feeling tired of it
nani
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really
tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
know yet how to pay next months rent and food. I haven't followed my
career path, so I could unschool my kids and be there for them, but
I'm in a rut here.
Anyhow, just as this pressure is mounting I feel tired of being the
one who is responsible for every bit of unschooling progress, ideas of
what to do with the kids or even just playing with them. I'm craving
alone time to regroup my thoughts and enthusiasm, but I feel I need
more than just a few hours, I feel I need DAYS and DAYS away. I once
read a synopsis of a play in which a mother boarded herself into a
closet with all her camping gear and would not come out anymore, she
just had it. That's how I feel. I'm impatient, sigh a lot, hate the
chores I constantly have to do and feel like my kids might be better
off in a preschool. Unschooling and constantly ebing around my kids
takes so much out of me and I don't have many ideas anymore. I admire
moms or other people who actually GET energy from being around
children, in my case it sucks energy out of me. How can I plug this
hole??
Have any of you been in my shoes?
Natalie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
know yet how to pay next months rent and food. I haven't followed my
career path, so I could unschool my kids and be there for them, but
I'm in a rut here.
Anyhow, just as this pressure is mounting I feel tired of being the
one who is responsible for every bit of unschooling progress, ideas of
what to do with the kids or even just playing with them. I'm craving
alone time to regroup my thoughts and enthusiasm, but I feel I need
more than just a few hours, I feel I need DAYS and DAYS away. I once
read a synopsis of a play in which a mother boarded herself into a
closet with all her camping gear and would not come out anymore, she
just had it. That's how I feel. I'm impatient, sigh a lot, hate the
chores I constantly have to do and feel like my kids might be better
off in a preschool. Unschooling and constantly ebing around my kids
takes so much out of me and I don't have many ideas anymore. I admire
moms or other people who actually GET energy from being around
children, in my case it sucks energy out of me. How can I plug this
hole??
Have any of you been in my shoes?
Natalie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point.~~
Technically they aren't even school age yet, so "not schooling" them is just being their parent. Being a good parent should be the focus at whatever age your children are.
~~ I don't get much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't know yet how to pay next months rent and food.~~
That's a life issue. You are the parents, you chose to have children and provide for them and until that is taken care of then it's a lot harder for joyful learning to happen.
~~ Anyhow, just as this pressure is mounting I feel tired of being the one who is responsible for every bit of unschooling progress, ideas of what to do with the kids or even just playing with them.~~
What do you mean by unschooling "progress"? Unschooling is about living life. Being with your children and enjoying them is a choice. Having children is a choice. Instead of thinking about "progress" or unschooling or anything else, figure out how to be fully present for your children.
~~I'm craving alone time to regroup my thoughts and enthusiasm, but I feel I need more than just a few hours, I feel I need DAYS and DAYS away. ~~
Is it possible that you are dealing with depression? Either environmental (tough financial situations can do that) or chemical? You could get days and days away if you didn't have your children. Picture them not being in your life at all and maybe that will help you reframe just how important they really are and how precious time is. Children die. Parents die. Every moment together is a gift. Finding ways to fill yourself up every day would be better than running away for days and days. Don't let it get to the point where you want to leave for days.
Small children can be exhausting, true...but I feel that's part of the package of having children.
~~ That's how I feel. I'm impatient, sigh a lot, hate the
chores I constantly have to do and feel like my kids might be better off in a preschool.~~
They'd be better off with people who truly enjoy them and want to spend time with them...so BE that person. The chores you have are a choice. The life you have is a choice. Things happen that we don't choose, but the life we have IS a choice and recognizing that can be a big step towards acceptance and change.
~~Unschooling and constantly ebing around my kids
Unschooling isn't a recipe for some "perfect" life (though I think our lives are pretty durn great). But the first step towards anything, is to ENJOY parenting. Enjoy your children. The first step has little to do with unschooling and everything to do with being a better parent. If a person enjoys their children and cares deeply about being a mindful parent, then unschooling can be something worth talking about.
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
Technically they aren't even school age yet, so "not schooling" them is just being their parent. Being a good parent should be the focus at whatever age your children are.
~~ I don't get much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't know yet how to pay next months rent and food.~~
That's a life issue. You are the parents, you chose to have children and provide for them and until that is taken care of then it's a lot harder for joyful learning to happen.
~~ Anyhow, just as this pressure is mounting I feel tired of being the one who is responsible for every bit of unschooling progress, ideas of what to do with the kids or even just playing with them.~~
What do you mean by unschooling "progress"? Unschooling is about living life. Being with your children and enjoying them is a choice. Having children is a choice. Instead of thinking about "progress" or unschooling or anything else, figure out how to be fully present for your children.
~~I'm craving alone time to regroup my thoughts and enthusiasm, but I feel I need more than just a few hours, I feel I need DAYS and DAYS away. ~~
Is it possible that you are dealing with depression? Either environmental (tough financial situations can do that) or chemical? You could get days and days away if you didn't have your children. Picture them not being in your life at all and maybe that will help you reframe just how important they really are and how precious time is. Children die. Parents die. Every moment together is a gift. Finding ways to fill yourself up every day would be better than running away for days and days. Don't let it get to the point where you want to leave for days.
Small children can be exhausting, true...but I feel that's part of the package of having children.
~~ That's how I feel. I'm impatient, sigh a lot, hate the
chores I constantly have to do and feel like my kids might be better off in a preschool.~~
They'd be better off with people who truly enjoy them and want to spend time with them...so BE that person. The chores you have are a choice. The life you have is a choice. Things happen that we don't choose, but the life we have IS a choice and recognizing that can be a big step towards acceptance and change.
~~Unschooling and constantly ebing around my kids
> takes so much out of me and I don't have many ideas anymore.~~Find people who enjoy children a lot and start hanging out with them. That should get ideas and energy flowing. Find people who wouldn't mind watching them once in a while and try to pinpoint the source of your distress. Is it the money? Is it having children? Is it the way you're percieving your own life that you chose? All of those things are worth thinking about.
Unschooling isn't a recipe for some "perfect" life (though I think our lives are pretty durn great). But the first step towards anything, is to ENJOY parenting. Enjoy your children. The first step has little to do with unschooling and everything to do with being a better parent. If a person enjoys their children and cares deeply about being a mindful parent, then unschooling can be something worth talking about.
Ren
radicalunschooling.blogspot.com
>
>
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> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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N CONFER
Another Mom to a 2 and 4 year-old who is feeling stressed out. And this one is under financial stress as well.
It's hard. It is hard. Juggling money is difficult. Caring for 2 toddlers is difficult -- no matter how you do it. It is physically and emotionally tiring. The combination can be draining.
I have no solution -- other than the fact that they will get older and money problems ebb and flow.
Take breaks when you can, get outside, pay the bills as you can and call the others to let them know you will be late, eat well, get enough sleep. All the stuff we all know we are supposed to do. Try to enjoy your kids. Lay off the "progress" idea and just enjoy. These can be lovely ages but everyone has their tear-your-hair-out moments. :)
Nance
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really
tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
know yet how to pay next months rent and food.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It's hard. It is hard. Juggling money is difficult. Caring for 2 toddlers is difficult -- no matter how you do it. It is physically and emotionally tiring. The combination can be draining.
I have no solution -- other than the fact that they will get older and money problems ebb and flow.
Take breaks when you can, get outside, pay the bills as you can and call the others to let them know you will be late, eat well, get enough sleep. All the stuff we all know we are supposed to do. Try to enjoy your kids. Lay off the "progress" idea and just enjoy. These can be lovely ages but everyone has their tear-your-hair-out moments. :)
Nance
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really
tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
know yet how to pay next months rent and food.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
It sounds like you suffering from a severe case of Mary Gold's "It's not the unschooling, it's LIFE." http://sandradodd.com/gold/journey is the talk that's from.
--------------
I would add one more thing into that mix and that is balance. It’s
understanding that all of life, and the learning that’s all wrapped up
in our lives, has a natural rhythm, a natural balance to it.
Unschooling isn’t something that looks the same every day. It’s not
always Shakespeare and it’s not always Sponge Bob. Some days will feel
like a learning bonanza, and others will just laze away providing the
lulls that are needed for our brains to process and incorporate new
information.
There were times, especially during that first year of unschooling that
it seemed that at least once a month I was certain that unschooling was
not the way for us. It was a failure. It was not working. Stuff was
getting in the way. The kids were bored or I was cranky or the TV was
bugging the heck out of me. That of course meant that they weren’t
learning anything, they would never learn anything and this whole
unschooling experiment was a BIG failure!!
But it would pass, as cycles naturally do. And just as naturally my
children would emerge with a newfound passion, a particularly
insightful question or a great new interest to pursue. Suddenly
unschooling was working again. Imagine that. And as I began to get a
feel for this rhythm of our natural days and nights and weeks and
months, I could see that it was NOT the unschooling that was the
problem. It was any number of normal, natural life occurrences.
So for awhile, I had a sign that I put up on my mirror that said “It’s
NOT the unschooling, it’s ___________ and then I would fill in the
blank. It’s not the unschooling, it’s P.M.S. (That was a big one, thus
the once a month nature of my panic attacks.) or It’s not the
unschooling, it’s flu season. Or it’s not the unschooling it’s time for
the in-laws to visit. (Another biggie.) After I filled in enough
different variations, I realized that I really needed only one sign to
remind me what it’s all about. It’s not the unschooling, it’s LIFE.
If you find yourself getting stressed and doubtful you might want to
create your own sign, with your own understanding of what will fill in
your stress blanks. Perhaps it’s a pregnancy, a nursing toddler or a
fearful 7-year-old. These are all occurrences in the natural path of
our life cycles. We can let them get in the way and use them as an
excuse, or we can flow with them, around them and through them. Part of
life is about accepting those things that just ARE. Things happen. But
it doesn’t mean that our kids are suddenly unable to learn. It just
means that life is happening. And when life happens, learning happens
too.
---------------
is the bit I'm particularly thinking about. You are suffering from a stressful life and that's the thing you have to figure out how to deal with. How would it help to not be unschooling? What would be better for 2 and 4 year old and you if you had them in preschool or daycare? If those things are so much better for you and your family you should do that. But it isn't the unschooling that is coming between you and your children, it's money, it's lying in bed making lists of things that have to happen for your life to improve, it's stress, it's all the rest of life that is making it hard.
Come up with a list of things that might help. Ask on your local list to see if there is anyone who might be willing to watch your kids for a little while, maybe in your house while you are home even. Set your kids up in the middle of the day, when you are feeling overwhelmed, with a movie and some food and a really cozy space and go sit somewhere comfortable and read, or just drift off. Get some of those relaxation tapes or mediate, do something so that you can refresh yourself.
Really, though, imagine what it would be if you weren't at home with your children right now. What would you be doing? Would you be working some job and seeing your children at the edges of the day, in the morning rushing to get them to some place by a certain time and in the evening picking them up on the way home? Would you be constantly juggling their needs against your own instead of setting up a situation where the moments conflict between what you need and what they need are less frequent? Is the world you are imagining a life that came before children instead of a life that can honestly be encorporated with children?
Schuyler
________________________________
From: nani <nanismith@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, 7 June, 2009 10:20:30 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] feeling tired of it
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really
tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
know yet how to pay next months rent and food. I haven't followed my
career path, so I could unschool my kids and be there for them, but
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
--------------
I would add one more thing into that mix and that is balance. It’s
understanding that all of life, and the learning that’s all wrapped up
in our lives, has a natural rhythm, a natural balance to it.
Unschooling isn’t something that looks the same every day. It’s not
always Shakespeare and it’s not always Sponge Bob. Some days will feel
like a learning bonanza, and others will just laze away providing the
lulls that are needed for our brains to process and incorporate new
information.
There were times, especially during that first year of unschooling that
it seemed that at least once a month I was certain that unschooling was
not the way for us. It was a failure. It was not working. Stuff was
getting in the way. The kids were bored or I was cranky or the TV was
bugging the heck out of me. That of course meant that they weren’t
learning anything, they would never learn anything and this whole
unschooling experiment was a BIG failure!!
But it would pass, as cycles naturally do. And just as naturally my
children would emerge with a newfound passion, a particularly
insightful question or a great new interest to pursue. Suddenly
unschooling was working again. Imagine that. And as I began to get a
feel for this rhythm of our natural days and nights and weeks and
months, I could see that it was NOT the unschooling that was the
problem. It was any number of normal, natural life occurrences.
So for awhile, I had a sign that I put up on my mirror that said “It’s
NOT the unschooling, it’s ___________ and then I would fill in the
blank. It’s not the unschooling, it’s P.M.S. (That was a big one, thus
the once a month nature of my panic attacks.) or It’s not the
unschooling, it’s flu season. Or it’s not the unschooling it’s time for
the in-laws to visit. (Another biggie.) After I filled in enough
different variations, I realized that I really needed only one sign to
remind me what it’s all about. It’s not the unschooling, it’s LIFE.
If you find yourself getting stressed and doubtful you might want to
create your own sign, with your own understanding of what will fill in
your stress blanks. Perhaps it’s a pregnancy, a nursing toddler or a
fearful 7-year-old. These are all occurrences in the natural path of
our life cycles. We can let them get in the way and use them as an
excuse, or we can flow with them, around them and through them. Part of
life is about accepting those things that just ARE. Things happen. But
it doesn’t mean that our kids are suddenly unable to learn. It just
means that life is happening. And when life happens, learning happens
too.
---------------
is the bit I'm particularly thinking about. You are suffering from a stressful life and that's the thing you have to figure out how to deal with. How would it help to not be unschooling? What would be better for 2 and 4 year old and you if you had them in preschool or daycare? If those things are so much better for you and your family you should do that. But it isn't the unschooling that is coming between you and your children, it's money, it's lying in bed making lists of things that have to happen for your life to improve, it's stress, it's all the rest of life that is making it hard.
Come up with a list of things that might help. Ask on your local list to see if there is anyone who might be willing to watch your kids for a little while, maybe in your house while you are home even. Set your kids up in the middle of the day, when you are feeling overwhelmed, with a movie and some food and a really cozy space and go sit somewhere comfortable and read, or just drift off. Get some of those relaxation tapes or mediate, do something so that you can refresh yourself.
Really, though, imagine what it would be if you weren't at home with your children right now. What would you be doing? Would you be working some job and seeing your children at the edges of the day, in the morning rushing to get them to some place by a certain time and in the evening picking them up on the way home? Would you be constantly juggling their needs against your own instead of setting up a situation where the moments conflict between what you need and what they need are less frequent? Is the world you are imagining a life that came before children instead of a life that can honestly be encorporated with children?
Schuyler
________________________________
From: nani <nanismith@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sunday, 7 June, 2009 10:20:30 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] feeling tired of it
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really
tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
know yet how to pay next months rent and food. I haven't followed my
career path, so I could unschool my kids and be there for them, but
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-=- But it isn't the unschooling that is coming between you and your
children, it's money, it's lying in bed making lists of things that have to
happen for your life to improve, it's stress, it's all the rest of life that is
making it hard. -=-
-=-So for awhile, I had a sign that I put up on my mirror that said "It´s
NOT the unschooling, it´s ___________ and then I would fill in the
blank. It´s not the unschooling, it´s P.M.S. (That was a big one, thus
the once a month nature of my panic attacks.) or It´s not the
unschooling, it´s flu season. Or it´s not the unschooling it´s time for
the in-laws to visit. (Another biggie.) After I filled in enough
different variations, I realized that I really needed only one sign to
remind me what it´s all about. It´s not the unschooling, it´s LIFE.-=-
I'm so grateful that this thread came through right now, because (although
our situation is different to Nani's - and probably far less tiring) we've
just had one of those weekends.
Jess has had one of her regular bouts of tonsillitis, and I think we've
been suffering from the same bug at a low level. Plus there's a fair bit of
pre-teen hormonal stuff happening - the beginnings of PMS and all. And my
exhaustion from a bad patch in my part-time job. So, this last weekend
while we've been cooped up in the house, I've been convinced Jess will become
agoraphobic, or a computer games addict (this from a mother who's normally
evangelical about the wonder of the PC) and I've been hovering between
trying to convince myself that everything's okay and serious panic that
unschooling doesn't suit us. And yet, I know deep down that most of the things
that have been affecting us are completely external to unschooling.
I'm DEFINITELY going to put a sign on my mirror today.
Jude x
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
children, it's money, it's lying in bed making lists of things that have to
happen for your life to improve, it's stress, it's all the rest of life that is
making it hard. -=-
-=-So for awhile, I had a sign that I put up on my mirror that said "It´s
NOT the unschooling, it´s ___________ and then I would fill in the
blank. It´s not the unschooling, it´s P.M.S. (That was a big one, thus
the once a month nature of my panic attacks.) or It´s not the
unschooling, it´s flu season. Or it´s not the unschooling it´s time for
the in-laws to visit. (Another biggie.) After I filled in enough
different variations, I realized that I really needed only one sign to
remind me what it´s all about. It´s not the unschooling, it´s LIFE.-=-
I'm so grateful that this thread came through right now, because (although
our situation is different to Nani's - and probably far less tiring) we've
just had one of those weekends.
Jess has had one of her regular bouts of tonsillitis, and I think we've
been suffering from the same bug at a low level. Plus there's a fair bit of
pre-teen hormonal stuff happening - the beginnings of PMS and all. And my
exhaustion from a bad patch in my part-time job. So, this last weekend
while we've been cooped up in the house, I've been convinced Jess will become
agoraphobic, or a computer games addict (this from a mother who's normally
evangelical about the wonder of the PC) and I've been hovering between
trying to convince myself that everything's okay and serious panic that
unschooling doesn't suit us. And yet, I know deep down that most of the things
that have been affecting us are completely external to unschooling.
I'm DEFINITELY going to put a sign on my mirror today.
Jude x
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Janice
>I felt that way when I had toddlers. I did find a solution that helped which was to swap babysitting with someone in our playgroup.
> Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but I'm feeling really
> tired of unschooling my kids (ages 2 and 4) at this point. I don't get
> much of a break, as my dh feels pressured to make money with his
> business and we're on the brink of financial collapse, as in we don't
> know yet how to pay next months rent and food.
Is there someone who you could switch off with a morning each week for babysitting? For instance, she takes your kids on Tues. and you take hers on Thurs. Perhaps you could work those hours, or just do something for yourself like go to the library by yourself, join a local club, etc. Not only will you get a chance to recharge your batteries, but so will the other mom; so, its a twofer!
Janice
What we want to see is the child in pursuit of knowledge, not knowledge in pursuit of the child. - George Bernard Shaw
nani
Thanks everyone for your replies. I did come to realize that my
exhaustion has nothing to do with unschooling and everything with
feeling like I don't get a "real" break, as well as PMS and possibly
an underlying health issue that leads to feeling exhausted so much. I
will certainly take steps in finding what can rebalance me and
therefore my kids.
However feeling like I have interests too, to carve out a niche
against the constant demand to be a mom, to regain my drive in life,
and to feel fulfilled I will need to restructure some aspects of my
daily life. It's been so long now and I'm so drained that I need to
work on nutrition first, then find some alone time here or there (for
me to look forward to it has to be planned) and then add a new workout
regime that will invigorate me.
Something like that ;-)
thanks for your support!
Natalie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
exhaustion has nothing to do with unschooling and everything with
feeling like I don't get a "real" break, as well as PMS and possibly
an underlying health issue that leads to feeling exhausted so much. I
will certainly take steps in finding what can rebalance me and
therefore my kids.
However feeling like I have interests too, to carve out a niche
against the constant demand to be a mom, to regain my drive in life,
and to feel fulfilled I will need to restructure some aspects of my
daily life. It's been so long now and I'm so drained that I need to
work on nutrition first, then find some alone time here or there (for
me to look forward to it has to be planned) and then add a new workout
regime that will invigorate me.
Something like that ;-)
thanks for your support!
Natalie
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]