baths/showers?
[email protected]
Hi,
I am new to this group and have been "lurking" for about 3 weeks. I am learning a lot! I have 2 daughters (9 and 7) that have been homeschooled from the beginning, except that the older one decided last year to start public school. We breastfed and attachement parented them as babied/toodlers. I started out more with an unschooling philosophy, but was attracted to Oakmeadowed and got caught up in trying to follow it as written. I also somewhere along the line stopped listening to my heart and started parenting from my head and fell into conventional parenting techniques.
I have a question about baths/showers and how folks handle it when kids don't want to take them. We both daughters, at times, do not want to take a bath/shower when we think it is necessary.
DD1 is 9 and is in pre-puberty already, so her hair gets greasy after only 2 days. She also gets a little fragrant by then. (She does have deodorant, but I'm not sure she always uses it.) Since she is in public school, it's not just a matter of hanging around home or with other home-schoolers who don't put as much emphasis on personal appearance. Anyway, we feel she needs to take a shower at least every other morning. I am not actually in the shower every day camp, because I don't think it's good to wash hair too much. However, I was teased a lot in school for various things, so am probably over concerned about kids picking on her for being smelly or greasy. (I don't play into the fashion thing though - we get the cloths we can afford, including thrift and hand-me downs.)
DD2 is 7 and can actually go a week if things get too hectic, and we don't manage to get 2 in. However, I think 2 a week is better, especially since somehow sticky things often manage to get in the hair that make the ends snarl.
So, the question is what should we do when we, their parents, feel it is time for the bath/shower and that particular daughter is unwilling? They get a choice between bath or shower. We have bubble bath/shower gel and toys for the bath to make it fun. Sometimes there is even a choice between before bed or first thing next morning, but then, if they choose morning, there is still resistance when the time comes.
Should we just let go completely and tell them it is completely up to them and let them go as long as they want? Should we let peer pressure do the job? The younger one doesn't even worry about brushing her hair unless I remind her or do it for her each morning, and, if I'm not on top of things, we end up with a big knot after 3 days. Should I let the natural consequence of having a knot so big that she has to get her hair cut be the teacher?
I guess the overall question is at what point do we let go and let personal grooming be their responsibility?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I am new to this group and have been "lurking" for about 3 weeks. I am learning a lot! I have 2 daughters (9 and 7) that have been homeschooled from the beginning, except that the older one decided last year to start public school. We breastfed and attachement parented them as babied/toodlers. I started out more with an unschooling philosophy, but was attracted to Oakmeadowed and got caught up in trying to follow it as written. I also somewhere along the line stopped listening to my heart and started parenting from my head and fell into conventional parenting techniques.
I have a question about baths/showers and how folks handle it when kids don't want to take them. We both daughters, at times, do not want to take a bath/shower when we think it is necessary.
DD1 is 9 and is in pre-puberty already, so her hair gets greasy after only 2 days. She also gets a little fragrant by then. (She does have deodorant, but I'm not sure she always uses it.) Since she is in public school, it's not just a matter of hanging around home or with other home-schoolers who don't put as much emphasis on personal appearance. Anyway, we feel she needs to take a shower at least every other morning. I am not actually in the shower every day camp, because I don't think it's good to wash hair too much. However, I was teased a lot in school for various things, so am probably over concerned about kids picking on her for being smelly or greasy. (I don't play into the fashion thing though - we get the cloths we can afford, including thrift and hand-me downs.)
DD2 is 7 and can actually go a week if things get too hectic, and we don't manage to get 2 in. However, I think 2 a week is better, especially since somehow sticky things often manage to get in the hair that make the ends snarl.
So, the question is what should we do when we, their parents, feel it is time for the bath/shower and that particular daughter is unwilling? They get a choice between bath or shower. We have bubble bath/shower gel and toys for the bath to make it fun. Sometimes there is even a choice between before bed or first thing next morning, but then, if they choose morning, there is still resistance when the time comes.
Should we just let go completely and tell them it is completely up to them and let them go as long as they want? Should we let peer pressure do the job? The younger one doesn't even worry about brushing her hair unless I remind her or do it for her each morning, and, if I'm not on top of things, we end up with a big knot after 3 days. Should I let the natural consequence of having a knot so big that she has to get her hair cut be the teacher?
I guess the overall question is at what point do we let go and let personal grooming be their responsibility?
Amy
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], AECANGORA@... wrote:
Have you talked with her about this and how kids at school could react? That's someplace to start, if you haven't.
This might sound strange, but it can also help not to start with a "solution" in mind. Kids, just like adults, tend to like to do their own thinking and problem solving, and can be more resistant when you present a problem and solution at the same time. Instead, start by laying out what you perceive to be the issue, and ask if she has some ideas for ways to deal with it. You could come up with a variety of options to help her brainstorm: you could have a bunch of different scented products, for instance, and she'd shower once a week or whatever; she could put her hair in a particular style when it gets greasy, or look into different haircuts entirely; y'all could explore "dry" bathing options like with cornstarch and baking powder, maybe mixed with herbs for girly scentedness; she can wash her pits and crotch every day, and be sure to change underwear and see it that helps the body odor issue. Do you see what I mean? There's not necessarily one solution, and your dd might have even more ideas of her own, once you open the door to discussion.
I have an 8yo girl who has some issues with tactile sensitivity *and* a very sensitive scalp. Through this past winter, I focused on helping her pick out clean clothes regularly and that helped a lot - I don't mean it got her in the tub, I mean most of the dirt and dead skin was on her clothes, so it was fine. Her hair we finally did in "wraps" since even dry washing it was kind of traumatic for her. For sticky things in hair, again you could look into dry washing with cornstarch and baking soda. You might also be able to "spot clean" sticky bits - I've done that from time to time with Mo.
If she's okay with brushing but just needs a reminder - remind her! Put a big note up on the mirror, maybe, or work it into *your* morning routine, somehow - hand it to her when she's done with breakfast, for instance. If she doesn't mind you brushing it, that's something else that could be a regular routine, maybe even something you can do with both girls, a weekly "hair salon".
It can help to step away from the idea of "responsibility" and think about what you can do to help them feel good about life and their bodies. Regular battles about grooming won't do that. Helping them find options that let them feel good *and* feel like they're the ones making decisions about their own bodies is better in that way. With your 9yo, if she's feeling like its your way or nothing, she might not tell you about teasing at school - which doesn't help her! Look for ways to be her ally, someone she can confide in and trust to help her out. Then if, worst case, she does get teased, her ally and confident is there with a shoulder for her to cry on, and some willingness to help her be the author of her own solutions.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>> DD1 is 9 and is in pre-puberty already, so her hair gets greasy after only 2 days. She also gets a little fragrant by then.****************
Have you talked with her about this and how kids at school could react? That's someplace to start, if you haven't.
This might sound strange, but it can also help not to start with a "solution" in mind. Kids, just like adults, tend to like to do their own thinking and problem solving, and can be more resistant when you present a problem and solution at the same time. Instead, start by laying out what you perceive to be the issue, and ask if she has some ideas for ways to deal with it. You could come up with a variety of options to help her brainstorm: you could have a bunch of different scented products, for instance, and she'd shower once a week or whatever; she could put her hair in a particular style when it gets greasy, or look into different haircuts entirely; y'all could explore "dry" bathing options like with cornstarch and baking powder, maybe mixed with herbs for girly scentedness; she can wash her pits and crotch every day, and be sure to change underwear and see it that helps the body odor issue. Do you see what I mean? There's not necessarily one solution, and your dd might have even more ideas of her own, once you open the door to discussion.
>>> DD2 is 7 and can actually go a week if things get too hectic, and we don't manage to get 2 in. However, I think 2 a week is better, especially since somehow sticky things often manage to get in the hair that make the ends snarl.****************
I have an 8yo girl who has some issues with tactile sensitivity *and* a very sensitive scalp. Through this past winter, I focused on helping her pick out clean clothes regularly and that helped a lot - I don't mean it got her in the tub, I mean most of the dirt and dead skin was on her clothes, so it was fine. Her hair we finally did in "wraps" since even dry washing it was kind of traumatic for her. For sticky things in hair, again you could look into dry washing with cornstarch and baking soda. You might also be able to "spot clean" sticky bits - I've done that from time to time with Mo.
>>The younger one doesn't even worry about brushing her hair unless I remind her or do it for her each morning, and, if I'm not on top of things, we end up with a big knot after 3 days.**************
If she's okay with brushing but just needs a reminder - remind her! Put a big note up on the mirror, maybe, or work it into *your* morning routine, somehow - hand it to her when she's done with breakfast, for instance. If she doesn't mind you brushing it, that's something else that could be a regular routine, maybe even something you can do with both girls, a weekly "hair salon".
>>> I guess the overall question is at what point do we let go and let personal grooming be their responsibility?**************
It can help to step away from the idea of "responsibility" and think about what you can do to help them feel good about life and their bodies. Regular battles about grooming won't do that. Helping them find options that let them feel good *and* feel like they're the ones making decisions about their own bodies is better in that way. With your 9yo, if she's feeling like its your way or nothing, she might not tell you about teasing at school - which doesn't help her! Look for ways to be her ally, someone she can confide in and trust to help her out. Then if, worst case, she does get teased, her ally and confident is there with a shoulder for her to cry on, and some willingness to help her be the author of her own solutions.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
cyndi lewis
The younger one doesn't even worry about brushing her hair unless I remind her or do it for her each morning, and, if I'm not on top of things, we end up with a big knot after 3 days.
With my children(age 10 and 8)I put out pictures of what should be done on daily basis,have the children themselves take the time and help draw their own pictures of daily living stuff,and post them where they would see them as a reminder what should be done
Cyndi mom of 3 children
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With my children(age 10 and 8)I put out pictures of what should be done on daily basis,have the children themselves take the time and help draw their own pictures of daily living stuff,and post them where they would see them as a reminder what should be done
Cyndi mom of 3 children
_________________________________________________________________
Live connected with Messenger on your phone
http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9712958
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amanda Mayan
Another thought on the bathing..my daughter LOVES me to massage her after
she gets out of the bath..not so keen on the baths.unless she gets to help
bathe her brother or help bathe me in the bathJ so.depending on what's going
on, we either take family baths, or I get both kids in the tub, or for some
special time with just her and me, I ask if she wants a massage.and then
suggest that she get clean first (which could be 3 cups of water splashed
over her, or me giving her a sponge bath, or her washing herself at the sink
with a cloth) so that she's ready for her massage.I use a nice scented oil,
and the scent stays on for a day or 2 (which may help with the odor issues)
and it's really nice time for both of us.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
she gets out of the bath..not so keen on the baths.unless she gets to help
bathe her brother or help bathe me in the bathJ so.depending on what's going
on, we either take family baths, or I get both kids in the tub, or for some
special time with just her and me, I ask if she wants a massage.and then
suggest that she get clean first (which could be 3 cups of water splashed
over her, or me giving her a sponge bath, or her washing herself at the sink
with a cloth) so that she's ready for her massage.I use a nice scented oil,
and the scent stays on for a day or 2 (which may help with the odor issues)
and it's really nice time for both of us.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
On Fri, Mar 19, 2010 at 4:32 PM, <AECANGORA@...> wrote:
--
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Faith
> DD1 is 9 and is in pre-puberty already, so her hair gets greasy after only
> 2 days. She also gets a little fragrant by then. (She does have deodorant,
> but I'm not sure she always uses it.) Since she is in public school, it's
> not just a matter of hanging around home or with other home-schoolers who
> don't put as much emphasis on personal appearance. Anyway, we feel she needs
> to take a shower at least every other morning. I am not actually in the
> shower every day camp, because I don't think it's good to wash hair too
> much. However, I was teased a lot in school for various things, so am
> probably over concerned about kids picking on her for being smelly or
> greasy. (I don't play into the fashion thing though - we get the cloths we
> can afford, including thrift and hand-me downs.)
>
> ***It seems like you concern is that she won't get teased. Maybe it isn't a
> concern for her. My dd13 showers at least twice a day, always has. Yet she
> rarely washes her hair or uses deodorant. I figure it is her choice. She was
> even in a school for a time. It really just doesn't matter for her.
>
--
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
amy_aec
Thanks Cyndi,
I actually have a flip chart with pictures for both girls. But, I find I have to remind them to actually use them. So, it still involves me being on top of things. (But, I guess that is why I am the parent.)
I'm realizing that I need to work on my own daily rhythm/routine, before I can really help them with theirs successfully. I've been working on a good routine for about 3 weeks now, and except for a momentary blip with the time change as doing pretty well. So, things are getting better.
Dd 2 and I had a short discussion about the importance of baths a day and why I think 2 a week is a good number. Also, I'm finding that if she has something to look forward to, like homeschool group or a play date there is more incentive to do the bath!
Dd 1 took hers this morning no problem, but I let her go all weekend without. I still need to "problem solve" with her as Meredith suggested.
Amy
I actually have a flip chart with pictures for both girls. But, I find I have to remind them to actually use them. So, it still involves me being on top of things. (But, I guess that is why I am the parent.)
I'm realizing that I need to work on my own daily rhythm/routine, before I can really help them with theirs successfully. I've been working on a good routine for about 3 weeks now, and except for a momentary blip with the time change as doing pretty well. So, things are getting better.
Dd 2 and I had a short discussion about the importance of baths a day and why I think 2 a week is a good number. Also, I'm finding that if she has something to look forward to, like homeschool group or a play date there is more incentive to do the bath!
Dd 1 took hers this morning no problem, but I let her go all weekend without. I still need to "problem solve" with her as Meredith suggested.
Amy
--- In [email protected], cyndi lewis <cyndilewis1@...> wrote:
>
> With my children(age 10 and 8)I put out pictures of what should be done on daily basis,have the children themselves take the time and help draw their own pictures of daily living stuff,and post them where they would see them as a reminder what should be done
>
>
>
> Cyndi mom of 3 children
>
>
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Live connected with Messenger on your phone
> http://go.microsoft.com/?linkid=9712958
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
The Coffee Goddess
>>I actually have a flip chart with pictures for both girls. But, I find I have to remind them to actually use them. So, it still involves mebeing on top of things. (But, I guess that is why I am the parent.)...I'm realizing that I need to work on my own daily rhythm/routine,
before I can really help them with theirs successfully. I've been
working on a good routine for about 3 weeks now, and except for a
momentary blip with the time change as doing pretty well.>>
Couldn't it be something as simple as washing the towels three times a week? And calling out--the towels are hot and delicious from the drier--want to take a shower now? That's something *I* would love :)
Dana
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ladyslinky
My kids have both gone through the don't want to shower thing. Well they hated getting in. Once in they stayed for an hour or so. Anyway the solution we have used off an on is going swimming or swim lessons.
The DD8 gets to use her goggles when I was her hair so the soap does not get in her eyes.
The DD8 gets to use her goggles when I was her hair so the soap does not get in her eyes.