dealing with guilt!
[email protected]
Hi,
Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage. Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their children? Has it helped heal your relationship(s)?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage. Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their children? Has it helped heal your relationship(s)?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Unschooling has definitely been healing for my relationships with my kids...incredibly so. It's taken time, but I feel now that my relationship with my daughter is pretty much where it would have been if we'd been on this path all along, and in some regards better, both because we've got the memories for contrast, and also because the changes have given us the opportunity to make amends, heal old hurts, and examine our relationship. we are 2 years out now, on this path, and it's just the last few month things really feel qualitatively different.
lyla
-----Original Message-----
From: AECANGORA@...
Subj: [unschoolingbasics] dealing with guilt!
Date: Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:51 pm
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To: [email protected]
Hi,
Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage. Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their children? Has it helped heal your relationship(s)?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Messages in this topic (1)
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lyla
-----Original Message-----
From: AECANGORA@...
Subj: [unschoolingbasics] dealing with guilt!
Date: Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:51 pm
Size: 2K
To: [email protected]
Hi,
Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage. Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their children? Has it helped heal your relationship(s)?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Messages in this topic (1)
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rebecca de
Amy , I'm still dealing with quilt... I begin to wash that feeling away but than I slip into 'old' parenting style and than the quilt process starts all over... I think that we just have to keep learning to forgive ourselves and soon we can let it go. yesterday I was talking to my oldest whose now 7 and I asked him if he remembers when I use to spank or time out too much -- he said no ... so sometimes I think we worry too much about that!! granted I want to continue towards a even more peaceful home front but I think that any damage I may have done in past I am healing... One of the biggest things I know that my children respond to well -- is when I openly apologize .
Rebecca De Hate
www.the-team.biz/mv978831
www.rebeccadehate.vpweb.com
________________________________
From: "AECANGORA@..." <AECANGORA@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, March 19, 2010 4:36:31 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] dealing with guilt!
Hi,
Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage. Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their children? Has it helped heal your relationship( s)?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebecca De Hate
www.the-team.biz/mv978831
www.rebeccadehate.vpweb.com
________________________________
From: "AECANGORA@..." <AECANGORA@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Fri, March 19, 2010 4:36:31 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] dealing with guilt!
Hi,
Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage. Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their children? Has it helped heal your relationship( s)?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Thanks, Iyla,
It's nice to know that unschooling has helped your relationships with your kids. It gives me hope for the future:-) I've had one situations with my youngest yesterday and one with my oldest today that I know reading the e-mails on this list helped me handle better than I would have in the past! (Not perfectly, but better.)
Amy
Re: dealing with guilt!
Posted by: "lylaw@..." lylaw@... lylawolf
Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:19 pm (PDT)
Unschooling has definitely been healing for my relationships with my kids...incredibly so. It's taken time, but I feel now that my relationship with my daughter is pretty much where it would have been if we'd been on this path all along, and in some regards better, both because we've got the memories for contrast, and also because the changes have given us the opportunity to make amends, heal old hurts, and examine our relationship. we are 2 years out now, on this path, and it's just the last few month things really feel qualitatively different.
lyla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It's nice to know that unschooling has helped your relationships with your kids. It gives me hope for the future:-) I've had one situations with my youngest yesterday and one with my oldest today that I know reading the e-mails on this list helped me handle better than I would have in the past! (Not perfectly, but better.)
Amy
Re: dealing with guilt!
Posted by: "lylaw@..." lylaw@... lylawolf
Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:19 pm (PDT)
Unschooling has definitely been healing for my relationships with my kids...incredibly so. It's taken time, but I feel now that my relationship with my daughter is pretty much where it would have been if we'd been on this path all along, and in some regards better, both because we've got the memories for contrast, and also because the changes have given us the opportunity to make amends, heal old hurts, and examine our relationship. we are 2 years out now, on this path, and it's just the last few month things really feel qualitatively different.
lyla
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
On Fri, Mar 19, 2010 at 4:36 PM, <AECANGORA@...> wrote:
Instead of feeling guilty and depressed, I have used each mistake as a
learning-take (thanks you Ms. Lovejoy). I become a little more analytical
about what is going on and less emotional. Feeling bad that I hurt my kids
is not helping them. realizing what the mistake was, correcting it and
moving on is huge!
I was an attachment parent and we have always unschooled. However there were
several things that I was doing that wasn't the healthiest thing for our
family. The Radical part of unschooling really helped me shift. I was not
being my child's best parent. Anytime I can figure out how to be better I am
helping my children and our relationship. I just keep digging deeper. It can
be really painful. I have to admit that XYZ hurt me and that I am hurting my
child. It is like double pain. BUT so worth it.
This parenting path, including unschooling, has been the main source of my
healing from childhood abuse. It has been an amazing road of discovery and
growth. For my kids and me.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>***Letting go of guilt is one of the biggest gifts I have given my children.
> Another quick question. How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized
> that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and
> realized that you needed to change your ways? I realize it is probably a
> process and doesn't happen over night. But, often I get stuck in guilt mode
> of realizing all the parenting mistakes I have made and the related damage.
> Has anyone, found unschooling to be healing for themselves and their
> children? Has it helped heal your relationship(s)?
>
Instead of feeling guilty and depressed, I have used each mistake as a
learning-take (thanks you Ms. Lovejoy). I become a little more analytical
about what is going on and less emotional. Feeling bad that I hurt my kids
is not helping them. realizing what the mistake was, correcting it and
moving on is huge!
I was an attachment parent and we have always unschooled. However there were
several things that I was doing that wasn't the healthiest thing for our
family. The Radical part of unschooling really helped me shift. I was not
being my child's best parent. Anytime I can figure out how to be better I am
helping my children and our relationship. I just keep digging deeper. It can
be really painful. I have to admit that XYZ hurt me and that I am hurting my
child. It is like double pain. BUT so worth it.
This parenting path, including unschooling, has been the main source of my
healing from childhood abuse. It has been an amazing road of discovery and
growth. For my kids and me.
>www.bearthmama.com
> Faith
>
> --
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rebecca McClure
> How have folks dealt with guilt once you realized that you have gotten trapped in conventional parenting techniques and realized that you needed to change your ways? <I find guilt to be a bit helpful, actually. Not to wallow in, though. Just to pay attention to and to realize that I've got a disconnect between how I want things to be and what I'm actually doing. It's my wake-up call and provides a great incentive for change (for me).
If I end up wallowing in guilt, however, and can't move forward because I'm stuck in "if only" land, then it's time for me to sort out how to move on. When I do the wallow thing, I become sad and I mourn what-could-have-been... but then I miss out on the what-is-now and all the associated opportunities.
IMO, guilt is fine as long as it helps us shift and then we let it go.