balancing family needs with child's needs and dealing with fear
Toby
My 9yo son has mild cp (he can walk but can't run and jump well and because his muscles are stiff has a hard time coordinating most typical kids skills). He started therapy at 2 because he wasn't walking, but in the last couple of years as therapy has tapered off, I've let him go at his own pace. This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim. The problem I had is that his 6 year old brother can do these things, so besides being an embarassment for my 9yo. It was also hard for the rest of us who want to do these activities and my 9yo can't or won't go. I actually got him riding by doing a special camp for kids with disabilities and then after another month of working with him, he can ride. Unfortunately, he does not have the confidence in himself (he's had some bad wrecks), so he won't ride with the family. I've also recently started swimming with him. He can swim in the shallow but he's afraid of the deep end. At least with swimming, he's more interested when we go to the pool. With both of these activities, I see that fear is holding him back. I know he would love the independence of being able to ride to the store with his older sister without me if he could ride his bike confidently. I also know he would love the waterslides at our soon to be ex-city pool if he was comfortable in the water. I understand allowing a child to go at his own pace, but now I've reached a point where if I don't help him push past his fear he will create a smaller world for himself. He won't really talk about his fears either. He just pretends that it doesn't bother him that he can't do all this stuff. Can anyone give me some feedback on this situation?
Thanks
toby
Thanks
toby
plaidpanties666
"Toby" <philipntoby@...> wrote:
My dd will be 9 in a few days and can't ride a bike - she doesn't have cp or any other physical issues, its just not something she can do, yet. Part of the problem is that our road is on a little bit of a slope and going down-hill unnerves her.
Ray was barrelling down the same road by age 6 (riding a bike sooner, but we lived higher up the same hill and he'd careen down at maximum speed... wheeeeee!) with no fear at all.
Its easy to forget, or be oblivious to how unsettling some sensations can be to some people. You're putting emphasis on these things because your son has cp, thinking maybe this is something you can teach him to overcome and that doing so will be good for him. But pushing someone to overcome fear can backfire in big ways, setting that person up to continually second-guess his or her own reactions - and second-guessing will get in the way of learning. It doesn't create the atmosphere of confidence that lets people keep trying in the face of failure.
In the past I also had fond fantasies of family bike-rides. It doesn't do your child any good to hold those kinds of fantasies, though. They'll prevent you from seeing your real child. Instead of family bike-rides, Mo comes to yoga class with me and George, and then we go out to breakfast. Instead of family bike-rides, we have family star-gazing nights and owl-listening nights (we have an owl living in our back yard!). Instead of family bike-rides we have afternoons spent watching movies together.
If your son really wants to come on these rides, though, find a way to make that happen. Honor his fear, rather than trying to shove him past it, and find a Safe solution that works for him. Get a recumbent bike, maybe, or some other kind of bike modified for people with disabilities. If you (anyone) live in the state of Washinging, check out the group "Outdoors For All" to test drive some of their bikes and go on some of their rides. Its great fun!
Again, find ways for him to feel safe, rather than trying to convince him his fears are baseless. Let him use floats. Get him a mask and snorkel and see if those appeal. Mo will go into much deeper water with a mask and snorkel bc she's more comfortable snorkling than any other kind of swimming. If its a public pool, talk to the management and throw the words "special needs" at them if necessary. Its what the lable is good for.
Thinking that The solution to fear is pushing past it is what creates the smaller world - it doesn't help a person really think about allllllll the options that exist. You're stuck in the small world of fear-vs-overcoming and its blinding you to a hundred other possibilities.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>I've let him go at his own pace. This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim.*************
My dd will be 9 in a few days and can't ride a bike - she doesn't have cp or any other physical issues, its just not something she can do, yet. Part of the problem is that our road is on a little bit of a slope and going down-hill unnerves her.
Ray was barrelling down the same road by age 6 (riding a bike sooner, but we lived higher up the same hill and he'd careen down at maximum speed... wheeeeee!) with no fear at all.
Its easy to forget, or be oblivious to how unsettling some sensations can be to some people. You're putting emphasis on these things because your son has cp, thinking maybe this is something you can teach him to overcome and that doing so will be good for him. But pushing someone to overcome fear can backfire in big ways, setting that person up to continually second-guess his or her own reactions - and second-guessing will get in the way of learning. It doesn't create the atmosphere of confidence that lets people keep trying in the face of failure.
>>It was also hard for the rest of us who want to do these activities and my 9yo can't or won't go.*************
In the past I also had fond fantasies of family bike-rides. It doesn't do your child any good to hold those kinds of fantasies, though. They'll prevent you from seeing your real child. Instead of family bike-rides, Mo comes to yoga class with me and George, and then we go out to breakfast. Instead of family bike-rides, we have family star-gazing nights and owl-listening nights (we have an owl living in our back yard!). Instead of family bike-rides we have afternoons spent watching movies together.
If your son really wants to come on these rides, though, find a way to make that happen. Honor his fear, rather than trying to shove him past it, and find a Safe solution that works for him. Get a recumbent bike, maybe, or some other kind of bike modified for people with disabilities. If you (anyone) live in the state of Washinging, check out the group "Outdoors For All" to test drive some of their bikes and go on some of their rides. Its great fun!
>> He can swim in the shallow but he's afraid of the deep end. At least with swimming, he's more interested when we go to the pool.****************
Again, find ways for him to feel safe, rather than trying to convince him his fears are baseless. Let him use floats. Get him a mask and snorkel and see if those appeal. Mo will go into much deeper water with a mask and snorkel bc she's more comfortable snorkling than any other kind of swimming. If its a public pool, talk to the management and throw the words "special needs" at them if necessary. Its what the lable is good for.
>>I understand allowing a child to go at his own pace, but now I've reached a point where if I don't help him push past his fear he will create a smaller world for himself.**************
Thinking that The solution to fear is pushing past it is what creates the smaller world - it doesn't help a person really think about allllllll the options that exist. You're stuck in the small world of fear-vs-overcoming and its blinding you to a hundred other possibilities.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
otherstar
From: Toby
Sent: Wednesday, August 11, 2010 10:12 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] balancing family needs with child's needs and dealing with fear
Connie
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Sent: Wednesday, August 11, 2010 10:12 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] balancing family needs with child's needs and dealing with fear
>>>This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim.<<<<I am in my 30's and still can't really swim. It has never stopped me from being able to enjoy water. I just stay out of the deep end unless I have a flotation device or life jacket.
>>>The problem I had is that his 6 year old brother can do these things, so besides being an embarassment for my 9yo.<<<Is this something that your 9 yo has pointed out or is this an observation on your part? Has your 9 year old stated that he is embarrassed?
>>>It was also hard for the rest of us who want to do these activities and my 9yo can't or won't go. I actually got him riding by doing a special camp for kids with disabilities and then after another month of working with him, he can ride. Unfortunately, he does not have the confidence in himself (he's had some bad wrecks), so he won't ride with the family.<<<Can't he get a bike with training wheels? There are a lot of cool training wheels that can be put on a bike of just about any size. What about walking or running along side while everyone else bikes? What about a scooter or some other type of wheeled toy that he can ride that doesn't require the kind of balance and coordination that a regular 2 wheel bike requires. It seems like the focus is on him riding a 2 wheeled bike like his brother rather than finding a way to be with the family that your 9 year old is comfortable with.
>>>With both of these activities, I see that fear is holding him back. I know he would love the independence of being able to ride to the store with his older sister without me if he could ride his bike confidently.<<<What is wrong with being afraid of something that you know you can't do? Are you afraid of anything? I am afraid of heights so that keeps me from climbing on roofs. Part of the reason that I am afraid of heights is because I get really bad vertigo. As a kid, there was no way to explain vertigo so to others is just looked like a fear of heights. Is he truly afraid or is that he just doesn't have the desire? There are things that I can't/won't do because they aren't important to me. Somebody that doesn't live inside my head might say that I am afraid to do it. Are there other ways for your son to feel independent? Why can't they walk to the store together? Has he said that he wants to ride with his sister or is that an assumption on your part? It can be really hard to keep from projecting my feelings onto my children. Just because I think my children would like something doesn't mean that they actually would like it.
>>>I also know he would love the waterslides at our soon to be ex-city pool if he was comfortable in the water.<<<Can he wear a life jacket to use the waterslides? It seems like you are of the mind that the only way he can be in the water and enjoy it is if he can swim. If he isn't comfortable in the water, then don't push it. Why can't he sit on the side of the pool and watch everyone else play? We have a little 3 foot pool in our back yard. Last year, my then 2 year old wasn't comfortable in it. This year, she loves it and is like a little fish. I never pushed it on her. I gave her floaties. I played with her in the water and I never made a big deal out of whether or not she could swim or hold her breath underwater.
>>>He won't really talk about his fears either. He just pretends that it doesn't bother him that he can't do all this stuff. Can anyone give me some feedback on this situation?<<<How do you know he is pretending? Has he said or done anything to indicate that it really does bother him? Why would he talk about his fears? He probably feels that it doesn't matter what he says because you have already made up your mind that his only option is to learn to swim and bike. It may not really be that way but that could be the way he feels based on what you have said here. There seems to be a lot of comparison between what your 9 year old and your 6 year old can do. Even if your 9 year old didn't have a disability, there is a chance that he wouldn't be able to do some of those things. Try not to project your fears and desires onto your children. That can be hard but it is worth it.
Connie
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The Coffee Goddess
>>>This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim.<<<<My 12 yo doesn't ride...we have talked about getting one of those giant
tricycles, with a basket on the front....We are going to rent one to see if it's
fun. There are also those two and four-person "bikes" that are more like cars,
that they often rent at parks, that are like peddle boats, and great for family
bike rides. My 18 yo rides everywhere and doesn't drive, and my 12 doesn't
ride, but they both do the bus fine...everyone is different, no need to compare
anyone or decide that "it's time" someone learn something....
Dana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
The Coffee Goddess <hoffmanwilson@...> wrote:
---Meredith
>> My 12 yo doesn't ride...we have talked about getting one of those giantTrying one out first is a good idea! I've been on an adult-sized tricycle, and they take some practice. Ironically, a trike is less stable when its moving and at its most unstable going around corners, whereas a bicylcle (or motorcycle) is more stable when its moving and somewhat surprisingly stable going around a corner. It may be Better that your 12yo doesn't ride a bike - the skills and balance are very different.
> tricycles, with a basket on the front....We are going to rent one to see if it's
> fun.
---Meredith
Faith Void Taintor
There are a variety of options. There are balance bikes. You can get
carts to tow behind your bike. Our fit up to 100+ lbs. There are trail-
a-bikes to pull behind an adult bike, kid can stop pedaling if they
get tired. I live in a town of 500 and our local bike shop has a
variety of 'bikes'. I'd think most bigger towns/cities would have
rental places t&i try out bike options.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 12, 2010, at 6:51 PM, "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...
carts to tow behind your bike. Our fit up to 100+ lbs. There are trail-
a-bikes to pull behind an adult bike, kid can stop pedaling if they
get tired. I live in a town of 500 and our local bike shop has a
variety of 'bikes'. I'd think most bigger towns/cities would have
rental places t&i try out bike options.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 12, 2010, at 6:51 PM, "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...
> wrote:[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> The Coffee Goddess <hoffmanwilson@...> wrote:
> >> My 12 yo doesn't ride...we have talked about getting one of those
> giant
> > tricycles, with a basket on the front....We are going to rent one
> to see if it's
> > fun.
>
> Trying one out first is a good idea! I've been on an adult-sized
> tricycle, and they take some practice. Ironically, a trike is less
> stable when its moving and at its most unstable going around
> corners, whereas a bicylcle (or motorcycle) is more stable when its
> moving and somewhat surprisingly stable going around a corner. It
> may be Better that your 12yo doesn't ride a bike - the skills and
> balance are very different.
>
> ---Meredith
>
>
always.october
My 16 year old doesn't ride a bike, either. It's partly a fear issue and partly an issue of not wanting the other kids in the neighborhood to see her learn how to ride for the first time. She's worried that they'll mock her, and they probably would. But it does bug her to some extent that her younger brothers both ride. So I told her that once school starts up again and the neighborhood kids are back in school, I will work with her.
I think for a long time it bothered me more than it did her -- you know, the whole thing of "well, she's ____ years old and should be able to _____ by now." But then I looked back at the attitude that my husband and I took with our kids when they were little -- as long as we knew they were healthy, we let them decide when they were ready to take a particular step (toilet-training, for instance). Somehow, I stopped thinking that way as they grew older and fell into the habit of comparing them to their peers. Why should I push my daughter to ride a bike at a certain age any more than I pushed her to go on the potty at a certain age? (Answer: I think it's easier to worry about such things as they get older.)
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that we have a non-bike-rider here who is older than your kids!
Lucy
I think for a long time it bothered me more than it did her -- you know, the whole thing of "well, she's ____ years old and should be able to _____ by now." But then I looked back at the attitude that my husband and I took with our kids when they were little -- as long as we knew they were healthy, we let them decide when they were ready to take a particular step (toilet-training, for instance). Somehow, I stopped thinking that way as they grew older and fell into the habit of comparing them to their peers. Why should I push my daughter to ride a bike at a certain age any more than I pushed her to go on the potty at a certain age? (Answer: I think it's easier to worry about such things as they get older.)
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that we have a non-bike-rider here who is older than your kids!
Lucy
--- In [email protected], The Coffee Goddess <hoffmanwilson@...> wrote:
>
> >>>This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim.<<<<
>
> My 12 yo doesn't ride......everyone is different, no need to compare
> anyone or decide that "it's time" someone learn something....
Heather
Have you thought about getting an attachment to your bike so that your son
could ride tandem with you? There are several different models on the
market.
Here is one example....
http://www.benscycle.net/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=8440¤cy=USD
heather
could ride tandem with you? There are several different models on the
market.
Here is one example....
http://www.benscycle.net/index.php?main_page=product_info&products_id=8440¤cy=USD
heather
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >>>This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim.<<<<
>
Schuyler
Or you could get a trail-a-bike or a tandem bike.
Simon had a bike accident the other day, his new to him bike didn't brake the
way his old to him bike did and he couldn't stop in time and rode into a ditch
filled with bramble. It scared him quite badly. He's 13 and has been riding a
bike for 8 years now. But it isn't something he loves doing, it's something he
does because the rest of us enjoy biking. I imagine it will be a while before he
bikes again.
Schuyler
________________________________
tricycles, with a basket on the front....We are going to rent one to see if it's
fun. There are also those two and four-person "bikes" that are more like cars,
that they often rent at parks, that are like peddle boats, and great for family
bike rides. My 18 yo rides everywhere and doesn't drive, and my 12 doesn't
ride, but they both do the bus fine...everyone is different, no need to compare
anyone or decide that "it's time" someone learn something....
Dana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Simon had a bike accident the other day, his new to him bike didn't brake the
way his old to him bike did and he couldn't stop in time and rode into a ditch
filled with bramble. It scared him quite badly. He's 13 and has been riding a
bike for 8 years now. But it isn't something he loves doing, it's something he
does because the rest of us enjoy biking. I imagine it will be a while before he
bikes again.
Schuyler
________________________________
>>>This summer though he was still not riding his bike or able to swim.<<<<My 12 yo doesn't ride...we have talked about getting one of those giant
tricycles, with a basket on the front....We are going to rent one to see if it's
fun. There are also those two and four-person "bikes" that are more like cars,
that they often rent at parks, that are like peddle boats, and great for family
bike rides. My 18 yo rides everywhere and doesn't drive, and my 12 doesn't
ride, but they both do the bus fine...everyone is different, no need to compare
anyone or decide that "it's time" someone learn something....
Dana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray
I have a couple thoughts on this.
1) Have you asked him if he would like to try yoga? or Martial Arts? Both are
excellent for helping bring along a person's balance and confidence. I'd also
suggest you let your son have this one for himself. At least at first so he
doesn't have to compare himself to a sibling. Once he gains some confidence, he
may ask them to join him. He may not, too. Look for a well trained gentle
yoga class where they assist you in finding your own goals. Same with a Martial
Arts studio. One that is all about winning competitions may not be a good fit
to start at.
2) My son just 'got' riding a bicycle at age 12. He has always had the right
sized bike for his age, and even training wheels when younger. We don't live
near pavement and plowed fields are really hard to learn to ride in. He has
just recently had all the things required come together and now he can ride
around the property.
3) As someone mentioned, don't think about it as 'he has ____'. It's just
another thing he is going about learning his own way.
Hang in there and good luck helping him find his path!
Peace and laughter!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
1) Have you asked him if he would like to try yoga? or Martial Arts? Both are
excellent for helping bring along a person's balance and confidence. I'd also
suggest you let your son have this one for himself. At least at first so he
doesn't have to compare himself to a sibling. Once he gains some confidence, he
may ask them to join him. He may not, too. Look for a well trained gentle
yoga class where they assist you in finding your own goals. Same with a Martial
Arts studio. One that is all about winning competitions may not be a good fit
to start at.
2) My son just 'got' riding a bicycle at age 12. He has always had the right
sized bike for his age, and even training wheels when younger. We don't live
near pavement and plowed fields are really hard to learn to ride in. He has
just recently had all the things required come together and now he can ride
around the property.
3) As someone mentioned, don't think about it as 'he has ____'. It's just
another thing he is going about learning his own way.
Hang in there and good luck helping him find his path!
Peace and laughter!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
> If your son really wants to come on these rides, though, find a way tomake that happen.
Try renting a tandem with an adult in the front to handle the main
steering and he can learn the feel and be involved in it without having
to have total control of the whole thing himself.
FWIW my DS is 12 and while he did 'learn' to ride a bike way back when
(around 5 or 6), there's no really easy way to ride where we live (no
sidewalks, heavily travelled downhill curve past the house, unpaved
uphill to the road driveway, etc). When he was interested, we'd put him
and the bike into the car and come here to where I work (10 minute
drive) and he'd have the whole parking lot to ride around in. Then, we
took the bike over to MIL's house because she lived on a small, very
quiet street with sidewalks, much more conducive to bike riding.
However, that was a 25-30 minute drive away. We were willing but he lost
interest when other things took precedence in his days (Pokemon
particularly). So, he's a 12 yr old who has no interest in riding a
bike (and he has no diagnosis of anything).
As far as swimming, he can swim now - it's been about 2-3 years that he
could confidently swim on his own. Mostly his learning consisted of
paddling about near the boat launch in his life vest while DH and I were
loading and unloading the canoe. He has a similar body type to my
brother - all muscle, not a lot of fat, zero buoyancy. So, even resting
on my arms and trying to float was tense for him. The life vest provided
the buoyancy so he could focus on the rest of the kicking and stroking
motions. Once he had that figured out, he could keep himself above
water. He still doesn't like getting water in his face, so water slides
and such are right out. I totally understand that - I have to have a
towel over the shower rod so I can wipe water out of my face
immediately.
Just saying that some folks (with or without physical issues) may not
find bike rides or water slides enjoyable no matter what. So, the TV
commercial "ideal" of family bike rides or water park 'staycations' may
not be something that happens with your family. Rather than focusing on
what is not happening, what he can't do, what does he love? What makes
him a unique and wonderful person? How can that be worked into the
family's time? If he loves animated movies, have family movie nights,
for example. And maybe have one adult or the other and sibling go bike
riding some other time.
Deb R
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Kelly Lovejoy
My 14 year old can't ride a bike. He just learned to tie his shoes last month. It took only three minutes.
They learn when they have the need. And then it's usually VERY quick.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: always.october <always.october@...>
My 16 year old doesn't ride a bike, either. It's partly a fear issue and partly
an issue of not wanting the other kids in the neighborhood to see her learn how
to ride for the first time. She's worried that they'll mock her, and they
probably would. But it does bug her to some extent that her younger brothers
both ride. So I told her that once school starts up again and the neighborhood
kids are back in school, I will work with her.
I think for a long time it bothered me more than it did her -- you know, the
whole thing of "well, she's ____ years old and should be able to _____ by now."
But then I looked back at the attitude that my husband and I took with our kids
when they were little -- as long as we knew they were healthy, we let them
decide when they were ready to take a particular step (toilet-training, for
instance). Somehow, I stopped thinking that way as they grew older and fell
into the habit of comparing them to their peers. Why should I push my daughter
to ride a bike at a certain age any more than I pushed her to go on the potty at
a certain age? (Answer: I think it's easier to worry about such things as they
get older.)
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that we have a non-bike-rider here
who is older than your kids!
Lucy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
They learn when they have the need. And then it's usually VERY quick.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: always.october <always.october@...>
My 16 year old doesn't ride a bike, either. It's partly a fear issue and partly
an issue of not wanting the other kids in the neighborhood to see her learn how
to ride for the first time. She's worried that they'll mock her, and they
probably would. But it does bug her to some extent that her younger brothers
both ride. So I told her that once school starts up again and the neighborhood
kids are back in school, I will work with her.
I think for a long time it bothered me more than it did her -- you know, the
whole thing of "well, she's ____ years old and should be able to _____ by now."
But then I looked back at the attitude that my husband and I took with our kids
when they were little -- as long as we knew they were healthy, we let them
decide when they were ready to take a particular step (toilet-training, for
instance). Somehow, I stopped thinking that way as they grew older and fell
into the habit of comparing them to their peers. Why should I push my daughter
to ride a bike at a certain age any more than I pushed her to go on the potty at
a certain age? (Answer: I think it's easier to worry about such things as they
get older.)
Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that we have a non-bike-rider here
who is older than your kids!
Lucy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
I can ride....I don't. Know why? The stupid helmets. I have a very
sensitive gag reflex and the strap for the helmet chokes/gags me. This is
important because I'm an emetophobe so it touches off a phobic reaction.
That is important because I have anxiety and panic attacks. A phobic
episode will cause or can cause a panic attack. PLUS the helmets look
stupid. Lots of complex reasons I won't ride a bike anymore. This is the
first time I've ever listed them out. If you aren't in my head, you'd never
know all this. There could be a bunch of reasons your son doesn't want to
ride. Maybe it hurts his butt? Maybe, and I'm not making this up, some
seats will cause males to go numb in the crotch and maybe he doesn't like
that. And maybe he doesn't want to tell you. Doesn't really matter,
WHY...but I don't think you as a separate person should jump to conclusions
about the whys because there may be more than you know and he's comfortable
telling. (And yes, I know you are just concerned and I see the spot it puts
you in I'm not without sympathy for your position.)
My mother is over 60 and is afraid of putting her face in the water. Enjoys
HOURS in the pool as long as she doesn't have to put her face in the water.
There are ways to enjoy things that look different to different people.
Karen
"The really bright student, the eager questioner, the probing searcher,
especially if he is brighter than his teacher, is too often seen as a 'wise
guy,' a threat to discipline, a challenger of his teacher's
authority." ~Abraham
Maslow
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sensitive gag reflex and the strap for the helmet chokes/gags me. This is
important because I'm an emetophobe so it touches off a phobic reaction.
That is important because I have anxiety and panic attacks. A phobic
episode will cause or can cause a panic attack. PLUS the helmets look
stupid. Lots of complex reasons I won't ride a bike anymore. This is the
first time I've ever listed them out. If you aren't in my head, you'd never
know all this. There could be a bunch of reasons your son doesn't want to
ride. Maybe it hurts his butt? Maybe, and I'm not making this up, some
seats will cause males to go numb in the crotch and maybe he doesn't like
that. And maybe he doesn't want to tell you. Doesn't really matter,
WHY...but I don't think you as a separate person should jump to conclusions
about the whys because there may be more than you know and he's comfortable
telling. (And yes, I know you are just concerned and I see the spot it puts
you in I'm not without sympathy for your position.)
My mother is over 60 and is afraid of putting her face in the water. Enjoys
HOURS in the pool as long as she doesn't have to put her face in the water.
There are ways to enjoy things that look different to different people.
Karen
"The really bright student, the eager questioner, the probing searcher,
especially if he is brighter than his teacher, is too often seen as a 'wise
guy,' a threat to discipline, a challenger of his teacher's
authority." ~Abraham
Maslow
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
I'm fifty next week. I've never liked my face or my head wet. Not afraid: I just don't like the feeling of stuff running down my face. Only in the last 4-5 years have I found others who share this. I keep a towel over the shower too, Deb---and a towel near the edge of the pool.
Funny. I thought for most of my life that I was the only one. <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
My mother is over 60 and is afraid of putting her face in the water. Enjoys
HOURS in the pool as long as she doesn't have to put her face in the water.
There are ways to enjoy things that look different to different people.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Funny. I thought for most of my life that I was the only one. <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
My mother is over 60 and is afraid of putting her face in the water. Enjoys
HOURS in the pool as long as she doesn't have to put her face in the water.
There are ways to enjoy things that look different to different people.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
She keeps a towel over the shower too for the very same reason. You aren't
the only one =P Nifty huh?
Karen
"The really bright student, the eager questioner, the probing searcher,
especially if he is brighter than his teacher, is too often seen as a 'wise
guy,' a threat to discipline, a challenger of his teacher's
authority." ~Abraham
Maslow
the only one =P Nifty huh?
Karen
"The really bright student, the eager questioner, the probing searcher,
especially if he is brighter than his teacher, is too often seen as a 'wise
guy,' a threat to discipline, a challenger of his teacher's
authority." ~Abraham
Maslow
On Fri, Aug 13, 2010 at 11:27 AM, Kelly Lovejoy <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
>
>
> I'm fifty next week. I've never liked my face or my head wet. Not afraid: I
> just don't like the feeling of stuff running down my face. Only in the last
> 4-5 years have I found others who share this. I keep a towel over the shower
> too, Deb---and a towel near the edge of the pool.
>
> Funny. I thought for most of my life that I was the only one. <G>
>
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> "There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the
> world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne
> Williamson
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Ha! Brian, my husband, is the same way!!!!!! Kids are a little that way. Me I
absolutely love having my face under water and wet.
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
From: Kelly Lovejoy <kbcdlovejo@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, August 13, 2010 11:27:01 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: balancing family needs with child's needs
and dealing with fear
I'm fifty next week. I've never liked my face or my head wet. Not afraid: I just
don't like the feeling of stuff running down my face. Only in the last 4-5 years
have I found others who share this. I keep a towel over the shower too,
Deb---and a towel near the edge of the pool.
Funny. I thought for most of my life that I was the only one. <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world
than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
My mother is over 60 and is afraid of putting her face in the water. Enjoys
HOURS in the pool as long as she doesn't have to put her face in the water.
There are ways to enjoy things that look different to different people.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
absolutely love having my face under water and wet.
Alex Polikowsky
________________________________
From: Kelly Lovejoy <kbcdlovejo@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, August 13, 2010 11:27:01 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: balancing family needs with child's needs
and dealing with fear
I'm fifty next week. I've never liked my face or my head wet. Not afraid: I just
don't like the feeling of stuff running down my face. Only in the last 4-5 years
have I found others who share this. I keep a towel over the shower too,
Deb---and a towel near the edge of the pool.
Funny. I thought for most of my life that I was the only one. <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world
than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
My mother is over 60 and is afraid of putting her face in the water. Enjoys
HOURS in the pool as long as she doesn't have to put her face in the water.
There are ways to enjoy things that look different to different people.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
A couple of my friends who grew up in the city of Chicago neither rode bikes as kids nor learned to drive cars as teens. In college, in a small town with limited public transport, they both learned to bicycle - made a weekend party out of it with friends and learned. One learned to drive in his thirties, the other, as far as I know, still doesn't drive.
Like reading, not only is there no magic age for learning, but there's no disadvantage to learning later other than self-esteem issues. When a person feels supported and confident as an adult, the skills of bike riding take hours to learn, rather than the months of struggle it takes many children.
---Meredith
Like reading, not only is there no magic age for learning, but there's no disadvantage to learning later other than self-esteem issues. When a person feels supported and confident as an adult, the skills of bike riding take hours to learn, rather than the months of struggle it takes many children.
---Meredith