I think we have turned a corner...
sistergoddesselli
Oh, my, gosh!!! I think we are more here than ever before!!!
We started homeschooling in January and unschooling in February. We've been de-schooling ever since. And, then, my darling 11 year old daughter wanted to go back to school this fall. My DS, 8, was content to stay home. So, I had to move through my resistance and see what I could do to get her into school. She tried our neighborhood middle school and HATED it...hated the caste system (they have a "school within a school" for the gifted kids. All of her elementary school friends were in that gifted program. But she missed the chance to apply last year because we had started homeschooling). She hated the bells. She hated the fact that she wasn't allowed to sit with her friends at lunch because they were in different homerooms. She hated the stupid stuff they were trying to teach her. Oh, and I am sooooooooo glad I shut up and supported her. She had the opportunity to make her own assessment.
And, now, she is back home (took only one day). She is not interested in private school (which we couldn't afford anyway). And, she is letting go of the idea of getting into another public city school (waiting list too long) and now, it turns out, that two of her best buds from kindergarten are homeschooling too this year, not by first choice but because they are on a middle school waiting list too. Perhaps that will change as they settle into the life!!
And, she is focused on her acting career, which is her biggest desire. We've got her enrolled in an acting class and we are going to go to NYC to check out a one-day acting conference. And, she is going to audition for plays locally.
And, my little guy is ready to try some things other than TV and video games, although he is enjoying them still and dad is playing more with him every night, because he loves them too. And, their relationship is growing tighter and stronger!!!
And, I am letting go more and more of my expectations of what they should be doing or not, in regards to food and sleep and what ever.
And, my hubby is on board and in a beautiful state of recovery (thanks Peaceful Partnerships for all of your postings this summer!!!)
And, I am finding health and healing in my body.
And, I am inspired by John Gotto's books.
And, I was wondering why the de-schooling phase was taking soooo long - way longer than a month per year in school. And, then, I considered the possibility that we had more stuff to work through because of DS's medical issues - 5 open heart surgeries, 6 other heart procedures, 2 dental surgeries, and hospitalization for dehydration and anemia. That's right, Dear Son had all of these and we all struggled through survival mode for 6 years!! But, that's all over, and should it come up again, with our un-schooling family, we would navigate those waters differently, since we would all be in our family boat, rather than here or there at different schools apart during the day. Anyway, I am acknowledging that we had more to recover from than 6 years of school!! And, so we needed more time to de-school!!
And, here we are, sailing along, with the winds on our side, feeling great, headed to our first unschooling conference to check that out, settled and expanding our individual-centered-learning. Feeling GOOD!!!
Love,
Elli
We started homeschooling in January and unschooling in February. We've been de-schooling ever since. And, then, my darling 11 year old daughter wanted to go back to school this fall. My DS, 8, was content to stay home. So, I had to move through my resistance and see what I could do to get her into school. She tried our neighborhood middle school and HATED it...hated the caste system (they have a "school within a school" for the gifted kids. All of her elementary school friends were in that gifted program. But she missed the chance to apply last year because we had started homeschooling). She hated the bells. She hated the fact that she wasn't allowed to sit with her friends at lunch because they were in different homerooms. She hated the stupid stuff they were trying to teach her. Oh, and I am sooooooooo glad I shut up and supported her. She had the opportunity to make her own assessment.
And, now, she is back home (took only one day). She is not interested in private school (which we couldn't afford anyway). And, she is letting go of the idea of getting into another public city school (waiting list too long) and now, it turns out, that two of her best buds from kindergarten are homeschooling too this year, not by first choice but because they are on a middle school waiting list too. Perhaps that will change as they settle into the life!!
And, she is focused on her acting career, which is her biggest desire. We've got her enrolled in an acting class and we are going to go to NYC to check out a one-day acting conference. And, she is going to audition for plays locally.
And, my little guy is ready to try some things other than TV and video games, although he is enjoying them still and dad is playing more with him every night, because he loves them too. And, their relationship is growing tighter and stronger!!!
And, I am letting go more and more of my expectations of what they should be doing or not, in regards to food and sleep and what ever.
And, my hubby is on board and in a beautiful state of recovery (thanks Peaceful Partnerships for all of your postings this summer!!!)
And, I am finding health and healing in my body.
And, I am inspired by John Gotto's books.
And, I was wondering why the de-schooling phase was taking soooo long - way longer than a month per year in school. And, then, I considered the possibility that we had more stuff to work through because of DS's medical issues - 5 open heart surgeries, 6 other heart procedures, 2 dental surgeries, and hospitalization for dehydration and anemia. That's right, Dear Son had all of these and we all struggled through survival mode for 6 years!! But, that's all over, and should it come up again, with our un-schooling family, we would navigate those waters differently, since we would all be in our family boat, rather than here or there at different schools apart during the day. Anyway, I am acknowledging that we had more to recover from than 6 years of school!! And, so we needed more time to de-school!!
And, here we are, sailing along, with the winds on our side, feeling great, headed to our first unschooling conference to check that out, settled and expanding our individual-centered-learning. Feeling GOOD!!!
Love,
Elli
oceana
I am amazed at watching people who are practiced in hearing
peoples needs instead of what people are saying per se. I am including a youtube at the
end of this post so you can see Marshal speak about things that he has been able to do.
I think NVC is changing our lives.
I find that even when I do say to my children no they can't
do something, when I express it in as much of an nvc way as I can
they often understand. This way I am meeting my needs to protect my
children in someways (like when my children were young, one daughter
liked to try to run into traffic) but also to try to listen to their
needs to have freedom and autonomy. So that we can work together to find
the answer. I am still so new to this that I find myself slipping in to
regular speach much of the time. But I find that when I use this nvc I
feel relieved happy and hopeful because my needs for love and
nurturance to myself and others is being met. Whereas when I
communicate as I have been taught by society,l feel unhappy and worried
that my needs for connection will not be met.
I know this is a lot to take in if you are not familiar with NVC.
Please don't judge it by my explaination. I have a lot of trouble
expressing myself clearly. But it seems to me unschooling and NVC might
be a really good fit.
Has anyone else here heard of or studied
NVC?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-fUVM4Dos
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
peoples needs instead of what people are saying per se. I am including a youtube at the
end of this post so you can see Marshal speak about things that he has been able to do.
I think NVC is changing our lives.
I find that even when I do say to my children no they can't
do something, when I express it in as much of an nvc way as I can
they often understand. This way I am meeting my needs to protect my
children in someways (like when my children were young, one daughter
liked to try to run into traffic) but also to try to listen to their
needs to have freedom and autonomy. So that we can work together to find
the answer. I am still so new to this that I find myself slipping in to
regular speach much of the time. But I find that when I use this nvc I
feel relieved happy and hopeful because my needs for love and
nurturance to myself and others is being met. Whereas when I
communicate as I have been taught by society,l feel unhappy and worried
that my needs for connection will not be met.
I know this is a lot to take in if you are not familiar with NVC.
Please don't judge it by my explaination. I have a lot of trouble
expressing myself clearly. But it seems to me unschooling and NVC might
be a really good fit.
Has anyone else here heard of or studied
NVC?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZ-fUVM4Dos
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Genesis
Hi Oceana~
As a woman who grew in a home where authoritative discipline was the parenting paradigm of choice (with well intentioned parents whom I love greatly) , I also found NVC to be extremely helpful in aiding me to reformat my concepts of relating to others. My ideals were clear when my son was born of what I did not want to see in our family communicative dynamics, yet it was undeniably challenging to actualize a respectful, empathic way of being when I didn't have it modeled for me at home or in school.
I am not sure of your location, but I have taken the parenting course at the Center for Non Violent Parenting (CNVEP: Parenting through the NVC lens). It was absolutely life changing. Observation: even while people may gain the "tools" for parenting from a place of empathy, by reading books, swaping ideas or creative thinking, their paradigms are still locked in the authoritative position due to their personal childhood experiences, so frustration ensues and mixed messages abound; Despite their best of intentions. The Center helps to delve into that unconscious using a well crafted program and the sharing of experiences with other attendees, bringing these antiquated and deeply ingrained beliefs to awareness.
A few of the things that profoundly effected me were the way The Center reached into the hearts of parents so that they could experience life again, through a child's point of view. As parent's we forget what it feels like to have our power stripped from us as children. As many of us perhaps, no longer hold these experiences in our conscious minds. They instead continue to determine our actions subconsciously. The Center, stirred that unconscious well. Allowing those who chose to venture deeper, a door to walk through.
The course also touched on the importance of peaceful childhoods leading to peaceful lives. Many studies in Psycohistory (a relatively new field in Psychology studying the effects of childhood on their societies) Have found consistent and continuing direct correlations between violent societies and the prevalence authoritative, corporeal parenting which strip the child of personal dignity, their sense of safety and autonomy, damaging their capacity for empathy, accountability and their capacity to love. For me, listening to and experiencing these simple yet profound human realities, help to keep me focused and committed to the constant effort to reach beyond my past experience and transform these unconscious influences into conscious thoughts. In the conscious mind is where we can effectively confront irrational ideas, behaviors and thoughts.
I deeply recommend Parenting for a Peaceful World, written by Robin Grille. Her book has done nothing less but deepen my commitment to respectful parenting and unschooling (while the latter is not in her book, it is for my sensibility the next level of progression in human evolution)It is a relatively expensive book, and an intense read, yet for me, it is a constant assurance of my choices, whenever the doubting demon gets to running its mouth again.
I will leave below CNVEP's link. If you don't live locally and you can gather enough people, I believe they are willing to travel for 2 day courses which for me were life changing.
Good luck love, what a wondrous journey we are all on!
http://www.cnvep.org/new/
Genesis
As a woman who grew in a home where authoritative discipline was the parenting paradigm of choice (with well intentioned parents whom I love greatly) , I also found NVC to be extremely helpful in aiding me to reformat my concepts of relating to others. My ideals were clear when my son was born of what I did not want to see in our family communicative dynamics, yet it was undeniably challenging to actualize a respectful, empathic way of being when I didn't have it modeled for me at home or in school.
I am not sure of your location, but I have taken the parenting course at the Center for Non Violent Parenting (CNVEP: Parenting through the NVC lens). It was absolutely life changing. Observation: even while people may gain the "tools" for parenting from a place of empathy, by reading books, swaping ideas or creative thinking, their paradigms are still locked in the authoritative position due to their personal childhood experiences, so frustration ensues and mixed messages abound; Despite their best of intentions. The Center helps to delve into that unconscious using a well crafted program and the sharing of experiences with other attendees, bringing these antiquated and deeply ingrained beliefs to awareness.
A few of the things that profoundly effected me were the way The Center reached into the hearts of parents so that they could experience life again, through a child's point of view. As parent's we forget what it feels like to have our power stripped from us as children. As many of us perhaps, no longer hold these experiences in our conscious minds. They instead continue to determine our actions subconsciously. The Center, stirred that unconscious well. Allowing those who chose to venture deeper, a door to walk through.
The course also touched on the importance of peaceful childhoods leading to peaceful lives. Many studies in Psycohistory (a relatively new field in Psychology studying the effects of childhood on their societies) Have found consistent and continuing direct correlations between violent societies and the prevalence authoritative, corporeal parenting which strip the child of personal dignity, their sense of safety and autonomy, damaging their capacity for empathy, accountability and their capacity to love. For me, listening to and experiencing these simple yet profound human realities, help to keep me focused and committed to the constant effort to reach beyond my past experience and transform these unconscious influences into conscious thoughts. In the conscious mind is where we can effectively confront irrational ideas, behaviors and thoughts.
I deeply recommend Parenting for a Peaceful World, written by Robin Grille. Her book has done nothing less but deepen my commitment to respectful parenting and unschooling (while the latter is not in her book, it is for my sensibility the next level of progression in human evolution)It is a relatively expensive book, and an intense read, yet for me, it is a constant assurance of my choices, whenever the doubting demon gets to running its mouth again.
I will leave below CNVEP's link. If you don't live locally and you can gather enough people, I believe they are willing to travel for 2 day courses which for me were life changing.
Good luck love, what a wondrous journey we are all on!
http://www.cnvep.org/new/
Genesis
universalgenre
> Has anyone else here heard of or studiedHi Oceana~
>
> NVC?
As a woman who grew in a home where authoritative discipline was the parenting paradigm of choice (with well intentioned parents whom I love greatly) , I also found NVC to be extremely helpful in aiding me to reformat my concepts of relating to others. My ideals were clear when my son was born of what I did not want to see in our family communicative dynamics, yet it was undeniably challenging to actualize a respectful, empathic way of being when I didn't have it modeled for me at home or in school.
I am not sure of your location, but I have taken the parenting course at the Center for Non Violent Parenting (CNVEP: Parenting through the NVC lens). It was absolutely life changing. Observation: even while people may gain the "tools" for parenting from a place of empathy, by reading books, swaping ideas or creative thinking, their paradigms are still locked in the authoritative position due to their personal childhood experiences, so frustration ensues and mixed messages abound; Despite their best of intentions. The Center helps to delve into that unconscious using a well crafted program and the sharing of experiences with other attendees, bringing these antiquated and deeply ingrained beliefs to awareness.
A few of the things that profoundly effected me were the way The Center reached into the hearts of parents so that they could experience life again, through a child's point of view. As parent's we forget what it feels like to have our power stripped from us as children. As many of us perhaps, no longer hold these experiences in our conscious minds. They instead continue to determine our actions subconsciously. The Center, stirred that unconscious well. Allowing those who chose to venture deeper, a door to walk through.
The course also touched on the importance of peaceful childhoods leading to peaceful lives. Many studies in Psycohistory (a relatively new field in Psychology studying the effects of childhood on their societies) Have found consistent and continuing direct correlations between violent societies and the prevalence authoritative, corporeal parenting which strip the child of personal dignity, their sense of safety and autonomy, damaging their capacity for empathy, accountability and their capacity to love. For me, listening to and experiencing these simple yet profound human realities, help to keep me focused and committed to the constant effort to reach beyond my past experience and transform these unconscious influences into conscious thoughts. In the conscious mind is where we can effectively confront irrational ideas, behaviors and thoughts.
I deeply recommend Parenting for a Peaceful World, written by Robin Grille. Her book has done nothing less but deepen my commitment to respectful parenting and unschooling (while the latter is not in her book, it is for my sensibility the next level of progression in human evolution)It is a relatively expensive book, and an intense read, yet for me, it is a constant assurance of my choices, whenever the doubting demon gets to running its mouth again.
I will leave below CNVEP's link. If you don't live locally and you can gather enough people, I believe they are willing to travel for 2 day courses which for me were life changing.
Good luck love, what a wondrous journey we are all on!
http://www.cnvep.org/new/
Genesis
Oh, and if I sent this twice, sorry, I'm having some technical difficulties. 8)
plaidpanties666
OMG, Elli I'm so happy for you And for your dd. Supporting our kids, even when we disagree with them, can be soooooo hard sometimes. I'm glad you found a way to have your cake and eat it, too. Hooray! She's home again!
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 15)
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 15)
gruvystarchild
~~ And, here we are, sailing along, with the winds on our side, feeling great, headed to our first unschooling conference to check that out, settled and expanding our individual-centered-learning. Feeling GOOD!!~~
This was so nice to read today! I think that whole idea of "one month per year of school" is a very loose guideline to try and help parents relax. My personal deschooling is still happening I think! After 13 year of school I don't know that you ever get it all out of your head...you just learn to not react to it.;)
Enjoy the continued journey....
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
This was so nice to read today! I think that whole idea of "one month per year of school" is a very loose guideline to try and help parents relax. My personal deschooling is still happening I think! After 13 year of school I don't know that you ever get it all out of your head...you just learn to not react to it.;)
Enjoy the continued journey....
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Faith Void
Elli
That is soooo cool. It is difficult when our children want something we
don't want for them. That was s huge road block you removed from your
relationship with your daughter.
I am so excited for you. I hope you find continued happiness.
Faith
On Wed, Sep 16, 2009 at 9:19 AM, sistergoddesselli
<elinorsparks@...>wrote:
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
That is soooo cool. It is difficult when our children want something we
don't want for them. That was s huge road block you removed from your
relationship with your daughter.
I am so excited for you. I hope you find continued happiness.
Faith
On Wed, Sep 16, 2009 at 9:19 AM, sistergoddesselli
<elinorsparks@...>wrote:
>--
>
> Oh, my, gosh!!! I think we are more here than ever before!!!
>
>
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
oceana
I am in the Nashville Area (Murfreesboro actually) and we have a
growing number of people interested in NVC. I have taken a free 4 hour
workshop and also have a wonderful close friend who is modeling NVC for
me on a weekly bases. Thank you for the extra info. I will look
into it. We have had a workshop in the area on Parenting but alas my
funds are not currently up to that. So I am reading, reading,
reading.
My family has a history of violence and violent communication.
But I am truly amazed at my beautiful children who have needs of
contribution as well as autonomy. Once I am able to communicate with
them in this other language issues that were once issues are no longer.
It's been magically and I am truly a novice at NVC. It's also
been life changing with some adults I know.
Thank you for write me I found this information you gave me to meet
needs of connection and inclusion and reassurrance that indeed this is
a good path.
call me jane
growing number of people interested in NVC. I have taken a free 4 hour
workshop and also have a wonderful close friend who is modeling NVC for
me on a weekly bases. Thank you for the extra info. I will look
into it. We have had a workshop in the area on Parenting but alas my
funds are not currently up to that. So I am reading, reading,
reading.
My family has a history of violence and violent communication.
But I am truly amazed at my beautiful children who have needs of
contribution as well as autonomy. Once I am able to communicate with
them in this other language issues that were once issues are no longer.
It's been magically and I am truly a novice at NVC. It's also
been life changing with some adults I know.
Thank you for write me I found this information you gave me to meet
needs of connection and inclusion and reassurrance that indeed this is
a good path.
call me jane
--- On Wed, 9/16/09, Genesis <universalgenre@...> wrote:
From: Genesis <universalgenre@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Non-violent communication
To: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday, September 16, 2009, 5:57 PM
Hi Oceana~
As a woman who grew in a home where authoritative discipline was
the parenting paradigm of choice (with well intentioned parents whom I
love greatly) , I also found NVC to be extremely helpful in aiding me
to reformat my concepts of relating to others. My ideals were clear
when my son was born of what I did not want to see in our family
communicative dynamics, yet it was undeniably challenging to actualize
a respectful, empathic way of being when I didn't have it modeled for
me at home or in school.
I am not sure of your location, but I have taken the parenting course
at the Center for Non Violent Parenting (CNVEP: Parenting through the
NVC lens). It was absolutely life changing. Observation: even while
people may gain the "tools" for parenting from a place of empathy, by
reading books, swaping ideas or creative thinking, their paradigms are
still locked in the authoritative position due to their personal
childhood experiences, so frustration ensues and mixed messages abound;
Despite their best of intentions. The Center helps to delve into that
unconscious using a well crafted program and the sharing of experiences
with other attendees, bringing these antiquated and deeply ingrained
beliefs to awareness.
A few of the things that profoundly effected me were the way The Center
reached into the hearts of parents so that they could experience life
again, through a child's point of view. As parent's we forget what it
feels like to have our power stripped from us as children. As many of
us perhaps, no longer hold these experiences in our conscious minds.
They instead continue to determine our actions subconsciously. The
Center, stirred that unconscious well. Allowing those who chose to
venture deeper, a door to walk through.
The course also touched on the importance of peaceful childhoods
leading to peaceful lives. Many studies in Psycohistory (a relatively
new field in Psychology studying the effects of childhood on their
societies) Have found consistent and continuing direct correlations
between violent societies and the prevalence authoritative, corporeal
parenting which strip the child of personal dignity, their sense of
safety and autonomy, damaging their capacity for empathy,
accountability and their capacity to love. For me, listening to and
experiencing these simple yet profound human realities, help to keep me
focused and committed to the constant effort to reach beyond my past
experience and transform these unconscious influences into conscious
thoughts. In the conscious mind is where we can effectively confront
irrational ideas, behaviors and thoughts.
I deeply recommend Parenting for a Peaceful World, written by Robin
Grille. Her book has done nothing less but deepen my commitment to
respectful parenting and unschooling (while the latter is not in her
book, it is for my sensibility the next level of progression in human
evolution)It is a relatively expensive book, and an intense read, yet
for me, it is a constant assurance of my choices, whenever the doubting
demon gets to running its mouth again.
I will leave below CNVEP's link. If you don't live locally and you can
gather enough people, I believe they are willing to travel for 2 day
courses which for me were life changing.
Good luck love, what a wondrous journey we are all on!
http://www.cnvep org/new/
Genesis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]