Biggest Frustration..
[email protected]
I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?
plaidpanties666
I honestly don't have any frustrations with unschooling per se these days - frustrations with life are another matter! but when I was just starting out, my biggest frustration was that I *wanted* to parent differently than how I was, but didn't know how - I didn't have the tools or even an idea of what the tools were!
So what helped most was reading and reading and reading - not just the pep-talks about unschooling, but anything I could find that described kids and parents interacting. Happily, plenty of unschoolers like to write about their kids ;)
If you like blogs, in particular, there's a collection of unschooling blogs here:
http://enjoylifeunschooling.com/
And my current favorite blog has a lovely index of unschooling related topics here:
http://sites.google.com/site/dragonflykaizen/unschooling-1
---Meredith
So what helped most was reading and reading and reading - not just the pep-talks about unschooling, but anything I could find that described kids and parents interacting. Happily, plenty of unschoolers like to write about their kids ;)
If you like blogs, in particular, there's a collection of unschooling blogs here:
http://enjoylifeunschooling.com/
And my current favorite blog has a lovely index of unschooling related topics here:
http://sites.google.com/site/dragonflykaizen/unschooling-1
---Meredith
Nicole Willoughby
I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?>>>
Well, I apologize if this ends up sounding more like a rant but my biggest personal frustration right now is both my health and not being able to get my kids out as much as we would like and people (including my roomate) critisizing me because basicly I'm not ordering the kids around and making them do chores and such. Basicly saying if I'd just parent the kids "normally" I wouldnt be so tired.
Nicole
"I've seen the village, and I don't want it raising my child." - LC
Well, I apologize if this ends up sounding more like a rant but my biggest personal frustration right now is both my health and not being able to get my kids out as much as we would like and people (including my roomate) critisizing me because basicly I'm not ordering the kids around and making them do chores and such. Basicly saying if I'd just parent the kids "normally" I wouldnt be so tired.
Nicole
"I've seen the village, and I don't want it raising my child." - LC
--- On Sat, 5/22/10, adamdealande@... <adam@...> wrote:
From: adamdealande@... <adam@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Biggest Frustration..
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, May 22, 2010, 3:24 PM
I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 22, 2010, at 4:24 PM, adamdealande@... wrote:
expectations not matching reality. And lack of control over the reality.
The best way to avoid frustration is to match expectations to what
something can deliver. Be clear on what radical unschooling is for.
It's for helping kids explore their interests and providing access to
what a parent believes will interest them. It's for forming a
partnership with kids. (And, by extension, partnerships with spouses
too to create an environment where unschooling can flourish.)
Accept what isn't in your power to control. A high needs child is a
high needs child. Unschooling won't change that. But unschooling can
remove added stress caused by school and conventional parenting.
Take control of what is in your power to control. Be proactive in
solving problems. Bring problems here :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what yourWhat causes frustration with anything? Probably the biggest cause is
> biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?
expectations not matching reality. And lack of control over the reality.
The best way to avoid frustration is to match expectations to what
something can deliver. Be clear on what radical unschooling is for.
It's for helping kids explore their interests and providing access to
what a parent believes will interest them. It's for forming a
partnership with kids. (And, by extension, partnerships with spouses
too to create an environment where unschooling can flourish.)
Accept what isn't in your power to control. A high needs child is a
high needs child. Unschooling won't change that. But unschooling can
remove added stress caused by school and conventional parenting.
Take control of what is in your power to control. Be proactive in
solving problems. Bring problems here :-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
> I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what yourAnd, please, *please*, everyone, there's a reason that crossposting is
> biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?
considered a no-no.
Besides the annoyance factor, the biggest reason -- the reason that
someone tempted to cross post should take to heart -- is it waters the
responses down. Ideas flow not just from the original question but
from the responses. People on more than one list will pick one list to
respond on and each list will miss out on the ideas that could have
been sparked by a full interaction with everyone's ideas.
(And, I don't know if it goes for a lot of people or not, I'm less
motivated to answer a crossposted question. Not to punish the
crossposter, but because there's the feeling it's likely they'll get
responses. My limited time is better spent on someone who is asking
one group of people for personal help rather than trolling to see what
they can gather.)
Yes, I know everyone wants the maximum number of responses as quickly
as possible but crossposting treats members like an answer factory. I
know that's not the intent, but intent doesn't change how something
gets perceived. If it feels annoying, it's as good as being annoying
deliberately.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
NCMama
I'm curious to know why you're asking - it seems like an odd way to learn about unschooling! What are you hoping to get from focusing on others' frustrations?
Caren
Caren
--- In [email protected], "adamdealande@..." <adam@...> wrote:
>
> I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?
>
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "NCMama" <carenkh@...> wrote:
I'm going to guess in order to avoid mishaps - and that makes me think of a reasonably common "frustration" now that you mention it! One of the issues that comes up regularly is parents diving into unschooling with both feet and then wondering where the pack of wild hooligans came from ;) If you're new to unschooling, ease in. Say yes more, question your reasoning more, look for alternatives more, but don't try to do it all at once - it stands the chance of frustrating you *and* your kids.
Another big frustration I see people run into headlong is "common wisdom". There's a whoooooole lot of common parenting adages and truisms that are only "true" in the context of kids being made to do things they don't like on an almost daily basis. Unschooling happens within a different context, so conventional wisdom about parenting doesn't apply. The frustration comes from knowing that on an intellectual level but not really "buying it" yet. That kind of frustration may very well be part of your learning process! It was part of mine ;)
---Meredith
>*******************
> I'm curious to know why you're asking - it seems like an odd way to learn about unschooling! What are you hoping to get from focusing on others' frustrations?
I'm going to guess in order to avoid mishaps - and that makes me think of a reasonably common "frustration" now that you mention it! One of the issues that comes up regularly is parents diving into unschooling with both feet and then wondering where the pack of wild hooligans came from ;) If you're new to unschooling, ease in. Say yes more, question your reasoning more, look for alternatives more, but don't try to do it all at once - it stands the chance of frustrating you *and* your kids.
Another big frustration I see people run into headlong is "common wisdom". There's a whoooooole lot of common parenting adages and truisms that are only "true" in the context of kids being made to do things they don't like on an almost daily basis. Unschooling happens within a different context, so conventional wisdom about parenting doesn't apply. The frustration comes from knowing that on an intellectual level but not really "buying it" yet. That kind of frustration may very well be part of your learning process! It was part of mine ;)
---Meredith
diana jenner
>Me. I am my own biggest roadblock.
>
> I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest
> personal frustration is with unschooling?
>
>
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.wordpress.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
For me it was natural in my heart to unschool but there is so little..none..support for unschooling. Other parents seem interested in it in my area but it is so foreign a concept that without a support system many fail to take the steps. How did you decide to make the step and what did you overcome and continue to overcome? Lack of resources? What are the fears that resurface for you? I am just curious. I think you are all amazing people for taking this journey.
--- In [email protected], "NCMama" <carenkh@...> wrote:
>
> I'm curious to know why you're asking - it seems like an odd way to learn about unschooling! What are you hoping to get from focusing on others' frustrations?
>
> Caren
>
> --- In [email protected], "adamdealande@" <adam@> wrote:
> >
> > I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest personal frustration is with unschooling?
> >
>
Amy
> What causes frustration with anything? Probably the biggest cause isThis was and still is a biggie for us at times. I find emptying myself of expectations, (unrealistic, arbitrary ones anyhow) helps tremendously. Realizing I don't *know* best or even what the outcome will be is okay. Letting go and embracing trust has lessened frustrations here greatly.
> expectations not matching reality. And lack of control over the reality.
>
> The best way to avoid frustration is to match expectations to what
> something can deliver...
>
> Accept what isn't in your power to control. A high needs child is a
> high needs child. Unschooling won't change that. But unschooling can
> remove added stress caused by school and conventional parenting.
>
> Take control of what is in your power to control. Be proactive inI like the way you worded this, Joyce..."take control of what is in your power to control" It really hit home for me today. It's okay to struggle, be proactive in solving problems and bringing problems to the boards is helpful! Thanks for the reminder!
> solving problems. Bring problems here :-)
>YES! I can't tell you how many times I read this bit of advice when we started unschooling 3.5 years ago. However, I/we did jump right in, anyhow. Lol. Once we let all the reigns out at once, I understood the advice MUCH better!
>One of the issues that
>comes up regularly is parents diving into unschooling with both feet >and then
>wondering where the pack of wild hooligans came from ;) If you're >new to
>unschooling, ease in
All the best to you and yours,
Amy
(Charlie 7, Sadie 3)
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "adamdealande@..." <adam@...> wrote:
In many ways my journey into unschooling has been a journey to embrace more of my better qualities and to actively nurture those. I *want* to be kinder, more gracious, more mindful - truly those things, not the "nicey-nice" social forms that can cover all sorts of ugliness. So the biggest thing I had to overcome was my own resistance to change.
Its Hard to change! Its hard to break old habits. Its even harder to question assumptions that are so long held they seem like solid ground under your feet.
Happily, my kids have made it easier for me - not by being "easy" kids, but by challenging my assumptions for me! I count myself lucky to have kids that make it really obvious to me when I'm not being true to my better nature.
---Meredith
>How did you decide to make the step and what did you overcome and continue to overcome?**************
In many ways my journey into unschooling has been a journey to embrace more of my better qualities and to actively nurture those. I *want* to be kinder, more gracious, more mindful - truly those things, not the "nicey-nice" social forms that can cover all sorts of ugliness. So the biggest thing I had to overcome was my own resistance to change.
Its Hard to change! Its hard to break old habits. Its even harder to question assumptions that are so long held they seem like solid ground under your feet.
Happily, my kids have made it easier for me - not by being "easy" kids, but by challenging my assumptions for me! I count myself lucky to have kids that make it really obvious to me when I'm not being true to my better nature.
---Meredith
JJ
I really like this and it makes be think of the old romantic relationship high praise, of realizing that you love someone who makes you want to listen to your better angels and thereby helps you be a better person.
I've marveled so often through the years at what I learn from unschooling with our kids -- everything from opera to bagpipes and back again -- but I never quite put this particular thought together before, that in loving and unschooling my kids, I am thereby made a better person. Wow! And it's so true. Thanks, Meredith. :)
JJ
I've marveled so often through the years at what I learn from unschooling with our kids -- everything from opera to bagpipes and back again -- but I never quite put this particular thought together before, that in loving and unschooling my kids, I am thereby made a better person. Wow! And it's so true. Thanks, Meredith. :)
JJ
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "adamdealande@" <adam@> wrote:
> >How did you decide to make the step and what did you overcome and continue to overcome?
> **************
>
> In many ways my journey into unschooling has been a journey to embrace more of my better qualities and to actively nurture those. I *want* to be kinder, more gracious, more mindful - truly those things, not the "nicey-nice" social forms that can cover all sorts of ugliness. So the biggest thing I had to overcome was my own resistance to change.
>
> Its Hard to change! Its hard to break old habits. Its even harder to question assumptions that are so long held they seem like solid ground under your feet.
>
> Happily, my kids have made it easier for me - not by being "easy" kids, but by challenging my assumptions for me! I count myself lucky to have kids that make it really obvious to me when I'm not being true to my better nature.
>
> ---Meredith
>
[email protected]
Do you have children? Are they homeschooled? Do you have friends who homeschool? Etc.
I think we could be even more helpful if you introduce yourself and ask specific questions.
Nance
I think we could be even more helpful if you introduce yourself and ask specific questions.
Nance
--- In [email protected], "adamdealande@..." <adam@...> wrote:
>
> For me it was natural in my heart to unschool but there is so little..none..support for unschooling. Other parents seem interested in it in my area but it is so foreign a concept that without a support system many fail to take the steps. How did you decide to make the step and what did you overcome and continue to overcome? Lack of resources? What are the fears that resurface for you? I am just curious. I think you are all amazing people for taking this journey.
>
>
[email protected]
No problem Nance,
My wife and I have two children 4 and 2 years old. We are going to our first unschooling conference called Life Is Good tomorrow. Our daughter attended a private preschool but we decided to go with our hearts a unschool her now. I just met a friend who I didn't knew unschooled. When we tell people about our new direction, most of our friends are interested themselves but hesitant. I am curious about others hesitantcies who actually faced these fears and continued down the path. What were your fears and how did you overcome them?
Thanks Adam
My wife and I have two children 4 and 2 years old. We are going to our first unschooling conference called Life Is Good tomorrow. Our daughter attended a private preschool but we decided to go with our hearts a unschool her now. I just met a friend who I didn't knew unschooled. When we tell people about our new direction, most of our friends are interested themselves but hesitant. I am curious about others hesitantcies who actually faced these fears and continued down the path. What were your fears and how did you overcome them?
Thanks Adam
--- In [email protected], "marbleface@..." <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> Do you have children? Are they homeschooled? Do you have friends who homeschool? Etc.
>
> I think we could be even more helpful if you introduce yourself and ask specific questions.
>
> Nance
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "adamdealande@" <adam@> wrote:
> >
> > For me it was natural in my heart to unschool but there is so little..none..support for unschooling. Other parents seem interested in it in my area but it is so foreign a concept that without a support system many fail to take the steps. How did you decide to make the step and what did you overcome and continue to overcome? Lack of resources? What are the fears that resurface for you? I am just curious. I think you are all amazing people for taking this journey.
> >
> >
>
Rebecca M.
Adam wrote:
I really just had to let go of any residual perceptions of control over my child's life (especially his future, unknown life) that I was clinging to...
That took care of my fears.
- Rebecca
>What were your fears and how did you overcome them?I figured out that my fears (or anything else that was holding us back from fully unschooling) all had to do with the future, not the here-and-now.
I really just had to let go of any residual perceptions of control over my child's life (especially his future, unknown life) that I was clinging to...
That took care of my fears.
- Rebecca
Lyla Wolfenstein
adam, are you in portland? i am and will be at life is good, along with hundreds of others :)
i encourage you to go to the dad's panel, and the "secret society of unschooling dads" session, in addition to any other sessions that pique your interest! i think you will feel inspired by the conference, and probably get many of your questions answered as well. also, if you do live in the area, there are local unschooling lists - i can hook you up :)
warmly, lyla
i encourage you to go to the dad's panel, and the "secret society of unschooling dads" session, in addition to any other sessions that pique your interest! i think you will feel inspired by the conference, and probably get many of your questions answered as well. also, if you do live in the area, there are local unschooling lists - i can hook you up :)
warmly, lyla
----- Original Message -----
From: adamdealande@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, May 26, 2010 6:40 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Biggest Frustration..
No problem Nance,
My wife and I have two children 4 and 2 years old. We are going to our first unschooling conference called Life Is Good tomorrow. Our daughter attended a private preschool but we decided to go with our hearts a unschool her now. I just met a friend who I didn't knew unschooled. When we tell people about our new direction, most of our friends are interested themselves but hesitant. I am curious about others hesitantcies who actually faced these fears and continued down the path. What were your fears and how did you overcome them?
Thanks Adam
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
My fear was that my son would become sadder than he already was after attending 7 months of public school K if we didn't pull him out.
I hope you enjoy the conference.
Nance
I hope you enjoy the conference.
Nance
--- In [email protected], "adamdealande@..." <adam@...> wrote:
>
>
> No problem Nance,
>
> My wife and I have two children 4 and 2 years old. We are going to our first unschooling conference called Life Is Good tomorrow. Our daughter attended a private preschool but we decided to go with our hearts a unschool her now. I just met a friend who I didn't knew unschooled. When we tell people about our new direction, most of our friends are interested themselves but hesitant. I am curious about others hesitantcies who actually faced these fears and continued down the path. What were your fears and how did you overcome them?
>
> Thanks Adam
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "marbleface@" <marbleface@> wrote:
> >
> > Do you have children? Are they homeschooled? Do you have friends who homeschool? Etc.
> >
> > I think we could be even more helpful if you introduce yourself and ask specific questions.
> >
> > Nance
JJ
I'm uneasy with the whole suggestion or assumption that unschooling is based on fears or even hestitancies. Does that count as a big frustration?? ;-)
So I've been trying to figure out how to (kindly and helpfully) object to the question itself as not productive, even annoying to unschoolers like we are, in its ignorance. For us unschooling was seamless, whole-hearted, full-throated wonderfulness, continuation rather than interruption of the close family life we were enjoying with our young children at home, before "school" choices confronted us.
Unschooling was no really a decision or leap of faith in the face of fears. School would have been!
So I've been trying to figure out how to (kindly and helpfully) object to the question itself as not productive, even annoying to unschoolers like we are, in its ignorance. For us unschooling was seamless, whole-hearted, full-throated wonderfulness, continuation rather than interruption of the close family life we were enjoying with our young children at home, before "school" choices confronted us.
Unschooling was no really a decision or leap of faith in the face of fears. School would have been!
--- In [email protected], "marbleface@..." <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
>
> My fear was that my son would become sadder than he already was after attending 7 months of public school K if we didn't pull him out.
>
> I hope you enjoy the conference.
>
> Nance
>
> --- In [email protected], "adamdealande@" <adam@> wrote:
> >
> >
> > No problem Nance,
> >
> > My wife and I have two children 4 and 2 years old. We are going to our first unschooling conference called Life Is Good tomorrow. Our daughter attended a private preschool but we decided to go with our hearts a unschool her now. I just met a friend who I didn't knew unschooled. When we tell people about our new direction, most of our friends are interested themselves but hesitant. I am curious about others hesitantcies who actually faced these fears and continued down the path. What were your fears and how did you overcome them?
> >
> > Thanks Adam
> >
> >
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "marbleface@" <marbleface@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Do you have children? Are they homeschooled? Do you have friends who homeschool? Etc.
> > >
> > > I think we could be even more helpful if you introduce yourself and ask specific questions.
> > >
> > > Nance
>
Maisha Khalfani
My inability at times to stay present in the moment and to relax. LOL
Nothing the kids do, but my responses are what frustrate me.
Maisha Khalfani
<http://earthspirittarot.blogspot.com/> EarthSpirit Tarot Readings
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<http://earthspiritbooksandgifts.blogspot.com/> EarthSpirit Books and Gifts
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<http://7freespirits.blogspot.com/> 7 Free Spirits
Follow our adventures through life
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
adamdealande@...
Sent: Saturday, May 22, 2010 4:24 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Biggest Frustration..
I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest
personal frustration is with unschooling?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nothing the kids do, but my responses are what frustrate me.
Maisha Khalfani
<http://earthspirittarot.blogspot.com/> EarthSpirit Tarot Readings
Come and gain clarity and insight
<http://earthspiritbooksandgifts.blogspot.com/> EarthSpirit Books and Gifts
A bookstore for the Open Minded
<http://7freespirits.blogspot.com/> 7 Free Spirits
Follow our adventures through life
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of
adamdealande@...
Sent: Saturday, May 22, 2010 4:24 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Biggest Frustration..
I am getting going in unschooling and I wanted to know what your biggest
personal frustration is with unschooling?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]