Community with lots of unschoolers and if not how do you cope
zurro
I have a question for those of you that have been unschooling for some time:
Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
Thanks!
laura z in Miami
Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
Thanks!
laura z in Miami
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "zurro" <zurrolaur@...> wrote:
Some of all of those. I've also found that it helps to look for people with similar interests rather than focusing on age, or even "unschooliness". With little kids, age and interest can have a lot in common because young children often have similar likes, but not always, and personalities can make a big difference in terms of even little ones getting along.
It has always been better for Ray to have friends who were adults or kids who were much older. It just didn't work for him to play with other kids when he could seriously hurt them, for one, and for another what he needed most was attention, one-on-one socializing, rather than in a group. That's something an adult does much better than a similar-age child who could also like to be the center of attention.
Mo is much more of an introvert, so we've never done a vast number of play-dates. She has a few friends she sees now and then, some kids, some adults, but mostly she's happy with her family. Actually, as social as Ray is, sometimes Mo gets all she can take of "other people" just by being at home, and can't bear the idea of going out.
I do much the same for my own social needs - and my partner, too. Rather than looking for "other parents" to socialize with, we look for people with *other* shared interests, and connect with unschooling parents at conferences and unschooling gatherings (and online - there's a reason I'm on the list a lot, y'all keep me sane some days!).
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
> Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?******************
Some of all of those. I've also found that it helps to look for people with similar interests rather than focusing on age, or even "unschooliness". With little kids, age and interest can have a lot in common because young children often have similar likes, but not always, and personalities can make a big difference in terms of even little ones getting along.
It has always been better for Ray to have friends who were adults or kids who were much older. It just didn't work for him to play with other kids when he could seriously hurt them, for one, and for another what he needed most was attention, one-on-one socializing, rather than in a group. That's something an adult does much better than a similar-age child who could also like to be the center of attention.
Mo is much more of an introvert, so we've never done a vast number of play-dates. She has a few friends she sees now and then, some kids, some adults, but mostly she's happy with her family. Actually, as social as Ray is, sometimes Mo gets all she can take of "other people" just by being at home, and can't bear the idea of going out.
I do much the same for my own social needs - and my partner, too. Rather than looking for "other parents" to socialize with, we look for people with *other* shared interests, and connect with unschooling parents at conferences and unschooling gatherings (and online - there's a reason I'm on the list a lot, y'all keep me sane some days!).
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
[email protected]
hey there- i live in joshua tree, california... from the instant my son was born, i looked for homeschoolers and or unschoolers to hang out with... finding none i joined a mommy and me group... eventually tho i ran into 2 problems... first, my sons friends reached "school age" and began to disappear from his life... second, tho the schooler mommies are good people, every day at the park was torture... it was like i was a visiting martian as far as world view and culture and many other things... after 6 years of biting my tongue on parenting issues, learning, respect for children as humans, nutrition and health (we are vegetarian and nonvaccinators) i was nearly ready to throw in the towel and try to be "normal" (feed lots of sugar, deny the horror of public schooling, etc...) just to feel better (less odd)... i have always been a bird of a different feather, but i was worn out... finally i just tried asking anyone who was not mainstream for direction.... (next post, phone mail limit!) peace, love, and joy! jordan ---------- Sent from AT&T's Wireless network using Mobile Email
-----Original Message-----
From: zurro
Sent: 1/24/2010 3:48:19 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Community with lots of unschoolers and if not how do you cope
I have a question for those of you that have been unschooling for some time:
Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
Thanks!
laura z in Miami
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-----Original Message-----
From: zurro
Sent: 1/24/2010 3:48:19 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Community with lots of unschoolers and if not how do you cope
I have a question for those of you that have been unschooling for some time:
Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
Thanks!
laura z in Miami
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
... music festivals, even homeschool administrators for school district... hippies (i am a card carrying member) were my best source.... i finally found a homeschool group that i love... some unschool, some go with curriculum, but all have a keen appreciation of their children... we are currently forming a leaning co-op toi share materials, equipment, ideas and support... we meet tuesday right now, and it's my family's favorite day... post notices and try new groups... eventually you will find others... the sooner the better... don't give up the good fight! peace, love, and joy! jordan ---------- Sent from AT&T's Wireless network using Mobile Email
-----Original Message-----
From: zurro
Sent: 1/24/2010 3:48:19 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Community with lots of unschoolers and if not how do you cope
I have a question for those of you that have been unschooling for some time:
Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
Thanks!
laura z in Miami
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-----Original Message-----
From: zurro
Sent: 1/24/2010 3:48:19 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Community with lots of unschoolers and if not how do you cope
I have a question for those of you that have been unschooling for some time:
Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
Thanks!
laura z in Miami
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jan 23, 2010, at 10:48 PM, zurro wrote:
were a couple she saw occasionally but it wasn't close. Erica,
Kathryn's best friend growing up was schooled. Erica's mom would have
made a great unschooler :-) but school "worked" for them. They're a
very close family and their lives revolved around their only daughter.
Their friendship was based on an intense interest in comics and
Pokemon and pretend play. The fact that Erica went to school (and
lived nearly an hour away) only impacted how often they could get
together.
Erica's mother and father and I talked about lots of things that had
nothing to do with school. They're supportive of music and arts and
exploring so our conversations revolved around things like that. It
helped that Erica did well in school and helped that they were way
more connected than most schooling parents with their kids so there
wasn't grousing they needed to do.
So I think interests are going to foster better relationships than
whether or not parents home or unschool. Homeschooling really isn't
an interest of most kids ;-) It's just part of their lives like
whether they have a backyard or not ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If notKathryn never clicked with homeschooled or unschooled kids. There
> then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play
> groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents,
> waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community
> (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
were a couple she saw occasionally but it wasn't close. Erica,
Kathryn's best friend growing up was schooled. Erica's mom would have
made a great unschooler :-) but school "worked" for them. They're a
very close family and their lives revolved around their only daughter.
Their friendship was based on an intense interest in comics and
Pokemon and pretend play. The fact that Erica went to school (and
lived nearly an hour away) only impacted how often they could get
together.
Erica's mother and father and I talked about lots of things that had
nothing to do with school. They're supportive of music and arts and
exploring so our conversations revolved around things like that. It
helped that Erica did well in school and helped that they were way
more connected than most schooling parents with their kids so there
wasn't grousing they needed to do.
So I think interests are going to foster better relationships than
whether or not parents home or unschool. Homeschooling really isn't
an interest of most kids ;-) It's just part of their lives like
whether they have a backyard or not ;-)
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
crazycanuckgurl
No, I don't have community here and I wish I did have one. This post is timely for me....prepare for a pour your heart out post here...
Opportunities to socialize are a major source of depression for me right now!!! :( I live in a small village of a thousand or so about 5km (2 1/2 mi or so ) from a city of 10,000 people, and 45min from our provincial capital. The local school is the focal point of where I live for meeting people, and you go to other places to work and just come home to here to sleep, basically.
I find I have NOTHING in common with those in real life around me, because of the demographics of the area. I work (very) part time but almost no one there has kids and are 20 years younger. We can't afford sports and my kids do not like the strictness and organization and competitiveness (another common way to meet up with others here) It has a large German-Russian immigrant population, and is Mennonite from generations back, there are a huge number of churches per capita. This affects the homeschooling...lots of STRICT school-at-home-sign a statement of faith groups of 10-15 families around here who have the same church in common, as well as the "typical" view of children/learning (sinful creatures who need to be put in line, basically...very incompatible with the unschooling/attachment parenting world view). From what I have seen in attempting to join some of the local gym times with my kids, I am feeling very much like an alien. I am an atheist, although I do NOT toot this to anybody...we don't go to church, so that social base is gone. My kids especially dd do not do well in organized classes like at the art's center...too much following someone's agenda like all the sheep there. I am an unschooler. I am one of those homeschoolers who does nothing but "dig potatoes and doesn't 'do' school" (a derogatory comment made to me by someone in the hs group about unschoolers who didn't know I was one.) Then when I see their kids so "advanced" in academic ways compared to mine (although I know my kids have learned and grown so much by us exploring their interests), I feel intimidated and think unschooling doesn't "work" and my faith is shaken in it again...(and I come here and post about math or something LOL!) but I try to tell myself their kids pay a dear price...I literally have seen ones missing the biweekly gym time because they were at home doing the schoolwork that they refused to do in the morning when mom wanted them too (Aaack!!!!!) I don't want that either!
Sigh...I feel very discouraged and lonely. And yes, I will admit this past summer when I saw so many kids in my village hanging out and walking to the store or something, I felt a pang for my kids. That they have just a handful of aquaintences, not close friends, and there is pretty much no one who just wants to "hang out" and free-play with them...everyone's kids including the homeschoolers are so damn overbooked with classes and everything (which my kids don't enjoy either). I've put out ads to meet in the park, etc with not a single person showing. Going to hs field trips and stuff gives us a "contact" or a familiarity but it doesn't go beyond that...just a brief passing in the wind. So far my kids seem to be OK playing with each other and seeing others only the 2-3x a month we manage, but I think dd is starting to want a bit more.
Sorry ladies, I just had to spit all that out for some feedback or a different perspective. It's the one thing I do not like about homeschooling around here. I think we would have more of a "base" of things in common with others if I was an ultra-right wing-conservative fundementalist hockey--ballet-piano 3 days-a week-public school- sort of family, but it ain't gonna happen! Too many trade offs.
Support....reading READING READING online, here, MotheringDotCommune, Anne's ShinewithUnschooling. And trying to remind myself of all the good things that unschooling gives my kids and my family, even if I am a fish swimming against the tide.
Tina, here in Manitoba Canada, mom to Stephanie (9) and Jonathan (6)
Opportunities to socialize are a major source of depression for me right now!!! :( I live in a small village of a thousand or so about 5km (2 1/2 mi or so ) from a city of 10,000 people, and 45min from our provincial capital. The local school is the focal point of where I live for meeting people, and you go to other places to work and just come home to here to sleep, basically.
I find I have NOTHING in common with those in real life around me, because of the demographics of the area. I work (very) part time but almost no one there has kids and are 20 years younger. We can't afford sports and my kids do not like the strictness and organization and competitiveness (another common way to meet up with others here) It has a large German-Russian immigrant population, and is Mennonite from generations back, there are a huge number of churches per capita. This affects the homeschooling...lots of STRICT school-at-home-sign a statement of faith groups of 10-15 families around here who have the same church in common, as well as the "typical" view of children/learning (sinful creatures who need to be put in line, basically...very incompatible with the unschooling/attachment parenting world view). From what I have seen in attempting to join some of the local gym times with my kids, I am feeling very much like an alien. I am an atheist, although I do NOT toot this to anybody...we don't go to church, so that social base is gone. My kids especially dd do not do well in organized classes like at the art's center...too much following someone's agenda like all the sheep there. I am an unschooler. I am one of those homeschoolers who does nothing but "dig potatoes and doesn't 'do' school" (a derogatory comment made to me by someone in the hs group about unschoolers who didn't know I was one.) Then when I see their kids so "advanced" in academic ways compared to mine (although I know my kids have learned and grown so much by us exploring their interests), I feel intimidated and think unschooling doesn't "work" and my faith is shaken in it again...(and I come here and post about math or something LOL!) but I try to tell myself their kids pay a dear price...I literally have seen ones missing the biweekly gym time because they were at home doing the schoolwork that they refused to do in the morning when mom wanted them too (Aaack!!!!!) I don't want that either!
Sigh...I feel very discouraged and lonely. And yes, I will admit this past summer when I saw so many kids in my village hanging out and walking to the store or something, I felt a pang for my kids. That they have just a handful of aquaintences, not close friends, and there is pretty much no one who just wants to "hang out" and free-play with them...everyone's kids including the homeschoolers are so damn overbooked with classes and everything (which my kids don't enjoy either). I've put out ads to meet in the park, etc with not a single person showing. Going to hs field trips and stuff gives us a "contact" or a familiarity but it doesn't go beyond that...just a brief passing in the wind. So far my kids seem to be OK playing with each other and seeing others only the 2-3x a month we manage, but I think dd is starting to want a bit more.
Sorry ladies, I just had to spit all that out for some feedback or a different perspective. It's the one thing I do not like about homeschooling around here. I think we would have more of a "base" of things in common with others if I was an ultra-right wing-conservative fundementalist hockey--ballet-piano 3 days-a week-public school- sort of family, but it ain't gonna happen! Too many trade offs.
Support....reading READING READING online, here, MotheringDotCommune, Anne's ShinewithUnschooling. And trying to remind myself of all the good things that unschooling gives my kids and my family, even if I am a fish swimming against the tide.
Tina, here in Manitoba Canada, mom to Stephanie (9) and Jonathan (6)
--- In [email protected], "zurro" <zurrolaur@...> wrote:
>
> I have a question for those of you that have been unschooling for some time:
>
> Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers? If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.?
>
> Thanks!
> laura z in Miami
>
gruvystarchild
~~Do you live in a community that has a lot of unschoolers?~~
Yes!
~~If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.? ~~
When we lived in places where there were less unschoolers or like-minded people we tended to find folks based on common interests. I didn't feel any need to reconcile differences...we just accepted them as part of having friends. That's real life in the unschooling community too! Vast differences of many opinions/styles etc...
I think it's great to have diverse friends and to learn that we can all honor those differences and focus on what we have in common.
I'm really fortunate where I live now, with a strong unschooling community but more importantly friends I share common bonds with in interests/parenting styles/sense of humor and so on.
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Yes!
~~If not then how have you gone about daily life with your kids and play groups/socializing etc - have you found similar minded parents, waited for unschooling conferences, gone outside of the community (and if so how did you reconcile the differences) etc.? ~~
When we lived in places where there were less unschoolers or like-minded people we tended to find folks based on common interests. I didn't feel any need to reconcile differences...we just accepted them as part of having friends. That's real life in the unschooling community too! Vast differences of many opinions/styles etc...
I think it's great to have diverse friends and to learn that we can all honor those differences and focus on what we have in common.
I'm really fortunate where I live now, with a strong unschooling community but more importantly friends I share common bonds with in interests/parenting styles/sense of humor and so on.
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com