My 15 year old
MargaretC
Hi -
I'm looking for support. My 15 year old left high school a few months ago to do "independent study." He left due to feeling sick in classrooms. I was freaking out when he left and noticed he wasn't applying himself to "studies." I began exploring on internet andd reading Gatto's books and learned about unschooling which helped me to calm down, reassured me that if he doesn't "apply himself" he'll still be okay.
Now we are "homeschooling" instead but he's still not doing what he's supposed to. I understand why, but I feel compelled to push him so we can just get through this year and take the easiest route to getting what we need from school district so he can go to local junior college.
He's going to take the proficiency test in October and plans to go to junior college. My plan is to "force" him to get his AA in the next two years, but I'm thinking I need to stop forcing him on his eduction. I'm having control issues! I can't help but feel like maybe I'm dropping the ball and being lazy and giving up on him.
I'm looking for support. My 15 year old left high school a few months ago to do "independent study." He left due to feeling sick in classrooms. I was freaking out when he left and noticed he wasn't applying himself to "studies." I began exploring on internet andd reading Gatto's books and learned about unschooling which helped me to calm down, reassured me that if he doesn't "apply himself" he'll still be okay.
Now we are "homeschooling" instead but he's still not doing what he's supposed to. I understand why, but I feel compelled to push him so we can just get through this year and take the easiest route to getting what we need from school district so he can go to local junior college.
He's going to take the proficiency test in October and plans to go to junior college. My plan is to "force" him to get his AA in the next two years, but I'm thinking I need to stop forcing him on his eduction. I'm having control issues! I can't help but feel like maybe I'm dropping the ball and being lazy and giving up on him.
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "MargaretC" <museec@...> wrote:
Is he excited about going to the junior college? If he is, do some careful research and find out the absolute minimum requirements.
But if he's not excited, just "ho, hum, can't be worse than high school" then its worth revisting the whole idea. There's less than no point going to college if you're not excited about it. Its a massive waste of time and money.
Fifteen is young! It may not seem that way to you (or him) but I have a 16yo, and that's still pretty young ;) There's no rule that you have to have started college by 18 or you're some kind of failure. My mother didn't start college until she was in her mid-twenties and ended up pretty happy with her career choices. I went to college straight from high school and have a degree that I can't use for anything, not even grad school at this point. Give your guy a chance to learn more about himself - not himself as a student, but as a person. That's farrrrr more valuable in terms of finding satisfying work and being satisfied with his life in general!
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>I feel compelled to push him so we can just get through this year and take the easiest route to getting what we need from school district so he can go to local junior college.***************
Is he excited about going to the junior college? If he is, do some careful research and find out the absolute minimum requirements.
But if he's not excited, just "ho, hum, can't be worse than high school" then its worth revisting the whole idea. There's less than no point going to college if you're not excited about it. Its a massive waste of time and money.
Fifteen is young! It may not seem that way to you (or him) but I have a 16yo, and that's still pretty young ;) There's no rule that you have to have started college by 18 or you're some kind of failure. My mother didn't start college until she was in her mid-twenties and ended up pretty happy with her career choices. I went to college straight from high school and have a degree that I can't use for anything, not even grad school at this point. Give your guy a chance to learn more about himself - not himself as a student, but as a person. That's farrrrr more valuable in terms of finding satisfying work and being satisfied with his life in general!
>>My plan is to "force" himDon't force anything! If he really wants your help, then help. If he resists, back off and revist The Plan. He may need a break from "education" in order to relearn how to enjoy learning! That's common. Is there anything else he'd like to do? Travel? Buils a boat in the cellar? Spend six months doing nothing but play video games? Those would all be better than being forced to do anything at all. No-one likes being forced, and its not a good way to learn. In face, its a really really bad way to learn because you learn a whoooooole lot about hate in the process. No-one needs more hate in their life!
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
MargaretC
Thank you SO much. I hear everything you say and it all sounds right to me. I struggle w/ "doing the right thing" and even though in my heart I may want to choose an unconventional path, I have a hard time not worrying about what other people think and worrying if I'm doing the wrong thing. But everything I read about unschooling makes so much sense.
A happy person will make good choices in life.
My son is motivated to go to JC, but I am anticipating him possibly realizing he's not into it, just like he's not into high school. He turns 16 in August. I didn't really anticipate us being in this situation, but I guess I need to tread lightly and allow him to make his choices without pressure.
A happy person will make good choices in life.
My son is motivated to go to JC, but I am anticipating him possibly realizing he's not into it, just like he's not into high school. He turns 16 in August. I didn't really anticipate us being in this situation, but I guess I need to tread lightly and allow him to make his choices without pressure.
> ***************
>
> Is he excited about going to the junior college? If he is, do some careful research and find out the absolute minimum requirements.
>
>
> Fifteen is young! It may not seem that way to you (or him) but I have a 16yo, and that's still pretty young ;) There's no rule that
>
> Don't force anything! If he really wants your help, then help. If he resists, back off and revist The Plan. He may need a break from "education" in order to relearn how to enjoy learning! That's common.
Tessa
Hi Margaret.
I started college at 15 and I enjoyed it, but that's because it was what I wanted to do - the courses sounded interesting. My parents had a hidden agenda (what about you?) in unschooling, that I should get my AA degree. Which really just trumps unschooling in general. So technically, I'm not unschooled. What you described does not sound like motivating him, more like forcing?
"My son is motivated to go to JC, but I am anticipating him possibly realizing he's not into it, just like he's not into high school. He turns 16 in August. I didn't really anticipate us being in this situation, but I guess I need to tread lightly and allow him to make his choices without pressure."
Buuuut he needs to realize for himself that he wants to go to college--I didn't start college until a year after getting out of school. Which was fine for me, since that was what I wanted to do at the time, and in that year prior, it was not a relevant option for me. I didn't want to do it, so I didn't.
If he's realizing he's not into it, that's fine. College is hard work. It's even harder to do when you don't enjoy it.
Tessa :)
I started college at 15 and I enjoyed it, but that's because it was what I wanted to do - the courses sounded interesting. My parents had a hidden agenda (what about you?) in unschooling, that I should get my AA degree. Which really just trumps unschooling in general. So technically, I'm not unschooled. What you described does not sound like motivating him, more like forcing?
"My son is motivated to go to JC, but I am anticipating him possibly realizing he's not into it, just like he's not into high school. He turns 16 in August. I didn't really anticipate us being in this situation, but I guess I need to tread lightly and allow him to make his choices without pressure."
Buuuut he needs to realize for himself that he wants to go to college--I didn't start college until a year after getting out of school. Which was fine for me, since that was what I wanted to do at the time, and in that year prior, it was not a relevant option for me. I didn't want to do it, so I didn't.
If he's realizing he's not into it, that's fine. College is hard work. It's even harder to do when you don't enjoy it.
Tessa :)
----- Original Message -----
From: MargaretC
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, April 21, 2010 1:59 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: My 15 year old
Thank you SO much. I hear everything you say and it all sounds right to me. I struggle w/ "doing the right thing" and even though in my heart I may want to choose an unconventional path, I have a hard time not worrying about what other people think and worrying if I'm doing the wrong thing. But everything I read about unschooling makes so much sense.
A happy person will make good choices in life.
My son is motivated to go to JC, but I am anticipating him possibly realizing he's not into it, just like he's not into high school. He turns 16 in August. I didn't really anticipate us being in this situation, but I guess I need to tread lightly and allow him to make his choices without pressure.
> ***************
>
> Is he excited about going to the junior college? If he is, do some careful research and find out the absolute minimum requirements.
>
>
> Fifteen is young! It may not seem that way to you (or him) but I have a 16yo, and that's still pretty young ;) There's no rule that
>
> Don't force anything! If he really wants your help, then help. If he resists, back off and revist The Plan. He may need a break from "education" in order to relearn how to enjoy learning! That's common.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
MargaretC
Thank you Tessa!
Well, it was his idea to go to college but I immediately started forming my hidden agenda, but am realizing what I'm doing and need to back off.
It's just really strange, I've gotten from one extreme to another in my thinking in the past several months. It's hard to let go of the fear that everything won't turn out if he doesn't follow the conventional path. I'm getting there, but this is all new to me!
"I started college at 15 and I enjoyed it, but that's because it was what I wanted to do - the courses sounded interesting. My parents had a hidden agenda (what about you?) in unschooling, that I should get my AA degree.
Well, it was his idea to go to college but I immediately started forming my hidden agenda, but am realizing what I'm doing and need to back off.
It's just really strange, I've gotten from one extreme to another in my thinking in the past several months. It's hard to let go of the fear that everything won't turn out if he doesn't follow the conventional path. I'm getting there, but this is all new to me!
"I started college at 15 and I enjoyed it, but that's because it was what I wanted to do - the courses sounded interesting. My parents had a hidden agenda (what about you?) in unschooling, that I should get my AA degree.