Deschooling myself
Caroline Gallear
Hi,
I'm after some ideas to help me relax and I guess deschool myself a bit
more...
On the surface, I think we probably look pretty unschooly, and on the rare
day, I'll wake up in a good mood and really enjoy working with what my
children need and going with the flow. But mostly I can't shift the idea
that things need to Get Done, I feel itchy if I can't see an end result for
the day, or feel like I've achieved something tangible.
How can I lower my expectations of what gets done (my kids are only 2 anDSd
nearly 4), but still feel fulfilled?
Today we got up, had fun looking at some crazy fish pictures on the
internet, my tractor-mad ds got to see a big lorry at the building site next
door, and a tractor cutting the grass (took some time just watching those
with him). Later dh and I planned to tidy the garden a bit, but got waylaid
by helping a baby bird which we found on the step. Interspersed of course
with lots of play, books, 2 baths for dd, tv etc.
If I read this in the bog of someone I know, or admire and imagine to be
really cool and in the groove of uschooling, I'd think, wow what a great
day. But I just think of all the things I didn't get done! I know this is
typical me and very much like my mum, and the way we organised our schooled
lives. But I'd love to change a bit and be more chilled out, live in the
moment more I suppose.
Any ideas?
Thanks for reading!
Caroline
dd nearly 4
ds 2
Hampshire, UK.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm after some ideas to help me relax and I guess deschool myself a bit
more...
On the surface, I think we probably look pretty unschooly, and on the rare
day, I'll wake up in a good mood and really enjoy working with what my
children need and going with the flow. But mostly I can't shift the idea
that things need to Get Done, I feel itchy if I can't see an end result for
the day, or feel like I've achieved something tangible.
How can I lower my expectations of what gets done (my kids are only 2 anDSd
nearly 4), but still feel fulfilled?
Today we got up, had fun looking at some crazy fish pictures on the
internet, my tractor-mad ds got to see a big lorry at the building site next
door, and a tractor cutting the grass (took some time just watching those
with him). Later dh and I planned to tidy the garden a bit, but got waylaid
by helping a baby bird which we found on the step. Interspersed of course
with lots of play, books, 2 baths for dd, tv etc.
If I read this in the bog of someone I know, or admire and imagine to be
really cool and in the groove of uschooling, I'd think, wow what a great
day. But I just think of all the things I didn't get done! I know this is
typical me and very much like my mum, and the way we organised our schooled
lives. But I'd love to change a bit and be more chilled out, live in the
moment more I suppose.
Any ideas?
Thanks for reading!
Caroline
dd nearly 4
ds 2
Hampshire, UK.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
Back when I taught yoga I used to say that if living in the moment wasn't a challenge, I'd be out of a job ;) That's not much in the way of advice, but in a way, you're asking about something that's bigger than unschooling. How Does one live in the moment?
Alternately, do you journal or blog? You mentioned you read others' blogs, so what about writing something at the end of the day? Or in the morning, write about the day before. Help yourself see what you've done.
Keeping a journal or blog is also a good way to observe your own self-talk. When you start to write ranty things, or put yourself down, you can go back and edit that. Change it until it sounds more like those blogs you admire (not in a "fake" way, in a change-your-perspective way).
Ray's nearly 17, and is out and about a whole lot nowadays. Enjoy your days of not getting much done. I **guarantee** you won't look back on these years and think "I wish I'd washed more dishes".
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
> But mostly I can't shift the ideaDo you make lists? Lists can help. Put all the little details that you do without thinking on a list, like: shut all the cabinet doors, and: refresh snack plates. Add another check-mark each time you do them. Maybe that will help you see all the little things you do as things getting done. I read some study, once upon a time, that found checking things off a list creates a sense of satisfaction. (shrug) So make a list that you Know you'll get to check things off.
> that things need to Get Done, I feel itchy if I can't see an end result for
> the day, or feel like I've achieved something tangible.
Alternately, do you journal or blog? You mentioned you read others' blogs, so what about writing something at the end of the day? Or in the morning, write about the day before. Help yourself see what you've done.
Keeping a journal or blog is also a good way to observe your own self-talk. When you start to write ranty things, or put yourself down, you can go back and edit that. Change it until it sounds more like those blogs you admire (not in a "fake" way, in a change-your-perspective way).
Ray's nearly 17, and is out and about a whole lot nowadays. Enjoy your days of not getting much done. I **guarantee** you won't look back on these years and think "I wish I'd washed more dishes".
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
Ulrike Haupt
Hi Caroline
Maybe it helps to know that some - many - of us are only happy within when we know that we
have done something worthwhile during the time we are awake. I belong to those and
watching others just veg out when so much 'needs' to be done drives me up the wall. Until
I take a deep breath and understand that there are also people who need to take breaks.
There are also people who constantly feel under pressure to do to be free and others who
sometimes can do and at other times everything is an uphill battle and they then beat up
on themselves for what is often called procrastination. It really is not personal when one
understands that it is how certain energies are defined or not with different people.
A big part of finding peace within is finding where what we think/feel we should do
belongs into the 'demands from outside' or urge from inside categories and follow our
inner truth about the next logical step.
I can't give you practical advice here, since I don't know your personal set-up. Just
listen within and you may find a lot of clarity already.
Blissings
Ulrike
From Namibia - somewhere in Africa
__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5361
(20100812) __________
The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
http://www.eset.com
__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5361
(20100812) __________
The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
http://www.eset.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe it helps to know that some - many - of us are only happy within when we know that we
have done something worthwhile during the time we are awake. I belong to those and
watching others just veg out when so much 'needs' to be done drives me up the wall. Until
I take a deep breath and understand that there are also people who need to take breaks.
There are also people who constantly feel under pressure to do to be free and others who
sometimes can do and at other times everything is an uphill battle and they then beat up
on themselves for what is often called procrastination. It really is not personal when one
understands that it is how certain energies are defined or not with different people.
A big part of finding peace within is finding where what we think/feel we should do
belongs into the 'demands from outside' or urge from inside categories and follow our
inner truth about the next logical step.
I can't give you practical advice here, since I don't know your personal set-up. Just
listen within and you may find a lot of clarity already.
Blissings
Ulrike
From Namibia - somewhere in Africa
__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5361
(20100812) __________
The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
http://www.eset.com
__________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5361
(20100812) __________
The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.
http://www.eset.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sasha ViaSasha
I've been reading this list for quite a while now but haven't commented
much. However, your question about deschooling yourself interested me very
much. I also have had a very hard time staying in the moment, letting our
life flow. But when I do, it's so amazing! What has been freeing me from
my expectations and rigidity has been movement. I have always been very
cerebral, and intensely verbal. I was also (I thought) active and fit.
When I was pregnant I broke my leg, and the resulting inactivity and eating
broke my body down. I started doing yoga, and out of that emerged a
core-based, intuitive dance that is changing my life! For me, it was body
that had to unlearn all its rigidity, and once my body found freedom my mind
has followed! For the first time in my life I'm interested in drawing and
color and I'm able to immerse myself in play with my two year old son for
long, sustained periods, and, as has been noted on this list lately, this
mindfulness results in my son, who feels "filled up" with attention, is
willing to give me time to write or dance or cook. Though he is only two-
and a half, when we are dialed into one another it even seems like he
intentionally makes room for me when he senses I need it. Yet at other
times, when I was not as mindful, I wasn't even able to go to the bathroom
without him right there, climbing on my lap and trying to pull me off the
toilet! Likewise with preparing meals, etc.
Our life has a beautiful flow to it, with one activity growing out of
another, and all kinds of amazing synchronicity.
This new world, of shape and movement and color, is also a much needed
counter to my intellectual life, which has formerly driven me, at times,
over the cliff! I never thought I could move or think the way I am
beginning to now. I am also able to tolerate a great deal of external
chaos, which completely overwhelmed me before. For the first time I am
experiencing joy!
Of course, we're still learning, or "unlearning" and I get stuck still. But
this is how I have broken through.
Sasha
On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 12:38 PM, Caroline Gallear <
carolinegallear@...> wrote:
much. However, your question about deschooling yourself interested me very
much. I also have had a very hard time staying in the moment, letting our
life flow. But when I do, it's so amazing! What has been freeing me from
my expectations and rigidity has been movement. I have always been very
cerebral, and intensely verbal. I was also (I thought) active and fit.
When I was pregnant I broke my leg, and the resulting inactivity and eating
broke my body down. I started doing yoga, and out of that emerged a
core-based, intuitive dance that is changing my life! For me, it was body
that had to unlearn all its rigidity, and once my body found freedom my mind
has followed! For the first time in my life I'm interested in drawing and
color and I'm able to immerse myself in play with my two year old son for
long, sustained periods, and, as has been noted on this list lately, this
mindfulness results in my son, who feels "filled up" with attention, is
willing to give me time to write or dance or cook. Though he is only two-
and a half, when we are dialed into one another it even seems like he
intentionally makes room for me when he senses I need it. Yet at other
times, when I was not as mindful, I wasn't even able to go to the bathroom
without him right there, climbing on my lap and trying to pull me off the
toilet! Likewise with preparing meals, etc.
Our life has a beautiful flow to it, with one activity growing out of
another, and all kinds of amazing synchronicity.
This new world, of shape and movement and color, is also a much needed
counter to my intellectual life, which has formerly driven me, at times,
over the cliff! I never thought I could move or think the way I am
beginning to now. I am also able to tolerate a great deal of external
chaos, which completely overwhelmed me before. For the first time I am
experiencing joy!
Of course, we're still learning, or "unlearning" and I get stuck still. But
this is how I have broken through.
Sasha
On Thu, Aug 12, 2010 at 12:38 PM, Caroline Gallear <
carolinegallear@...> wrote:
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> Hi,
>
> I'm after some ideas to help me relax and I guess deschool myself a bit
> more...
>
> On the surface, I think we probably look pretty unschooly, and on the rare
> day, I'll wake up in a good mood and really enjoy working with what my
> children need and going with the flow. But mostly I can't shift the idea
> that things need to Get Done, I feel itchy if I can't see an end result for
> the day, or feel like I've achieved something tangible.
>
> How can I lower my expectations of what gets done (my kids are only 2 anDSd
> nearly 4), but still feel fulfilled?
>
> Today we got up, had fun looking at some crazy fish pictures on the
> internet, my tractor-mad ds got to see a big lorry at the building site
> next
> door, and a tractor cutting the grass (took some time just watching those
> with him). Later dh and I planned to tidy the garden a bit, but got waylaid
> by helping a baby bird which we found on the step. Interspersed of course
> with lots of play, books, 2 baths for dd, tv etc.
>
> If I read this in the bog of someone I know, or admire and imagine to be
> really cool and in the groove of uschooling, I'd think, wow what a great
> day. But I just think of all the things I didn't get done! I know this is
> typical me and very much like my mum, and the way we organised our schooled
> lives. But I'd love to change a bit and be more chilled out, live in the
> moment more I suppose.
>
> Any ideas?
>
> Thanks for reading!
>
> Caroline
> dd nearly 4
> ds 2
> Hampshire, UK.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
Sasha ViaSasha
Oh, and the other thing I wanted to add: through play with my son I feel I
am learning. Many things we do involve manipulating objects, touching
things, etc. This kind of sensual learning was not part of my growing up, I
retreated into books and fantasy and had little contact with the world. This
sensual learning, as I am discovering, something against which I may test
ideas. Skipping stones into the river, testing their weight in my hand,
rolling cars down a ramp, etc. It is changing ME.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
am learning. Many things we do involve manipulating objects, touching
things, etc. This kind of sensual learning was not part of my growing up, I
retreated into books and fantasy and had little contact with the world. This
sensual learning, as I am discovering, something against which I may test
ideas. Skipping stones into the river, testing their weight in my hand,
rolling cars down a ramp, etc. It is changing ME.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Start from living in the moment. So, for example, while sitting with the baby
bird and your children watch them and listen to them and everytime you find your
thoughts moving toward something else, moving toward your list of things you
wished were getting done, bring it back to the baby bird and your son and your
daughter. Keep your eye on the prize of being with them fully and in the most
engaged way.
Simon and Linnaea were 4 and 1 once, they were 5 and 2 and 6 and 3 and so on and
so on. Now they are 13 and 10 and they are the ones who wander off from my
engagement. Not all the time and they are delightfully supportive of my
interests, although Simon did wrest the ukulele from my hands yesterday when I
was playing Meatloaf's 2 out of 3 ain't bad a bit too loudly. The horrible fact
of a lifetime is that it is like sands through the hourglass, it moves forward,
it shifts away from you. And while I have just been trying to fathom an article
on how physicists can't seem to come up with a reason for time being
uni-directional, in my day-to-day experience it just keeps flowing inexorably
one way.
It is easy to feel a need to do something more and greater and bigger, but in
the end, nothing is really more and greater and bigger than watching a big lorry
at a building site or helping a baby bird. Rough and ready garden's are good.
Ours is the most amazing bramble mine, the blackberries will be fantastic, and
the hedgehogs really do love it and it gives the mice a place to hide when the
tractors come (of course the cats do decimate them quite handily and then the
dog rolls on their guts 'cause nothing is quite as nice as eau de dead mouse,
but, well...). A tidy garden has fewer things to engage you and entice interest.
Look at the glow in their cheeks, the smiles, the curls of their hair, little
hands, little milk moustaches, or squash, or whatever it is that they like to
drink. Smell their heads, touch their arms, do the physical things that can pull
your interest, your focus back to them. Distraction is an easy thing, focus is
the trick. When all is said and done, when they have moved away from wanting to
be with you, engage with you, talk and giggle and play with you, what do you
want to get to look back on? If it's enjoying their each and every moment than
do that, start there.
http://danielleconger.organiclearning.org/mindfulmothering.html is what got me
thinking about it earlier in my parenting life. More articles on that idea are
here: http://sandradodd.com/mindfulness/.
Schuyler
________________________________
Hi,
I'm after some ideas to help me relax and I guess deschool myself a bit
more...
On the surface, I think we probably look pretty unschooly, and on the rare
day, I'll wake up in a good mood and really enjoy working with what my
children need and going with the flow. But mostly I can't shift the idea
that things need to Get Done, I feel itchy if I can't see an end result for
the day, or feel like I've achieved something tangible.
How can I lower my expectations of what gets done (my kids are only 2 anDSd
nearly 4), but still feel fulfilled?
Today we got up, had fun looking at some crazy fish pictures on the
internet, my tractor-mad ds got to see a big lorry at the building site next
door, and a tractor cutting the grass (took some time just watching those
with him). Later dh and I planned to tidy the garden a bit, but got waylaid
by helping a baby bird which we found on the step. Interspersed of course
with lots of play, books, 2 baths for dd, tv etc.
If I read this in the bog of someone I know, or admire and imagine to be
really cool and in the groove of uschooling, I'd think, wow what a great
day. But I just think of all the things I didn't get done! I know this is
typical me and very much like my mum, and the way we organised our schooled
lives. But I'd love to change a bit and be more chilled out, live in the
moment more I suppose.
Any ideas?
Thanks for reading!
Caroline
dd nearly 4
ds 2
Hampshire, UK.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
bird and your children watch them and listen to them and everytime you find your
thoughts moving toward something else, moving toward your list of things you
wished were getting done, bring it back to the baby bird and your son and your
daughter. Keep your eye on the prize of being with them fully and in the most
engaged way.
Simon and Linnaea were 4 and 1 once, they were 5 and 2 and 6 and 3 and so on and
so on. Now they are 13 and 10 and they are the ones who wander off from my
engagement. Not all the time and they are delightfully supportive of my
interests, although Simon did wrest the ukulele from my hands yesterday when I
was playing Meatloaf's 2 out of 3 ain't bad a bit too loudly. The horrible fact
of a lifetime is that it is like sands through the hourglass, it moves forward,
it shifts away from you. And while I have just been trying to fathom an article
on how physicists can't seem to come up with a reason for time being
uni-directional, in my day-to-day experience it just keeps flowing inexorably
one way.
It is easy to feel a need to do something more and greater and bigger, but in
the end, nothing is really more and greater and bigger than watching a big lorry
at a building site or helping a baby bird. Rough and ready garden's are good.
Ours is the most amazing bramble mine, the blackberries will be fantastic, and
the hedgehogs really do love it and it gives the mice a place to hide when the
tractors come (of course the cats do decimate them quite handily and then the
dog rolls on their guts 'cause nothing is quite as nice as eau de dead mouse,
but, well...). A tidy garden has fewer things to engage you and entice interest.
Look at the glow in their cheeks, the smiles, the curls of their hair, little
hands, little milk moustaches, or squash, or whatever it is that they like to
drink. Smell their heads, touch their arms, do the physical things that can pull
your interest, your focus back to them. Distraction is an easy thing, focus is
the trick. When all is said and done, when they have moved away from wanting to
be with you, engage with you, talk and giggle and play with you, what do you
want to get to look back on? If it's enjoying their each and every moment than
do that, start there.
http://danielleconger.organiclearning.org/mindfulmothering.html is what got me
thinking about it earlier in my parenting life. More articles on that idea are
here: http://sandradodd.com/mindfulness/.
Schuyler
________________________________
Hi,
I'm after some ideas to help me relax and I guess deschool myself a bit
more...
On the surface, I think we probably look pretty unschooly, and on the rare
day, I'll wake up in a good mood and really enjoy working with what my
children need and going with the flow. But mostly I can't shift the idea
that things need to Get Done, I feel itchy if I can't see an end result for
the day, or feel like I've achieved something tangible.
How can I lower my expectations of what gets done (my kids are only 2 anDSd
nearly 4), but still feel fulfilled?
Today we got up, had fun looking at some crazy fish pictures on the
internet, my tractor-mad ds got to see a big lorry at the building site next
door, and a tractor cutting the grass (took some time just watching those
with him). Later dh and I planned to tidy the garden a bit, but got waylaid
by helping a baby bird which we found on the step. Interspersed of course
with lots of play, books, 2 baths for dd, tv etc.
If I read this in the bog of someone I know, or admire and imagine to be
really cool and in the groove of uschooling, I'd think, wow what a great
day. But I just think of all the things I didn't get done! I know this is
typical me and very much like my mum, and the way we organised our schooled
lives. But I'd love to change a bit and be more chilled out, live in the
moment more I suppose.
Any ideas?
Thanks for reading!
Caroline
dd nearly 4
ds 2
Hampshire, UK.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
> Do you make lists? Lists can help. Put all the little details that youdo without thinking on a list, like: shut all the cabinet doors, and:
refresh snack plates. Add another check-mark each time you do them.
Maybe that will help you see all the little things you do as things
getting done. I read some study, once upon a time, that found checking
things off a list creates a sense of satisfaction. (shrug) So make a
list that you Know you'll get to check things off.
I'm a long time list maker (as most folks who know me already know - I
can hear you chuckling y'know LOL) and I like the sense of
accomplishment with checking things off. But, more than that, it frees
up my mind to be in the moment because I know I won't forget something
that needs doing - it's on the list so I can go reference the list as
needed rather than constantly running the 'to-do' stuff through my head.
And, on the list, in addition to "grocery shopping" and "clean bathroom"
(which by the way has sub-tasks listed "mirror", "sink/vanity",
"toilet", "shake out mat", "sweep floor"... so that I can check off
little pieces or do the whole thing, as time and energy permit), are
things like "kiss husband repeatedly", "hug <DS>", etc. When DS was
littler, he'd make sure I added "play <game>" or "watch <video>" onto
the list. That way, he could look down the list for the familiar word(s)
and know about how long it was going to be "Mommy is going to do 2
things and then we'll play" or "Play is the next thing on the list, I'll
go get the game ready" or whatever.
It might also be helpful to find something that you can do every day
that feels like "accomplishing" something - spritz and wash the bathroom
mirror, tidy the magazines on the table, whatever it is that helps you
feel "there, I've gotten something done". For example, I know that if I
keep my own desk space tidied, I feel more comfortable. I can leave the
rest of the house be if I just have that one area sorted.
At our house, sometimes I do get into the "I have x and y and z and m
and q and ... to do" and DH will chime in "and Gildor to frame for it" -
that's a reference to the movie "The Princess Bride" (for those of you
who didn't get it right off). Basically, it's a reminder to take a
breath and slow down. There's no requirement that you get 10 things done
today - it might be 2, it might be 22, there's no 'rule' for how much
needs to get done.
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
>. I **guarantee** you won't look back on these years and think "I wishI'd washed more dishes".
My mom's motto was borrowed from Erma Bombeck: "What do you want on your
tombstone? She always had a tidy house or She always had time for her
family?" (I think that's slightly paraphrased but makes the point).
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***How can I lower my expectations of what gets done (my kids are only 2 anDSd nearly 4), but still feel fulfilled?***
Maybe, instead of lowering your expectation of what gets done you could think differently about what you want to accomplish.
Instead of dishes and laundry and home repairs on your to-do list you could have, Delight Children, Play Games, Roll in Grass. And somewhere in getting those things done you might squeeze in a load of laundry. You can have a powerful sense of accomplishment from fulfilling the needs of your children, even if the bathroom is messy.
If your priority until now has been a well ordered home, I can understand how hard it is to let go of some of that. Think about the things that really matter to you and do those things and let other stuff go.
Find a way to get one of those things done in the morning while the children are still sleeping or at some other convenient time. Get tools or cleaning aids that will make the job you want to do easier and faster. Do one or two things today and one or two tomorrow. Think of your home maintenance on a monthly or weekly scale instead of a daily one. If laundry gets done once a week, consider that a success. If the bathroom gets cleaned up a little once week, count that an accomplishment.
At the end of the day when you're tired, resist thinking about what didn't get done. Think instead about how happy your children are. How they delighted in your attention, how they laughed when you all did a silly dance, how they enjoyed a romp in the yard. Count those as important things crossed off your to-do list. Stop counting the things that aren't there, that don't get done, as the important things. Look at what did get done - The children laughed! The toys were loved! The day was full of sweetness! In fourteen years you won't look back and remember that on August 13, 2010 the windows didn't get washed, but the sound of your baby's laughter or the little song your happy four year old sang will stay with you forever.
I can tell you from this end, my child all grown up, that a dirty house when he was two and three and four makes no difference to the world now. No one remembers that a shower curtain got slimy or that the only clean spot on the floor was where the dog licked up the spilled spaghetti. None of us could name the year the dishes always sat for three or four days before I got to them. But we can all name the year of the big hole in the backyard, the summer of the squirrels, the Brio train track all through the house, the bowls filled with flour and dinosaurs on the kitchen table, the chains in the bathtub. Those remembered things still bring joy to all of us.
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maybe, instead of lowering your expectation of what gets done you could think differently about what you want to accomplish.
Instead of dishes and laundry and home repairs on your to-do list you could have, Delight Children, Play Games, Roll in Grass. And somewhere in getting those things done you might squeeze in a load of laundry. You can have a powerful sense of accomplishment from fulfilling the needs of your children, even if the bathroom is messy.
If your priority until now has been a well ordered home, I can understand how hard it is to let go of some of that. Think about the things that really matter to you and do those things and let other stuff go.
Find a way to get one of those things done in the morning while the children are still sleeping or at some other convenient time. Get tools or cleaning aids that will make the job you want to do easier and faster. Do one or two things today and one or two tomorrow. Think of your home maintenance on a monthly or weekly scale instead of a daily one. If laundry gets done once a week, consider that a success. If the bathroom gets cleaned up a little once week, count that an accomplishment.
At the end of the day when you're tired, resist thinking about what didn't get done. Think instead about how happy your children are. How they delighted in your attention, how they laughed when you all did a silly dance, how they enjoyed a romp in the yard. Count those as important things crossed off your to-do list. Stop counting the things that aren't there, that don't get done, as the important things. Look at what did get done - The children laughed! The toys were loved! The day was full of sweetness! In fourteen years you won't look back and remember that on August 13, 2010 the windows didn't get washed, but the sound of your baby's laughter or the little song your happy four year old sang will stay with you forever.
I can tell you from this end, my child all grown up, that a dirty house when he was two and three and four makes no difference to the world now. No one remembers that a shower curtain got slimy or that the only clean spot on the floor was where the dog licked up the spilled spaghetti. None of us could name the year the dishes always sat for three or four days before I got to them. But we can all name the year of the big hole in the backyard, the summer of the squirrels, the Brio train track all through the house, the bowls filled with flour and dinosaurs on the kitchen table, the chains in the bathtub. Those remembered things still bring joy to all of us.
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Caroline Gallear
Hi and thanks to everyone who has replied. I thought it would sound a
little like this! But it is hard to let go of the things 'for yourself',
especially when everyone 'mainstream' (sorry if that offends anyone, i can't
think of a better word right now) expects you to need and crave time off
from your kids. Parenting seems to be sold as a 24hr job when they're
babies (you struggle through the nights while complaining), then a 12hr job,
cos of course they're going to sleep from 7 till 7, and that's when you get
your life back, right?
I don't want my life back, I love what i have now, I'm just still adjusting
to it!
I think the idea of a journal would help me appreciate what i do get done.
My housework standards are pretty low anyway, so not much room for slipping
there! I think yoga also sounds great, now I don't have to be at home at
7.30 on the dor for bedtimes, i might even find a class!
Thanks for all the support and ideas,
Caroline.
little like this! But it is hard to let go of the things 'for yourself',
especially when everyone 'mainstream' (sorry if that offends anyone, i can't
think of a better word right now) expects you to need and crave time off
from your kids. Parenting seems to be sold as a 24hr job when they're
babies (you struggle through the nights while complaining), then a 12hr job,
cos of course they're going to sleep from 7 till 7, and that's when you get
your life back, right?
I don't want my life back, I love what i have now, I'm just still adjusting
to it!
I think the idea of a journal would help me appreciate what i do get done.
My housework standards are pretty low anyway, so not much room for slipping
there! I think yoga also sounds great, now I don't have to be at home at
7.30 on the dor for bedtimes, i might even find a class!
Thanks for all the support and ideas,
Caroline.
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
plaidpanties666
Caroline Gallear <carolinegallear@...> wrote:
http://sandradodd.com/howto/
maybe your math is off ;)
---Mer
>Parenting seems to be sold as a 24hr job when they'reIts a bit tongue in cheek, but have you seen this:
> babies (you struggle through the nights while complaining), then a 12hr job,
> cos of course they're going to sleep from 7 till 7, and that's when you get
> your life back, right?
http://sandradodd.com/howto/
maybe your math is off ;)
---Mer
dinapug310
I just wanted to offer an idea to add to the lists...once upon a time, before my dd (just turned 3) was born, I was working on becoming a life coach. And one of the things that we (myself and the teacher from whom I was learning as well as others she worked with) hoped to impart on any clients was not only the "doing" that needed to get done in life, but also the "being." How do any of us hope to feel as we do the things that we think are necessary and important?
So, perhaps adding to your list, whether on paper or in your head, the feelings that you wish for every day. Eg. Be calm? focused? fun?when playing with the children. Be joyful when doing the dishes. Feel grateful for my home (despite the imperfections :) Maybe will help to shift the focus in ones mind.
Dina
So, perhaps adding to your list, whether on paper or in your head, the feelings that you wish for every day. Eg. Be calm? focused? fun?when playing with the children. Be joyful when doing the dishes. Feel grateful for my home (despite the imperfections :) Maybe will help to shift the focus in ones mind.
Dina
--- In [email protected], "Debra Rossing" <debra.rossing@...> wrote:
>
> > Do you make lists? Lists can help. Put all the little details that you
> do without thinking on a list, like: shut all the cabinet doors, and:
> refresh snack plates. Add another check-mark each time you do them.
> Maybe that will help you see all the little things you do as things
> getting done. I read some study, once upon a time, that found checking
> things off a list creates a sense of satisfaction. (shrug) So make a
> list that you Know you'll get to check things off.
>
> I'm a long time list maker (as most folks who know me already know - I
> can hear you chuckling y'know LOL) and I like the sense of
> accomplishment with checking things off. But, more than that, it frees
> up my mind to be in the moment because I know I won't forget something
> that needs doing - it's on the list so I can go reference the list as
> needed rather than constantly running the 'to-do' stuff through my head.
> And, on the list, in addition to "grocery shopping" and "clean bathroom"
> (which by the way has sub-tasks listed "mirror", "sink/vanity",
> "toilet", "shake out mat", "sweep floor"... so that I can check off
> little pieces or do the whole thing, as time and energy permit), are
> things like "kiss husband repeatedly", "hug <DS>", etc. When DS was
> littler, he'd make sure I added "play <game>" or "watch <video>" onto
> the list. That way, he could look down the list for the familiar word(s)
> and know about how long it was going to be "Mommy is going to do 2
> things and then we'll play" or "Play is the next thing on the list, I'll
> go get the game ready" or whatever.
>
> It might also be helpful to find something that you can do every day
> that feels like "accomplishing" something - spritz and wash the bathroom
> mirror, tidy the magazines on the table, whatever it is that helps you
> feel "there, I've gotten something done". For example, I know that if I
> keep my own desk space tidied, I feel more comfortable. I can leave the
> rest of the house be if I just have that one area sorted.
>
> At our house, sometimes I do get into the "I have x and y and z and m
> and q and ... to do" and DH will chime in "and Gildor to frame for it" -
> that's a reference to the movie "The Princess Bride" (for those of you
> who didn't get it right off). Basically, it's a reminder to take a
> breath and slow down. There's no requirement that you get 10 things done
> today - it might be 2, it might be 22, there's no 'rule' for how much
> needs to get done.
>
> Deb R
>
>
> **********************************************************************
> This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
> are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
> the system manager.
>
> This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
> MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
>
> www.mastercam.com
> **********************************************************************
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>