a little of topic - please e-mail me off list!
[email protected]
Hi,
I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list, so please e-mail your responses to me personally, instead of to the group. I am not looking for a theological discussion. I am just wondering how unschooling folks handle church attendance. We moved about a year ago, and left a church we (the girls and I, my dh is not much for formal church) loved. Since then we have not really found a church that we works for all of us.
My oldest has told me that, while she likes God and enjoys reading the kid's Bibles we have, she does not really like attending church. She has a hard time sitting still and feels like people are watching her, and doesn't really love Sunday school or activity time. So, my unschooling inclination is to let it go, and let her stay home with Dad. I figure, if I force her, she will end up hating church anyway, and will reject it as an adult. I figure, one does not have to go to church to be spiritual.
For my youngest daughter, there is a church that she enjoys, because she made a friend there. And, I have found a Quaker meeting I enjoy. So, I am thinking of splitting our time between the two. It's just hard for me, because my father is a Methodist minister, and my mother's father was as well. So, going to church and being highly involved are in my blood. It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.
Again, please e-mail me separately, if you have any advice.
Thanks,
Amy C.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list, so please e-mail your responses to me personally, instead of to the group. I am not looking for a theological discussion. I am just wondering how unschooling folks handle church attendance. We moved about a year ago, and left a church we (the girls and I, my dh is not much for formal church) loved. Since then we have not really found a church that we works for all of us.
My oldest has told me that, while she likes God and enjoys reading the kid's Bibles we have, she does not really like attending church. She has a hard time sitting still and feels like people are watching her, and doesn't really love Sunday school or activity time. So, my unschooling inclination is to let it go, and let her stay home with Dad. I figure, if I force her, she will end up hating church anyway, and will reject it as an adult. I figure, one does not have to go to church to be spiritual.
For my youngest daughter, there is a church that she enjoys, because she made a friend there. And, I have found a Quaker meeting I enjoy. So, I am thinking of splitting our time between the two. It's just hard for me, because my father is a Methodist minister, and my mother's father was as well. So, going to church and being highly involved are in my blood. It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.
Again, please e-mail me separately, if you have any advice.
Thanks,
Amy C.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], AECANGORA@... wrote:
Back when I was teaching yoga I had a lady "confess" to me one day that she didn't go to church, but worshipped at home. I spent some time reassuring her that I was okay with that. She was practically in tears - she was at least 30yrs old. Its great to think that your kids won't have to deal with that kind of shame and guilt over practicing their faith in a way that's meaningful to them.
I'm not a Christian, so my opinions may be unhelpful, but one of the bible quotes that strikes me as relevant is that Jesus said something like "let the children come to me" - he didn't say "drag them along whether they want to be there or not". Letting kids engage in things they find meaninful sounds pretty unschooly to me ;)
That's not an uncommon experience for unschoolers - to have a family tradition of some kind and then find that not all the kids in the family enjoy that tradition in the same ways. Its come up with the subject of birthdays, holidays, and vacations in particular. It can help to think about what it is you value about "participating fully in the life of a church". I'd guess that some of that is about wanting a sense of community, so maybe you can look for other ways to find and build community for yourself and your family (starting your own unschooling conference, for instance...).
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
> I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this listIt seems like a completely on-topic question to me (in my official persona as list owner). You're not looking for a kinder, gentler way to force your kids to do something, but how to accomodate their needs along with your own.
>>I figure, if I force her, she will end up hating church anyway, and will reject it as an adult. I figure, one does not have to go to church to be spiritual.***************
Back when I was teaching yoga I had a lady "confess" to me one day that she didn't go to church, but worshipped at home. I spent some time reassuring her that I was okay with that. She was practically in tears - she was at least 30yrs old. Its great to think that your kids won't have to deal with that kind of shame and guilt over practicing their faith in a way that's meaningful to them.
I'm not a Christian, so my opinions may be unhelpful, but one of the bible quotes that strikes me as relevant is that Jesus said something like "let the children come to me" - he didn't say "drag them along whether they want to be there or not". Letting kids engage in things they find meaninful sounds pretty unschooly to me ;)
>>It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.************
That's not an uncommon experience for unschoolers - to have a family tradition of some kind and then find that not all the kids in the family enjoy that tradition in the same ways. Its come up with the subject of birthdays, holidays, and vacations in particular. It can help to think about what it is you value about "participating fully in the life of a church". I'd guess that some of that is about wanting a sense of community, so maybe you can look for other ways to find and build community for yourself and your family (starting your own unschooling conference, for instance...).
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
gruvystarchild
~~I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list, so please e-mail your responses to me personally, instead of to the group. ctivity time. ~~
Your post is not a religious discussion and therefore is perfectly fine for the list! Please don't email off-list as it would take away from a potentially helpful discussion. This list does not exist to have members sending individual information. It's a discussion list and if it's not acceptable to post here, then I really don't want people asking for personal responses.
A discussion about how to handle religion and unschooling could be very helpful for a lot of people here, so please keep it on list. Thank you!
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Your post is not a religious discussion and therefore is perfectly fine for the list! Please don't email off-list as it would take away from a potentially helpful discussion. This list does not exist to have members sending individual information. It's a discussion list and if it's not acceptable to post here, then I really don't want people asking for personal responses.
A discussion about how to handle religion and unschooling could be very helpful for a lot of people here, so please keep it on list. Thank you!
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
amy_aec
Thanks Meredith, this was very helpful.
It's hard to let go of my idea of what a Church going family looks like. But, I definitely want my girls to have their own spiritual lives, not ones imposed on them by me. I also no that I need to be prepared for them to not be spiritual at all.
It's hard to let go of all the things we perceive we are supposed to do as parents, like teaching them right from wrong and teaching them to love God, etc.
They really do come into the world as their own little persons, and there's not much we can or should do about it.
Amy C.
It's hard to let go of my idea of what a Church going family looks like. But, I definitely want my girls to have their own spiritual lives, not ones imposed on them by me. I also no that I need to be prepared for them to not be spiritual at all.
It's hard to let go of all the things we perceive we are supposed to do as parents, like teaching them right from wrong and teaching them to love God, etc.
They really do come into the world as their own little persons, and there's not much we can or should do about it.
Amy C.
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <plaidpanties666@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], AECANGORA@ wrote:
> > I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list
>
> It seems like a completely on-topic question to me (in my official persona as list owner). You're not looking for a kinder, gentler way to force your kids to do something, but how to accomodate their needs along with your own.
>
> >>I figure, if I force her, she will end up hating church anyway, and will reject it as an adult. I figure, one does not have to go to church to be spiritual.
> ***************
>
> Back when I was teaching yoga I had a lady "confess" to me one day that she didn't go to church, but worshipped at home. I spent some time reassuring her that I was okay with that. She was practically in tears - she was at least 30yrs old. Its great to think that your kids won't have to deal with that kind of shame and guilt over practicing their faith in a way that's meaningful to them.
>
> I'm not a Christian, so my opinions may be unhelpful, but one of the bible quotes that strikes me as relevant is that Jesus said something like "let the children come to me" - he didn't say "drag them along whether they want to be there or not". Letting kids engage in things they find meaninful sounds pretty unschooly to me ;)
>
> >>It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.
> ************
>
> That's not an uncommon experience for unschoolers - to have a family tradition of some kind and then find that not all the kids in the family enjoy that tradition in the same ways. Its come up with the subject of birthdays, holidays, and vacations in particular. It can help to think about what it is you value about "participating fully in the life of a church". I'd guess that some of that is about wanting a sense of community, so maybe you can look for other ways to find and build community for yourself and your family (starting your own unschooling conference, for instance...).
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>
amy_aec
Thank you Ren,
I was trying to avoid offending anyone, but did not know if it was an acceptable topic. I will definitely continue the discussion on-list, if others respond.
Amy C.
I was trying to avoid offending anyone, but did not know if it was an acceptable topic. I will definitely continue the discussion on-list, if others respond.
Amy C.
--- In [email protected], "gruvystarchild" <starsuncloud@...> wrote:
>
> ~~I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list, so please e-mail your responses to me personally, instead of to the group. ctivity time. ~~
>
>
> Your post is not a religious discussion and therefore is perfectly fine for the list! Please don't email off-list as it would take away from a potentially helpful discussion. This list does not exist to have members sending individual information. It's a discussion list and if it's not acceptable to post here, then I really don't want people asking for personal responses.
>
> A discussion about how to handle religion and unschooling could be very helpful for a lot of people here, so please keep it on list. Thank you!
>
> Ren
> radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
>
otherstar
>>>>It's hard to let go of my idea of what a Church going family looks like. But, I definitely want my girls to have their own spiritual lives, not ones imposed on them by me. I also no that I need to be prepared for them to not be spiritual at all.<<<<<Church going families come in all different sizes and shapes. My husband grew up in a strict Catholic family. He was even a monk for several years. He still goes to church on occasion but we went through a period of time where he was going every weekend. I even went through the process of converting. We went to church as a family all the time. My oldest daughter didn't have a problem with it and enjoyed going. My second daughter came along and she was fine with it too. At least for a little while. She is a very spirited little person and did not like to be confined. Church was too much for us to handle and it made our entire family hate it. We stopped going all together for a little while. That didn't work because my husband still had a need/desire to go to church because even as an adult he feels bound by his parents. For the longest time, they would ask him about whether or not he went to church. He would leave the church completely but he feels like it would devastate his parents. That is a huge burden for a kid of any age to carry around. When he wants to go to church, he asks if anybody wants to go with him. My 5 year old usually does but my 8 year old doesn't. It's funny because my 8 year old doesn't go to church but she talks about prayer and God and praying. We offer to take the kids to church but they usually decline. My 5 year old has asked to go once or twice and we have accommodated her. We put it out there as an option. However, that doesn't stop us from talking about religion and spirituality. We have religious books all over the house that represent most religions. We have a Bible, the Koran, and even the book of Mormon.
Connie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
otherstar
In our house, my husband is the one that goes to church and I am the one that doesn't do church. My husband was even a Benedictine monk for a while. He grew up in a very religious family that insisted on going to church no matter what. My husband's parents were crushed when he left the monastery because having a monk/cleric in the family is so highly regarded to them. It is so ingrained in my husband that he still prays the divine office several times a day. Our girls see him praying and reading and can ask about it at any time. We talk a lot about church and religion when the kids are around. We share our experiences with our kids and with each other.
As a result, when my husband wants to go to church, he invites the kids to go along. If they want to go, they go. If they don't want to go, they stay home with me. There was a period of time where we tried to go as a family but that was too stressful for me and for the kids that couldn't sit still. Even with a cry room, it was too stressful because I felt like people were watching me and the kids and were scrutinizing our every move. I found myself hating church and losing my own sense of spirituality. When the little ones (3 & 16 months) get bigger, we may try to go as a family again but it won't be a big deal if somebody doesn't want to.
My 5 year old will sometimes ask to go to church and my husband will take her. My 8 year old has no interest in going to church but she likes to pray and talk about God. My girls also love the Veggie Tales movies.
We have applied strewing to religion just like we do everything else. We have all kinds of religious icons (crosses, Indian art, Buddha's, etc.) through out our house. We also have a variety of books about religion and spirituality. Whenever we are at a book store or thrift store, we pick up books about religion and spirituality. We found one the other day about atheist spirituality. The point is that you can force a kid to go to church but that won't make them spiritual or even religious. Some kids grow up being forced to go to church their whole lives and still reject religion when they get older. Some kids never go to church but grow up to be very religious people. I try to expose my kids to a little bit of everything so that they can make up their own minds.
Connie
From: AECANGORA@...
Sent: Saturday, May 08, 2010 10:11 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] a little of topic - please e-mail me off list!
Hi,
I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list, so please e-mail your responses to me personally, instead of to the group. I am not looking for a theological discussion. I am just wondering how unschooling folks handle church attendance. We moved about a year ago, and left a church we (the girls and I, my dh is not much for formal church) loved. Since then we have not really found a church that we works for all of us.
My oldest has told me that, while she likes God and enjoys reading the kid's Bibles we have, she does not really like attending church. She has a hard time sitting still and feels like people are watching her, and doesn't really love Sunday school or activity time. So, my unschooling inclination is to let it go, and let her stay home with Dad. I figure, if I force her, she will end up hating church anyway, and will reject it as an adult. I figure, one does not have to go to church to be spiritual.
For my youngest daughter, there is a church that she enjoys, because she made a friend there. And, I have found a Quaker meeting I enjoy. So, I am thinking of splitting our time between the two. It's just hard for me, because my father is a Methodist minister, and my mother's father was as well. So, going to church and being highly involved are in my blood. It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.
Again, please e-mail me separately, if you have any advice.
Thanks,
Amy C.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
As a result, when my husband wants to go to church, he invites the kids to go along. If they want to go, they go. If they don't want to go, they stay home with me. There was a period of time where we tried to go as a family but that was too stressful for me and for the kids that couldn't sit still. Even with a cry room, it was too stressful because I felt like people were watching me and the kids and were scrutinizing our every move. I found myself hating church and losing my own sense of spirituality. When the little ones (3 & 16 months) get bigger, we may try to go as a family again but it won't be a big deal if somebody doesn't want to.
My 5 year old will sometimes ask to go to church and my husband will take her. My 8 year old has no interest in going to church but she likes to pray and talk about God. My girls also love the Veggie Tales movies.
We have applied strewing to religion just like we do everything else. We have all kinds of religious icons (crosses, Indian art, Buddha's, etc.) through out our house. We also have a variety of books about religion and spirituality. Whenever we are at a book store or thrift store, we pick up books about religion and spirituality. We found one the other day about atheist spirituality. The point is that you can force a kid to go to church but that won't make them spiritual or even religious. Some kids grow up being forced to go to church their whole lives and still reject religion when they get older. Some kids never go to church but grow up to be very religious people. I try to expose my kids to a little bit of everything so that they can make up their own minds.
Connie
From: AECANGORA@...
Sent: Saturday, May 08, 2010 10:11 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] a little of topic - please e-mail me off list!
Hi,
I know that religious discussions are not allowed on this list, so please e-mail your responses to me personally, instead of to the group. I am not looking for a theological discussion. I am just wondering how unschooling folks handle church attendance. We moved about a year ago, and left a church we (the girls and I, my dh is not much for formal church) loved. Since then we have not really found a church that we works for all of us.
My oldest has told me that, while she likes God and enjoys reading the kid's Bibles we have, she does not really like attending church. She has a hard time sitting still and feels like people are watching her, and doesn't really love Sunday school or activity time. So, my unschooling inclination is to let it go, and let her stay home with Dad. I figure, if I force her, she will end up hating church anyway, and will reject it as an adult. I figure, one does not have to go to church to be spiritual.
For my youngest daughter, there is a church that she enjoys, because she made a friend there. And, I have found a Quaker meeting I enjoy. So, I am thinking of splitting our time between the two. It's just hard for me, because my father is a Methodist minister, and my mother's father was as well. So, going to church and being highly involved are in my blood. It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.
Again, please e-mail me separately, if you have any advice.
Thanks,
Amy C.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 9.0.819 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2861 - Release Date: 05/08/10 01:26:00
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bun
--- In [email protected], AECANGORA@... wrote:
Is this because you want everyone to do (what you were brought up seeing as) the right thing to do? Is your feeling like it is hard anything to do with how others (church friends, old friends, parents?)might look at you or think of your family? Is there some sort of guilt that you feel for not meeting another's expectations of church going?
You don't have to make the same choices your parents or grandparents did unless you want to. And the choices you (and your dh and kids) make now can be changed at any time. Don't feel locked in, just do what is right for your children and dh now.
I think you are right on about not forcing the church issue and not worrying about needing church to be spiritual. Connie gave some good examples of how they still have religion and spirituality at home w/o going to church.
Laurie
> It's just hard for me, because my father is a Methodist minister, and my mother's father was as well. So, going to church and being highly involved are in my blood. It's hard to not have the whole family go together and not to participate fully in the life of a church.Hi Amy - It sounds like you are respecting your children's and dh's choices (dd1 staying home w/dh and dd2 going to church that her friend attends) and feel like that is what is best for them, but that you wish everyone wanted to attend church as a whole family.
Is this because you want everyone to do (what you were brought up seeing as) the right thing to do? Is your feeling like it is hard anything to do with how others (church friends, old friends, parents?)might look at you or think of your family? Is there some sort of guilt that you feel for not meeting another's expectations of church going?
You don't have to make the same choices your parents or grandparents did unless you want to. And the choices you (and your dh and kids) make now can be changed at any time. Don't feel locked in, just do what is right for your children and dh now.
I think you are right on about not forcing the church issue and not worrying about needing church to be spiritual. Connie gave some good examples of how they still have religion and spirituality at home w/o going to church.
Laurie
amy_aec
--- In [email protected], "Bun" <alohabun@...> wrote:
Amy C.
>Yes, I would like the whole family to go together. It doesn't feel like we are a close family unit, when it's just me and maybe my youngest.
> Hi Amy - It sounds like you are respecting your children's and dh's choices (dd1 staying home w/dh and dd2 going to church that her friend attends) and feel like that is what is best for them, but that you wish everyone wanted to attend church as a whole family. >
>It's not really so much that I worry about what others think (although there is probably a little of that). It's more that I would like them to want to be with me. It's so important to me, and I would love for them to have it be important to them as well. Or, maybe (especially my husband) do it simply because it is important to me, even if they don't love it. I realize that there are other ways we can spend time together on Sundays, but that means me giving up something that is important to me. So, I am in the position of having to choose between my faith and my family.
> Is this because you want everyone to do (what you were brought up seeing as) the right thing to do? Is your feeling like it is hard anything to do with how others (church friends, old friends, parents?)might look at you or think of your family? Is there some sort of guilt that you feel for not meeting another's expectations of church going? >
> You don't have to make the same choices your parents or grandparents did unless you want to. And the choices you (and your dh and kids) make now can be changed at any time. Don't feel locked in, just do what is right for your children and dh now. >I do realize this and do realize I don't have to go to church every Sunday. It just still feels lonely at times. I also have to make a choice between the Quaker meeting that I like to attend and the church that my younger daughter does enjoy. Decisions, Decisions!
> I think you are right on about not forcing the church issue and not worrying about needing church to be spiritual. Connie gave some good examples of how they still have religion and spirituality at home w/o going to church.I do know that going to church is not the only way to be spiritual. It is just something that I enjoy, has meaning for me, and that I would like them to participate in. But, I will have to let go of it for now. Maybe in the future my dh and dd will want to come.
>
> Laurie
Amy C.
>
Joyce Fetteroll
On May 16, 2010, at 9:40 AM, amy_aec wrote:
it does offer and don't lump all your needs for it together. Go to
church because you love going to church. Go to the one your daughter
likes to give her something special. Find ways to be a close family
unit by doing activities everyone enjoys.
Some people do have a knack for feeling and sharing their appreciation
for others setting aside time to do something for them, but expecting
someone to give you the gift of their time is a pretty good guarantee
that they'll do it with resentment! A gift that someone is expecting
someone to give them isn't really a gift.
There's no harm is asking if others will join you because it's
important. There's great joy in sharing your appreciation for what
they go out of their way to do.
Maybe it will help to see some of the things your husband enjoys that
you don't, and put yourself in the place of choosing to do one of
those with them each week. I'm not saying that as a suggestion to give
him something to get something back, but as a way to help you get out
of the mindset of wishing others were different and could act like
your ideal. It's not easy to joyfully give something every week that
you don't love. It even less easy to do it if it's expected (and
therefore not given!) Maybe it will help to think of the things they
do do for you. Maybe it will help to do more for them joyfully because
you want to and then you'll be someone they want even more to do nice
things for :-)
(Some words of clarification on giving: Too often, women especially,
give because they want to be needed. Too often giving is focused on
what mom wants to give (great meals, a nice home, clean laundry) and
not on what each person would love to have. A cup of hot chocolate
delivered while someone's deeply involved in a project and too busy to
eat will beat the heck out of a beautiful meal that took 2 hours to
prepare.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Yes, I would like the whole family to go together. It doesn't feelIt will be easier to find the joy in what you choose if you enjoy what
> like we are a close family unit, when it's just me and maybe my
> youngest.
it does offer and don't lump all your needs for it together. Go to
church because you love going to church. Go to the one your daughter
likes to give her something special. Find ways to be a close family
unit by doing activities everyone enjoys.
Some people do have a knack for feeling and sharing their appreciation
for others setting aside time to do something for them, but expecting
someone to give you the gift of their time is a pretty good guarantee
that they'll do it with resentment! A gift that someone is expecting
someone to give them isn't really a gift.
There's no harm is asking if others will join you because it's
important. There's great joy in sharing your appreciation for what
they go out of their way to do.
Maybe it will help to see some of the things your husband enjoys that
you don't, and put yourself in the place of choosing to do one of
those with them each week. I'm not saying that as a suggestion to give
him something to get something back, but as a way to help you get out
of the mindset of wishing others were different and could act like
your ideal. It's not easy to joyfully give something every week that
you don't love. It even less easy to do it if it's expected (and
therefore not given!) Maybe it will help to think of the things they
do do for you. Maybe it will help to do more for them joyfully because
you want to and then you'll be someone they want even more to do nice
things for :-)
(Some words of clarification on giving: Too often, women especially,
give because they want to be needed. Too often giving is focused on
what mom wants to give (great meals, a nice home, clean laundry) and
not on what each person would love to have. A cup of hot chocolate
delivered while someone's deeply involved in a project and too busy to
eat will beat the heck out of a beautiful meal that took 2 hours to
prepare.)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
amy_aec
Thanks Joyce, for also calling me on my "stuff." I didn't even realize how selfish I was sounding. We do have other things we enjoy doing together. I think we need to talk about making Sunday a family day. I'll just go to church once in awhile, when we have nothing else planned. And, maybe go to the church my younger daughter likes when she wants to go.
Amy C.
Amy C.
--- In [email protected], Joyce Fetteroll <jfetteroll@...> wrote:
>
>
> On May 16, 2010, at 9:40 AM, amy_aec wrote:
>
> > Yes, I would like the whole family to go together. It doesn't feel
> > like we are a close family unit, when it's just me and maybe my
> > youngest.
>
> It will be easier to find the joy in what you choose if you enjoy what
> it does offer and don't lump all your needs for it together. Go to
> church because you love going to church. Go to the one your daughter
> likes to give her something special. Find ways to be a close family
> unit by doing activities everyone enjoys.
>
> Some people do have a knack for feeling and sharing their appreciation
> for others setting aside time to do something for them, but expecting
> someone to give you the gift of their time is a pretty good guarantee
> that they'll do it with resentment! A gift that someone is expecting
> someone to give them isn't really a gift.
>
> There's no harm is asking if others will join you because it's
> important. There's great joy in sharing your appreciation for what
> they go out of their way to do.
>
> Maybe it will help to see some of the things your husband enjoys that
> you don't, and put yourself in the place of choosing to do one of
> those with them each week. I'm not saying that as a suggestion to give
> him something to get something back, but as a way to help you get out
> of the mindset of wishing others were different and could act like
> your ideal. It's not easy to joyfully give something every week that
> you don't love. It even less easy to do it if it's expected (and
> therefore not given!) Maybe it will help to think of the things they
> do do for you. Maybe it will help to do more for them joyfully because
> you want to and then you'll be someone they want even more to do nice
> things for :-)
>
> (Some words of clarification on giving: Too often, women especially,
> give because they want to be needed. Too often giving is focused on
> what mom wants to give (great meals, a nice home, clean laundry) and
> not on what each person would love to have. A cup of hot chocolate
> delivered while someone's deeply involved in a project and too busy to
> eat will beat the heck out of a beautiful meal that took 2 hours to
> prepare.)
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Nicole
Hi Amy -
This is my first post on these boards and I'll confess that I'm still learning about some of the "unparenting" philosophies, so I hope I don't step on anyone's toes...
I realize that there are other ways we can spend time together on Sundays, but that means me giving up something that is important to me. So, I am in the position of having to choose between my faith and my family.
Do you share your faith with your family at home? Do you discuss why it means what it means to you? Do you talk about why you love attending church meetings? What does it do for you and what do you find that you can give there? Does it help you and prepare you for your week ahead? Do you gain insight from the people around you? Do you come away inspired?
Also, you can have very intimate times with your children or all of your family, including your husband, without attending church together, if you pray together or read the Bible together (I am assuming that the Bible is your holy scripture of choice, as you mentioned your daughter attending another church)or discuss what certain passages mean to you or use biblical guidance to help you solve problems. All of these things foster intimacy within the family and allow you to share your faith with one another. Where YOU worship and learn can therefore be separate, but it does not mean that you have to choose between your faith and your family. Perhaps building some of these deeper connections at home will foster a desire in your family to attend church with you - or maybe even just visit from time to time. Or maybe you will each still have different desires, but perhaps if you share some of these other things, it won't be as important to you that they attend with you.
~ Nicole
This is my first post on these boards and I'll confess that I'm still learning about some of the "unparenting" philosophies, so I hope I don't step on anyone's toes...
>I understand your feelings here. I am Christian and my husband is not a believer. My girls go to church with me, but obviously not my husband. For me, I found that being involved in a house church is more to our liking, because it provides the intimacy that a larger, institutional church does not always have without participating in smaller groups. Small group involvement meant more time away from my husband and I never wanted to turn him off from faith by perpetually being away from home. It helps, too, that the house church I attend is right next door!! :)
> Yes, I would like the whole family to go together. It doesn't feel like we are a close family unit, when it's just me and maybe my youngest.
> It's not really so much that I worry about what others think (although there is probably a little of that). It's more that I would like them to want to be with me.They probably do want to be with you, but at home. :) I honestly understand your longing, but faith and even worship style is a very personal thing. Just as there are numerous ways to educate or encourage learning, there are many ways of coming together to worship - even among followers of Christ: Mennonites are vastly different than Pentecostals in their worship. Culture makes a difference too - primarily black congregations/Latin congregations/white congregations differ in worship style. Then there is music vs. no music. Or modern music vs. hymns or gospel vs. pop or Southern gospel vs. chanting. The way they feel is not aimed at you or their lack of love for you, but the way they feel about the particular church you want to attend. A Quaker service is very different from many other Christian services and your other daughter may not feel comfortable with the silence of meetings. That doesn't mean she doesn't have a relationship with God, though, and isn't that what you really want for her - I mean, isn't that what faith is all about?
I realize that there are other ways we can spend time together on Sundays, but that means me giving up something that is important to me. So, I am in the position of having to choose between my faith and my family.
>Again, in regard to your faith, you do not have to choose. Your attending or not attending church has nothing to do with your faith in or relationship with God. And "the church" is actually defined as the body of believers, not the building or even time of worship together. Worshipping is just one of many things "the church" does. They also pray, disciple, care for each others needs, and share with the greater community. All of these things don't take place exclusively on Sundays.
Do you share your faith with your family at home? Do you discuss why it means what it means to you? Do you talk about why you love attending church meetings? What does it do for you and what do you find that you can give there? Does it help you and prepare you for your week ahead? Do you gain insight from the people around you? Do you come away inspired?
Also, you can have very intimate times with your children or all of your family, including your husband, without attending church together, if you pray together or read the Bible together (I am assuming that the Bible is your holy scripture of choice, as you mentioned your daughter attending another church)or discuss what certain passages mean to you or use biblical guidance to help you solve problems. All of these things foster intimacy within the family and allow you to share your faith with one another. Where YOU worship and learn can therefore be separate, but it does not mean that you have to choose between your faith and your family. Perhaps building some of these deeper connections at home will foster a desire in your family to attend church with you - or maybe even just visit from time to time. Or maybe you will each still have different desires, but perhaps if you share some of these other things, it won't be as important to you that they attend with you.
~ Nicole