Legal concerns
Dianne
I need some advice. There is a long and interesting story that I am not
going to get into, but there is a possibility that I may be facing a custody
issue. It seems the main thing that will be used against me is unschooling.
There are some in my family who feel that Jeremy, 12, is not learning
anything which is completely untrue. He is autistic and has a unique
learning style so he is probably behind other kids his age. For example, it
has been brought up that he doesn't know his multiplication tables. Part of
that is due to the way he learns and part of it is that he hasn't been
interested in doing it yet. He does understand the concept of
multiplication. I am being told that if he doesn't learn multiplication now
he never will, won't be able to or won't want to I guess
I can't pull out any school records to prove anything. How do I explain all
the things that I am not doing and all the school stuff that has not been
forced on him and that I don't make a bunch of rules or try to punish him to
change his behavior. It seems to other people that I am not doing anything
with him and ruining his potential. I was told that the way I am doing
things he will end up being a janitor because he will have no education.
They feel I am not doing what is best for him because I am not doing things
the traditionally accepted way. How do I prove that unschooling works and I
am not just neglecting his education and I am not failing to teach him
"responsibility" because I don't make him do stuff he doesn't want to do
like go to school. I have been told everyone has to do things they don't
want to do and the right thing to do would be to teach him that now by
making him go to school. I don't believe that but a lot of people do.
If people start asking Jeremy a bunch of school stuff to test what he knows,
I know he is not going to answer and give the impression that he doesn't
know anything. I am being told that if he doesn't learn multiplication now
he never will, won't be able to or won't want to I guess. Jeremy reads well,
writes comic strips, is an artist, cooks, likes science and building things,
loves cats, has a guitar, fixes all kinds of things, is interested in
genetics, thinks about a lot of things and asks a lot of questions. He knows
some math that he has figured out on his own. I have a degree in biology and
one son is a physics major and one knows everything about computers so he is
exposed to a lot of things from our interests.
Then there is a the go to school and get socialized thing (supposedly the
only way). He has one close kid friend that he plays with and other kids
that he plays with off and on in the neighborhood. Because of his autism his
social skills are not the best but he has come a long way. He has a very
close relationship with one of my adult sons who teaches him all kinds of
things. He has adult friends and kid friends in the neighborhood, including
a three year old and the three year old's dad so I think he is doing okay.
Age is not an issue for who he likes to spend time with. But I still keep
hearing about how he needs to go to school for the socialization.
This is everyone in my family. No one understands what I am doing (and only
one person has even asked me to explain what I am doing) and they think I am
doing nothing and Jeremy is learning nothing. I wouldn't have even known
anything about someone in my family wanting to take Jeremy if one of my sons
hadn't told me, basically as a warning to change what I am doing while I
still can. I don't want to change what I am doing, especially for a fear
based reason. Jeremy and I are happy with what we are doing.
--
Dianne in Tacoma WA
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
going to get into, but there is a possibility that I may be facing a custody
issue. It seems the main thing that will be used against me is unschooling.
There are some in my family who feel that Jeremy, 12, is not learning
anything which is completely untrue. He is autistic and has a unique
learning style so he is probably behind other kids his age. For example, it
has been brought up that he doesn't know his multiplication tables. Part of
that is due to the way he learns and part of it is that he hasn't been
interested in doing it yet. He does understand the concept of
multiplication. I am being told that if he doesn't learn multiplication now
he never will, won't be able to or won't want to I guess
I can't pull out any school records to prove anything. How do I explain all
the things that I am not doing and all the school stuff that has not been
forced on him and that I don't make a bunch of rules or try to punish him to
change his behavior. It seems to other people that I am not doing anything
with him and ruining his potential. I was told that the way I am doing
things he will end up being a janitor because he will have no education.
They feel I am not doing what is best for him because I am not doing things
the traditionally accepted way. How do I prove that unschooling works and I
am not just neglecting his education and I am not failing to teach him
"responsibility" because I don't make him do stuff he doesn't want to do
like go to school. I have been told everyone has to do things they don't
want to do and the right thing to do would be to teach him that now by
making him go to school. I don't believe that but a lot of people do.
If people start asking Jeremy a bunch of school stuff to test what he knows,
I know he is not going to answer and give the impression that he doesn't
know anything. I am being told that if he doesn't learn multiplication now
he never will, won't be able to or won't want to I guess. Jeremy reads well,
writes comic strips, is an artist, cooks, likes science and building things,
loves cats, has a guitar, fixes all kinds of things, is interested in
genetics, thinks about a lot of things and asks a lot of questions. He knows
some math that he has figured out on his own. I have a degree in biology and
one son is a physics major and one knows everything about computers so he is
exposed to a lot of things from our interests.
Then there is a the go to school and get socialized thing (supposedly the
only way). He has one close kid friend that he plays with and other kids
that he plays with off and on in the neighborhood. Because of his autism his
social skills are not the best but he has come a long way. He has a very
close relationship with one of my adult sons who teaches him all kinds of
things. He has adult friends and kid friends in the neighborhood, including
a three year old and the three year old's dad so I think he is doing okay.
Age is not an issue for who he likes to spend time with. But I still keep
hearing about how he needs to go to school for the socialization.
This is everyone in my family. No one understands what I am doing (and only
one person has even asked me to explain what I am doing) and they think I am
doing nothing and Jeremy is learning nothing. I wouldn't have even known
anything about someone in my family wanting to take Jeremy if one of my sons
hadn't told me, basically as a warning to change what I am doing while I
still can. I don't want to change what I am doing, especially for a fear
based reason. Jeremy and I are happy with what we are doing.
--
Dianne in Tacoma WA
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
Courts need evidence with which to make decisions. If you haven't been keeping pretty detailed records (or psychological assessments) of "progress" then that's going to go against you in court. Courts also tend to side with a parent who is going to keep, or put, a child in school as opposed to the opposite.
Is it necessary for you to get divorced? Can you stay together and avoid the whole mess? Alternately, can you agree to a custody and educational plan yourselves, before going to court?
In order to "win" a custody battle with a background of radical unschooling you will likely have to make a lot of compromises. When my partner was working on his own divorce he agreed to a great many compromises right away to avoid dragging his son through the courts. He agreed to have his son put in public school, knowing that was something we might be able to change later, and we have. His son now lives with us and unschools (although the custody agreement still says he lives with his mom!). Time creates new options.
If its at all possible for you to stay together (no abuse, no mentally unstable partner), do it. It will probably still mean some compromises, though, in order for that to work. Unschooling across a divorce is messy business on a good day. Although my stepson is unschooled, his bio mom still pulls a lot of strings in his life - emotional strings, mostly, but also some logisitical strings. Regardless of your feelings toward your husband, he will remain a part of your life for several more years, regardless of custody arrangements. He's a part of your son's life, after all.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
Is it necessary for you to get divorced? Can you stay together and avoid the whole mess? Alternately, can you agree to a custody and educational plan yourselves, before going to court?
In order to "win" a custody battle with a background of radical unschooling you will likely have to make a lot of compromises. When my partner was working on his own divorce he agreed to a great many compromises right away to avoid dragging his son through the courts. He agreed to have his son put in public school, knowing that was something we might be able to change later, and we have. His son now lives with us and unschools (although the custody agreement still says he lives with his mom!). Time creates new options.
If its at all possible for you to stay together (no abuse, no mentally unstable partner), do it. It will probably still mean some compromises, though, in order for that to work. Unschooling across a divorce is messy business on a good day. Although my stepson is unschooled, his bio mom still pulls a lot of strings in his life - emotional strings, mostly, but also some logisitical strings. Regardless of your feelings toward your husband, he will remain a part of your life for several more years, regardless of custody arrangements. He's a part of your son's life, after all.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
The Coffee Goddess
>>If its at all possible for you to stay together (no abuse, no mentallyunstable partner), do it. It will probably still mean some compromises,
though, in order for that to work. Unschooling across a divorce is
messy business on a good day.>>
This is not always the case. Unschooling for our family works MUCH better after the divorce, as there is less fighting between mom and dad, and more time to have fun instead. Step-dad is on-board with unschooling, mom and dad are both on-board with unschooling, the kids are THRIVING now that the grown-ups in their lives are all happier...In fact the whole family--mom, dad, step-dad, two kids from first marriage and one kid from second, all went to Life Is Good conference this year--travelled together on the train down there and stayed in the same hotel room for the weekend! :) Divorce really CAN work well through a divorce!
Just my .02 :)
Dana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kathryn Lewis-Peacock
I am tired, but I did not catch that this is necessarily a divorce... It is
the most likely scenario...
So, I would ask first - who is seeking custody (potentially) of you child?
If it is a parent, does that parent currently have custodial rights and is
that parent currently actively involved in your child's life?
What you have to "prove" is very different depending on who is challenging
your life and rights. If it is anyone other than someone with a current
custodial or biological parental rights, the threshold to mess up your life
is WAY higher... i.e. what they have to prove is pretty much abuse to a
degree necessary to remove your rights. If we are talking about a co-parent
or co-custody holder (currently married to you or not), then it is a much
more significant thing and you are probably going to have to compromise.
It really comes down to the fact that in our legal system we believe that
the sanctity of parental rights is something you do not mess with without a
darn good reason. Now, we all know of anecdotal stories to the contrary,
but the prominent thrust of our jurisprudence is to keep families in tact
and to uphold parental rights unless you can show a good reason (or cause)
not to. This is why most states now assume 50/50 split at divorce as well.
Both parents parental rights are important and must be left intact.
That all being said, judges are people and family law differs by the state.
So, if a case is actually filed against you, then I would use any and every
resource at your disposal to fight it from day one. It is a lot easier to
win up front in custody cases then it is to undo a court order later.
peace,
kathryn
non-practicing attorney - nothing I say here is legal advice (CYA advisory)
On Fri, Oct 9, 2009 at 5:57 PM, The Coffee Goddess
<hoffmanwilson@...>wrote:
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
the most likely scenario...
So, I would ask first - who is seeking custody (potentially) of you child?
If it is a parent, does that parent currently have custodial rights and is
that parent currently actively involved in your child's life?
What you have to "prove" is very different depending on who is challenging
your life and rights. If it is anyone other than someone with a current
custodial or biological parental rights, the threshold to mess up your life
is WAY higher... i.e. what they have to prove is pretty much abuse to a
degree necessary to remove your rights. If we are talking about a co-parent
or co-custody holder (currently married to you or not), then it is a much
more significant thing and you are probably going to have to compromise.
It really comes down to the fact that in our legal system we believe that
the sanctity of parental rights is something you do not mess with without a
darn good reason. Now, we all know of anecdotal stories to the contrary,
but the prominent thrust of our jurisprudence is to keep families in tact
and to uphold parental rights unless you can show a good reason (or cause)
not to. This is why most states now assume 50/50 split at divorce as well.
Both parents parental rights are important and must be left intact.
That all being said, judges are people and family law differs by the state.
So, if a case is actually filed against you, then I would use any and every
resource at your disposal to fight it from day one. It is a lot easier to
win up front in custody cases then it is to undo a court order later.
peace,
kathryn
non-practicing attorney - nothing I say here is legal advice (CYA advisory)
On Fri, Oct 9, 2009 at 5:57 PM, The Coffee Goddess
<hoffmanwilson@...>wrote:
>--
>
> >>If its at all possible for you to stay together (no abuse, no mentally
> unstable partner), do it. It will probably still mean some compromises,
> though, in order for that to work. Unschooling across a divorce is
> messy business on a good day.>>
>
> This is not always the case. Unschooling for our family works MUCH better
> after the divorce, as there is less fighting between mom and dad, and more
> time to have fun instead. Step-dad is on-board with unschooling, mom and
> dad are both on-board with unschooling, the kids are THRIVING now that the
> grown-ups in their lives are all happier...In fact the whole family--mom,
> dad, step-dad, two kids from first marriage and one kid from second, all
> went to Life Is Good conference this year--travelled together on the train
> down there and stayed in the same hotel room for the weekend! :) Divorce
> really CAN work well through a divorce!
>
> Just my .02 :)
>
> Dana
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
gruvystarchild
~~ Divorce really CAN work well through a divorce!~~
Not if there is already a custody issue and unschooling is already being questioned!
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Not if there is already a custody issue and unschooling is already being questioned!
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Joyce Fetteroll
On Oct 9, 2009, at 6:57 PM, The Coffee Goddess wrote:
the ghetto is not a good place to begin if the Ivy League is where
someone wants to end up.
No one will dispute that sometimes things work out. But much much
safer for the kids to assume that unschooling will be difficult if
there's divorce. There are way too many factors in a divorce that are
outside a mother's or father's control. There are way too many
stories of reasonable spouses that turned unexpectedly nasty during
the divorce. Too many stories of another person in the background
trying to make sure their future partner "wins". Too many judges who
prefer to side with the parent who wants the conventional route for
their kids.
What the original poster was hinting at sounds more like a family
struggle, but that doesn't change the idea that it would be naive for
someone to imagine unschooling would be easier if they divorced a
husband who disagreed with unschooling.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> This is not always the case. Unschooling for our family works MUCHAnd sometimes kids from the ghetto grow up to graduate from Yale but
> better after the divorce
the ghetto is not a good place to begin if the Ivy League is where
someone wants to end up.
No one will dispute that sometimes things work out. But much much
safer for the kids to assume that unschooling will be difficult if
there's divorce. There are way too many factors in a divorce that are
outside a mother's or father's control. There are way too many
stories of reasonable spouses that turned unexpectedly nasty during
the divorce. Too many stories of another person in the background
trying to make sure their future partner "wins". Too many judges who
prefer to side with the parent who wants the conventional route for
their kids.
What the original poster was hinting at sounds more like a family
struggle, but that doesn't change the idea that it would be naive for
someone to imagine unschooling would be easier if they divorced a
husband who disagreed with unschooling.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dianne
This is not a divorce situation. Jeremy is my nephew. It is a long story how
I ended up with Jeremy. I didn't take him, he was brought to my house by his
mother. He is autistic and was developmentally delayed because of neglect.
He didn't even talk at age 3. Jeremy bonded to me very strongly, probably
because I was the first adult who paid attention to him and spent time with
him. His father Tom lives in Colorado with his older three kids. I don't
have custody but I have had Jeremy for over nine years; Tom has a past
history of alcoholism, has had his older three kids taken away by the state
(he has them back now), still uses marijuana, and is working and trying
trying to raise three teenagers, one has serious psychiatric issues, one has
some emotional problems, and one is doing okay. He doesn't have the time (or
ability) to raise a special needs child and my sister has told me that he
often doesn't spend much time with the kids he has. He has suddenly decided
that he wants to cause problems even though in nine years he has never
visited Jeremy, sent an Xmas gift one time, never sends cards, letters or
emails to Jeremy, and has called him once or twice. I am the only one that
has been willing to raise Jeremy. My sister, Jeremy's mother, is not mother
of the year to put it mildly, and doesn't want to raise him. She knows how
much time and attention he needs. Tom doesn't. He thinks he can snatch an
autistic child from the only home he has known and the only people he has
known and take him to a strange home, strange people and put him in school.
Tom knows he has to find something to use against me considering his past
history and decided unschooling was it. I am hoping that this is a wild hair
that he carry out but I want to be prepared for the worst. Even with all the
reasons Tom is not a good parent and I am, I am worried that all a judge
will look at is that Tom is the custodial parent and that I am "not
educating" Jeremy. Are there any books I could use to show that unschooling
works and is actually better for children, or some articles or something
that could help explain what I am doing and why if it comes to that.
--
Dianne in Tacoma WA
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I ended up with Jeremy. I didn't take him, he was brought to my house by his
mother. He is autistic and was developmentally delayed because of neglect.
He didn't even talk at age 3. Jeremy bonded to me very strongly, probably
because I was the first adult who paid attention to him and spent time with
him. His father Tom lives in Colorado with his older three kids. I don't
have custody but I have had Jeremy for over nine years; Tom has a past
history of alcoholism, has had his older three kids taken away by the state
(he has them back now), still uses marijuana, and is working and trying
trying to raise three teenagers, one has serious psychiatric issues, one has
some emotional problems, and one is doing okay. He doesn't have the time (or
ability) to raise a special needs child and my sister has told me that he
often doesn't spend much time with the kids he has. He has suddenly decided
that he wants to cause problems even though in nine years he has never
visited Jeremy, sent an Xmas gift one time, never sends cards, letters or
emails to Jeremy, and has called him once or twice. I am the only one that
has been willing to raise Jeremy. My sister, Jeremy's mother, is not mother
of the year to put it mildly, and doesn't want to raise him. She knows how
much time and attention he needs. Tom doesn't. He thinks he can snatch an
autistic child from the only home he has known and the only people he has
known and take him to a strange home, strange people and put him in school.
Tom knows he has to find something to use against me considering his past
history and decided unschooling was it. I am hoping that this is a wild hair
that he carry out but I want to be prepared for the worst. Even with all the
reasons Tom is not a good parent and I am, I am worried that all a judge
will look at is that Tom is the custodial parent and that I am "not
educating" Jeremy. Are there any books I could use to show that unschooling
works and is actually better for children, or some articles or something
that could help explain what I am doing and why if it comes to that.
--
Dianne in Tacoma WA
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
AnnoraG
Have you done research into the custody laws in your state? You may be able to beat them to the punch and avoid the battle. Here in Louisiana it is a matter of very little time without contact and or support that has to go by for a parent to be charged with abandonment. Not as in they get legal charges pressed on them, but they no longer have rights to the child. Also, whoever files for custody first has temporary custody until it goes to court. That may be a murky part for you being an aunt even if the laws are the same there, but it is worth looking into because someone filing papers before you may be the difference between fighting to keep him and fighting to get him back. There may be people in this group who have dealt with this before who could offer specific advice, but my first thought is that you should try at all costs to avoid making it about defending your philosophy and more about proving that you aren't breaking any laws.
--- In [email protected], Dianne <charitycrafter@...> wrote:
>
> This is not a divorce situation. Jeremy is my nephew. It is a long story how
> I ended up with Jeremy. I didn't take him, he was brought to my house by his
> mother. He is autistic and was developmentally delayed because of neglect.
> He didn't even talk at age 3. Jeremy bonded to me very strongly, probably
> because I was the first adult who paid attention to him and spent time with
> him. His father Tom lives in Colorado with his older three kids. I don't
> have custody but I have had Jeremy for over nine years; Tom has a past
> history of alcoholism, has had his older three kids taken away by the state
> (he has them back now), still uses marijuana, and is working and trying
> trying to raise three teenagers, one has serious psychiatric issues, one has
> some emotional problems, and one is doing okay. He doesn't have the time (or
> ability) to raise a special needs child and my sister has told me that he
> often doesn't spend much time with the kids he has. He has suddenly decided
> that he wants to cause problems even though in nine years he has never
> visited Jeremy, sent an Xmas gift one time, never sends cards, letters or
> emails to Jeremy, and has called him once or twice. I am the only one that
> has been willing to raise Jeremy. My sister, Jeremy's mother, is not mother
> of the year to put it mildly, and doesn't want to raise him. She knows how
> much time and attention he needs. Tom doesn't. He thinks he can snatch an
> autistic child from the only home he has known and the only people he has
> known and take him to a strange home, strange people and put him in school.
> Tom knows he has to find something to use against me considering his past
> history and decided unschooling was it. I am hoping that this is a wild hair
> that he carry out but I want to be prepared for the worst. Even with all the
> reasons Tom is not a good parent and I am, I am worried that all a judge
> will look at is that Tom is the custodial parent and that I am "not
> educating" Jeremy. Are there any books I could use to show that unschooling
> works and is actually better for children, or some articles or something
> that could help explain what I am doing and why if it comes to that.
>
>
> --
> Dianne in Tacoma WA
> Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
gruvystarchild
~~Are there any books I could use to show that unschooling
works and is actually better for children, or some articles or something
that could help explain what I am doing and why if it comes to that.~~
You will want to avoid the term "unschooling" and stick to defending homeschooling. The courts are hugely in favor of mainstream education and you need to prove that you are educating this child.
Start by creating some photo journals of any and all activities you do with him. Basic descriptions should suffice for that part. Start listing any books you read, outings you go on, anything that you do and write it in "educationese"...language that sounds like something they can relate to.
It sounds like you've got a lot on your side since they took no interest in this child for so long. But I've been involved in more than one battle for homeschooling I can just about guarantee you that the judge will be pro-school. Make your records and portfolio reflect every bit of everything you do in the most educational sounding language you can. Don't try to convince anyone about unschooling, don't try to explain a thing. Just show them that he IS getting attention, opportunities and learning.
Arm yourself with knowledge about what the schools do in their "special ed" programs and show that you are giving him so much more than that! Show how YOUR "program" is tailored exactly to the "student" and so on....I think you'll do great if you stick to that. There's plenty of information about how homeschoolers excel. Do you have a lawyer and someone to give good legal advice?
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
works and is actually better for children, or some articles or something
that could help explain what I am doing and why if it comes to that.~~
You will want to avoid the term "unschooling" and stick to defending homeschooling. The courts are hugely in favor of mainstream education and you need to prove that you are educating this child.
Start by creating some photo journals of any and all activities you do with him. Basic descriptions should suffice for that part. Start listing any books you read, outings you go on, anything that you do and write it in "educationese"...language that sounds like something they can relate to.
It sounds like you've got a lot on your side since they took no interest in this child for so long. But I've been involved in more than one battle for homeschooling I can just about guarantee you that the judge will be pro-school. Make your records and portfolio reflect every bit of everything you do in the most educational sounding language you can. Don't try to convince anyone about unschooling, don't try to explain a thing. Just show them that he IS getting attention, opportunities and learning.
Arm yourself with knowledge about what the schools do in their "special ed" programs and show that you are giving him so much more than that! Show how YOUR "program" is tailored exactly to the "student" and so on....I think you'll do great if you stick to that. There's plenty of information about how homeschoolers excel. Do you have a lawyer and someone to give good legal advice?
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
E. Simon
This may have been stated already but your best advocate could be a therapist or Dr you have worked with during the years you have lovingly worked with your nephew.
Many could testify to the benefit of your nurturing environment and the
extreme negativity of a dramatic 'parenting' change. Documented evidence would be a huge benefit.
There are also scads of news reports on the mishandling and mistreatment of children with Autism (which is why I homeschool now) and the impact on the child.
The social aspects you mention (his friend) is another close bond that would be severed if he was moved. My son gets more socialization now than the complete isolation the schools were 'providing to protect others'. Many courts will side for what is best for the child.
I agree with another poster regarding the unschooling label- even the HSLDA does not appear to support this.
The patience required to raise a special needs child is tremendous and not all can handle it. When my son is in full meltdown mode (which is less frequent now) I really have to go into a different mental mode- hard to explain but I switch into neutral so I do not get emotional with him.
Do you know the motivation behind the father's new interest?
I do hope the years of dedication you have giving to help this boy will show and I encourage you to seek your sister's aide in obtaining legal custody. Legal custody will help you in the future.
All the best!
Elizabeth
Many could testify to the benefit of your nurturing environment and the
extreme negativity of a dramatic 'parenting' change. Documented evidence would be a huge benefit.
There are also scads of news reports on the mishandling and mistreatment of children with Autism (which is why I homeschool now) and the impact on the child.
The social aspects you mention (his friend) is another close bond that would be severed if he was moved. My son gets more socialization now than the complete isolation the schools were 'providing to protect others'. Many courts will side for what is best for the child.
I agree with another poster regarding the unschooling label- even the HSLDA does not appear to support this.
The patience required to raise a special needs child is tremendous and not all can handle it. When my son is in full meltdown mode (which is less frequent now) I really have to go into a different mental mode- hard to explain but I switch into neutral so I do not get emotional with him.
Do you know the motivation behind the father's new interest?
I do hope the years of dedication you have giving to help this boy will show and I encourage you to seek your sister's aide in obtaining legal custody. Legal custody will help you in the future.
All the best!
Elizabeth
----- Original Message -----
From: gruvystarchild
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, October 10, 2009 1:03 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Legal concerns
~~Are there any books I could use to show that unschooling
works and is actually better for children, or some articles or something
that could help explain what I am doing and why if it comes to that.~~
You will want to avoid the term "unschooling" and stick to defending homeschooling. The courts are hugely in favor of mainstream education and you need to prove that you are educating this child.
Start by creating some photo journals of any and all activities you do with him. Basic descriptions should suffice for that part. Start listing any books you read, outings you go on, anything that you do and write it in "educationese"...language that sounds like something they can relate to.
It sounds like you've got a lot on your side since they took no interest in this child for so long. But I've been involved in more than one battle for homeschooling I can just about guarantee you that the judge will be pro-school. Make your records and portfolio reflect every bit of everything you do in the most educational sounding language you can. Don't try to convince anyone about unschooling, don't try to explain a thing. Just show them that he IS getting attention, opportunities and learning.
Arm yourself with knowledge about what the schools do in their "special ed" programs and show that you are giving him so much more than that! Show how YOUR "program" is tailored exactly to the "student" and so on....I think you'll do great if you stick to that. There's plenty of information about how homeschoolers excel. Do you have a lawyer and someone to give good legal advice?
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
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missalexmissalex
I haven't been in that situation, though I did just get through a nasty elder neglect situation by working very hard and sneakily ;) to get all my ducks in a row before the other relative found out. I'm a big fan of the strategy. If you are pretty sure trouble is coming down the pike, I would start making a TON of calls Monday to find out how this sort of thing is handled by social services. You don't have to get your info in the system. You can try to be vague or say you're calling for your friend or whatever. Maybe just say you have an informal kinship care situation and you want to know what the laws are regarding guardianship, abandonment, child support, etc. Ask what kind of evidence they would like that he is doing well in your care. I would definitely find out what the system wants first so you don't waste time. Not that that won't take a million phone calls I'm sure!
I'm sure you've looked into this but here's the place I would start:
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/be_KinshipIntro.asp
Good luck.
Alex
mama to Katya, 28 mos
I'm sure you've looked into this but here's the place I would start:
http://www.dshs.wa.gov/ca/fosterparents/be_KinshipIntro.asp
Good luck.
Alex
mama to Katya, 28 mos
--- In [email protected], "AnnoraG" <ms_apg@...> wrote:
>
>
> Have you done research into the custody laws in your state? You may be able to beat them to the punch and avoid the battle.
carenkh
Are you in the US? In most areas, there is a legal services office that will take some cases for free or a very reduced price.
http://www.lsc.gov/
There is a map to find your local office.
Caren
http://www.lsc.gov/
There is a map to find your local office.
Caren
Dianne
Thanks for the suggestions. You guys have brought up some very good points.
My sister will not help me with this. Even though she brought him here, she
just wanted me to take care of him for her. She didn't realize how much we
would bond. I don't know why, but she thinks Jeremy should be back with his
dad even though she complains about what he has done to the other three
kids.
--
Dianne in Tacoma WA
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My sister will not help me with this. Even though she brought him here, she
just wanted me to take care of him for her. She didn't realize how much we
would bond. I don't know why, but she thinks Jeremy should be back with his
dad even though she complains about what he has done to the other three
kids.
--
Dianne in Tacoma WA
Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket??
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]