Parenting
Paul & Camille
Hi Everyone,
My husband and I have been unschooling, but after the discussions of the past few days I have spoken to him about the parenting side of things. He has noticed I have changed my parenting - being more as you have all been speaking about putting the needs and relationship before the commands and demands type thing, and he has wanted to change more himself - he says he gets and agrees with the concept, however his father is somewhat ingrained in his mind - like alot of us.
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. And I would love something more indepth to continue growing in this way myself. Any pointers would be great - books included :) This is really a great way to learn and to parent I know that, our ds has never been to school or preschool so he has never known anything else, which Im thankful for :)
Thanks, Camille
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My husband and I have been unschooling, but after the discussions of the past few days I have spoken to him about the parenting side of things. He has noticed I have changed my parenting - being more as you have all been speaking about putting the needs and relationship before the commands and demands type thing, and he has wanted to change more himself - he says he gets and agrees with the concept, however his father is somewhat ingrained in his mind - like alot of us.
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. And I would love something more indepth to continue growing in this way myself. Any pointers would be great - books included :) This is really a great way to learn and to parent I know that, our ds has never been to school or preschool so he has never known anything else, which Im thankful for :)
Thanks, Camille
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
Rue Kream's Parenting a Free Child is written in short Q&A type chapters
which is handy - just grab a chapter here and a chapter there, you can
even flip around and just pick stuff that jumps out at you without
having to read every prior chapter. Printing out selected articles from
Sandra Dodd's collection of writings on her website (it's not just her
writings - she's spent the last decade or more collecting helpful,
insightful articles and snippets from lots of people). There a links
there to other people's sites as well so it makes a nice central
starting point to finding short articles that you can read online or
print out to read later.
A good practice might be when you (or your DH) are "channeling" your
parents, before you say or do anything, stop and think "Why?" just one
short word. "Why am I about to say this?" "Why am I about to do this?"
"Why do I believe this is important?" If there's not a good answer
besides "That's the way I've always done it, that's how mom and dad did
it" then stop and think more. If it's along the lines of safety, for
example, then move forward "why am I about to do this? Because I'm
concerned that someone will get hurt." Okay, then you move to "Is there
another way to give the kids the same type of thing if this thing is too
dangerous?" or, to make it shorter "How can I change (my thoughts, the
situation, etc) so that I can say Yes?" Don't be afraid to apologize if
something jumps out of your mouth and then you go "Doh! That was silly!"
Mainstream thought is that parents have to be consistent, so if you say
No it has to stay NO, or if you impose a punishment you have to follow
through - even IF you realize two seconds later that it's pretty stupid
to do so. That's just nonsense (to be a bit blunt). You are allowed to
change your mind and even APOLOGIZE to your kids for saying or doing
something hurtful. Another tactic that some find useful is to pause and
think "Would I say/do this to my spouse/best friend?" If not, don't do
it to your kids.
Deb R
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which is handy - just grab a chapter here and a chapter there, you can
even flip around and just pick stuff that jumps out at you without
having to read every prior chapter. Printing out selected articles from
Sandra Dodd's collection of writings on her website (it's not just her
writings - she's spent the last decade or more collecting helpful,
insightful articles and snippets from lots of people). There a links
there to other people's sites as well so it makes a nice central
starting point to finding short articles that you can read online or
print out to read later.
A good practice might be when you (or your DH) are "channeling" your
parents, before you say or do anything, stop and think "Why?" just one
short word. "Why am I about to say this?" "Why am I about to do this?"
"Why do I believe this is important?" If there's not a good answer
besides "That's the way I've always done it, that's how mom and dad did
it" then stop and think more. If it's along the lines of safety, for
example, then move forward "why am I about to do this? Because I'm
concerned that someone will get hurt." Okay, then you move to "Is there
another way to give the kids the same type of thing if this thing is too
dangerous?" or, to make it shorter "How can I change (my thoughts, the
situation, etc) so that I can say Yes?" Don't be afraid to apologize if
something jumps out of your mouth and then you go "Doh! That was silly!"
Mainstream thought is that parents have to be consistent, so if you say
No it has to stay NO, or if you impose a punishment you have to follow
through - even IF you realize two seconds later that it's pretty stupid
to do so. That's just nonsense (to be a bit blunt). You are allowed to
change your mind and even APOLOGIZE to your kids for saying or doing
something hurtful. Another tactic that some find useful is to pause and
think "Would I say/do this to my spouse/best friend?" If not, don't do
it to your kids.
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. Camille
Camille, I am enjoying "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort. I also highly recommend Scott Noelle's Daily Groove e-mail messages. http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove I often forward them to my husband, who enjoys it in these bite-sized pieces.
Enjoy!
Diana Knight
newbie
Camille, I am enjoying "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort. I also highly recommend Scott Noelle's Daily Groove e-mail messages. http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove I often forward them to my husband, who enjoys it in these bite-sized pieces.
Enjoy!
Diana Knight
newbie
----- Original Message -----
From: "Paul & Camille" <morlingfamily@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 12:54:41 AM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Parenting
Hi Everyone,
My husband and I have been unschooling, but after the discussions of the past few days I have spoken to him about the parenting side of things. He has noticed I have changed my parenting - being more as you have all been speaking about putting the needs and relationship before the commands and demands type thing, and he has wanted to change more himself - he says he gets and agrees with the concept, however his father is somewhat ingrained in his mind - like alot of us.
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. And I would love something more indepth to continue growing in this way myself. Any pointers would be great - books included :) This is really a great way to learn and to parent I know that, our ds has never been to school or preschool so he has never known anything else, which Im thankful for :)
Thanks, Camille
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
-=-Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long.-=-
You might try Alfie Kohn's DVD, Unconditional Parenting. Sometimes people find it easier to watch something, than to read.
http://tinyurl.com/kp265l
Other than that, I second the recommendation for Parenting a Free Child. It's a very easy question & answer format, you don't have to read the whole thing all at once to get a lot out of it.
http://www.freechild.info/
Caren
You might try Alfie Kohn's DVD, Unconditional Parenting. Sometimes people find it easier to watch something, than to read.
http://tinyurl.com/kp265l
Other than that, I second the recommendation for Parenting a Free Child. It's a very easy question & answer format, you don't have to read the whole thing all at once to get a lot out of it.
http://www.freechild.info/
Caren
missalexmissalex
Hi Camille,
I like Scott Noelle's Daily Groove emails. They're free.
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
I like that they keep showing up. If the title grabs me I read it, if not, sometimes not.
Sometimes I forward one to my husband. It's nice to be able to say, "Hey, I got this today and I thought it was interesting" instead of "That thing you did last night really bugged me so I did research and found this for you to read." ;)
Alex
mama to Katya, 28 mos
I like Scott Noelle's Daily Groove emails. They're free.
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove
I like that they keep showing up. If the title grabs me I read it, if not, sometimes not.
Sometimes I forward one to my husband. It's nice to be able to say, "Hey, I got this today and I thought it was interesting" instead of "That thing you did last night really bugged me so I did research and found this for you to read." ;)
Alex
mama to Katya, 28 mos
> Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. thankful for :)
>
> Thanks, Camille
plaidpanties666
Sandra's "Moving a Puddle" is a collection of short essays:
http://sandradodd.com/puddlebook
There was an unschooling ezine that now has its back issues available for all to read - some great articles. Here's a good issue to start with, but the rest can be found by clicking the "archives" tab in the upper right corner:
http://connections.organiclearning.org/Issue2/
---Meredith
http://sandradodd.com/puddlebook
There was an unschooling ezine that now has its back issues available for all to read - some great articles. Here's a good issue to start with, but the rest can be found by clicking the "archives" tab in the upper right corner:
http://connections.organiclearning.org/Issue2/
---Meredith
Jeff Sabo
As an initially resistant Dad, I found a few thinsg helpful. First, Ginger got a copy of Rue's book (Parenting a Free Child) and placed that in my reading room (aka our upstairs bathroom), periodically moving it to the front of the Business Weeks and Hockey News's that I placed in front of it. She also would send me specific brief links from Joyce Fetteroll's website (and others - "brief "is the key point here) to my work email address so I could look at them in the relative privacy of work - it made it easier to not have to "learn" about unschooling while sitting in an unschooling house with unschoolers.
Most critically, she took the time to understand my fears and concerns without refuting them or trying to convince me. She felt that she needed to understand the totality of my resistance, and she knew how important it was for me to simply be heard.
And the, she took the biggets step of all and booked non-refundable tickets to our first conference :-)
________________________________
From: "di2live@..." <di2live@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 2:21:32 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Parenting
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. Camille
Camille, I am enjoying "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort. I also highly recommend Scott Noelle's Daily Groove e-mail messages. http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove I often forward them to my husband, who enjoys it in these bite-sized pieces.
Enjoy!
Diana Knight
newbie
Most critically, she took the time to understand my fears and concerns without refuting them or trying to convince me. She felt that she needed to understand the totality of my resistance, and she knew how important it was for me to simply be heard.
And the, she took the biggets step of all and booked non-refundable tickets to our first conference :-)
________________________________
From: "di2live@..." <di2live@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 2:21:32 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Parenting
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. Camille
Camille, I am enjoying "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort. I also highly recommend Scott Noelle's Daily Groove e-mail messages. http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove I often forward them to my husband, who enjoys it in these bite-sized pieces.
Enjoy!
Diana Knight
newbie
----- Original Message -----
From: "Paul & Camille" <morlingfamily@ xtra.co.nz>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 12:54:41 AM GMT -08:00 US/Canada Pacific
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Parenting
Hi Everyone,
My husband and I have been unschooling, but after the discussions of the past few days I have spoken to him about the parenting side of things. He has noticed I have changed my parenting - being more as you have all been speaking about putting the needs and relationship before the commands and demands type thing, and he has wanted to change more himself - he says he gets and agrees with the concept, however his father is somewhat ingrained in his mind - like alot of us.
Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help without being to long. And I would love something more indepth to continue growing in this way myself. Any pointers would be great - books included :) This is really a great way to learn and to parent I know that, our ds has never been to school or preschool so he has never known anything else, which Im thankful for :)
Thanks, Camille
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Paul & Camille
Thankyou to all of you that have responded to my asking about helping with the parenting journey to take our unschooling one step further - it has all been very helpful and I will start to investigate these for my husband, and myself also :)
Very thankful to have such a helpful group and that you took the time. Also great seeing a Dad here too Jeff :)
~Camille~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Very thankful to have such a helpful group and that you took the time. Also great seeing a Dad here too Jeff :)
~Camille~
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rachelle Marsden
- "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves" by Naomi Aldort
I second on this... great book, helped myself and my husband on our
journey. For something quicker, she's got some articles on her website:
authenticparent.com and if you look up her name on youtube, some great
short videos!
Rachelle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I second on this... great book, helped myself and my husband on our
journey. For something quicker, she's got some articles on her website:
authenticparent.com and if you look up her name on youtube, some great
short videos!
Rachelle
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
S. Carsten
I would recommend Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I
haven't read it yet but I took a workshop from one of his followers
and it is great stuff.
His website is cnvc.org. Alfie Kohn's video is a good one too. He has a
book by the same name, Unconditional Parenting, and several others. Take a
look at his website too alfiekohn.org. There is a video clip about this as
well as a few articles that you can download/print - look for general
interest and parenting categories. I don't know if this fits the bill.
Maybe perusing the websites will fuel the flames for longer, more in depth
reading?
Sharon
newbie
haven't read it yet but I took a workshop from one of his followers
and it is great stuff.
His website is cnvc.org. Alfie Kohn's video is a good one too. He has a
book by the same name, Unconditional Parenting, and several others. Take a
look at his website too alfiekohn.org. There is a video clip about this as
well as a few articles that you can download/print - look for general
interest and parenting categories. I don't know if this fits the bill.
Maybe perusing the websites will fuel the flames for longer, more in depth
reading?
Sharon
newbie
On Thu, Sep 17, 2009 at 6:03 PM, carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote:
>
>
> -=-Is there anything you would recommend I get him to read that will help
> without being to long.-=-
>
> You might try Alfie Kohn's DVD, Unconditional Parenting. Sometimes people
> find it easier to watch something, than to read.
>
> http://tinyurl.com/kp265l
>
> Other than that, I second the recommendation for Parenting a Free Child.
> It's a very easy question & answer format, you don't have to read the whole
> thing all at once to get a lot out of it.
>
> http://www.freechild.info/
>
> Caren
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
Professional Parenting
My book has chapters as per age group and a chart in the back on how to handle all the typical behaviours with respect and kindness.
Judy Arnall, author of Canadian Bestseller:
Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring,
Responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
From: Debra Rossing
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 6:55 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:Parenting
Rue Kream's Parenting a Free Child is written in short Q&A type chapters
which is handy - just grab a chapter here and a chapter there, you can
even flip around and just pick stuff that jumps out at you without
having to read every prior chapter. Printing out selected articles from
Sandra Dodd's collection of writings on her website (it's not just her
writings - she's spent the last decade or more collecting helpful,
insightful articles and snippets from lots of people). There a links
there to other people's sites as well so it makes a nice central
starting point to finding short articles that you can read online or
print out to read later.
A good practice might be when you (or your DH) are "channeling" your
parents, before you say or do anything, stop and think "Why?" just one
short word. "Why am I about to say this?" "Why am I about to do this?"
"Why do I believe this is important?" If there's not a good answer
besides "That's the way I've always done it, that's how mom and dad did
it" then stop and think more. If it's along the lines of safety, for
example, then move forward "why am I about to do this? Because I'm
concerned that someone will get hurt." Okay, then you move to "Is there
another way to give the kids the same type of thing if this thing is too
dangerous?" or, to make it shorter "How can I change (my thoughts, the
situation, etc) so that I can say Yes?" Don't be afraid to apologize if
something jumps out of your mouth and then you go "Doh! That was silly!"
Mainstream thought is that parents have to be consistent, so if you say
No it has to stay NO, or if you impose a punishment you have to follow
through - even IF you realize two seconds later that it's pretty stupid
to do so. That's just nonsense (to be a bit blunt). You are allowed to
change your mind and even APOLOGIZE to your kids for saying or doing
something hurtful. Another tactic that some find useful is to pause and
think "Would I say/do this to my spouse/best friend?" If not, don't do
it to your kids.
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Judy Arnall, author of Canadian Bestseller:
Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring,
Responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
From: Debra Rossing
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, September 17, 2009 6:55 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:Parenting
Rue Kream's Parenting a Free Child is written in short Q&A type chapters
which is handy - just grab a chapter here and a chapter there, you can
even flip around and just pick stuff that jumps out at you without
having to read every prior chapter. Printing out selected articles from
Sandra Dodd's collection of writings on her website (it's not just her
writings - she's spent the last decade or more collecting helpful,
insightful articles and snippets from lots of people). There a links
there to other people's sites as well so it makes a nice central
starting point to finding short articles that you can read online or
print out to read later.
A good practice might be when you (or your DH) are "channeling" your
parents, before you say or do anything, stop and think "Why?" just one
short word. "Why am I about to say this?" "Why am I about to do this?"
"Why do I believe this is important?" If there's not a good answer
besides "That's the way I've always done it, that's how mom and dad did
it" then stop and think more. If it's along the lines of safety, for
example, then move forward "why am I about to do this? Because I'm
concerned that someone will get hurt." Okay, then you move to "Is there
another way to give the kids the same type of thing if this thing is too
dangerous?" or, to make it shorter "How can I change (my thoughts, the
situation, etc) so that I can say Yes?" Don't be afraid to apologize if
something jumps out of your mouth and then you go "Doh! That was silly!"
Mainstream thought is that parents have to be consistent, so if you say
No it has to stay NO, or if you impose a punishment you have to follow
through - even IF you realize two seconds later that it's pretty stupid
to do so. That's just nonsense (to be a bit blunt). You are allowed to
change your mind and even APOLOGIZE to your kids for saying or doing
something hurtful. Another tactic that some find useful is to pause and
think "Would I say/do this to my spouse/best friend?" If not, don't do
it to your kids.
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Paul & Camille
Thankyou Judy,
Im just looking into that now :)
Camille
Judy Arnall, author of Canadian Bestseller:
Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring,
Responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
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Im just looking into that now :)
Camille
Judy Arnall, author of Canadian Bestseller:
Discipline Without Distress: 135 tools for raising caring,
Responsible children without time-out, spanking, punishment or bribery
Recent Activity
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Visit Your Group
Hollywood kids
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Their moms
share secrets
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Start selling with
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Stay up to speed
on all things Groups!
.
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