Re: Further discussion...please
Deb Lewis
Haven't found Pam's high energy kid post yet but found this lovely bit she wrote about sibling rivalry and helping super active kids get the physical play they need.
Deb Lewis
***
Posted at unschoolingbasics Sept. 28, 2008 Message #36256
By Pam Sorooshian
Those of us with older kids had young kids once.
Don't rule out the possibility that we remember and we have
perspective and can look back with the benefit of hindsight being
20/20, of course <G>.
You're in the very very beginning stages of unschooling - life is a
little wild and crazy with kids the ages of yours - so expect that and
go with it, don't resist it. Support their interests - that is your
unschooling mantra. Their interests are being physical and wild, right?
Do things together out of the house really often in places that
encourage really active hard play. They need the burn-off time. Maybe
stop now and make a list of ALL the places you can think of that are
within, say, an hour of home. Every different park, beach, playground,
ice-skating and roller-skating rinks, bowling, play places at fast
food restaurants. Water play is the BEST - a pool is ideal, playing in
sprinklers, with a hose, with lots of containers, a slip-n-slide, or
even in the bathtub, is great. Put down a bunch of towels all over the
floor and let them splash and have fun. Let them do that alone, not
always with their brother, too, because water play is very centering
and brings a deep sense of peace. With little boys that age, I'd be
going out every single day. Also, be sure you have plenty of play
equipment at home - a trampoline in the back yard, a swing set and
other climbing equipment?
Initiate fun activity that use a lot of energy. I used to set up
"obstacle courses" in the house when the weather was bad. After I'd
set one up, we'd time them on it, over and over. Then they'd get
started making their own obstacle courses and would spend a long time
doing them. When I was out at thrift stores or Big Lots or 99 cent
stores, I'd find things that could be used as part of an obstacle
course. Be really creative.
IF they're interested, they might like a martial arts activity that is
geared toward young children. Martial arts programs can sometimes be
really really fun for little kids with a lot of focus on games. Shop
around and choose carefully, though.
Sibling rivalry will be lessened the more you find many ways to
support their interests and provide an abundance of what they need. It
won't disappear entirely, probably, because these are kids who are
just learning to be social and they're living in very close proximity
to others who are also just learning. Conflict is pretty much
inevitable, to some degree. Expect it and don't get all emotional over
it, yourself. Try distracting them toward something cool/positive/
desired as often as possible - in a way that meets the child's needs
to the maximum extent you can manage. Sometimes "give it to them in
fantasy" is an amazing tension-reducer in sibling rivalry situations.
For example, if the kids are fighting over which tv show to watch or
over using the video game console or over who gets to sit where in the
car or .... give it to them in fantasy in a big way. Say, "Gosh, you
know what I really wish? I wish someone would invent a tv that showed
each person just what THAT person wanted to see - all at the same
time." IF you become skilled at staying cool, calm and collected in
the face of conflict, you can sense whether or not these kinds of
things will help or add fuel to the fire. Depends. Also, be sure to
give them plenty of time apart from each other. Maybe they need a lot
more of that than is convenient for you, but making the effort to find
ways to do it will pay off.
Nothing will just "fix" the sibling rivalry or the exhaustion that
comes of having 3 and 5 yo little boys around all the time. Change
your expectations and remember it is all a process. Try to experience
the feeling of life flowing like a river, rather than expecting it to
be static like a lake.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***
Posted at unschoolingbasics Sept. 28, 2008 Message #36256
By Pam Sorooshian
Those of us with older kids had young kids once.
Don't rule out the possibility that we remember and we have
perspective and can look back with the benefit of hindsight being
20/20, of course <G>.
You're in the very very beginning stages of unschooling - life is a
little wild and crazy with kids the ages of yours - so expect that and
go with it, don't resist it. Support their interests - that is your
unschooling mantra. Their interests are being physical and wild, right?
Do things together out of the house really often in places that
encourage really active hard play. They need the burn-off time. Maybe
stop now and make a list of ALL the places you can think of that are
within, say, an hour of home. Every different park, beach, playground,
ice-skating and roller-skating rinks, bowling, play places at fast
food restaurants. Water play is the BEST - a pool is ideal, playing in
sprinklers, with a hose, with lots of containers, a slip-n-slide, or
even in the bathtub, is great. Put down a bunch of towels all over the
floor and let them splash and have fun. Let them do that alone, not
always with their brother, too, because water play is very centering
and brings a deep sense of peace. With little boys that age, I'd be
going out every single day. Also, be sure you have plenty of play
equipment at home - a trampoline in the back yard, a swing set and
other climbing equipment?
Initiate fun activity that use a lot of energy. I used to set up
"obstacle courses" in the house when the weather was bad. After I'd
set one up, we'd time them on it, over and over. Then they'd get
started making their own obstacle courses and would spend a long time
doing them. When I was out at thrift stores or Big Lots or 99 cent
stores, I'd find things that could be used as part of an obstacle
course. Be really creative.
IF they're interested, they might like a martial arts activity that is
geared toward young children. Martial arts programs can sometimes be
really really fun for little kids with a lot of focus on games. Shop
around and choose carefully, though.
Sibling rivalry will be lessened the more you find many ways to
support their interests and provide an abundance of what they need. It
won't disappear entirely, probably, because these are kids who are
just learning to be social and they're living in very close proximity
to others who are also just learning. Conflict is pretty much
inevitable, to some degree. Expect it and don't get all emotional over
it, yourself. Try distracting them toward something cool/positive/
desired as often as possible - in a way that meets the child's needs
to the maximum extent you can manage. Sometimes "give it to them in
fantasy" is an amazing tension-reducer in sibling rivalry situations.
For example, if the kids are fighting over which tv show to watch or
over using the video game console or over who gets to sit where in the
car or .... give it to them in fantasy in a big way. Say, "Gosh, you
know what I really wish? I wish someone would invent a tv that showed
each person just what THAT person wanted to see - all at the same
time." IF you become skilled at staying cool, calm and collected in
the face of conflict, you can sense whether or not these kinds of
things will help or add fuel to the fire. Depends. Also, be sure to
give them plenty of time apart from each other. Maybe they need a lot
more of that than is convenient for you, but making the effort to find
ways to do it will pay off.
Nothing will just "fix" the sibling rivalry or the exhaustion that
comes of having 3 and 5 yo little boys around all the time. Change
your expectations and remember it is all a process. Try to experience
the feeling of life flowing like a river, rather than expecting it to
be static like a lake.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]