NCMama

Lately, I have been SO annoying! To the boys, and myself, and probably anyone within earshot.

Instead of really hearing the boys, I am coming up with arguments and exceptions and rebuffs to what they say. It's like I am looking to find some way that they are wrong about what they're saying.

I sure as heck hope I haven't *always* been this way, and it's just now in my awareness. I don't think I have been!

I don't know where this is coming from, this need to be right and prove wrongness. Even for simple things - Seth said he wished they'd make a sequel to "Bee Movie" and rather than *hearing* him, I was like, "Why?!" and listed all the ways I didn't like Bee Movie, said that's NOT how flowers work, etc. I mean, WTH?! Even if I didn't like the movie, I could have just enjoyed his enthusiasm and idea for a sequel.

I do know I've been in kind of a down space lately, and a previously painful hidden childhood memory surfaced recently. Wondering if it's the little kid part of myself, needing to be right, to be heard. This was going on before that, though.

I know in the past, if I've written stuff out, even if I didn't send it, it helped resolve it. Figured I'd try it for this!

When I'm present, I remember to breathe and smile before I speak - that usually nips any negativity I want to spew in the bud! And I know from experience that bringing it to my own awareness will help me make changes to stop it - I'll catch it earlier, I'll catch it BEFORE I say anything, then I won't need to say anything at all.

Has anyone else dealt with this, seen this in themselves?

peace,

and thanks,
Caren

plaidpanties666

>>When I'm present, I remember to breathe and smile before I speak – that usually nips any negativity I want to spew in the bud! And I know from my experience that bringing it to my own awareness will help me make changes to stop it…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

It sounds like you really Have the key to your own problem, right there! So what helps you be more present? What's standing in the way of you being more present right now? That could be a lot of things. For me, I tend to get wrapped up in whatever I'm doing and forgetting that what I Really want is to Be present – its kind of a "well, duh" thing for me. I'll be sighing and resenting being "bothered" by whatever my kids want (attention, for instance) and then, its like one of those little warning lights in the car comes on, the "duh" light if you will. Oh, duh, I Want to be a mom. Not "wanted" in the sense of I chose to have kids and am stuck with that choice, but that I still want that. So I choose to put my energy and attention into doing that, being Mom, paying attention to my kids.

Sometimes that's harder because I've been neglecting my own needs, so I make a pact with myself that I'll Get to those needs, sooner rather than later, but in the moment, I can still take that all-important breath and give a little bit more of my time and presence to my kids. That's something that only works because I've built up trust in myself, though, in my ability to Get to my own needs, to make those a more urgent priority.

---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)

Jacque Valdez

That was an awesome post Meredith I really like what you said a
ton....thanks made me smile and tucked it in my pocket when that happens
here....love it!
Jacque

On Sat, Jan 9, 2010 at 10:33 AM, plaidpanties666 <meredith@...>wrote:

>
>
> >>When I'm present, I remember to breathe and smile before I speak � that
> usually nips any negativity I want to spew in the bud! And I know from my
> experience that bringing it to my own awareness will help me make changes to
> stop it�
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
> It sounds like you really Have the key to your own problem, right there! So
> what helps you be more present? What's standing in the way of you being more
> present right now? That could be a lot of things. For me, I tend to get
> wrapped up in whatever I'm doing and forgetting that what I Really want is
> to Be present � its kind of a "well, duh" thing for me. I'll be sighing and
> resenting being "bothered" by whatever my kids want (attention, for
> instance) and then, its like one of those little warning lights in the car
> comes on, the "duh" light if you will. Oh, duh, I Want to be a mom. Not
> "wanted" in the sense of I chose to have kids and am stuck with that choice,
> but that I still want that. So I choose to put my energy and attention into
> doing that, being Mom, paying attention to my kids.
>
> Sometimes that's harder because I've been neglecting my own needs, so I
> make a pact with myself that I'll Get to those needs, sooner rather than
> later, but in the moment, I can still take that all-important breath and
> give a little bit more of my time and presence to my kids. That's something
> that only works because I've built up trust in myself, though, in my ability
> to Get to my own needs, to make those a more urgent priority.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>
>
>


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