becca

Now I posted this question on unschoolingbasics and alwaysunschooled here's what I wrote to both really --some of the suggestions may have come from your group and some from the other but either way they have helped me re-open my eyes and boy do I feel better -- so simple solutions really.

wanted to take note that who ever mentioned not to label or peg - I said he was a choleric -- your right -- i do hate labels on children even though I was looking at the choleric in a good way and I was thinking on ways to understand that -- i think the overall picture was just me being complacent and not being present as I mentioned further down.. again I feel like I can't thank you enough
hank you thank you thank you....

from post to always :
Many lightbulbs came on once again!! I find so much of the advice so simple and sometimes I feel like, duh -- of course that's the answer. But I guess when you get so caught up in your own way..(sound just like my son huh!!!!)

Here's some of the lightbulb moments:

1. when I gave the example of the older child and friend wanting the wii game -- someone asked if it was in the area I was --- YEs, Where I sit at the computer is in eye sight of the tv, of course he wanted to stay there it was the center of everywhere.

2. right with that same thought --- someone else mentioned making everything where we can be together! geez, I never thought of that -- the kids like being where the 'newer' tv is in the living room because its in the center .. my house isn't very big -- when you stand in the center the living room , kitchen and computer /kitchen table area is all in one spot... I truly never realized this phenomena that the kids want to be where your at --no wonder when there rooms were in the back bedroom they were still always in the living room... I feel silly now not seeing the obvious...

Just some fun information about us and thanks to unschooling, I have a roommate with a sixteen year old daughter -- now they occupy the back to bedrooms and I divided my living room in half to make the boys bedroom there... and lo and behold when i did that they played and were in there room quite a bit we only had one tv for a time so it was in there room and even when not watching with them they were comfortable there --ds (the 4 year old) would even shut door on his own and tell us to stay out -- but it must of been because the feeling that I was still just right there... now my room was at the other end of the house rather large and bathroom hooked on --- just recently I switched the boys rooms... and at first they were loving it however, I made sure I went in there too watch tv /wii with them etc.

we just recently bought an used tv to put in the living room and it seems like were all back out here much of the time -- especially if i'm out on computer... :) I get it now!!

but what I'm rambling about is that in the past I never thought to switch rooms around one friend even told me I shouldn't because I was the alpha female and I should have that bigger room and bathroom - that some day i will have a partner again...blah, blah, blah

but to me my room was wasted space I rarely was in there unless we moved the tv in there (we've did that) and they really had no space in there shared room -- their toys were rarely being played with because it was stuffed under beds or in closet .. in the bigger room they are now out and accessable... I don't think I would have ever thought more openly or 'consensual' if I had not been exposed to unschooling..

3. The suggestion about Danielle Conger's --visualization was great -- I think I can do that!! one of the things I've been trying to figure out is just what to do to feel more peaceful instead of caught right up in the 'storm' --- plus the information on how to put his feeling in better prespective -- didn't think of those -- light bulb


I basically was reassured through discussion here that I need to get back to being more present with the boys -- period.. Do others do that --- flow nicely, than slowly go back to rougher times because of not being present ?? I think it gets recognized quicker now and I definitely won't be afraid to post again! thank you much