new member saying "hi" and asking advice
ms_apg
Hello, my name is Annie and I am new to the site and to the world of unschooling. My recent discovery was one of those great moments in life where you don't change, but realize there is a word for how you are, and best of all, other people are the same way. Wow! In any case, my husband tries, but is not right there along side me with the degree of respect and understanding that we show our children. I noticed when I got my letter welcoming me to the group that it stated that this is a great place to learn alternatives to spanking. My husband does not spank, but he seems to be on a power trip all the same. I figured it would be worth opening up a discussion on ways to help someone who is willing to try, but not quite there. Thanks.
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 16, 2009, at 8:13 PM, ms_apg wrote:
Specific examples of when he felt the need to control will help. It's
hard to begin in the abstract. With real examples you can see how the
philosophy is being applied.
There's also the archives of the No More Spanking list if you'd like
to get started right away reading :-) It's not limited to unschoolers
but the philosophy is respectful and it's run by Pam Sorooshian who's
an unschooler.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoMoreSpanking/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I noticed when I got my letter welcoming me to the group that itWelcome Annie.
> stated that this is a great place to learn alternatives to
> spanking. My husband does not spank, but he seems to be on a power
> trip all the same. I figured it would be worth opening up a
> discussion on ways to help someone who is willing to try, but not
> quite there.
Specific examples of when he felt the need to control will help. It's
hard to begin in the abstract. With real examples you can see how the
philosophy is being applied.
There's also the archives of the No More Spanking list if you'd like
to get started right away reading :-) It's not limited to unschoolers
but the philosophy is respectful and it's run by Pam Sorooshian who's
an unschooler.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NoMoreSpanking/
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "ms_apg" <ms_apg@...> wrote:
Its good that he's looking for alternaltives. Generally, "power trips" are about feeling powerLess, so the more ways your dh has to feel capable where the kids are concerned, the less likely he will be to default to things like yelling or demanding or looking for ways to punish. The catch to that is that telling your dh he's doing things "wrong" (or even suggesting that by jumping in or overriding him when that's not what he wants) can lead to him feeling even more powerless and so, even more inclined to stick with what (little) he knows.
If he can read here or any of the other radical unschooling lists or sites, that would be a good thing, but if not, one of the things that helped with George, when we were still figuring things out, was to share with him the ups and downs of my day - things that went well, and things that bombed. That let him "see" my learning process and not feel like I was "the parenting expert" that he somehow had to live up to (or resist). It also helped a lot to let him know how much I appreciated him as a person, all his positive qualities, all the many things he did/does for the family. A big part of dads "getting it" much of the time, is that they have to feel some of the same warmth and love the kids get to bask in all day. When they are getting some of the good stuff, its much easier for them to *want* to pass that along to their children.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>In any case, my husband tries, but is not right there along side me with the degree of respect and understanding that we show our children. I noticed when I got my letter welcoming me to the group that it stated that this is a great place to learn alternatives to spanking. My husband does not spank, but he seems to be on a power trip all the same.************************
Its good that he's looking for alternaltives. Generally, "power trips" are about feeling powerLess, so the more ways your dh has to feel capable where the kids are concerned, the less likely he will be to default to things like yelling or demanding or looking for ways to punish. The catch to that is that telling your dh he's doing things "wrong" (or even suggesting that by jumping in or overriding him when that's not what he wants) can lead to him feeling even more powerless and so, even more inclined to stick with what (little) he knows.
If he can read here or any of the other radical unschooling lists or sites, that would be a good thing, but if not, one of the things that helped with George, when we were still figuring things out, was to share with him the ups and downs of my day - things that went well, and things that bombed. That let him "see" my learning process and not feel like I was "the parenting expert" that he somehow had to live up to (or resist). It also helped a lot to let him know how much I appreciated him as a person, all his positive qualities, all the many things he did/does for the family. A big part of dads "getting it" much of the time, is that they have to feel some of the same warmth and love the kids get to bask in all day. When they are getting some of the good stuff, its much easier for them to *want* to pass that along to their children.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)