time management
amyvossdolce
I need help thinking about advice for my teen son, almost 17, who is having trouble juggling a schedule. He recently decided to take two online community college courses and is not able, or is not ready, to deal with the weekly and daily deadlines that such an experience offers. He puts off assignments until the hour before the deadline and then begs my assistance, or a friend's to help him. He is particularly frustrated by the math course (algebra), but loves the web design class.
The other types of learning, programming for example, he works on his own, at his own pace and there are no deadlines. However, he is clear on what he wants to accomplish and what his goals are;and all of them involve college...
We have been unschooling for several years now and the very first thing I did was release myself and him from any arbitrary deadlines and have lived a very unstructured and flexible life. These courses are a big adjustment, but adjustment will be necessary if my son wants to continue on his path toward a computer science degree.
I am uncertain how I can help him, or even how to think about this as it relates to the unschooling lifestyle we have chosen...
Amy
The other types of learning, programming for example, he works on his own, at his own pace and there are no deadlines. However, he is clear on what he wants to accomplish and what his goals are;and all of them involve college...
We have been unschooling for several years now and the very first thing I did was release myself and him from any arbitrary deadlines and have lived a very unstructured and flexible life. These courses are a big adjustment, but adjustment will be necessary if my son wants to continue on his path toward a computer science degree.
I am uncertain how I can help him, or even how to think about this as it relates to the unschooling lifestyle we have chosen...
Amy
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "amyvossdolce" <avd@...> wrote:
Ask him if he'd like to drop a class and try again next semester - gently! Not in a mean way. Ask him if he'd like reminders before the last minute comes around and if he'd like help creating a study-schedule for himself. If he's not sure, don't push it, but do let him know if its stressing *you* to be trying to help at the eleventh hour.
For now, he might rather just flounder on through and get a feel for things. That's the sort of thing that's frustrating to watch, but its *a* way to learn about things. He might even become more comfortable doing things at the last minute - many college students do, after all. Or he might make a mess of things and *then* decide to find a better strategy. A wonderful as unschooled teens are, they're still human! They can make less-than-stellar choices now and then. Be gentle with him and his choices - he's still figuring things out. He may seem to *need* more help than he *wants* and that's rough for parents - I know! It can be a delicate dance of being present and offering support without offering too much of things like advice - too much advice, unasked for, can lead people of any age to shut down.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>> I am uncertain how I can help him, or even how to think about this as it relates to the unschooling lifestyle we have chosen...***************
Ask him if he'd like to drop a class and try again next semester - gently! Not in a mean way. Ask him if he'd like reminders before the last minute comes around and if he'd like help creating a study-schedule for himself. If he's not sure, don't push it, but do let him know if its stressing *you* to be trying to help at the eleventh hour.
For now, he might rather just flounder on through and get a feel for things. That's the sort of thing that's frustrating to watch, but its *a* way to learn about things. He might even become more comfortable doing things at the last minute - many college students do, after all. Or he might make a mess of things and *then* decide to find a better strategy. A wonderful as unschooled teens are, they're still human! They can make less-than-stellar choices now and then. Be gentle with him and his choices - he's still figuring things out. He may seem to *need* more help than he *wants* and that's rough for parents - I know! It can be a delicate dance of being present and offering support without offering too much of things like advice - too much advice, unasked for, can lead people of any age to shut down.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
Debra Rossing
That's really not an unschooling issue per se - I've known many
traditionally schooled college students who wait until the day before an
assignment is due then stay up all night getting it done. For example,
when DH was in college (he started at 27, 2 yrs after we got married, as
a newbie frosh), he had a class that required a couple dozen short (2-3
page) reports. The list of topics/assignments was given the first day of
class (it was a summer session, so it was only a 3 week class). Hubby,
having a little more life experience, did one (sometimes two) per day
pretty much, as the topics were covered in class. Many/most of his
fellow students in that class waited and waited and waited and then did
all of them in a 24 to 48 period right before they were due! Heck, when
I was in college, I'd put off stuff I didn't want to do until I had to
either do it or fail the assignment/class. Didn't want to fail (that
just meant doing it all over again), so I'd git'er done.
Definitely see if dropping a class and taking it some other time would
help - maybe getting a different professor in the process which could
help as well.
--Deb R
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traditionally schooled college students who wait until the day before an
assignment is due then stay up all night getting it done. For example,
when DH was in college (he started at 27, 2 yrs after we got married, as
a newbie frosh), he had a class that required a couple dozen short (2-3
page) reports. The list of topics/assignments was given the first day of
class (it was a summer session, so it was only a 3 week class). Hubby,
having a little more life experience, did one (sometimes two) per day
pretty much, as the topics were covered in class. Many/most of his
fellow students in that class waited and waited and waited and then did
all of them in a 24 to 48 period right before they were due! Heck, when
I was in college, I'd put off stuff I didn't want to do until I had to
either do it or fail the assignment/class. Didn't want to fail (that
just meant doing it all over again), so I'd git'er done.
Definitely see if dropping a class and taking it some other time would
help - maybe getting a different professor in the process which could
help as well.
--Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
If it is stressing your son out I would suggest that he drop the algebra class. Not in a "you can't handle it" mean voiced way, but as an option. He could take the algebra class alone the next semester, if he still felt it was something he wanted to do. That's how I did much of my college coursework. I was very much a procastinator. Actually, it was how I did much of my school work. It was a hurdle, not a perk, the homework. So putting it off until the last moment was the way I avoided the hurdle. It wasn't necessarily the best way to avoid stress, but it was the way that I coped with an aspect of school that I really, really didn't like. I assume with an on-line college course the whole of the experience is homework, an in-class course might have less homework and more lectures and may balance the intake and requirements a bit more.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: amyvossdolce <avd@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, 2 March, 2010 22:00:16
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] time management
I need help thinking about advice for my teen son, almost 17, who is having trouble juggling a schedule. He recently decided to take two online community college courses and is not able, or is not ready, to deal with the weekly and daily deadlines that such an experience offers. He puts off assignments until the hour before the deadline and then begs my assistance, or a friend's to help him. He is particularly frustrated by the math course (algebra), but loves the web design class.
The other types of learning, programming for example, he works on his own, at his own pace and there are no deadlines. However, he is clear on what he wants to accomplish and what his goals are;and all of them involve college...
We have been unschooling for several years now and the very first thing I did was release myself and him from any arbitrary deadlines and have lived a very unstructured and flexible life. These courses are a big adjustment, but adjustment will be necessary if my son wants to continue on his path toward a computer science degree.
I am uncertain how I can help him, or even how to think about this as it relates to the unschooling lifestyle we have chosen...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
________________________________
From: amyvossdolce <avd@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, 2 March, 2010 22:00:16
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] time management
I need help thinking about advice for my teen son, almost 17, who is having trouble juggling a schedule. He recently decided to take two online community college courses and is not able, or is not ready, to deal with the weekly and daily deadlines that such an experience offers. He puts off assignments until the hour before the deadline and then begs my assistance, or a friend's to help him. He is particularly frustrated by the math course (algebra), but loves the web design class.
The other types of learning, programming for example, he works on his own, at his own pace and there are no deadlines. However, he is clear on what he wants to accomplish and what his goals are;and all of them involve college...
We have been unschooling for several years now and the very first thing I did was release myself and him from any arbitrary deadlines and have lived a very unstructured and flexible life. These courses are a big adjustment, but adjustment will be necessary if my son wants to continue on his path toward a computer science degree.
I am uncertain how I can help him, or even how to think about this as it relates to the unschooling lifestyle we have chosen...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
There is a missing transitional sentence, or word.
He could take the algebra class alone the next semester, if he still
felt it was something he wanted to do.
Delaying homework is how I did much of my
college coursework.
That would be a clearly read. Sorry.
________________________________
From: Schuyler <s.waynforth@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, 3 March, 2010 11:47:09
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] time management
If it is stressing your son out I would suggest that he drop the algebra class. Not in a "you can't handle it" mean voiced way, but as an option. He could take the algebra class alone the next semester, if he still felt it was something he wanted to do. That's how I did much of my college coursework. I was very much a procastinator. Actually, it was how I did much of my school work. It was a hurdle, not a perk, the homework. So putting it off until the last moment was the way I avoided the hurdle. It wasn't necessarily the best way to avoid stress, but it was the way that I coped with an aspect of school that I really, really didn't like. I assume with an on-line college course the whole of the experience is homework, an in-class course might have less homework and more lectures and may balance the intake and requirements a bit more.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
He could take the algebra class alone the next semester, if he still
felt it was something he wanted to do.
Delaying homework is how I did much of my
college coursework.
That would be a clearly read. Sorry.
________________________________
From: Schuyler <s.waynforth@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, 3 March, 2010 11:47:09
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] time management
If it is stressing your son out I would suggest that he drop the algebra class. Not in a "you can't handle it" mean voiced way, but as an option. He could take the algebra class alone the next semester, if he still felt it was something he wanted to do. That's how I did much of my college coursework. I was very much a procastinator. Actually, it was how I did much of my school work. It was a hurdle, not a perk, the homework. So putting it off until the last moment was the way I avoided the hurdle. It wasn't necessarily the best way to avoid stress, but it was the way that I coped with an aspect of school that I really, really didn't like. I assume with an on-line college course the whole of the experience is homework, an in-class course might have less homework and more lectures and may balance the intake and requirements a bit more.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
annx33
There are on line courses with no deadlines. It's probably been shared here before, but MIT's courses are all on line as part of an open source program. He could go through those listings and see if any resonate with what he's expected to know to enter a college program.
As an unschooling mom to twin 16, soon to be 17 year olds, I am walking an often delicate line these days, between what is support in our relationships. The one constant is a shifting and changing balance of when to offer advice, when to be quiet, when to hug and when to step back. Sometimes they'll let me know clearly with language, sometimes by just saying "no thanks" quite a bit . . . Their approach and method of working towards a goal is SO different than the way I would do it. Most days I revel in the way they do things, some days, tho, it's frustrating for me and looks like "nothing" is happening.
-Ann
As an unschooling mom to twin 16, soon to be 17 year olds, I am walking an often delicate line these days, between what is support in our relationships. The one constant is a shifting and changing balance of when to offer advice, when to be quiet, when to hug and when to step back. Sometimes they'll let me know clearly with language, sometimes by just saying "no thanks" quite a bit . . . Their approach and method of working towards a goal is SO different than the way I would do it. Most days I revel in the way they do things, some days, tho, it's frustrating for me and looks like "nothing" is happening.
-Ann
amyvossdolce
Thank you this helps a lot. Really hard to watch the floundering, but I will step back. :)
There is a related issue: that of well meaning friends and family who are plugged into the typical pressure cooker high school life of more, more and more accomplishments, high grades, and activities - or else a young person fails at life... These people, unfortunately my ex included, believe my son is not doing enough . That since he turned 16, he should be super kid: have the job, take the classes, be in sports, do internships, be a model citizen, etc, etc, etc. Or he will not succeed.
Unfortunately, my son feels this stress, and so do I often. I have overcome the frustration of trying to explain unschooling to those who are not familiar with it. And I have learned to let go of any kind of time frame. Whether he graduates college at 22 or 30, or at all...
However, I think adding to my son's stress about the algebra course is the fact that his father sees what he is doing as 'not enough' and compares him to his friends' teens who are on this high achievement tract, which he views as the norm, and the preferable path.
But I am just ranting! Thanks again for the words of advice!
Amy
There is a related issue: that of well meaning friends and family who are plugged into the typical pressure cooker high school life of more, more and more accomplishments, high grades, and activities - or else a young person fails at life... These people, unfortunately my ex included, believe my son is not doing enough . That since he turned 16, he should be super kid: have the job, take the classes, be in sports, do internships, be a model citizen, etc, etc, etc. Or he will not succeed.
Unfortunately, my son feels this stress, and so do I often. I have overcome the frustration of trying to explain unschooling to those who are not familiar with it. And I have learned to let go of any kind of time frame. Whether he graduates college at 22 or 30, or at all...
However, I think adding to my son's stress about the algebra course is the fact that his father sees what he is doing as 'not enough' and compares him to his friends' teens who are on this high achievement tract, which he views as the norm, and the preferable path.
But I am just ranting! Thanks again for the words of advice!
Amy