When siblings hit
Marla B.
What is the very first thing you say or do when one sibling hits another sibling (ages 6 y0. and up)?
Thanks!
Marla
Thanks!
Marla
Melissa
I read Siblings Without Rivalry. It promotes respecting that there are feelings involved, adressing those feelings if the kids need help working it out, and finding a resolution that everyone is happy about. I usually say something like "we are family, I think we can find a better way to work this out that does not involve hurting each other."
Melissa
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "Marla B." <marla@...> wrote:
>
> What is the very first thing you say or do when one sibling hits another sibling (ages 6 y0. and up)?
>
> Thanks!
>
> Marla
>
Neha
"No! Ouch!" or "Ouch! No!"
:)
neha
:)
neha
--- In [email protected], "Marla B." <marla@...> wrote:
>
> What is the very first thing you say or do when one sibling hits another sibling (ages 6 y0. and up)?
>
> Thanks!
>
> Marla
>
Faith Void
I think it would be helpful to know a little more about the situation.
Like specifics. The kids ages and what events precede the hitting.
What the kids have said about it. What you have said or done in the
past.
Mine are 12, 6 and 22months. We don't have much hitting here. On
occaision the baby scratches but that is newer and seems on it's way
out. My now six year hit when he was overwhelmed and down to his last
straw when he was younger. Basically he developed more skills and a
broader human perspective.
Is there a specific sceneario you can share?
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
Like specifics. The kids ages and what events precede the hitting.
What the kids have said about it. What you have said or done in the
past.
Mine are 12, 6 and 22months. We don't have much hitting here. On
occaision the baby scratches but that is newer and seems on it's way
out. My now six year hit when he was overwhelmed and down to his last
straw when he was younger. Basically he developed more skills and a
broader human perspective.
Is there a specific sceneario you can share?
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On Aug 1, 2009, at 10:43 AM, "Marla B." <marla@...> wrote:
> What is the very first thing you say or do when one sibling hits
> another sibling (ages 6 y0. and up)?
>
> Thanks!
>
> Marla
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "Marla B." <marla@...> wrote:
Now that Mo's almost 8, I tend to wait a little before getting involved - they've got some strategies of their own already for dealing with each other (and usually its Mo hitting Ray, although occasionally its Ray teasing the heck out of Mo). Depending on the situation, I might say something vague like "hey!" or "what the heck?" - just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. That's often enough to get the kids' attention. When things have gotten ugly between my two, they've often gotten really focused on the minutia of the situation and mostly need to step back a little. So just getting their attention is a big help.
Since Mo's used to play-fighting, I sometimes say things like "stop! I don't think so-and-so likes that" or simply "stop means stop!" when the play shifts to something less than consensual.
Beyond that, I try to look for what generated the situation in the first place and see if there's something I can do to diffuse the underlying issues.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>********************
> What is the very first thing you say or do when one sibling hits another sibling (ages 6 y0. and up)?
Now that Mo's almost 8, I tend to wait a little before getting involved - they've got some strategies of their own already for dealing with each other (and usually its Mo hitting Ray, although occasionally its Ray teasing the heck out of Mo). Depending on the situation, I might say something vague like "hey!" or "what the heck?" - just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. That's often enough to get the kids' attention. When things have gotten ugly between my two, they've often gotten really focused on the minutia of the situation and mostly need to step back a little. So just getting their attention is a big help.
Since Mo's used to play-fighting, I sometimes say things like "stop! I don't think so-and-so likes that" or simply "stop means stop!" when the play shifts to something less than consensual.
Beyond that, I try to look for what generated the situation in the first place and see if there's something I can do to diffuse the underlying issues.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Pam Sorooshian
Depends. If more hitting is likely, the first thing will be to gently as
possible physically prevent any further hitting. If the hitting is over,
not ongoing, the first thing might be to say, "Whoa - what's going on?"
Lots of times I wouldn't address the actual hitting until maybe later.
I'd help resolve whatever issue led to it. Later, I might say to the
hitter, when everything is calm, "You got so frustrated you hit your
sister." I'd wait and see what the reaction is to that. We'd just talk,
calmly, about why he did that and not something else, or maybe how it
felt just before he hit and what else he might do when he feels that way.
Exception to this would be if this is a frequent occurrence. In that
case, I might have had this conversation multiple times already and I
might have said, at some point, "When you hit, the hitting becomes the
problem, instead of what your original problem was." And, if we'd gotten
to that point, I might NOT deal with the current issue, but immediately
say, "Hitting gets in the way of problem solving." Especially if the
child is continuing to try to hit, I would not move on to trying to
discuss the current problem until the hitter was clearly ready and
willing to do that without hitting anymore.
The MAIN thing I'd do is be more present and watch for myself what is
leading up to it. Then I'd talk to the kids about what I observed and
we'd brainstorm ways to avoid it. It might be that it is over younger
kids grabbing toys away from the older ones, for example, since that's a
frequent cause of a 6 year old hitting a 4 year old. So that would be
the focus - how can the older kids have a safe place to play without the
younger ones being a nuisance?
-pam
possible physically prevent any further hitting. If the hitting is over,
not ongoing, the first thing might be to say, "Whoa - what's going on?"
Lots of times I wouldn't address the actual hitting until maybe later.
I'd help resolve whatever issue led to it. Later, I might say to the
hitter, when everything is calm, "You got so frustrated you hit your
sister." I'd wait and see what the reaction is to that. We'd just talk,
calmly, about why he did that and not something else, or maybe how it
felt just before he hit and what else he might do when he feels that way.
Exception to this would be if this is a frequent occurrence. In that
case, I might have had this conversation multiple times already and I
might have said, at some point, "When you hit, the hitting becomes the
problem, instead of what your original problem was." And, if we'd gotten
to that point, I might NOT deal with the current issue, but immediately
say, "Hitting gets in the way of problem solving." Especially if the
child is continuing to try to hit, I would not move on to trying to
discuss the current problem until the hitter was clearly ready and
willing to do that without hitting anymore.
The MAIN thing I'd do is be more present and watch for myself what is
leading up to it. Then I'd talk to the kids about what I observed and
we'd brainstorm ways to avoid it. It might be that it is over younger
kids grabbing toys away from the older ones, for example, since that's a
frequent cause of a 6 year old hitting a 4 year old. So that would be
the focus - how can the older kids have a safe place to play without the
younger ones being a nuisance?
-pam
On 8/1/2009 7:43 AM, Marla B. wrote:
> What is the very first thing you say or do when one sibling hits another sibling (ages 6 y0. and up)?
>
> Thanks!
>
> Marla
>
>
>
> ------------------------------------
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