Practicing Unschooling on my 4 Year Old
enajybbil
I want to unschool my children. My husband does not. In the little town we were both raised in the homeschoolers were a weird bunch. They didn't see sunlight very often. I want to show my husband that unschooling will be the best life for our children (4yo, 1.5yo and due on 9/27). Up until a year ago I haven't been the most attentive of mothers. I've recently stumbled onto attachment parenting blogs, magazines, and a new way of viewing motherhood. SO the question is: How do I "practice" unschooling right now? How do I engage my son (the 4yo) in ways that I have not? Assume that I have been the typical lazy mother with lots of TV watching, not playing with my kids, all that bad stuff. Right now I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a good candidate for unschooling my children. I'm lazy and unimaginative. What does a a good unschooling parent's day look like?
Jacquie Krauskopf
We moved from small town Avilla to bigger Fort Wayne and the first kids we met- boys and both close to Jonah's age to play with. The parents respect the fact we homeschool but the boys are kind of mean. A couple weeks ago Jonah met another boy who is the same age as Jonah and they get along well. Last Saturday Jonah played at his house and the next day he was in great pain from running into each other with a ball. Why parents allowed that i don't know.
Today I asked Jonah what they think of him homeschooling. He told me they ask him questions. I asked him what type of questions. He told me they ask him what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's. They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.
I have heard of other homeschoolers getting this kind of treatment from others and it always made me angry then, but i am outraged by this now! So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at all! I feel like the bad mommy of the year now.
This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
Thanks for listening.
Jacquie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Today I asked Jonah what they think of him homeschooling. He told me they ask him questions. I asked him what type of questions. He told me they ask him what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's. They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.
I have heard of other homeschoolers getting this kind of treatment from others and it always made me angry then, but i am outraged by this now! So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at all! I feel like the bad mommy of the year now.
This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
Thanks for listening.
Jacquie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "enajybbil" <enajybbil@...> wrote:
You might want to start by reading something like "Playful Parenting" - a big part of interacting with young children has to do with playing and facilitating their play. You may find you're rusty in that department - many parents do. You might also look into getting some "rainy day activity" books, or look on the internet for fun games and crafts for younger children. Think about the sorts of things your children like to do and offer more, and variations on those themes.
Most of all, get down on the floor and be where your children are. Savor their childhood. Enjoy their happiness and interests. That's the core of unschooling, and really the core of good parenting - cherishing your children in a very day by day, moment by moment way, rather than from a distance.
I'll be posting a blog carnival tonight or tomorrow, and that will give you a place to start reading some unschoolers' blogs, too. In the meantime, have you been to Sandra's site? I'm sorry my links are wonky today, but if you can go there and click on Strewing you'll find lots of suggestions for things to do with kids of all ages.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 15)
>How do I "practice" unschooling right now? How do I engage my son (the 4yo) in ways that I have not?*********************
You might want to start by reading something like "Playful Parenting" - a big part of interacting with young children has to do with playing and facilitating their play. You may find you're rusty in that department - many parents do. You might also look into getting some "rainy day activity" books, or look on the internet for fun games and crafts for younger children. Think about the sorts of things your children like to do and offer more, and variations on those themes.
Most of all, get down on the floor and be where your children are. Savor their childhood. Enjoy their happiness and interests. That's the core of unschooling, and really the core of good parenting - cherishing your children in a very day by day, moment by moment way, rather than from a distance.
I'll be posting a blog carnival tonight or tomorrow, and that will give you a place to start reading some unschoolers' blogs, too. In the meantime, have you been to Sandra's site? I'm sorry my links are wonky today, but if you can go there and click on Strewing you'll find lots of suggestions for things to do with kids of all ages.
---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 15)
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], Jacquie Krauskopf <home_maker97@...> wrote:
Last Saturday Jonah played at his house and the next day he was in great pain from running into each other with a ball. Why parents allowed that i don't know.
******Were they having fun? Did he express that he was in pain during the game? Maybe the parents thought they were having a lot of fun. My boys are quite physical sometimes.
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He told me they ask him what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's. They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.
******The way you explain it, it sounds like they are just curious.
=====================================================================
I have heard of other homeschoolers getting this kind of treatment from others and it always made me angry then, but i am outraged by this now!
******You haven't really explained any bad "treatment". Maybe the questions are a little irritating, but why this would infuriate you?
======================================================================
So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at all! I feel like the bad mommy of the year now.
******I definitely could be reading this all wrong, but it seems to me that you aren't allowing your son to play with a child he likes because his parents were inquisitive into your child's education. I don't think that's the right answer at all.
======================================================================
This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
******It sounds like you have a lot of fears surrounding unschooling, the laws, and other families. Unschooling is perfectly legal and is done in every state.
If i were you, I might call the other parents or even when the boys were playing and ask them about it. "Jonah says you were interested in his homeschooling. Is there any questions I can answer for you that he may not have?" Or something of the sort.
I don't think it's a good idea to live in fear. I also don't think all people who ask pointed questions are necessarily out to get you. Remember that homeschooling and especially unschooling is a very unfamiliar topic in most households. Make yourself available to them and you may find their true intentions.
>
Paul & Camille
Jacquie,
Perhaps the parents were asking these questions not so much in a judgemental way but out of curiousity etc. They obviously dont think that your son is a bad influence on their child or they would not be keen for them to associate.
I actually think that you are over reacting and that you shouldnt stop the friendship that your child wants to have. The child is not a problem, and perhaps the parents may actually be interested in learning more. If I knew nothing about unschooling I would most likely be interested in what a child 'knew' when he had no formal classes and may ask questions also for curiousity.
Did these questions bother your child? If they did then perhaps you could help him to have answers for another time as people are curious. Perhaps you could say the to parents, Jonah said you asked him a few questions about unschooling and what he learns etc, if you have any questions I'd love to answer them for you (and you could even give them some websites they could look up to check it out.) Perhaps they are starting to look outside the box themselves, you never know you could be the one who may open a new way of thinking for them, if you allow your motherly defences to be at peace - and I know I have those in abundance too.
Just another viewpoint, hope it works out for your son.
Blessings, Camille
Perhaps the parents were asking these questions not so much in a judgemental way but out of curiousity etc. They obviously dont think that your son is a bad influence on their child or they would not be keen for them to associate.
I actually think that you are over reacting and that you shouldnt stop the friendship that your child wants to have. The child is not a problem, and perhaps the parents may actually be interested in learning more. If I knew nothing about unschooling I would most likely be interested in what a child 'knew' when he had no formal classes and may ask questions also for curiousity.
Did these questions bother your child? If they did then perhaps you could help him to have answers for another time as people are curious. Perhaps you could say the to parents, Jonah said you asked him a few questions about unschooling and what he learns etc, if you have any questions I'd love to answer them for you (and you could even give them some websites they could look up to check it out.) Perhaps they are starting to look outside the box themselves, you never know you could be the one who may open a new way of thinking for them, if you allow your motherly defences to be at peace - and I know I have those in abundance too.
Just another viewpoint, hope it works out for your son.
Blessings, Camille
----- Original Message -----
From: Jacquie Krauskopf
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, September 05, 2009 8:27 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] When your child is quizzed
We moved from small town Avilla to bigger Fort Wayne and the first kids we met- boys and both close to Jonah's age to play with. The parents respect the fact we homeschool but the boys are kind of mean. A couple weeks ago Jonah met another boy who is the same age as Jonah and they get along well. Last Saturday Jonah played at his house and the next day he was in great pain from running into each other with a ball. Why parents allowed that i don't know.
Today I asked Jonah what they think of him homeschooling. He told me they ask him questions. I asked him what type of questions. He told me they ask him what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's. They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.
I have heard of other homeschoolers getting this kind of treatment from others and it always made me angry then, but i am outraged by this now! So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at all! I feel like the bad mommy of the year now.
This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
Thanks for listening.
Jacquie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
---This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
******It sounds like you have a lot of fears surrounding unschooling, the laws, and other families. Unschooling is perfectly legal and is done in every state.
---------------------------------
Homeschooling is perfectly legal in the U.S. Unschooling is not specifically listed, as far as I know, within any statements about the specifics of home-education in the U.S. Unschooling may be a method of homeschooling that is practiced in every state, but that doesn't make it legal. In states with specific requirements for homeschooling, unschoolers have to jump those hurdles just like any other homeschooler.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
******It sounds like you have a lot of fears surrounding unschooling, the laws, and other families. Unschooling is perfectly legal and is done in every state.
---------------------------------
Homeschooling is perfectly legal in the U.S. Unschooling is not specifically listed, as far as I know, within any statements about the specifics of home-education in the U.S. Unschooling may be a method of homeschooling that is practiced in every state, but that doesn't make it legal. In states with specific requirements for homeschooling, unschoolers have to jump those hurdles just like any other homeschooler.
Schuyler
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
========================================================================
> Homeschooling is perfectly legal in the U.S. Unschooling is not specifically listed, as far as I know, within any statements about the specifics of home-education in the U.S. Unschooling may be a method of homeschooling that is practiced in every state, but that doesn't make it legal. In states with specific requirements for homeschooling, unschoolers have to jump those hurdles just like any other homeschooler.******I understand that it IS controversial. You are right, that it may not be legal, but it's also not illegal (as far as I know anyway). So I guess maybe we fall into a gray area. :-)
========================================================================
Maria Kirk
Oh Jaquie, I knew exactly those feelings.
Let me just tell you, there is notthing to fear but our own feelings of worry, and preocupation.
Live one day at a time, and let your child enjoy a day at a time, if he is not bothered by other people quizzing him, and that does not make him change his mind about playing with his new friend, why should you bother? If he expresses his thoughts to you on this matter, and you feel he is being denigraded by other's opinions, inference, and out right ignorance, you be the strong pole in the middle of the boat in turbulence. Remind him of how important it is to enjoy whatever he does, for it's in this manner how really successful (not success wanna be, or pretentious people, but authentically whole), and joyful people live.
I just learned this lesson a few months ago, listen, I do not feel good because I get up and clean my place, I get up and clean my place because I feel good inside. So whatever we do or say it has to come out from within us. And not all the way around.
Be of good cheer my friend, and the wondruos things, and how in reality wonderful people are, you begin to perceive.
Trust in your very own potential, and you'll see.
Maria.
Maria Kirk
858-776-5629
“When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain”
William Shakespeare.
Let me just tell you, there is notthing to fear but our own feelings of worry, and preocupation.
Live one day at a time, and let your child enjoy a day at a time, if he is not bothered by other people quizzing him, and that does not make him change his mind about playing with his new friend, why should you bother? If he expresses his thoughts to you on this matter, and you feel he is being denigraded by other's opinions, inference, and out right ignorance, you be the strong pole in the middle of the boat in turbulence. Remind him of how important it is to enjoy whatever he does, for it's in this manner how really successful (not success wanna be, or pretentious people, but authentically whole), and joyful people live.
I just learned this lesson a few months ago, listen, I do not feel good because I get up and clean my place, I get up and clean my place because I feel good inside. So whatever we do or say it has to come out from within us. And not all the way around.
Be of good cheer my friend, and the wondruos things, and how in reality wonderful people are, you begin to perceive.
Trust in your very own potential, and you'll see.
Maria.
Maria Kirk
858-776-5629
“When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain”
William Shakespeare.
--- On Fri, 9/4/09, Jacquie Krauskopf <home_maker97@...> wrote:
From: Jacquie Krauskopf <home_maker97@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] When your child is quizzed
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, September 4, 2009, 8:27 PM
We moved from small town Avilla to bigger Fort Wayne and the first kids we met- boys and both close to Jonah's age to play with. The parents respect the fact we homeschool but the boys are kind of mean. A couple weeks ago Jonah met another boy who is the same age as Jonah and they get along well. Last Saturday Jonah played at his house and the next day he was in great pain from running into each other with a ball. Why parents allowed that i don't know.
Today I asked Jonah what they think of him homeschooling. He told me they ask him questions. I asked him what type of questions. He told me they ask him what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's. They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.
I have heard of other homeschoolers getting this kind of treatment from others and it always made me angry then, but i am outraged by this now! So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at all! I feel like the bad mommy of the year now.
This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
Thanks for listening.
Jacquie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Maria Kirk
Hi,
That sounds like I used to be, but instead of tv watching I was, and still am a book-worm, and researcher (self-help, phylosophy, metaphysics, and quantum mechanics), with time, besides that, to only prepare meals, clean, and no time for organizational, and/or plan making at all.
Now I realized, it's good to be in my very own path of self-realization, and is good too, to be there for my children, and my husband, if at least in presence, and emotionally available for whatever arises.
Now, I am still reading every hour, minute, and second I have available, but I have learned to stop whatever I am reading if my son (11yo) asks me to spell a word for him, or if he calls me over to his computer to show me a cool video on youtube that he really gets a kick out of, etc. I was like this before, but always rushing to get back to my own study.
Now, I do not mind giving them time, as much as they need, without feeling the urge to rush them, and I realized as well, that the more you really listen to them, the less, and less, they require your full time, just be there, and really listen, attentively to what they want to share with you, treasure them every instant, for trust me, the time with them being this little, and having us as their care givers, and facilitators goes fast, and even faster when you really, truly enjoy it. And so will they. Their emotional strength will be so reinforced, that you'll see it as an amazing happening when they are out there dealing with other people, and their own convictions, and/or experiences sometimes even if shaken, they'll have the wisdom to follow their very core in any situation.
So, yeah, in short, just be there, provide them with a joyful disposition, that's all it takes, and that's all is needed.
Best,
Maria.
Maria Kirk
858-776-5629
“When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain”
William Shakespeare.
That sounds like I used to be, but instead of tv watching I was, and still am a book-worm, and researcher (self-help, phylosophy, metaphysics, and quantum mechanics), with time, besides that, to only prepare meals, clean, and no time for organizational, and/or plan making at all.
Now I realized, it's good to be in my very own path of self-realization, and is good too, to be there for my children, and my husband, if at least in presence, and emotionally available for whatever arises.
Now, I am still reading every hour, minute, and second I have available, but I have learned to stop whatever I am reading if my son (11yo) asks me to spell a word for him, or if he calls me over to his computer to show me a cool video on youtube that he really gets a kick out of, etc. I was like this before, but always rushing to get back to my own study.
Now, I do not mind giving them time, as much as they need, without feeling the urge to rush them, and I realized as well, that the more you really listen to them, the less, and less, they require your full time, just be there, and really listen, attentively to what they want to share with you, treasure them every instant, for trust me, the time with them being this little, and having us as their care givers, and facilitators goes fast, and even faster when you really, truly enjoy it. And so will they. Their emotional strength will be so reinforced, that you'll see it as an amazing happening when they are out there dealing with other people, and their own convictions, and/or experiences sometimes even if shaken, they'll have the wisdom to follow their very core in any situation.
So, yeah, in short, just be there, provide them with a joyful disposition, that's all it takes, and that's all is needed.
Best,
Maria.
Maria Kirk
858-776-5629
“When words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain”
William Shakespeare.
--- On Fri, 9/4/09, enajybbil <enajybbil@...> wrote:
From: enajybbil <enajybbil@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Practicing Unschooling on my 4 Year Old
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, September 4, 2009, 3:03 PM
I want to unschool my children. My husband does not. In the little town we were both raised in the homeschoolers were a weird bunch. They didn't see sunlight very often. I want to show my husband that unschooling will be the best life for our children (4yo, 1.5yo and due on 9/27). Up until a year ago I haven't been the most attentive of mothers. I've recently stumbled onto attachment parenting blogs, magazines, and a new way of viewing motherhood. SO the question is: How do I "practice" unschooling right now? How do I engage my son (the 4yo) in ways that I have not? Assume that I have been the typical lazy mother with lots of TV watching, not playing with my kids, all that bad stuff. Right now I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a good candidate for unschooling my children. I'm lazy and unimaginative. What does a a good unschooling parent's day look like?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Sep 4, 2009, at 4:27 PM, Jacquie Krauskopf wrote:
much when you're having fun. Someone jumping into an sports activity
is way more sore the next day than while they're "damaging"
themselves. If your son doesn't get much chance for intense physical
activity, it would make sense he'd be sore the next day.
The important question is whether he had fun.
the sky falling in. It's *much* easier, far more pleasant to
homeschool without HSLDA alerts. If homeschooling were a problem,
unschoolers should be targeted a whole lot more but over 14 years I
can remember only a handful of minor issues that led nowhere. (Nasty
neighbors and nasty relatives are the big culprits. And social
services are quite used to such calls. They have to follow up, but
know they're used as a weapon. The important thing is to know not to
let them in and to be calm.)
BTW, HSLDA won't represent unschoolers. *They* think we're risky to
homeschooling.
homeschooling worked and asked a few questions. If I weren't a
homeschooler I would have asked my daughter's friend too. It's
respectful to treat children as though they're fellow humans.
The most eyebrow raising thing you can do is pull back. You'll look
like you're hiding something you don't want people to find out about.
The best thing you can do is be calm. Don't make your son feel guilty
or frightened of questions. Imagine a friend of his in your home and
you ask what *you* think is a perfectly innocent question and the
child looks scared. What would you think?
Let your son know that if he's done with people's questions to say
that you can explain better and they can ask you.
Joyce
> Last Saturday Jonah played at his house and the next day he was inThat doesn't sound unusual. Bruises and bumps often don't hurt that
> great pain from running into each other with a ball. Why parents
> allowed that i don't know.
much when you're having fun. Someone jumping into an sports activity
is way more sore the next day than while they're "damaging"
themselves. If your son doesn't get much chance for intense physical
activity, it would make sense he'd be sore the next day.
The important question is whether he had fun.
> I have heard of other homeschoolers getting this kind of treatmentHeard from HSLDA? They're notorious for making people nervous about
> from others and it always made me angry then, but i am outraged by
> this now!
the sky falling in. It's *much* easier, far more pleasant to
homeschool without HSLDA alerts. If homeschooling were a problem,
unschoolers should be targeted a whole lot more but over 14 years I
can remember only a handful of minor issues that led nowhere. (Nasty
neighbors and nasty relatives are the big culprits. And social
services are quite used to such calls. They have to follow up, but
know they're used as a weapon. The important thing is to know not to
let them in and to be calm.)
BTW, HSLDA won't represent unschoolers. *They* think we're risky to
homeschooling.
> Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make aBut what exactly has happened? A parent was curious about how
> cry for help from HSLDA.
homeschooling worked and asked a few questions. If I weren't a
homeschooler I would have asked my daughter's friend too. It's
respectful to treat children as though they're fellow humans.
The most eyebrow raising thing you can do is pull back. You'll look
like you're hiding something you don't want people to find out about.
The best thing you can do is be calm. Don't make your son feel guilty
or frightened of questions. Imagine a friend of his in your home and
you ask what *you* think is a perfectly innocent question and the
child looks scared. What would you think?
Let your son know that if he's done with people's questions to say
that you can explain better and they can ask you.
Joyce
[email protected]
We do it all the time. Unschoolers live in every state and comply with whatever that state's law is. Here we report attendance, of all things.
There is no need to fear that unschooling is somehow not legal. It is, as it is a way to homeschool. Yes, it may be more difficult in some places than others but it can be done.
Here's a website that may help with some questions --
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Nance
There is no need to fear that unschooling is somehow not legal. It is, as it is a way to homeschool. Yes, it may be more difficult in some places than others but it can be done.
Here's a website that may help with some questions --
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Nance
--- In [email protected], Schuyler <s.waynforth@...> wrote:
>
>
> ---This is the first year i tried unschooling and the more i do it the more i read about it the more i want to embrace it! The more it all makes sense. Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
>
> ******It sounds like you have a lot of fears surrounding unschooling, the laws, and other families. Unschooling is perfectly legal and is done in every state.
> ---------------------------------
>
>
> Homeschooling is perfectly legal in the U.S. Unschooling is not specifically listed, as far as I know, within any statements about the specifics of home-education in the U.S. Unschooling may be a method of homeschooling that is practiced in every state, but that doesn't make it legal. In states with specific requirements for homeschooling, unschoolers have to jump those hurdles just like any other homeschooler.
>
> Schuyler
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
jencookies43
We have some neighbors that my littlest son likes to play with that can be rough or say words that we don't use, like crap, fart-head, etc. So, when my little one wants to play with him, I just pull up my little camp chair and a good book and sit near to where they are playing so the little neighbor boy knows I'm listening and watching. That solved a lot of issues I had with the boy. He tends to be on his better behaviour cause he doesn't want me explaining, once again, why saying "retard" to someone is offensive.
As for neighbors and families asking questions, I just tell my kids when someone starts asking you questions that make you uncomfortable say, "Yeah, we homeschool....and I'm real smart.... 1 + 1 = 5. Or make a silly ABC song. A,B,D,Z,Q,X,Z. They say all this in a funny (Patrick from Spongbob) voice. Then, they later let me know that someone was grilling them like a cheeseburger and I will casually ask the parents or family member if they are interested in homeschooling their kids and if their is anything I can answer for them. That usually stops 'um cold if they are just being nosey and intrusive but if they actually want to know then I fill them in with all that I can.
Don't live in fear, be playful and have fun.
Jen
As for neighbors and families asking questions, I just tell my kids when someone starts asking you questions that make you uncomfortable say, "Yeah, we homeschool....and I'm real smart.... 1 + 1 = 5. Or make a silly ABC song. A,B,D,Z,Q,X,Z. They say all this in a funny (Patrick from Spongbob) voice. Then, they later let me know that someone was grilling them like a cheeseburger and I will casually ask the parents or family member if they are interested in homeschooling their kids and if their is anything I can answer for them. That usually stops 'um cold if they are just being nosey and intrusive but if they actually want to know then I fill them in with all that I can.
Don't live in fear, be playful and have fun.
Jen
strawlis
--- In [email protected], "enajybbil" <enajybbil@...> wrote:
When you can, read, educate yourself on joyful, respectful parenting, lots of great resources out there. Yours are all so young, your day can be full of play, reading, sharing, cuddling, discovering....it will be hard not to see what and how your little ones are learning, if you and your husband just follow thier lead.
Elisabeth mama to Liv(10) and Lex(8.96)
>. Right now I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a good candidate for unschooling my children. I'm lazy and unimaginative. What does a a good unschooling parent's day look like?
When you can, read, educate yourself on joyful, respectful parenting, lots of great resources out there. Yours are all so young, your day can be full of play, reading, sharing, cuddling, discovering....it will be hard not to see what and how your little ones are learning, if you and your husband just follow thier lead.
Elisabeth mama to Liv(10) and Lex(8.96)
strawlis
--- In [email protected], Jacquie Krauskopf <home_maker97@...> wrote:
So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at all! I feel like the bad mommy of the year now.
> Yet this happens and i worry i will be targeted and have to make a cry for help from HSLDA. What do i do?
:):):) So does you son feel that these boys are mean?? Does he not want to play with them, is he intimidated by the kids and parents questioning him??? ....cause there are many options that can be explored before banning them from his life. Talk with him about your concerns, ask him about his, give him some tools to use when he asked by adults and kids about unschooling. Why not talk about how different this lifestyle is from mainstream with him...get him involved in process of problem solving, be aware that he may have his own fears of unschooling that are propelled by your fears.
As for spending time with the other family/kids...maybe for I while you can make sure that the play is at your house, the overnights and such....or invite the family/boys to meet at public places parks ect.
Elisabeth mama to Liv(10) and Lex(8 5/8th)
Deb Lewis
***So here Jonah found a nice kid and wanted to see if he could stay the night, but here i
am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at
all! ***
People ask questions. They get to do that. <g>
If you live like you have something to hide, people will be suspicious of you. If you stop your son playing with a kid because you're afraid of your own lifestyle then you have some more thinking to do.
Unschooling isn't about hiding out and being secretive. If you want to give your son the big wide world then you should get used to the idea that the big wide world is full of people who think differently than you. That's the world your son will live in. Don't start out by making him think he can only associate with people exactly like him. That's not healthy and not even possible as far as I can tell. Don't keep him from seeing his new friend.
***He told me they ask him
what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's.
They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.***
So? If Jonah was from a different school the dad would have asked him those questions. That's how adults talk to kids. School is, for most kids, the biggest part of their lives and that's what people think to talk to them about.
It sounds like you want to control what other parents think and ask. You don't get to.<g>
When people ask those kinds of questions they're comparing their own experience and reality with someone else's to see how things stack up. It's as much about them and their child as it is about you and yours.
Get to know the parents. Invite them over for cake and coffee. Take them a plate of cookies. Share some of your garden produce, (the zucchini fairy has visited me twice, she must have forgotten I planted some myself.) or some flowers. Tell them something sweet about their own kid and how nice it is for Jonah to have made a friend already. Show them your a normal person and they won't have anything to be suspicious about. They won't have so many questions for Jonah.
Don't start from a place of fear every morning. Start with your principles; Be a good mom, a good neighbor, a good person, and relax.
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
am having to explain that i no longer will allow him to play with this child at
all! ***
People ask questions. They get to do that. <g>
If you live like you have something to hide, people will be suspicious of you. If you stop your son playing with a kid because you're afraid of your own lifestyle then you have some more thinking to do.
Unschooling isn't about hiding out and being secretive. If you want to give your son the big wide world then you should get used to the idea that the big wide world is full of people who think differently than you. That's the world your son will live in. Don't start out by making him think he can only associate with people exactly like him. That's not healthy and not even possible as far as I can tell. Don't keep him from seeing his new friend.
***He told me they ask him
what he learned and what he is learning. The dad asked if he knew his A-B-C's.
They asked him if he knows multiplication and division.***
So? If Jonah was from a different school the dad would have asked him those questions. That's how adults talk to kids. School is, for most kids, the biggest part of their lives and that's what people think to talk to them about.
It sounds like you want to control what other parents think and ask. You don't get to.<g>
When people ask those kinds of questions they're comparing their own experience and reality with someone else's to see how things stack up. It's as much about them and their child as it is about you and yours.
Get to know the parents. Invite them over for cake and coffee. Take them a plate of cookies. Share some of your garden produce, (the zucchini fairy has visited me twice, she must have forgotten I planted some myself.) or some flowers. Tell them something sweet about their own kid and how nice it is for Jonah to have made a friend already. Show them your a normal person and they won't have anything to be suspicious about. They won't have so many questions for Jonah.
Don't start from a place of fear every morning. Start with your principles; Be a good mom, a good neighbor, a good person, and relax.
Deb Lewis
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
I'm just going to echo what the others are saying, I have two boys that are
23 months apart in age, so each party, (birthdays etc) were total
Boy-Fests. And those little men were ROUGH! They would play rough games
and often someone would be hurt and come crying. After some care-taking
they'd be off again and just as rough as before. Our culture is largely
against men and boys in particular. Some of it is feminist stuff and other
is the more "pacifist" type folks that make war games, wrestling, and
beaning each other with a ball the step just before spousal abuse and jail.
Boys are physical. They are rough and tumble (well not all of them are but
in general) and they LIKE it. It's hard-wired. If your boy had fun then it
was good. And if he's largely sedentary, then suddenly being intensely
active will make him sore anyway. (As I'll be after my run this morning
<vbg>)
RELAX! Enjoy your son being a boy. If he's not complaining he was abused
then it's all good. The "lesson" for him is that some games leave you
sore. It's up to him to decide if it's worth it or not. More often than
not it is.
Karen
"I argue that the Talmud is about the constant struggle to understand."
~Arthur Hertzberg
23 months apart in age, so each party, (birthdays etc) were total
Boy-Fests. And those little men were ROUGH! They would play rough games
and often someone would be hurt and come crying. After some care-taking
they'd be off again and just as rough as before. Our culture is largely
against men and boys in particular. Some of it is feminist stuff and other
is the more "pacifist" type folks that make war games, wrestling, and
beaning each other with a ball the step just before spousal abuse and jail.
Boys are physical. They are rough and tumble (well not all of them are but
in general) and they LIKE it. It's hard-wired. If your boy had fun then it
was good. And if he's largely sedentary, then suddenly being intensely
active will make him sore anyway. (As I'll be after my run this morning
<vbg>)
RELAX! Enjoy your son being a boy. If he's not complaining he was abused
then it's all good. The "lesson" for him is that some games leave you
sore. It's up to him to decide if it's worth it or not. More often than
not it is.
Karen
"I argue that the Talmud is about the constant struggle to understand."
~Arthur Hertzberg
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Latha Poonamallee
I agree. As a single female parent of a 7 year old boy, I had to unlearn some of my own pacifist prejudices:) We have some really close adult male friends who used to play rough with him and while I appreciated that he had key male figures that he could connect with, it took me some time and trust to let go of my fears. And he loved those guys and even after we moved out of town, he is still pretty close to them and talks to them regularly, and we try to make sure that they get to see him at least every few months.
Similarly, he loves bollywood type of superhero movies (in Tamil, my language) and sometimes the makebelieve violence (fighting/hitting the bad guys etc.) would be R rated in the US. I was torn between giving him an opportunity to hear our language, see movies filled with people who looked like us, and exposing him to 'violence'. But once I asked him when he was 4 or 5 if he understands that hero is not really beating people up. He said, "Mom, I know that it is pretend to make it fun for us to watch". It seems that contrary to what people generally believe, kids know the difference between fantasy and reality, it was me who was getting confused! He is a very sensitive, caring, and considerate young man who is emotionally very savvy and can process complex emotions related to family spread all around the world, multiple homes etc.
I also agree that our society here glorifies violence at one level but is very prejudiced against boys and their kind of play. Even last week when we were at our local library and he wanted to play on a Star Wars game, the librarian (who he knows and loves) walked up to him and said that he was not allowed to play violent games. But her reasoning seemed okay to me - she said that because there are other very young children in the area and it may disturb them. But even to call it a 'violent' game! And as I was sitting there and listening to this exchange, I realized how easily four/five years ago, I would have easily said the same of these games.
Latha
Similarly, he loves bollywood type of superhero movies (in Tamil, my language) and sometimes the makebelieve violence (fighting/hitting the bad guys etc.) would be R rated in the US. I was torn between giving him an opportunity to hear our language, see movies filled with people who looked like us, and exposing him to 'violence'. But once I asked him when he was 4 or 5 if he understands that hero is not really beating people up. He said, "Mom, I know that it is pretend to make it fun for us to watch". It seems that contrary to what people generally believe, kids know the difference between fantasy and reality, it was me who was getting confused! He is a very sensitive, caring, and considerate young man who is emotionally very savvy and can process complex emotions related to family spread all around the world, multiple homes etc.
I also agree that our society here glorifies violence at one level but is very prejudiced against boys and their kind of play. Even last week when we were at our local library and he wanted to play on a Star Wars game, the librarian (who he knows and loves) walked up to him and said that he was not allowed to play violent games. But her reasoning seemed okay to me - she said that because there are other very young children in the area and it may disturb them. But even to call it a 'violent' game! And as I was sitting there and listening to this exchange, I realized how easily four/five years ago, I would have easily said the same of these games.
Latha
--- On Sat, 9/5/09, Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...> wrote:
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: When your child is quizzed
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, September 5, 2009, 10:19 AM
I'm just going to echo what the others are saying, I have two boys that are
23 months apart in age, so each party, (birthdays etc) were total
Boy-Fests. And those little men were ROUGH! They would play rough games
and often someone would be hurt and come crying. After some care-taking
they'd be off again and just as rough as before. Our culture is largely
against men and boys in particular. Some of it is feminist stuff and other
is the more "pacifist" type folks that make war games, wrestling, and
beaning each other with a ball the step just before spousal abuse and jail.
Boys are physical. They are rough and tumble (well not all of them are but
in general) and they LIKE it. It's hard-wired. If your boy had fun then it
was good. And if he's largely sedentary, then suddenly being intensely
active will make him sore anyway. (As I'll be after my run this morning
<vbg>)
RELAX! Enjoy your son being a boy. If he's not complaining he was abused
then it's all good. The "lesson" for him is that some games leave you
sore. It's up to him to decide if it's worth it or not. More often than
not it is.
Karen
"I argue that the Talmud is about the constant struggle to understand."
~Arthur Hertzberg
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
samantha.kruse00
Hi,
We just started unschooling my 4 year old son, as of 4 months ago.
I recommend giving your husband some John Holt books to read. His books have been very inspiring for both my husband and I.
It has been a challenge for us both since we have a newborn and we both work part-time jobs.
Things we do to fill in our time have been mainy weekly library trips. We go for story hour and then check out books after. My son loves having his own library card. This has also inspired him to read + write etc. We also enjoy the Science Museum (they have lots of free kids events)
We are also signing up for swimming lessons as well different activities I have found about town, including karate, soccer, lego building for little engineers. We go to a monthly free day at a movie theater, also children's playhouse theatre.
We happen to live in Miami so we spend time at the beach building sand sculptures, writing our names in the sand, collecting shells. Mateo spends a lot of time drawing, writing words that he sees around, we make roads for his cars etc. Anything you do can become an adventure, the grocery store (colors, shapes, counting etc), cooking (measuring), cleaning up , gardening (following bugs around)etc.
I recommend getting a couple kids activities to inspire some ideas. We have the Preschoolers Busy Book, and some other art and crafts books.
Maybe you can go to the craft stores and have your children pick out things they like (glitters, shapes , stickers, paper, paints, stamps, etc) - to create things. Let your children direct and you'll find infinite possiblities!!! They are full of ideas.
Hope all goes well... Best, Samantha (Mateo 4yr + Harper 3mo)
We just started unschooling my 4 year old son, as of 4 months ago.
I recommend giving your husband some John Holt books to read. His books have been very inspiring for both my husband and I.
It has been a challenge for us both since we have a newborn and we both work part-time jobs.
Things we do to fill in our time have been mainy weekly library trips. We go for story hour and then check out books after. My son loves having his own library card. This has also inspired him to read + write etc. We also enjoy the Science Museum (they have lots of free kids events)
We are also signing up for swimming lessons as well different activities I have found about town, including karate, soccer, lego building for little engineers. We go to a monthly free day at a movie theater, also children's playhouse theatre.
We happen to live in Miami so we spend time at the beach building sand sculptures, writing our names in the sand, collecting shells. Mateo spends a lot of time drawing, writing words that he sees around, we make roads for his cars etc. Anything you do can become an adventure, the grocery store (colors, shapes, counting etc), cooking (measuring), cleaning up , gardening (following bugs around)etc.
I recommend getting a couple kids activities to inspire some ideas. We have the Preschoolers Busy Book, and some other art and crafts books.
Maybe you can go to the craft stores and have your children pick out things they like (glitters, shapes , stickers, paper, paints, stamps, etc) - to create things. Let your children direct and you'll find infinite possiblities!!! They are full of ideas.
Hope all goes well... Best, Samantha (Mateo 4yr + Harper 3mo)
--- In [email protected], "enajybbil" <enajybbil@...> wrote:
>
> I want to unschool my children. My husband does not. In the little town we were both raised in the homeschoolers were a weird bunch. They didn't see sunlight very often. I want to show my husband that unschooling will be the best life for our children (4yo, 1.5yo and due on 9/27). Up until a year ago I haven't been the most attentive of mothers. I've recently stumbled onto attachment parenting blogs, magazines, and a new way of viewing motherhood. SO the question is: How do I "practice" unschooling right now? How do I engage my son (the 4yo) in ways that I have not? Assume that I have been the typical lazy mother with lots of TV watching, not playing with my kids, all that bad stuff. Right now I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a good candidate for unschooling my children. I'm lazy and unimaginative. What does a a good unschooling parent's day look like?
>
plaidpanties666
--- In [email protected], "enajybbil" <enajybbil@...> wrote:
http://sandradodd.com/beginning
http://sandradodd.com/typical
The Radical Unschoolers Network also has a whole slew of blogs, not just the monthly carnival, but dozens of unschoolers blogs - see the ups and downs and worries and triumphs of other unschoolers:
http://familyrun.ning.com/profiles/blog/list
---Meredith
>What does a a good unschooling parent's day look like?Okay, the links are cooperating today, so here are some for you to follow and, hopefully, get some ideas:
>
http://sandradodd.com/beginning
http://sandradodd.com/typical
The Radical Unschoolers Network also has a whole slew of blogs, not just the monthly carnival, but dozens of unschoolers blogs - see the ups and downs and worries and triumphs of other unschoolers:
http://familyrun.ning.com/profiles/blog/list
---Meredith
mizelenius
I would strongly hesitate to call you lazy and unimaginative. You have a 4 y.o., a 1.5 year old and are pretty close to giving birth, if you haven't already. Be gentle with yourself, Mama! You have so many demands placed on you by having several young children, and I am guessing you are suffering from sleep deprivation as well.
I don't know what a "good" unschooling parent's day looks like, but I feel like the most important thing with any kind of parenting is that you are mentally present with your children as much as possible. I personally think this is hard, esp. when you don't get time to "sharpen the axe" (which you just don't when they are young). I am working on this with myself, finding ways to meditate here and there, so that I am ready for the next interaction. There is some quote-- I don't know if I read that Ren said it or Sandra Dodd or?? I can't remember. But, it was something along the lines of, just focus on making the next interaction with your child better. I find that helpful, just take it one little step at a time.
Many blessings for a wonderful birth!
-Elena
I don't know what a "good" unschooling parent's day looks like, but I feel like the most important thing with any kind of parenting is that you are mentally present with your children as much as possible. I personally think this is hard, esp. when you don't get time to "sharpen the axe" (which you just don't when they are young). I am working on this with myself, finding ways to meditate here and there, so that I am ready for the next interaction. There is some quote-- I don't know if I read that Ren said it or Sandra Dodd or?? I can't remember. But, it was something along the lines of, just focus on making the next interaction with your child better. I find that helpful, just take it one little step at a time.
Many blessings for a wonderful birth!
-Elena
--- In [email protected], "enajybbil" <enajybbil@...> wrote:
Right now I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a good candidate for unschooling my children. I'm lazy and unimaginative. What does a a good unschooling parent's day look like?