A thank you and a question about doubt
mizelenius
First of all, I want to thank everyone for the book recommendations they gave me a few weeks ago. I found them to be very helpful and will get going on reading them!
Second, I want to ask a question about doubt, which I expect some of you might be tired of discussing, so my apologies in advance! :)
I have three girls, ages 7, 4, and 2 and am expecting a new baby within the next few weeks. My 2 and 4 yo are on top of me (often literally!) for most of the day. I considered putting my 4 yo into preschool because I do think she would like it-- it seems like she needs much more routine than I can offer her. But, for several reasons, I am not going to put her into it and instead am trying to improve on giving her routine at home.
Anyway, my mom was with my girls while I was at an appt. today at my house. My mom is very organized and creative-- my children love going to her house because she plans fun activities for them. I am not this way. I do not plan activities unless they are to go out. My mother, after the visit, told me she felt like she was not doing enough with my 7 yo. She said they she feels my 7 yo needs more one-on-one time yet my other two are too demanding (she brought up preK for my 4 yo as well).
To a certain extent, I agree . . .for example, my 7 yo does not like to physically write/type on her own, but would love it if I could spend more time taking dictation from her. This is very difficult with my other two around. Not impossible (I have to find something to occupy them) but very difficult.
I talked to my 7 yo about things she would like to do more often. She mentioned swimming and ice skating, both of which I cannot do on my own with 3 soon-to-be 4 children. Again, not impossible, but very difficult.
My 7 yo likes to spend the majority of her day playing. She likes to organize other activities for her sisters (like she will create birthday parties for them, camps, ballet academies . . .right now she is making things for a "gift shop" at a beach she created). I think this is fine. My mother, as you might guess, thinks she should be doing more. Academically, I don't have concerns. My mother brought her "The Pearl" yesterday and she read it on her own in an hour, and then wanted to discuss it with my mom in depth. While she does not like to write, she CAN write when she chooses to, even knowing how to use semicolons appropriately, writes with expression, etc. (She learned this by reading, I suppose?) She likes to read about a wide variety of subjects, both fiction and non-fiction. My mother thinks that she should be doing more-- that playing and reading are not enough. (She acknowledges that one CAN learn a lot by reading, however, but there should be other ways as well.)
I admit that I don't feel every day is my dream day for my children. If I could manage it in terms of money and somehow having children that I could take anywhere (meaning, how I think they will be when they are older!) we'd be spending a lot of days at museums, plays, taking a science class here or there, taking yoga classes together, taking them swimming/ice skating as DD wants, etc. I would love for them to be in some natural (not just the backyard . . .as-is it does not inspire them) setting for a few hours a day, just to run, play, and explore. But, while we do some of those things on occasion, it's not like we do them daily.
I am tired, too . . .I admit that as well! It is hard to be around my children 24/7 (and they sleep so little!) It is hard to be "on" so often, to have to meet their needs and wants day and night. Nighttime offers no break as I work now from home, we get woken up regularly at night by the kids, sleeping with them is hard physically now, and then of course, I will have another baby soon. THIS has nothing to do with homeschooling or unschooling, however . . .to me, this is the very nature of having 2 young children around all the time. It is NORMAL. In other words, it would be hard-- probably harder-- with my oldest in school (she is so much happier now at home). She is not anywhere near as demanding as my little ones. BUT, for this very reason, I worry that my mom is right, and that I am short-changing her.
My thinking is-- she is 7. She is only 7! She is so, so young. I think there are difficulties (cons) in any situation, but I can't think of how to make this better anyway (and I've thought and thought) other than adding more routine and planning a few more (fun!) activities since I plan zero at home now. I have been at the point of acceptance (just accepting that this is reality right now, and that eventually I will even miss these days!) but now the nagging doubts have returned because I am wondering, for my 7 yo . . .am I doing enough?
Thanks so much!
-Elena
Second, I want to ask a question about doubt, which I expect some of you might be tired of discussing, so my apologies in advance! :)
I have three girls, ages 7, 4, and 2 and am expecting a new baby within the next few weeks. My 2 and 4 yo are on top of me (often literally!) for most of the day. I considered putting my 4 yo into preschool because I do think she would like it-- it seems like she needs much more routine than I can offer her. But, for several reasons, I am not going to put her into it and instead am trying to improve on giving her routine at home.
Anyway, my mom was with my girls while I was at an appt. today at my house. My mom is very organized and creative-- my children love going to her house because she plans fun activities for them. I am not this way. I do not plan activities unless they are to go out. My mother, after the visit, told me she felt like she was not doing enough with my 7 yo. She said they she feels my 7 yo needs more one-on-one time yet my other two are too demanding (she brought up preK for my 4 yo as well).
To a certain extent, I agree . . .for example, my 7 yo does not like to physically write/type on her own, but would love it if I could spend more time taking dictation from her. This is very difficult with my other two around. Not impossible (I have to find something to occupy them) but very difficult.
I talked to my 7 yo about things she would like to do more often. She mentioned swimming and ice skating, both of which I cannot do on my own with 3 soon-to-be 4 children. Again, not impossible, but very difficult.
My 7 yo likes to spend the majority of her day playing. She likes to organize other activities for her sisters (like she will create birthday parties for them, camps, ballet academies . . .right now she is making things for a "gift shop" at a beach she created). I think this is fine. My mother, as you might guess, thinks she should be doing more. Academically, I don't have concerns. My mother brought her "The Pearl" yesterday and she read it on her own in an hour, and then wanted to discuss it with my mom in depth. While she does not like to write, she CAN write when she chooses to, even knowing how to use semicolons appropriately, writes with expression, etc. (She learned this by reading, I suppose?) She likes to read about a wide variety of subjects, both fiction and non-fiction. My mother thinks that she should be doing more-- that playing and reading are not enough. (She acknowledges that one CAN learn a lot by reading, however, but there should be other ways as well.)
I admit that I don't feel every day is my dream day for my children. If I could manage it in terms of money and somehow having children that I could take anywhere (meaning, how I think they will be when they are older!) we'd be spending a lot of days at museums, plays, taking a science class here or there, taking yoga classes together, taking them swimming/ice skating as DD wants, etc. I would love for them to be in some natural (not just the backyard . . .as-is it does not inspire them) setting for a few hours a day, just to run, play, and explore. But, while we do some of those things on occasion, it's not like we do them daily.
I am tired, too . . .I admit that as well! It is hard to be around my children 24/7 (and they sleep so little!) It is hard to be "on" so often, to have to meet their needs and wants day and night. Nighttime offers no break as I work now from home, we get woken up regularly at night by the kids, sleeping with them is hard physically now, and then of course, I will have another baby soon. THIS has nothing to do with homeschooling or unschooling, however . . .to me, this is the very nature of having 2 young children around all the time. It is NORMAL. In other words, it would be hard-- probably harder-- with my oldest in school (she is so much happier now at home). She is not anywhere near as demanding as my little ones. BUT, for this very reason, I worry that my mom is right, and that I am short-changing her.
My thinking is-- she is 7. She is only 7! She is so, so young. I think there are difficulties (cons) in any situation, but I can't think of how to make this better anyway (and I've thought and thought) other than adding more routine and planning a few more (fun!) activities since I plan zero at home now. I have been at the point of acceptance (just accepting that this is reality right now, and that eventually I will even miss these days!) but now the nagging doubts have returned because I am wondering, for my 7 yo . . .am I doing enough?
Thanks so much!
-Elena
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "mizelenius" <mizelenius@...> wrote:
Is your mom willing to take her? It might be a way to allay some of her concerns, too, without setting her up to feel like she should be "helping" by trying to push academics. Set her up to do some fun things with the oldest.
There's a big leap in between 4 and 7, and its a different sort of leap than that between 4 and 2. 7yos are often starting to feel ready for more "big kid stuff" - and at the same time don't always know what it is they're looking for. I've seen a lot of that with Mo over the past year (she's just turned 8). So its a good idea to look for ways for your 7yo to get some of her more mature needs met (mature compared to her siblings, I mean!). If your mom can help out with that, it would be easier on you, too, rather than one more thing for you to accomodate.
Other people are sometimes the Best unschooling resources. We've been lucky to have a good local "alternative" community in our area, to find friends and helpers along our unschooling journey. Having family close by, willing to be a part of your kids' lives, can be a similarly valuable resource.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>> I talked to my 7 yo about things she would like to do more often. She mentioned swimming and ice skating, both of which I cannot do on my own with 3 soon-to-be 4 children. Again, not impossible, but very difficult.*********************
Is your mom willing to take her? It might be a way to allay some of her concerns, too, without setting her up to feel like she should be "helping" by trying to push academics. Set her up to do some fun things with the oldest.
There's a big leap in between 4 and 7, and its a different sort of leap than that between 4 and 2. 7yos are often starting to feel ready for more "big kid stuff" - and at the same time don't always know what it is they're looking for. I've seen a lot of that with Mo over the past year (she's just turned 8). So its a good idea to look for ways for your 7yo to get some of her more mature needs met (mature compared to her siblings, I mean!). If your mom can help out with that, it would be easier on you, too, rather than one more thing for you to accomodate.
Other people are sometimes the Best unschooling resources. We've been lucky to have a good local "alternative" community in our area, to find friends and helpers along our unschooling journey. Having family close by, willing to be a part of your kids' lives, can be a similarly valuable resource.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
mizelenius
--- In [email protected], "plaidpanties666" <meredith@...> wrote:
A big part of MY personal concern for my 7 yo (even though she does not complain about it) is that I'd love for her to have more friends around her age to play with. I thought by now, after a year HSing, that we would have built up more of a community. I agree that family/friends would make a big difference (the whole, "it takes a village . . ") but so far it has not panned out. Families with a more traditional HSing approach or children in school have been busy with scheduled activities when we try to find times to get together. Other USing families I know have children who are much older or much younger than my 7 yo. One mom I spoke to recently who HSs w/5 children around my children's ages said that she finds it very hard to get together with others, so I guess I am not the only one.
I am finding that having this big age range of children (in theory, it doesn't seem to be that great of a difference, but like you said, 4 and 7 is big leap) is really hard when finding activities that meet everyone's needs and limits.
>I'd love for my mom to take her OR take my younger two so that they'd be in two groups once in awhile. Even with my 4 yo gone (she goes to ballet once a week) the dynamic around the house is totally different (very peaceful). But, my mom is somewhat far and busy . . .so once in awhile it would work, but not with any regularity.
> ---
> Is your mom willing to take her? It might be a way to allay some of her concerns, too, without setting her up to feel like she should be "helping" by trying to push academics. Set her up to do some fun things with the oldest.
>
> There's a big leap in between 4 and 7, and its a different sort of leap than that between 4 and 2. 7yos are often starting to feel ready for more "big kid stuff" - and at the same time don't always know what it is they're looking for. I've seen a lot of that with Mo over the past year (she's just turned 8). So its a good idea to look for ways for your 7yo to get some of her more mature needs met (mature compared to her siblings, I mean!). If your mom can help out with that, it would be easier on you, too, rather than one more thing for you to accommodate.
>
> Other people are sometimes the Best unschooling resources. We've been lucky to have a good local "alternative" community in our area, to find friends and helpers along our unschooling journey. Having family close by, willing to be a part of your kids' lives, can be a similarly valuable resource.
A big part of MY personal concern for my 7 yo (even though she does not complain about it) is that I'd love for her to have more friends around her age to play with. I thought by now, after a year HSing, that we would have built up more of a community. I agree that family/friends would make a big difference (the whole, "it takes a village . . ") but so far it has not panned out. Families with a more traditional HSing approach or children in school have been busy with scheduled activities when we try to find times to get together. Other USing families I know have children who are much older or much younger than my 7 yo. One mom I spoke to recently who HSs w/5 children around my children's ages said that she finds it very hard to get together with others, so I guess I am not the only one.
I am finding that having this big age range of children (in theory, it doesn't seem to be that great of a difference, but like you said, 4 and 7 is big leap) is really hard when finding activities that meet everyone's needs and limits.