Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
Darcel
I'm Darcel. I introduced myself about a month ago. We are new to
unschooling. We started in April.
It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by the end
of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the time
instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.She gets
upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she put her
fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head down
on his shoulder.
For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their squabbles,
but what siblings don't from time to time.
We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
Darcel
Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
unschooling. We started in April.
It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by the end
of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the time
instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.She gets
upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she put her
fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head down
on his shoulder.
For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their squabbles,
but what siblings don't from time to time.
We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
Darcel
Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Angela Bestwick
hello Darcel
you said...Instead of saying she's
hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
whining.
i thought i would share what i do: we have a cupboard full of food snacks
that my son choses, he helps make the lists of what he wants then he
immediatly goes and gets them when we go shopping...this embeds so many
learning oportinities the food is then available to him all the time, I find
that because he doesnt feel retricted he has stopped moaning about being
hungry, his snack cupboard gives him control over his feelings of hunger and
what to do about it,
he can help himself to whatever he fancies whenever he feels the urge,
I got the idea from the "radical unschool network", they have photos that
you might like to look at too
angiexx
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf Of Darcel
Sent: 04 June 2009 14:59
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
I'm Darcel. I introduced myself about a month ago. We are new to
unschooling. We started in April.
It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by the end
of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the time
instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.She gets
upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she put her
fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head down
on his shoulder.
For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their squabbles,
but what siblings don't from time to time.
We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
Darcel
Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
you said...Instead of saying she's
hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
whining.
i thought i would share what i do: we have a cupboard full of food snacks
that my son choses, he helps make the lists of what he wants then he
immediatly goes and gets them when we go shopping...this embeds so many
learning oportinities the food is then available to him all the time, I find
that because he doesnt feel retricted he has stopped moaning about being
hungry, his snack cupboard gives him control over his feelings of hunger and
what to do about it,
he can help himself to whatever he fancies whenever he feels the urge,
I got the idea from the "radical unschool network", they have photos that
you might like to look at too
angiexx
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf Of Darcel
Sent: 04 June 2009 14:59
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
I'm Darcel. I introduced myself about a month ago. We are new to
unschooling. We started in April.
It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by the end
of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the time
instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.She gets
upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she put her
fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head down
on his shoulder.
For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their squabbles,
but what siblings don't from time to time.
We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
Darcel
Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
N CONFER
She eats other things, right?
We are enjoying the development of our just-turned-3-yo nephew here. He can be quite melodramatic. :) Calm voices and a change of subject help if he goes overboard but sometimes he just wants to put his head down. It's tough being little. Many things to do and explore, some not available, some just take hard work. It's constant activity and it doesn't always go smoothly. So the arm goes up over the eyes and the head goes down and there's a big "woe is me" show. Then something catches his eye and he goes back to playing.
Nance
It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
We are enjoying the development of our just-turned-3-yo nephew here. He can be quite melodramatic. :) Calm voices and a change of subject help if he goes overboard but sometimes he just wants to put his head down. It's tough being little. Many things to do and explore, some not available, some just take hard work. It's constant activity and it doesn't always go smoothly. So the arm goes up over the eyes and the head goes down and there's a big "woe is me" show. Then something catches his eye and he goes back to playing.
Nance
It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
I dontknow how well this will work from my phone but here goes!
Sent from my iPhone
Sent from my iPhone
On Jun 4, 2009, at 9:58 AM, "Darcel" <harmonpanther228@...> wrote:
>
>
> I'm Darcel. I introduced myself about a month ago. We are new to
> unschooling. We started in April.
>
> It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
> crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
> nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
> nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and
> gets
> very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
> nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
> keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
>
>
**** this may sound crazy as you want less but nurse her more. Take a
few deep breathes, center yourself and prepare for a day of giving.
Give to her fully and with a happy heart full of love. Try to offer
before she asks. Give her your full attention. She will suck this up
for a couple days until she is full. Once her needs are met she we be
imbalance again. Plan a day snuggling im bed. Ask your partner to act
like it's a sick day and be with the older one fully and let you be
fully with the nursing one.
> Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by the
> end
> of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
> Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
> hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
> whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the
> time
> instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
> nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.
>
***she learned that this works. It's ok because she can learn that
other things work as well. First try to be mindful of her needs and
anticipate.
Hungry
Angry
Lonely (needs attention)
Tired or thirsty
Keep track of when she is loosing it. See what you can soto allievate
that stress for her.
Also when she is whining, don't take it personally. Keep smiling, keep
that heart open. Breathe and relax before responding if you have to.
When kids are falling apart it usually isn't the best time to remind
them. Just lovingly do what she wants. Talk about after it's over. Or
best just let it go. She whines to get milk and cookies. Make a big
plate and grab a glass. Sit there with her enjoying the snack. Have a
good time. It won't be as instantaneous as a 'good smack' but the end
result is a happy child with whom you have a pleasant relationship.
Humor doesn't hurt either?
> She gets
> upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she put
> her
> fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head
> down
> on his shoulder
>
***mine do this too. But for us it's the baby. She gets bent sometimes
when her brother touches me. Usually they are best friends and snuggle
and hug and kiss. It annoying at times but normal. Can you find a way
to use humor?
>
> For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their
> squabbles,
> but what siblings don't from time to time.
> We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
> Darcel
> Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Darcel
We don't have any food restrictions. We did last summer, b ut dumped that after a while. The girls get to eat when they want all day. Nakiah is able to reach in the cabinet and get snacks all day, and when she wants something cooked we do that for her no problem.
She constantly whines about everything, all the time.
Like yesterday she wanted to ride her bike but it was raining. she started crying. I understand she was upset about not being able to ride her bike at that time, but we came up with other activities for her. We even went out and played in the rain for a bit.
Darcel
She constantly whines about everything, all the time.
Like yesterday she wanted to ride her bike but it was raining. she started crying. I understand she was upset about not being able to ride her bike at that time, but we came up with other activities for her. We even went out and played in the rain for a bit.
Darcel
--- In [email protected], "Angela Bestwick" <angiewasplace@...> wrote:
>
> hello Darcel
> you said...Instead of saying she's
> hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
> whining.
> i thought i would share what i do: we have a cupboard full of food snacks
> that my son choses, he helps make the lists of what he wants then he
> immediatly goes and gets them when we go shopping...this embeds so many
> learning oportinities the food is then available to him all the time, I find
> that because he doesnt feel retricted he has stopped moaning about being
> hungry, his snack cupboard gives him control over his feelings of hunger and
> what to do about it,
> he can help himself to whatever he fancies whenever he feels the urge,
> I got the idea from the "radical unschool network", they have photos that
> you might like to look at too
> angiexx
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: [email protected]
> [mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf Of Darcel
> Sent: 04 June 2009 14:59
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm Darcel. I introduced myself about a month ago. We are new to
> unschooling. We started in April.
>
> It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's driving me
> crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't
> nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she still
> nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets
> very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
> nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
> keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
>
> Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by the end
> of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
> Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
> hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
> whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the time
> instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
> nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.She gets
> upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she put her
> fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head down
> on his shoulder.
> For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their squabbles,
> but what siblings don't from time to time.
> We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
> Darcel
> Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
alohabun
--- In [email protected], "Darcel" <harmonpanther228@...> wrote:
Are you thinking she is nursing for more cuddles/love/attention/mommy time? Do you want to stop or limit nursings? Maybe she is sensing a reluctance to nurse and is frightened to lose that closeness/attention/time/food with you so she is nursing more to hang onto it?
Could she be ill or fending off a cold? Children sometimes nurse more to fight off colds and they may not be able to verbalize they are feeling ill, they just know nursing will help.
Since you've tried offerring other closeness and playtime and she gets very upset, it sounds like she is telling you only nursing will do for now. Could you be proactive and offer to nurse her lovingly and sincerely before she even would likely ask to nurse? She might be pleasantly surprised and this might meet her needs (no matter why she wants to nurse so often).
If you want to eliminate some of your nursing, there are resources by La Leche League that might be helpful. Some books to check out are How Weaning Happens and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. If you want to continue and want more support for extended breastfeeding, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler is a lovely book.
Hang in there. Children have very important needs always, they just change over time. This (nursing) must be what she feels makes things better at this point in her life.
Does your dd still get attention even if she doesn't resort to behaviors and voices you don't like? Does she do the falling over because she needs attention? Can dh give her extra attention before she falls over him? Wouldn it feel good to her to have daddy scoop her up in a big hug before she even comes toward him?
**Eliminate her feeling like she isn't getting enough love....shower her with love and attention before she craves it.**
>Hi Darcel,
> Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she can't nurse right then and there.
> I've always nursed on demand and she still nurses through the
> night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down and gets very upset.
> She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to nurse every
> hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to keep her
> busy and spend time with her in other ways. Yesterday she cried
> almost all day long.
Are you thinking she is nursing for more cuddles/love/attention/mommy time? Do you want to stop or limit nursings? Maybe she is sensing a reluctance to nurse and is frightened to lose that closeness/attention/time/food with you so she is nursing more to hang onto it?
Could she be ill or fending off a cold? Children sometimes nurse more to fight off colds and they may not be able to verbalize they are feeling ill, they just know nursing will help.
Since you've tried offerring other closeness and playtime and she gets very upset, it sounds like she is telling you only nursing will do for now. Could you be proactive and offer to nurse her lovingly and sincerely before she even would likely ask to nurse? She might be pleasantly surprised and this might meet her needs (no matter why she wants to nurse so often).
If you want to eliminate some of your nursing, there are resources by La Leche League that might be helpful. Some books to check out are How Weaning Happens and The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. If you want to continue and want more support for extended breastfeeding, Mothering Your Nursing Toddler is a lovely book.
Hang in there. Children have very important needs always, they just change over time. This (nursing) must be what she feels makes things better at this point in her life.
> Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she'sStart thinking about each specific situation. Is there anything you or your dh can do to ahead of time to help your child before he asks for something or falls onto your dh?
> hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
> whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of the
> time instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it.
Does your dd still get attention even if she doesn't resort to behaviors and voices you don't like? Does she do the falling over because she needs attention? Can dh give her extra attention before she falls over him? Wouldn it feel good to her to have daddy scoop her up in a big hug before she even comes toward him?
**Eliminate her feeling like she isn't getting enough love....shower her with love and attention before she craves it.**
> Drives us nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk andIt sounds like you are simply asking her to use a "regular" voice and go on as usual (ask this in a regular voice yourself). Keep doing this. Give it time. As you meet your dds needs before she resorts to using a voice you don't like, she will feel more like using a "regular" voice. Make sure to respond promptly when she asks - this makes it easier for her to be her best. Limit as much as possible her having to wait. (It sounds like her frustration and not having the ability to be patient as long as you wish she'd be might lead her to becoming upset/"whining"/etc - and heck, even we adults who have had years to develop patience and deal with frustration aren't patient and feel like we want to yell sometimes).
> ask.
> She gets upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. LastIt sounds like our house where Daddy is greeted excitedly when he comes home. It is hard when more than one child wants a parent's attention. If it is an ongoing thing, talk about what you could do so everyone has Daddy time and Mommy time too...like maybe each parent have 1 on 1 time and then switch. Heck, and then mommy and daddy get to hug too!
> night she put her fist and arm in her sisters face to block her
> from laying her head down on his shoulder.
> For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their
> squabbles, but what siblings don't from time to time.
> We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
> Darcel
> Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Faith Void
You don't have to save her from her emotions. That kind of sends her
to message that she isn't strong enough to handle them. You can name
the emotion for her and be with her. Don't try to solve her problems
for her. Let her experience her emotions then be with her to work
through them with her. It's ok for her to cry when she feels
disappointed about not biking or whatever.
Why couldn't she ride in the rain? What was your issue with that?
You keep repeating that she whines all the time. Is that really true?
Can you think of any times she doesn't whine? Does she use any other
way to communicate.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
to message that she isn't strong enough to handle them. You can name
the emotion for her and be with her. Don't try to solve her problems
for her. Let her experience her emotions then be with her to work
through them with her. It's ok for her to cry when she feels
disappointed about not biking or whatever.
Why couldn't she ride in the rain? What was your issue with that?
You keep repeating that she whines all the time. Is that really true?
Can you think of any times she doesn't whine? Does she use any other
way to communicate.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On Jun 5, 2009, at 9:03 AM, "Darcel" <harmonpanther228@...> wrote:
>
>
>
> We don't have any food restrictions. We did last summer, b ut dumped
> that after a while. The girls get to eat when they want all day.
> Nakiah is able to reach in the cabinet and get snacks all day, and
> when she wants something cooked we do that for her no problem.
>
> She constantly whines about everything, all the time.
> Like yesterday she wanted to ride her bike but it was raining. she
> started crying. I understand she was upset about not being able to
> ride her bike at that time, but we came up with other activities for
> her. We even went out and played in the rain for a bit.
>
> Darcel
>
> --- In [email protected], "Angela Bestwick"
> <angiewasplace@...> wrote:
> >
> > hello Darcel
> > you said...Instead of saying she's
> > hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
> > whining.
> > i thought i would share what i do: we have a cupboard full of food
> snacks
> > that my son choses, he helps make the lists of what he wants then he
> > immediatly goes and gets them when we go shopping...this embeds so
> many
> > learning oportinities the food is then available to him all the
> time, I find
> > that because he doesnt feel retricted he has stopped moaning about
> being
> > hungry, his snack cupboard gives him control over his feelings of
> hunger and
> > what to do about it,
> > he can help himself to whatever he fancies whenever he feels the
> urge,
> > I got the idea from the "radical unschool network", they have
> photos that
> > you might like to look at too
> > angiexx
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: [email protected]
> > [mailto:[email protected]]On Behalf Of Darcel
> > Sent: 04 June 2009 14:59
> > To: [email protected]
> > Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > I'm Darcel. I introduced myself about a month ago. We are new to
> > unschooling. We started in April.
> >
> > It's been a constant in our house the past few months. It's
> driving me
> > crazy! We are lost on this one. Ava(2yr old) throws fits if she
> can't
> > nurse right then and there. I've always nursed on demand and she
> still
> > nurses through the night.If I ask her to hold on she melts down
> and gets
> > very upset. She starts screaming and crying.Lately she's wanting to
> > nurse every hour and I don't know how much more I can take. I try to
> > keep her busy and spend time with her in other ways.
> >
> > Yesterday she cried almost all day long. My nerves were shot by
> the end
> > of the day. I hate days like that. I feel so worn out and tired.
> > Nakiah(4yr old) whines about everything. Instead of saying she's
> > hungry she will walk up to her dad and start falling all over him
> > whining. She does this with him for anything she wants. Most of
> the time
> > instead of asking for what she wants she whines about it. Drives us
> > nuts. We keep telling her all she has to do is talk and ask.She gets
> > upset when her sister wants to share daddy's lap. Last night she
> put her
> > fist and arm in her sisters face to block her from laying her head
> down
> > on his shoulder.
> > For the most part the girls are best friends. They have their
> squabbles,
> > but what siblings don't from time to time.
> > We are trying to figure out what the problem is and how to fix it.
> > Darcel
> > Authentically Unique <http://www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com>
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amanda Mayan
Hi Darcel,
I have a 2 1/2 year old nursling who has a tendency to be whiny here are a
few thoughts and observations from our household.
I think when Maya whines, her usual way of asking for something, anything,
even on the first try, I think she is whining because she has
already been thinking about her want/need for a while, but is maybe too
distracted by a current activity to make the request. By the time she
asks/whines
it has already repeated in her mind several times. I dont think kids this
age (particularly still nursing ones) have fully differentiated themselves
from (particularly) their mothers, thus, for her, something in her mind is
as good as told to you (dont we all wish we were mind readers?) By the time
it
comes out of her mouth, shes already asked (in her mind) a couple of
times thus the whiny desperation. On the other hand, maybe Im totally off,
but
telling myself helps me not mind the whining at least! I also remind her to
ask in a normal voice, a lot, but per my previous comments, I dont think
its
really fair that I expect that considering the urgency shes probably
feeling regarding a need when she starts to whine .
Regarding nursing, fist let me say I AM NOT a fan of behaviorism in general.
However, something that my aunt (who is a therapist) once told me really
stuck with me it helped me modify MY behavior (which I dont think was her
objective). Consistency is key if a child (or anyone) asks for something
routinely, and sometimes gets it and sometimes doesnt, they will keep
asking .frequently .since it is totally random as to whether or not they
will
get what they are asking for (Im particularly thinking of the nursing.) If
you want to eliminate the frequent asking, then there are 3 ways .say yes
all of the
time (we tend to ask more frequently for scarce resources), say no all of
the time (shell eventually get that the activity is no longer an option),
or have
predictable times for the activity (whatever works for you .upon waking,
before sleeping, during a set time or a specific tv show, ect .) and then
make a
point of setting aside that time for her and the activity (as in sit on the
couch and say this is the time to nurse, if you want to nurse I will be here
for the next
15 minutes, if not, then you can nurse at the next set time) and then give
her that time and your undivided attention, whether or not she opts for the
activity.
2 is a difficult age, they act like little people, but are still very much
infants they fool you with the talking and self dressing and stuff. Maybe
Ava is having a
hard time being treated less like a baby (that she still feels she is) Her
needs have been met immediately (on-demand nursing) for the last 2 years and
now
she is being told to wait for the (to her) arbitrary reason of age (which
she probably does not relate to Maya tells everyone who asks that she is 4,
because
that is her favorite number) When I put Maya off for a moment, it is very
specific .when this show is over you can nurse, when I get down off the
ladder you
can nurse .whatever, and another mom here suggested then narrating your
progress towards that end (Im climbing down, Ive got 2 more steps, Im
walking
towards the couch where we can nurse, ect ) so that she knows it is really
close time is really hard to conceptualize at that age.
You did not mention if you were trying to wean or not but it sounds like
not. I guess that will make a big difference in how you deal with this. I
get to feeling
very nursed out and I mean VERY! Its happened to me about 3 times in 2 ½
years and generally lasts 2-3 months. I also notice, when Im feeling this
way I
withhold more nursing, and then my daughter wants to nurse more (scarce
resource) kind of a vicious cycle. (I just ended a nursed out phase I posted
about on
here about a month or 2 ago in fact, and we are both happily enjoying that
activity again) When I am feeling nursed out (if this is your case) a couple
of things I try to do are
*have special time with my husband, feeling connected to him helps me give
more of myself to my family
*remember that she will not nurse forever and it is just a phase for her
(nursing) and me (feeling nursed out)
*make some alone time for myself (a cup of tea, a shower alone J, 10 minutes
with a good magazine) to recharge even a couple of times a day
*say yes to the requests for nursing with a smile .i think smiles change
your body chemistry
*talk to EVERYONE who will listen sympathetically about it .yup, these are
sort of gripe sessions, but they make me feel better...to know that others
care and to
trade stories if people will not be supportive about our extended
nursing when I am already feeling down about it, I dont talk to them (which
has eliminated ALL
of my close friends at this point), but there are still LLL
meetings, mothering.com, this list, AP lists, ect ..
Maybe you guys dont have any problems (regarding what you posted
about) maybe your girls are just going through their unique (and probably
slightly annoying)
developmental stages and you and your husband just have to breathe deep,
look for ways to recharge your batteries as needed, and know that these are
phases that will pass.
Best,
Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have a 2 1/2 year old nursling who has a tendency to be whiny here are a
few thoughts and observations from our household.
I think when Maya whines, her usual way of asking for something, anything,
even on the first try, I think she is whining because she has
already been thinking about her want/need for a while, but is maybe too
distracted by a current activity to make the request. By the time she
asks/whines
it has already repeated in her mind several times. I dont think kids this
age (particularly still nursing ones) have fully differentiated themselves
from (particularly) their mothers, thus, for her, something in her mind is
as good as told to you (dont we all wish we were mind readers?) By the time
it
comes out of her mouth, shes already asked (in her mind) a couple of
times thus the whiny desperation. On the other hand, maybe Im totally off,
but
telling myself helps me not mind the whining at least! I also remind her to
ask in a normal voice, a lot, but per my previous comments, I dont think
its
really fair that I expect that considering the urgency shes probably
feeling regarding a need when she starts to whine .
Regarding nursing, fist let me say I AM NOT a fan of behaviorism in general.
However, something that my aunt (who is a therapist) once told me really
stuck with me it helped me modify MY behavior (which I dont think was her
objective). Consistency is key if a child (or anyone) asks for something
routinely, and sometimes gets it and sometimes doesnt, they will keep
asking .frequently .since it is totally random as to whether or not they
will
get what they are asking for (Im particularly thinking of the nursing.) If
you want to eliminate the frequent asking, then there are 3 ways .say yes
all of the
time (we tend to ask more frequently for scarce resources), say no all of
the time (shell eventually get that the activity is no longer an option),
or have
predictable times for the activity (whatever works for you .upon waking,
before sleeping, during a set time or a specific tv show, ect .) and then
make a
point of setting aside that time for her and the activity (as in sit on the
couch and say this is the time to nurse, if you want to nurse I will be here
for the next
15 minutes, if not, then you can nurse at the next set time) and then give
her that time and your undivided attention, whether or not she opts for the
activity.
2 is a difficult age, they act like little people, but are still very much
infants they fool you with the talking and self dressing and stuff. Maybe
Ava is having a
hard time being treated less like a baby (that she still feels she is) Her
needs have been met immediately (on-demand nursing) for the last 2 years and
now
she is being told to wait for the (to her) arbitrary reason of age (which
she probably does not relate to Maya tells everyone who asks that she is 4,
because
that is her favorite number) When I put Maya off for a moment, it is very
specific .when this show is over you can nurse, when I get down off the
ladder you
can nurse .whatever, and another mom here suggested then narrating your
progress towards that end (Im climbing down, Ive got 2 more steps, Im
walking
towards the couch where we can nurse, ect ) so that she knows it is really
close time is really hard to conceptualize at that age.
You did not mention if you were trying to wean or not but it sounds like
not. I guess that will make a big difference in how you deal with this. I
get to feeling
very nursed out and I mean VERY! Its happened to me about 3 times in 2 ½
years and generally lasts 2-3 months. I also notice, when Im feeling this
way I
withhold more nursing, and then my daughter wants to nurse more (scarce
resource) kind of a vicious cycle. (I just ended a nursed out phase I posted
about on
here about a month or 2 ago in fact, and we are both happily enjoying that
activity again) When I am feeling nursed out (if this is your case) a couple
of things I try to do are
*have special time with my husband, feeling connected to him helps me give
more of myself to my family
*remember that she will not nurse forever and it is just a phase for her
(nursing) and me (feeling nursed out)
*make some alone time for myself (a cup of tea, a shower alone J, 10 minutes
with a good magazine) to recharge even a couple of times a day
*say yes to the requests for nursing with a smile .i think smiles change
your body chemistry
*talk to EVERYONE who will listen sympathetically about it .yup, these are
sort of gripe sessions, but they make me feel better...to know that others
care and to
trade stories if people will not be supportive about our extended
nursing when I am already feeling down about it, I dont talk to them (which
has eliminated ALL
of my close friends at this point), but there are still LLL
meetings, mothering.com, this list, AP lists, ect ..
Maybe you guys dont have any problems (regarding what you posted
about) maybe your girls are just going through their unique (and probably
slightly annoying)
developmental stages and you and your husband just have to breathe deep,
look for ways to recharge your batteries as needed, and know that these are
phases that will pass.
Best,
Amanda
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
Constantly is a lot of whining. It might help a lot if you don't see it or say it as constantly. She sometimes whines, she whines with some relative frequency, but constantly is every minute of every day and night and I'm betting you she sleeps sometimes ;).
It is amazing how much of a difference perception can make. If I see Simon as sulking all the time, when he does do it, if he does do it, I have to get over the grudge that I'm carrying that he is doing this thing that he makes me suffer all the time. If instead I don't see it as something perpetual but see it as one of the many moods that he may or may not express than I can respond to it as something that is happening right now.
She couldn't ride her bike. Maybe she was really looking forward to it. Crying is a reasonable way to express disappointment. Sitting with her while she cries is the best response you can offer.
As far as food restrictions, offer food. Don't wait for a 4 year old to remember to eat, bring food to her so that she can eat when she's hungry. If I'm busy it is easy to forget that I haven't eaten for a while. I figure Simon and Linnaea have the same experience I do. Monkey platters are a good approach to offering food. http://www.sandradodd.com/monkeyplatters/ is a good source for inspiration.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: Darcel <harmonpanther228@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, 5 June, 2009 2:03:02 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
We don't have any food restrictions. We did last summer, b ut dumped that after a while. The girls get to eat when they want all day. Nakiah is able to reach in the cabinet and get snacks all day, and when she wants something cooked we do that for her no problem.
She constantly whines about everything, all the time.
Like yesterday she wanted to ride her bike but it was raining. she started crying. I understand she was upset about not being able to ride her bike at that time, but we came up with other activities for her. We even went out and played in the rain for a bit.
Darcel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It is amazing how much of a difference perception can make. If I see Simon as sulking all the time, when he does do it, if he does do it, I have to get over the grudge that I'm carrying that he is doing this thing that he makes me suffer all the time. If instead I don't see it as something perpetual but see it as one of the many moods that he may or may not express than I can respond to it as something that is happening right now.
She couldn't ride her bike. Maybe she was really looking forward to it. Crying is a reasonable way to express disappointment. Sitting with her while she cries is the best response you can offer.
As far as food restrictions, offer food. Don't wait for a 4 year old to remember to eat, bring food to her so that she can eat when she's hungry. If I'm busy it is easy to forget that I haven't eaten for a while. I figure Simon and Linnaea have the same experience I do. Monkey platters are a good approach to offering food. http://www.sandradodd.com/monkeyplatters/ is a good source for inspiration.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: Darcel <harmonpanther228@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, 5 June, 2009 2:03:02 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
We don't have any food restrictions. We did last summer, b ut dumped that after a while. The girls get to eat when they want all day. Nakiah is able to reach in the cabinet and get snacks all day, and when she wants something cooked we do that for her no problem.
She constantly whines about everything, all the time.
Like yesterday she wanted to ride her bike but it was raining. she started crying. I understand she was upset about not being able to ride her bike at that time, but we came up with other activities for her. We even went out and played in the rain for a bit.
Darcel
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "alohabun" <alohabun@...> wrote:
It might be just as well to stop saying anything at all about her tone of voice for awhile, especially if you've been mentioning it alot. Either she's not ready to understand what you mean or not ready to do something about it - Mo often has a fairly harsh tone of voice unless she's really concentrating on how she's sounding to others. If your dd is feeling really needy right now, asking her to meet one of your needs (changing her tone to be pleasant to you) sounds pretty harsh from her pov.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>> It sounds like you are simply asking her to use a "regular" voice and go on as usual (ask this in a regular voice yourself). Keep doing this. Give it time.*****************************
It might be just as well to stop saying anything at all about her tone of voice for awhile, especially if you've been mentioning it alot. Either she's not ready to understand what you mean or not ready to do something about it - Mo often has a fairly harsh tone of voice unless she's really concentrating on how she's sounding to others. If your dd is feeling really needy right now, asking her to meet one of your needs (changing her tone to be pleasant to you) sounds pretty harsh from her pov.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Darcel
I'm still getting the hang of the yahoo groups. I wasn't sure how to reply to everyones responses.
I don't want to wean....although I do feel at times that I do. Ava is deeply attached to nursing and I think taking that away from her would not be a good thing right now. I really want her to self wean.
I didn't make it this far nursing her sister. So this stage is new to me. I am glad to know that the feelings I'm having are normal.
Thank you all so very much for all of the advice and suggestions.
I never thought of asking her if she wanted to nurse.
Even the times I tell her to hold on...like you can have ni-nights after I'm done putting the laundry in the washer. She freaks out on me. Falling on the floor screaming no and crying. She doesn't like to wait at all, she wants it right then and there. She gets upset if I take too long to get my shirt up, lol
I feel so out of tune to my children these days. I am usually pretty good at anticipating needs, but not so much lately.
I tried talking to my husband about it, but he said this s what I asked for and all he's read about nursing toddlers this is all normal.
That wasn't very helpful or supportive to me.
Some of you have asked if Nakiah really whines all the time, and the answer to that is yes. Except for when she's sleeping :)
Well it's not ALL THE TIME, but it seems that way....she whines inbetween breakfast,lunch and dinner, inbetween playtime and other activities. I swear as soon as we finish something she starts whining!
She wanted to go to the park, so we went. She whined the entire time we were there, didn't want to play and it got dark so we headed home, more whining and crying all the way back home.
We asked her if she wanted to play hide and go seek with us in the dark, nope more whining.
She wakes up whining. I don't know what happened for a while we were all doing so well, she was talking and she had quit falling allover her dad. Now it's all started again.
She gets lots of hugs and kisses and I love you all throughout the day.
When we aren't the ones doing all of the hugs and kisses she will come up to us and give us a hug or kiss or say I love you.
My husband is getting frustrated again because she won't listen to him. He always has to call me in and that makes me feel like the bad guy.
As far as food goes I do offer it to her. She eats when we eat and whenever she wants. Even i she doesn't eat right when we do, when she is hungry she eats.
I think she likes to whine. Like someone else said she has learned that it works.
Most of this whining occurs when my husband is home, she doesn't act like that around me when he's not here, she talks.
The other day when it was raining we didn't want her out in the rain because it was storming. We had storms off an don that day. Later in the evening when the thunder and lightning had let up we went out and played in the rain. She didn't even want her bike then.
There was one day this week where she didn't whine. She wasn't feeling well that day. Her and her sister had fevers over the course of 2-3 days. That day she slept off and on and when she was awake sshe talked, no whining.
Are there any other yahoo groups or blogs for my husband to read? Videos? I've sent him the link to Sandra's site for dads. He has looked at a few videos, but I still feel like I'm in this alone sometimes.
I'm feeling pretty stressed if you can't tell.
Darcel
I don't want to wean....although I do feel at times that I do. Ava is deeply attached to nursing and I think taking that away from her would not be a good thing right now. I really want her to self wean.
I didn't make it this far nursing her sister. So this stage is new to me. I am glad to know that the feelings I'm having are normal.
Thank you all so very much for all of the advice and suggestions.
I never thought of asking her if she wanted to nurse.
Even the times I tell her to hold on...like you can have ni-nights after I'm done putting the laundry in the washer. She freaks out on me. Falling on the floor screaming no and crying. She doesn't like to wait at all, she wants it right then and there. She gets upset if I take too long to get my shirt up, lol
I feel so out of tune to my children these days. I am usually pretty good at anticipating needs, but not so much lately.
I tried talking to my husband about it, but he said this s what I asked for and all he's read about nursing toddlers this is all normal.
That wasn't very helpful or supportive to me.
Some of you have asked if Nakiah really whines all the time, and the answer to that is yes. Except for when she's sleeping :)
Well it's not ALL THE TIME, but it seems that way....she whines inbetween breakfast,lunch and dinner, inbetween playtime and other activities. I swear as soon as we finish something she starts whining!
She wanted to go to the park, so we went. She whined the entire time we were there, didn't want to play and it got dark so we headed home, more whining and crying all the way back home.
We asked her if she wanted to play hide and go seek with us in the dark, nope more whining.
She wakes up whining. I don't know what happened for a while we were all doing so well, she was talking and she had quit falling allover her dad. Now it's all started again.
She gets lots of hugs and kisses and I love you all throughout the day.
When we aren't the ones doing all of the hugs and kisses she will come up to us and give us a hug or kiss or say I love you.
My husband is getting frustrated again because she won't listen to him. He always has to call me in and that makes me feel like the bad guy.
As far as food goes I do offer it to her. She eats when we eat and whenever she wants. Even i she doesn't eat right when we do, when she is hungry she eats.
I think she likes to whine. Like someone else said she has learned that it works.
Most of this whining occurs when my husband is home, she doesn't act like that around me when he's not here, she talks.
The other day when it was raining we didn't want her out in the rain because it was storming. We had storms off an don that day. Later in the evening when the thunder and lightning had let up we went out and played in the rain. She didn't even want her bike then.
There was one day this week where she didn't whine. She wasn't feeling well that day. Her and her sister had fevers over the course of 2-3 days. That day she slept off and on and when she was awake sshe talked, no whining.
Are there any other yahoo groups or blogs for my husband to read? Videos? I've sent him the link to Sandra's site for dads. He has looked at a few videos, but I still feel like I'm in this alone sometimes.
I'm feeling pretty stressed if you can't tell.
Darcel
N CONFER
Most of this whining occurs when my husband is home, she doesn't act like that around me when he's not here, she talks.
******
Hmmm. . . that means something. Doesn't it?
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
******
Hmmm. . . that means something. Doesn't it?
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
DJ250
You know, I recall my husband saying the same thing: that my (then) 5 y.o. whines and wants my attention too much. I (then) said it didn't occur during the rest of the day. She revealed to me that she was afraid Daddy would get mad at her for things she does (which he did; he'd chastise for things that bothered him but don't bother me). I now know both my girls, but esp my youngest (to which I just referred), feels more comfortable around me. This bothers my dh but he feels rather helpless as he feels he can't just ignore what bugs him when the kids do things he feels needs to be addressed. It's a work in progress--and we have made progress. :)
Also, I used to get upset that my girls, esp. my youngest, would spout out anger and really show when they were upset but around Daddy they would just bottle it up. I thought they were showing me disrespect and him respect! Now, I realize they feel free to express their troubles, which is healthy (as long as nothing's being thrown at me!), around me.
My .02,
~Melissa , in MD
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Also, I used to get upset that my girls, esp. my youngest, would spout out anger and really show when they were upset but around Daddy they would just bottle it up. I thought they were showing me disrespect and him respect! Now, I realize they feel free to express their troubles, which is healthy (as long as nothing's being thrown at me!), around me.
My .02,
~Melissa , in MD
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for your family
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Meredith
--- In [email protected], "Darcel" <harmonpanther228@...> wrote:
This statement makes me think she has trouble transitioning - which isn't uncommon, really. Transitions inherently lend themselves to feelings of uncertaintly, that could be part of what she's expressing - uncertainty and sheer discomfort at the prospect of yet another transition.
Is it possible there's some physical discomfort that she's not noticing when she's busy? I just thought of that as I typed the word "discomfort" - does she have a tooth coming in or something, maybe? It might not be a physical issue, but if she really is whining all the time, its worth looking into, just to be sure.
She spent the whole day, essentially, hanging out? Not really "doing" anything? That reinforces my thought about transitioning. Is there a way to cut down on the transitions in her life? Ditch meals entirely, since you mentioned them, above, and just have continual food offerred while she's doing other things. What other kinds of transitions are a part of y'all's daily routine? Can you get rid of some of them? You might have to rearrange your days (or your furniture) so that your dd can spend a lot of time in one part of the house if she wants.
Aaahhhhhh! That's a big, important revelation. What's different when daddy is home?
In any case, try to move to hearing the whining as an attempt on her part to express some discomfort. It may not be a discomfort you can fix easily! but you can work on shifting your perspective towards being more compassionate. That *might* even help the situation directly - kids often are perceptive of our unspoken attitudes, after all.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>> Some of you have asked if Nakiah really whines all the time, and the answer to that is yes. Except for when she's sleeping :)***********************
> Well it's not ALL THE TIME, but it seems that way....she whines inbetween breakfast,lunch and dinner, inbetween playtime and other activities. I swear as soon as we finish something she starts whining!
This statement makes me think she has trouble transitioning - which isn't uncommon, really. Transitions inherently lend themselves to feelings of uncertaintly, that could be part of what she's expressing - uncertainty and sheer discomfort at the prospect of yet another transition.
Is it possible there's some physical discomfort that she's not noticing when she's busy? I just thought of that as I typed the word "discomfort" - does she have a tooth coming in or something, maybe? It might not be a physical issue, but if she really is whining all the time, its worth looking into, just to be sure.
> There was one day this week where she didn't whine. She wasn't feeling well that day. Her and her sister had fevers over the course of 2-3 days. That day she slept off and on and when she was awake sshe talked, no whining.****************************
She spent the whole day, essentially, hanging out? Not really "doing" anything? That reinforces my thought about transitioning. Is there a way to cut down on the transitions in her life? Ditch meals entirely, since you mentioned them, above, and just have continual food offerred while she's doing other things. What other kinds of transitions are a part of y'all's daily routine? Can you get rid of some of them? You might have to rearrange your days (or your furniture) so that your dd can spend a lot of time in one part of the house if she wants.
> Most of this whining occurs when my husband is home, she doesn't act like that around me when he's not here, she talks.*********************
Aaahhhhhh! That's a big, important revelation. What's different when daddy is home?
In any case, try to move to hearing the whining as an attempt on her part to express some discomfort. It may not be a discomfort you can fix easily! but you can work on shifting your perspective towards being more compassionate. That *might* even help the situation directly - kids often are perceptive of our unspoken attitudes, after all.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Darcel
--- In [email protected], "Meredith" <meredith@...> wrote:
I honestly don't know what else we can get rid of. We don't have set wake up and sleep times, no set meal times. They eat when they are hungry and we've been watching for their signs of hunger throughout the day more often too.
I'm starting to feel like our lives our spinning out of control.
I think it annoys her and makes her feel like he's not paying any attention to what she wants or needs.
Another example, he'll be at the computer and she will walk up to him and say she wants to use it. Then she starts whining and falling all over him until she gets the computer.
He gets upset and gives in so she will stop whining.
I don't know if this is right, but a long time ago we agreed to take turns with the computer and TV. It's gone over really well, but for some reason it doesn't work well for daddy.
Darcel
www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com
> > There was one day this week where she didn't whine. She wasn't feeling well that day. Her and her sister had fevers over the course of 2-3 days. That day she slept off and on and when she was awake sshe talked, no whining.She is slower to transition. She's a very spirited little girl.
> ****************************
>
> She spent the whole day, essentially, hanging out? Not really "doing" anything? That reinforces my thought about transitioning. Is there a way to cut down on the transitions in her life? Ditch meals entirely, since you mentioned them, above, and just have continual food offerred while she's doing other things. What other kinds of transitions are a part of y'all's daily routine? Can you get rid of some of them? You might have to rearrange your days (or your furniture) so that your dd can spend a lot of time in one part of the house if she wants.
>
I honestly don't know what else we can get rid of. We don't have set wake up and sleep times, no set meal times. They eat when they are hungry and we've been watching for their signs of hunger throughout the day more often too.
I'm starting to feel like our lives our spinning out of control.
> > Most of this whining occurs when my husband is home, she doesn't act like that around me when he's not here, she talks.She always whines to get what she wants from him. Attention, food, playing games. Whatever she wants she whines to get from him. I have noticed lately that he makes her wait. It doesn't matter what it is he is always telling her just a minute, or hang on.
> *********************
>
> Aaahhhhhh! That's a big, important revelation. What's different when daddy is home?
>
I think it annoys her and makes her feel like he's not paying any attention to what she wants or needs.
Another example, he'll be at the computer and she will walk up to him and say she wants to use it. Then she starts whining and falling all over him until she gets the computer.
He gets upset and gives in so she will stop whining.
I don't know if this is right, but a long time ago we agreed to take turns with the computer and TV. It's gone over really well, but for some reason it doesn't work well for daddy.
> In any case, try to move to hearing the whining as an attempt on her part to express some discomfort. It may not be a discomfort you can fix easily! but you can work on shifting your perspective towards being more compassionate. That *might* even help the situation directly - kids often are perceptive of our unspoken attitudes, after all.You are right. This past week I've been much more aware of my body language.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>
Darcel
www.luvnharmony.wordpress.com
Melissa Gray
I have kids who are slow to transition, and having set points in the
day (we call touchpoints) where they can depend on the same thing
happening, has helped SO much.
For some people who have trouble transitioning, dependability is the
first step in building their comfort in transition. It's nearly a 180
about face, but if NO schedule/routine is not helping, then I would
talk to your kids about building a routine and spend a few weeks
doing that to see if it helps. We have (not a rigid routine) but a
fairly predictable one. We don't change it without a LOT of warning,
like the day or two before, with up to ten reminders "Tomorrow lunch
will be early because we need to leave at 1pm to get to the dentist
on time"
We have a lot of freedom between our touchpoints, which are meals and
naptime, mostly. We also have a weekly set of touchpoints, ALWAYS the
library on Wednesdays, special trips on Friday. It's just how a few
of our kids function best. We save the surprises for the kids who
love them, for the evening time when dh is home and one of us can
take them out and shake things up a little.
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel, Avari, and
baby Nathan!
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
http://startlinglives365.blogspot.com
day (we call touchpoints) where they can depend on the same thing
happening, has helped SO much.
For some people who have trouble transitioning, dependability is the
first step in building their comfort in transition. It's nearly a 180
about face, but if NO schedule/routine is not helping, then I would
talk to your kids about building a routine and spend a few weeks
doing that to see if it helps. We have (not a rigid routine) but a
fairly predictable one. We don't change it without a LOT of warning,
like the day or two before, with up to ten reminders "Tomorrow lunch
will be early because we need to leave at 1pm to get to the dentist
on time"
We have a lot of freedom between our touchpoints, which are meals and
naptime, mostly. We also have a weekly set of touchpoints, ALWAYS the
library on Wednesdays, special trips on Friday. It's just how a few
of our kids function best. We save the surprises for the kids who
love them, for the evening time when dh is home and one of us can
take them out and shake things up a little.
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel, Avari, and
baby Nathan!
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
http://startlinglives365.blogspot.com
On Jun 13, 2009, at 11:19 AM, Darcel wrote:
> >
>
> She is slower to transition. She's a very spirited little girl.
> I honestly don't know what else we can get rid of. We don't have
> set wake up and sleep times, no set meal times. They eat when they
> are hungry and we've been watching for their signs of hunger
> throughout the day more often too.
> I'm starting to feel like our lives our spinning out of control.
>
>
> .
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Logan Porter
>>>She always whines to get what she wants from him. Attention, food, playing games. Whatever she wants she whines to get from him. I have noticed lately that he makes her wait. It doesn't matter what it is he is always telling her just a minute, or hang on.I think it annoys her and makes her feel like he's not paying any attention to what she wants or needs.<<<
If you're noticing this, why dont you step in in the moment and say "can I help?". Instead of watching her struggle with daddy. If nothing else it might make your DH more aware that he's doing that.
Need a Holiday? Win a $10,000 Holiday of your choice. Enter now.http://us.lrd.yahoo.com/_ylc=X3oDMTJxN2x2ZmNpBF9zAzIwMjM2MTY2MTMEdG1fZG1lY2gDVGV4dCBMaW5rBHRtX2xuawNVMTEwMzk3NwR0bV9uZXQDWWFob28hBHRtX3BvcwN0YWdsaW5lBHRtX3BwdHkDYXVueg--/SIG=14600t3ni/**http%3A//au.rd.yahoo.com/mail/tagline/creativeholidays/*http%3A//au.docs.yahoo.com/homepageset/%3Fp1=other%26p2=au%26p3=mailtagline
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Darcel
--- In [email protected], Logan Porter <logan_rose_porter@...> wrote:
Darcel
>My husband gets upset when I step in. He says if he needs my help he will let me know. He is very aware that he's doing it. He doesn't know what to do when she acts like that with him.
>
>
> >>>She always whines to get what she wants from him. Attention, food, playing games. Whatever she wants she whines to get from him. I have noticed lately that he makes her wait. It doesn't matter what it is he is always telling her just a minute, or hang on.
> I think it annoys her and makes her feel like he's not paying any attention to what she wants or needs.<<<
> If you're noticing this, why dont you step in in the moment and say "can I help?". Instead of watching her struggle with daddy. If nothing else it might make your DH more aware that he's doing that.
>
>
Darcel
Jodi Bezzola
My dh really detests suggestions or interference in the moment as well, even if he's struggling and even if our girls are upset and what he's doing isn't 'working'. I've had to really get that this is *his* relationship with his daughters, and to butt out and keep my mouth shut. His relationship with them will be his own relationship with them, very different from my relationship with them, and it's a work in progress just like mine with them is.
It's really tough in the moment to watch and listen to someone reverting to an authoritative parenting style when I know a better way! I have come to terms with the fact that dh has never really witnessed any other kind of parenting except for his observations of my mindful parenting over the last year and a half or so, and that modelling what I want to see is enough for now.
I remember Kelly saying awhile ago that her dh started noticing that their boys wanted to be with him less and her more, and that's what made him come around and start thinking and acting differently to create a better and more trusting relationship with them.
Jodi
It's really tough in the moment to watch and listen to someone reverting to an authoritative parenting style when I know a better way! I have come to terms with the fact that dh has never really witnessed any other kind of parenting except for his observations of my mindful parenting over the last year and a half or so, and that modelling what I want to see is enough for now.
I remember Kelly saying awhile ago that her dh started noticing that their boys wanted to be with him less and her more, and that's what made him come around and start thinking and acting differently to create a better and more trusting relationship with them.
Jodi
--- On Tue, 6/16/09, Darcel <harmonpanther228@...> wrote:
From: Darcel <harmonpanther228@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help! 2yr old crying 4 yr old whining
To: [email protected]
Received: Tuesday, June 16, 2009, 7:04 AM
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Logan Porter <logan_rose_ porter@.. .> wrote:
>
>
>
> >>>She always whines to get what she wants from him. Attention, food, playing games. Whatever she wants she whines to get from him. I have noticed lately that he makes her wait. It doesn't matter what it is he is always telling her just a minute, or hang on.
> I think it annoys her and makes her feel like he's not paying any attention to what she wants or needs.<<<
> If you're noticing this, why dont you step in in the moment and say "can I help?". Instead of watching her struggle with daddy. If nothing else it might make your DH more aware that he's doing that.
>
>
My husband gets upset when I step in. He says if he needs my help he will let me know. He is very aware that he's doing it. He doesn't know what to do when she acts like that with him.
Darcel
__________________________________________________________________
Looking for the perfect gift? Give the gift of Flickr!
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
N CONFER
My husband gets upset when I step in. He says if he needs my help he will let me know. He is very aware that he's doing it. He doesn't know what to do when she acts like that with him.
*************
Is that something you can talk to him about? Without getting into the snippy "if I want your help, I'll ask for it" immature stuff.
Something that works here is me telling DH about the children. I know it sounds dumb but he's not here all day and he tends to be the more dramatic, overreacting one. I am probably underreacting most of the time, if you ask him. :)
But instead of telling DH that he is really screwing up I try to give him a heads up -- mentioning what I noticed.
DS said this about that and he is still thinking about it and doesn't want to talk about it yet but, if it comes up, this is what happened. DD has a plan to do something and it is for her own reasons and her reasons are not at all the same reasons DH and I had thought they were.
DH can then figure out that he won't get anywhere with DD by thinking she thinks like he did when he was her age or get DS to talk about something quite yet.
And it's then not DH's fault. It's stuff that has happened and he is being filled in. Not corrected so much as informed.
Clear as mud? :)
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
*************
Is that something you can talk to him about? Without getting into the snippy "if I want your help, I'll ask for it" immature stuff.
Something that works here is me telling DH about the children. I know it sounds dumb but he's not here all day and he tends to be the more dramatic, overreacting one. I am probably underreacting most of the time, if you ask him. :)
But instead of telling DH that he is really screwing up I try to give him a heads up -- mentioning what I noticed.
DS said this about that and he is still thinking about it and doesn't want to talk about it yet but, if it comes up, this is what happened. DD has a plan to do something and it is for her own reasons and her reasons are not at all the same reasons DH and I had thought they were.
DH can then figure out that he won't get anywhere with DD by thinking she thinks like he did when he was her age or get DS to talk about something quite yet.
And it's then not DH's fault. It's stuff that has happened and he is being filled in. Not corrected so much as informed.
Clear as mud? :)
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Darcel
--- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@...> wrote:
Things are better this week. I talked with my husband about what everyone has had to say on the subject. We're looking for signs up hunger,tiredness and not taking their whining and crying personally. I'm so thankful for these yahoo groups.
Darcel
>And I understand why he gets upset when I step in, especially if he didn't ask me to.
> My dh really detests suggestions or interference in the moment as well, even if he's struggling and even if our girls are upset and what he's doing isn't 'working'. I've had to really get that this is *his* relationship with his daughters, and to butt out and keep my mouth shut. His relationship with them will be his own relationship with them, very different from my relationship with them, and it's a work in progress just like mine with them is.
>
Things are better this week. I talked with my husband about what everyone has had to say on the subject. We're looking for signs up hunger,tiredness and not taking their whining and crying personally. I'm so thankful for these yahoo groups.
Darcel