have the whole crew all the time. It is nice that we all work
> well as a team and have so much contact� but while I was playing with the
> little one,
>
> I recognized that I don't KNOW my kids individually very well.
>
> My two oldest and my two youngest tend to pair off and while I was playing
> with the youngest, I realized how much time he spends with his older sister
> and that this may not always be a good thing; as she can be rather
> domineering and possessive and he tends to consistently get the short end of
> the stick.
>
> It was obvious while playing with him, that he did not expect a gentle,
> cooperative playmate. He had many of the same mannerisms and responses that
> my daughter has and they tend NOT to encourage happy, cooperative play. That
> made me sad.
>
> Obviously, I am going to try harder to set up one-on-one time�but I would
> love to see how other people with more than two kids in the house handle
> this issue.
>
> Also, how do you handle getting some personal private time and still
> nurture a relationship with your children?
>
> For example, my husband is home today and I have the unusual opportunity to
> go to the store alone�
>
> or do I take my daughter and have some private time with her.
>
> I have been VERY cranky and prickly the past two days and feel like I need
> some time alone�
>
> but she needs Mommy Time and would LOVE it and shine like a buttercup if I
> took just her.
>
> What would you do?
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
On Sun, Dec 5, 2010 at 8:41 AM, AllisonR <earlyhiker@...> wrote:
and (almost) 14. There aren't too many coinciding interests. We try to make
the best of those, like bicycling, swimming and hiking. For other interests
we might split up. The two older ones like some of the same anime shows and
will watch together or talk about them or share new found shows with each
other. The younger two share more common interests and I can do more with
them together.
When one has an interest that is divergent from the other two or need some
one on one time I juggle :-) I may play with the youngest while the other
two are pursuing something independently. After the youngest has her needs
filled I check in on the other two. I will give them focused attention for a
bit.
Car rides are great for giving attention to my oldest. The little ones sit
in back and the oldest up front. I can really listen to her. I miss having a
car for that reason the most.
I will go places with each kid or smaller sets of kids. Dh took the two
older ones to see HP 7.1 and I stayed with the littlest. And he use to take
the older one to Fright Town each week and that gave her special time with
papa.
Of course these specific things are for our family. Your things will look
different.
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family now. There have been times when it wasn't an we made plans. Each kid
had a date with each parent. We did it enough to meet needs with as little
stress as possible,
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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your feelings into it more than needed. I would check with him and see where
he is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
time with those two together facilitating cooperative play.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
easier to met my needs when my children are taken care of. They give me
space easily. However, if things get out of balance I occasionally have to
ask them to give me space. Since we are generally on this is usually not a
big deal.
We just move 3000 miles and we are definitely out of whack at the moment. My
partner and I have been trying to juggle as best as possible to meet
everyones needs. We are coming back to balance but it is taking time.
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>*** I have a similar challenge as my children are spaced fairly far, 3, 8
>
> I rarely get any one-on-one time with each child. How do you get personal,
> private time with so many children?
>
and (almost) 14. There aren't too many coinciding interests. We try to make
the best of those, like bicycling, swimming and hiking. For other interests
we might split up. The two older ones like some of the same anime shows and
will watch together or talk about them or share new found shows with each
other. The younger two share more common interests and I can do more with
them together.
When one has an interest that is divergent from the other two or need some
one on one time I juggle :-) I may play with the youngest while the other
two are pursuing something independently. After the youngest has her needs
filled I check in on the other two. I will give them focused attention for a
bit.
Car rides are great for giving attention to my oldest. The little ones sit
in back and the oldest up front. I can really listen to her. I miss having a
car for that reason the most.
I will go places with each kid or smaller sets of kids. Dh took the two
older ones to see HP 7.1 and I stayed with the littlest. And he use to take
the older one to Fright Town each week and that gave her special time with
papa.
Of course these specific things are for our family. Your things will look
different.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>***If it needs to happen make it happen. This happens spontaneously in our
> This rare occurrence of having only one child almost NEVER happens.
>
family now. There have been times when it wasn't an we made plans. Each kid
had a date with each parent. We did it enough to meet needs with as little
stress as possible,
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I recognized that I don't KNOW my kids individually very well.***That might be as simple as being more in tune in the present moment.
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
>***It is important to know how he feels about it. Perhaps you are reading
> My two oldest and my two youngest tend to pair off and while I was playing
> with the youngest, I realized how much time he spends with his older sister
> and that this may not always be a good thing; as she can be rather
> domineering and possessive and he tends to consistently get the short end of
> the stick.
>
your feelings into it more than needed. I would check with him and see where
he is.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>***That is something you can do something about. One might be to spend more
> It was obvious while playing with him, that he did not expect a gentle,
> cooperative playmate. He had many of the same mannerisms and responses that
> my daughter has and they tend NOT to encourage happy, cooperative play. That
> made me sad.
>
time with those two together facilitating cooperative play.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Also, how do you handle getting some personal private time and stillThat's always a tricky situation when there are unmet needs. I find it
> nurture a relationship with your children?
>
easier to met my needs when my children are taken care of. They give me
space easily. However, if things get out of balance I occasionally have to
ask them to give me space. Since we are generally on this is usually not a
big deal.
We just move 3000 miles and we are definitely out of whack at the moment. My
partner and I have been trying to juggle as best as possible to meet
everyones needs. We are coming back to balance but it is taking time.
> Faith--
>
>
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]