Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
jennifercroce37
Hi,
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
Jeff Sabo
Hi Jen -
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
--- On Thu, 5/14/09, jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
From: jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, May 14, 2009, 7:54 AM
Hi,
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
>A couple things..
> Hi Jen,
>
You said:
> < I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my childrenI find this interesting. So you are helping them do things they want more,
> when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that
> interest them.>
>
and this makes them more upset than before, when presumably you didn't let
them follow their interests as much?
I guess I don't understand what is happening.
> <I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not havingSo is this about the unschooling? Or about your dh not being available to
> adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life.>
>
help out?
If you oldest was in school, would that then give you time to recover from
your stress?
heather
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Hi Jen Having a husband ha works a lot will not be a problem
I have experience on that.
My husband works 365 days a year. From 4:30 AM until 8-9 PM on a good day.
He is a Dairy Farmer.
He does NOT have days of or can call in sick. In 9 years he has taken 15 days off. ( 9 we were in France, 3 at the Live and learn Conference, 2 we went skiing and 1 he had kidney stone and we were at the hospital)
He is home during the day. Out in the barn working or running errands. He does take some time of to do stuff with us but only if he can.
I don't complain. My little 3 year old loves doing chores with dad everyday and my son goes once in a while.
When he gets in he is very tired and hungry but he makes and effort and plays with the kids ( just like you Jeff when you went camping!)
The daycare can be the hard part. You have to have schedules and pay attention to other children.
How will you make your children a priority?
Unschooling takes a lot of time and involvement from the parents ( more from the stay at home parent).
I think that is what you need to focus on how you will make that work.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
________________________________
From: Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:54:25 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
Hi Jen -
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/ love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
I have experience on that.
My husband works 365 days a year. From 4:30 AM until 8-9 PM on a good day.
He is a Dairy Farmer.
He does NOT have days of or can call in sick. In 9 years he has taken 15 days off. ( 9 we were in France, 3 at the Live and learn Conference, 2 we went skiing and 1 he had kidney stone and we were at the hospital)
He is home during the day. Out in the barn working or running errands. He does take some time of to do stuff with us but only if he can.
I don't complain. My little 3 year old loves doing chores with dad everyday and my son goes once in a while.
When he gets in he is very tired and hungry but he makes and effort and plays with the kids ( just like you Jeff when you went camping!)
The daycare can be the hard part. You have to have schedules and pay attention to other children.
How will you make your children a priority?
Unschooling takes a lot of time and involvement from the parents ( more from the stay at home parent).
I think that is what you need to focus on how you will make that work.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
________________________________
From: Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:54:25 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
Hi Jen -
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/ love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
--- On Thu, 5/14/09, jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com> wrote:
From: jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Thursday, May 14, 2009, 7:54 AM
Hi,
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer Croce
< I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy. >
Thanks, that is just what I needed to hear.
< It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present. >
That is what I am trying to do. My daughter is finishing 1st grade in public school so our deschooling is on hold until the summer. I am anxious to see how things change when we aren't tied to the school schedule, limits and expectations. A lot of my stress is due to fighting with her to get ready in the morning and out the door on time, my hubby is anxious because he drives her to school so 4 days a week he can't leave until 8:15am which obviously puts a dent in his ability to get to work. At the end of the day I am fighting with my daughter to do her homework, try to get dinner on the table and the girls into bed at a decent time so we can start the whole lovely process again the next day. If I am lucky my hubby is home maybe 3 nights a week to help me, from mid Jan-mid April he is barely home at all due to work. Throw in the fact that my daughter is constantly complaining about things related to school (negative peer
interactions, getting into trouble for things she didn't do, feelings of failure because she didn't do well on her work etc..) and it is no wonder we are all stressed, angry, resentful and unhappy. I am hopeful that once school is out of the picture and we can spend our time together without so many limits and restrictions this stress will diminish.
My hubby is on board with unschooling, but I don't think his work focus will ever change. I am hopeful that living an unschooled life will help him with his priorities and see what is really important in life. We are all on this journey together but it will mean different things for each of us. I think having more time to spend together will help us as a family. Next year I will work M-Th so we will have 3 and some times 4 day weekends! My daycare is also open in conjunction with the school calendar so any time they are closed so am I and I only work until 3:30pm. I am excited by the potential to take some family trips or just spend the day together doing fun activities like biking and hiking instead of using our sparce free time trying to get things done like errands and such. Obviously a lot of the stress right now is related to him getting his business established and it could be an ugly situation as he tries to separate from
the partnership he is currently in. I am very much looking forward to the unschooling conference, I think that it will be a great thing for us to attend.
Thanks again,
Jen
________________________________
From: Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:54:25 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
Hi Jen -
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/ love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
Thanks, that is just what I needed to hear.
< It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present. >
That is what I am trying to do. My daughter is finishing 1st grade in public school so our deschooling is on hold until the summer. I am anxious to see how things change when we aren't tied to the school schedule, limits and expectations. A lot of my stress is due to fighting with her to get ready in the morning and out the door on time, my hubby is anxious because he drives her to school so 4 days a week he can't leave until 8:15am which obviously puts a dent in his ability to get to work. At the end of the day I am fighting with my daughter to do her homework, try to get dinner on the table and the girls into bed at a decent time so we can start the whole lovely process again the next day. If I am lucky my hubby is home maybe 3 nights a week to help me, from mid Jan-mid April he is barely home at all due to work. Throw in the fact that my daughter is constantly complaining about things related to school (negative peer
interactions, getting into trouble for things she didn't do, feelings of failure because she didn't do well on her work etc..) and it is no wonder we are all stressed, angry, resentful and unhappy. I am hopeful that once school is out of the picture and we can spend our time together without so many limits and restrictions this stress will diminish.
My hubby is on board with unschooling, but I don't think his work focus will ever change. I am hopeful that living an unschooled life will help him with his priorities and see what is really important in life. We are all on this journey together but it will mean different things for each of us. I think having more time to spend together will help us as a family. Next year I will work M-Th so we will have 3 and some times 4 day weekends! My daycare is also open in conjunction with the school calendar so any time they are closed so am I and I only work until 3:30pm. I am excited by the potential to take some family trips or just spend the day together doing fun activities like biking and hiking instead of using our sparce free time trying to get things done like errands and such. Obviously a lot of the stress right now is related to him getting his business established and it could be an ugly situation as he tries to separate from
the partnership he is currently in. I am very much looking forward to the unschooling conference, I think that it will be a great thing for us to attend.
Thanks again,
Jen
________________________________
From: Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 11:54:25 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
Hi Jen -
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/ love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
--- On Thu, 5/14/09, jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com> wrote:
From: jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Thursday, May 14, 2009, 7:54 AM
Hi,
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer Croce
< Having a husband that works a lot will not be a problem. I have experience on that.
My husband works 365 days a year. From 4:30 AM until 8-9 PM on a good day.
He is a Dairy Farmer.
He does NOT have days of or can call in sick. In 9 years he has taken 15 days off. ( 9 we were in France, 3 at the Live and learn Conference, 2 we went skiing and 1 he had kidney stone and we were at the hospital)
He is home during the day. Out in the barn working or running errands. He does take some time of to do stuff with us but only if he can.
I don't complain. My little 3 year old loves doing chores with dad everyday and my son goes once in a while. >
I thought my hubby had it tough! The difference is that my husband doesn't work from home so I don't have him around to take the kids with him while he works or does errands. I have to work, keep the house running and in order and do the errands most of the time with 2 kids in tow. My hope is that next year he will be able to take my oldest to work with him from time to time since she won't be in school. I think it will be good for her to have opportunities to spend time with him and learn what he does.
< The daycare can be the hard part. You have to have schedules and pay attention to other children.
How will you make your children a priority?
Unschooling takes a lot of time and involvement from the parents ( more from the stay at home parent).
I think that is what you need to focus on how you will make that work. >
I realize running the daycare is a challenge to unschooling. However, I only work 4 days a week, am done by 3:30pm and am open in conjunction with the school calendar so any time they are closed so am I. I think this gives me way more time to devote to my children than if I worked outside the home. I think my children learn valuable skills from having me run the daycare.
Thanks for your advice, glad to see it is possible to do it with a super busy husband.
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My husband works 365 days a year. From 4:30 AM until 8-9 PM on a good day.
He is a Dairy Farmer.
He does NOT have days of or can call in sick. In 9 years he has taken 15 days off. ( 9 we were in France, 3 at the Live and learn Conference, 2 we went skiing and 1 he had kidney stone and we were at the hospital)
He is home during the day. Out in the barn working or running errands. He does take some time of to do stuff with us but only if he can.
I don't complain. My little 3 year old loves doing chores with dad everyday and my son goes once in a while. >
I thought my hubby had it tough! The difference is that my husband doesn't work from home so I don't have him around to take the kids with him while he works or does errands. I have to work, keep the house running and in order and do the errands most of the time with 2 kids in tow. My hope is that next year he will be able to take my oldest to work with him from time to time since she won't be in school. I think it will be good for her to have opportunities to spend time with him and learn what he does.
< The daycare can be the hard part. You have to have schedules and pay attention to other children.
How will you make your children a priority?
Unschooling takes a lot of time and involvement from the parents ( more from the stay at home parent).
I think that is what you need to focus on how you will make that work. >
I realize running the daycare is a challenge to unschooling. However, I only work 4 days a week, am done by 3:30pm and am open in conjunction with the school calendar so any time they are closed so am I. I think this gives me way more time to devote to my children than if I worked outside the home. I think my children learn valuable skills from having me run the daycare.
Thanks for your advice, glad to see it is possible to do it with a super busy husband.
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer Croce
< So you are helping them do things they want more,
and this makes them more upset than before, when presumably you didn't let
them follow their interests as much?
I guess I don't understand what is happening. >
Here is an example of what happened yesterday afternoon. When my daughter got home from school I suggested we go get hair cuts, she agreed and was excited to get "fancy hair" (she has wanted to get bangs and color her hair). When we got to the hairdresser she talked my daughter out of trying bangs (not great to have in the summer and something to try in the fall/winter when it isn't so hot and sticky) and said they don't color hair unless you are at least 16 years old. She did style her hair a bit differently so she looked "fancy". After the hair cuts my oldest asked if we could go in the dollar store so I said sure. Then we stopped to play at the park, when we got to the parking lot my oldest started to scream and cry because I didn't bring her bike. I didn't have room in the car to bring it, but told her we could either play at the park, go to a different park or go home to get the bike but that would take some time away from
playing since it would take time to go home, unload the car to fit the bikes and get back to the park. She was having a huge tantrum, screaming at me that I was mean and getting her sister upset because the younger one just wanted to get out and start playing. I did go home and get the bike and we stayed at the park for about an hour.
The day before this I took her to a different park to play and ride her bike and yet another park on Monday afternoon. All these park trip were in the late afternoon when I would have usually just stayed home and had them play outside while I got dinner ready. The weather here the past few days has been wonderful so I felt dinner could be a little later and we could take advantage of the nice weather. The girls had snacks in the afternoon so they weren't starved. All three nights my husband worked late so I was doing this on my own. Instead of being happy at being able to be at the park she was focused on not having her bike. When I tried to work with her to come up with a solution that made her happy she just got angrier and nasty.
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
and this makes them more upset than before, when presumably you didn't let
them follow their interests as much?
I guess I don't understand what is happening. >
Here is an example of what happened yesterday afternoon. When my daughter got home from school I suggested we go get hair cuts, she agreed and was excited to get "fancy hair" (she has wanted to get bangs and color her hair). When we got to the hairdresser she talked my daughter out of trying bangs (not great to have in the summer and something to try in the fall/winter when it isn't so hot and sticky) and said they don't color hair unless you are at least 16 years old. She did style her hair a bit differently so she looked "fancy". After the hair cuts my oldest asked if we could go in the dollar store so I said sure. Then we stopped to play at the park, when we got to the parking lot my oldest started to scream and cry because I didn't bring her bike. I didn't have room in the car to bring it, but told her we could either play at the park, go to a different park or go home to get the bike but that would take some time away from
playing since it would take time to go home, unload the car to fit the bikes and get back to the park. She was having a huge tantrum, screaming at me that I was mean and getting her sister upset because the younger one just wanted to get out and start playing. I did go home and get the bike and we stayed at the park for about an hour.
The day before this I took her to a different park to play and ride her bike and yet another park on Monday afternoon. All these park trip were in the late afternoon when I would have usually just stayed home and had them play outside while I got dinner ready. The weather here the past few days has been wonderful so I felt dinner could be a little later and we could take advantage of the nice weather. The girls had snacks in the afternoon so they weren't starved. All three nights my husband worked late so I was doing this on my own. Instead of being happy at being able to be at the park she was focused on not having her bike. When I tried to work with her to come up with a solution that made her happy she just got angrier and nasty.
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kerry Malecha
Hi,
I just wanted to say that my husband is also a dairy farmer! he gets up at 2:35am 365 days a year as well. I am glad I have found someone on here who can relate to this kind of a lifestyle! in the 21 years we have been married I can count on 2 hands how many actual days we have had away from the cows!
Hugs, Kerry~
I just wanted to say that my husband is also a dairy farmer! he gets up at 2:35am 365 days a year as well. I am glad I have found someone on here who can relate to this kind of a lifestyle! in the 21 years we have been married I can count on 2 hands how many actual days we have had away from the cows!
Hugs, Kerry~
--- On Thu, 5/14/09, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, May 14, 2009, 4:08 PM
Hi Jen Having a husband ha works a lot will not be a problem
I have experience on that.
My husband works 365 days a year. From 4:30 AM until 8-9 PM on a good day.
He is a Dairy Farmer.
He does NOT have days of or can call in sick. In 9 years he has taken 15 days off. ( 9 we were in France, 3 at the Live and learn Conference, 2 we went skiing and 1 he had kidney stone and we were at the hospital)
He is home during the day. Out in the barn working or running errands. He does take some time of to do stuff with us but only if he can.
I don't complain. My little 3 year old loves doing chores with dad everyday and my son goes once in a while.
When he gets in he is very tired and hungry but he makes and effort and plays with the kids ( just like you Jeff when you went camping!)
The daycare can be the hard part. You have to have schedules and pay attention to other children.
How will you make your children a priority?
Unschooling takes a lot of time and involvement from the parents ( more from the stay at home parent).
I think that is what you need to focus on how you will make that work.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow. blogspot. com/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Jeff Sabo <freeboysdad@ yahoo.com>
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 10:54:25 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
Hi Jen -
I have a lot of admiration for what you're trying to accomplish, especially given DHs work situation. Anyone who has made the transition knows it is not easy.
While I think most people can, with work/patience/ love/letting go, make this transition, I think you have two things pulling against you right now. The first is DHs work situation. I think that it's importantthat you are both completely on board with unschooling and the level of chage you'll have to go through for this work. Maybe he is on board and I am mis-interpreting your email; but if he is focused so much on work, it will be hard for him to exercise the control needed to get a new business running during the day and then drop that control completely at night. It might be best to continue deschooling and letting go of structure gradually until he is able to me more present.
The other challenege for you is the day care. Unless it's an unschooling day care (which, by the way, might be a great idea for you!), this could really set up a confusing situation for all involved. I would imagine that the parents of the kids you care for have certain expectations in terms of activities, meals, TV, etc, that require some more traditional parental control methods. If that is the case, your own children may be receiving mixed signals, which means they will have to make transitions and assumptions that are hard for a 3 and 7 year old to make.
All that said, maybe the answer for you is "Yes, but slowly until we can sort some things out." Unschooling does look different in every family, for sure. Maybe when DH's business takes hold things will get easier, and then you'll be able to focus on reconciling the day care situation?
Go to the conferences, read the books, talk to other unschoolers who have done it before.
Hoping for a good outcome for all -
Jeff
--- On Thu, 5/14/09, jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com> wrote:
From: jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
Date: Thursday, May 14, 2009, 7:54 AM
Hi,
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Rala Brubaker
Hi Jen,
I am Rala. I also struggle with a lot of these issues. I too immediately saw a rise in anger, physical violence between my dd 7 and ds 6, and my kids are polar opposites. I feel that often there is no way to say yes to both of them. They are very spirited kids and I have watched my ds literally take the opposing view or desire stance just to get at my daughter.
In our process i have begun to insist on only a few things. 1. I have final say in health or safety matters. we will talk the issue whatever all the way through but in the end it is my choice. We have so far always come to a consensus with the exception of ds wanting to eat sugar straight from the bowl. I just got rid of the sugar.
2. Everyone must be respectful of others or take themselves out of the group. In the beginning I had to assist with the leaving a few times. But I just went with the struggling child and spent one on one time with them while talking about how its always easier to get
our private time needs met when we use our words and ask for it instead of doing something angry, mean or hurtful to someone else.
Those are my "tweaks" on the unschooling lifestyle and so far so good. i know that alot of people on unschooling basics choose a much more lax style but this is what works for us and allows us to all be together and meet Everyones needs. Yours are important too.
Rala
I am Rala. I also struggle with a lot of these issues. I too immediately saw a rise in anger, physical violence between my dd 7 and ds 6, and my kids are polar opposites. I feel that often there is no way to say yes to both of them. They are very spirited kids and I have watched my ds literally take the opposing view or desire stance just to get at my daughter.
In our process i have begun to insist on only a few things. 1. I have final say in health or safety matters. we will talk the issue whatever all the way through but in the end it is my choice. We have so far always come to a consensus with the exception of ds wanting to eat sugar straight from the bowl. I just got rid of the sugar.
2. Everyone must be respectful of others or take themselves out of the group. In the beginning I had to assist with the leaving a few times. But I just went with the struggling child and spent one on one time with them while talking about how its always easier to get
our private time needs met when we use our words and ask for it instead of doing something angry, mean or hurtful to someone else.
Those are my "tweaks" on the unschooling lifestyle and so far so good. i know that alot of people on unschooling basics choose a much more lax style but this is what works for us and allows us to all be together and meet Everyones needs. Yours are important too.
Rala
--- On Thu, 5/14/09, jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
From: jennifercroce37 <jennifercroce37@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, May 14, 2009, 8:54 AM
Hi,
I have been doing a lot of research on unschooling and hope to transform our lifestyle and parenting to this philosophy. I am finding it very challenging due to being stuck in conventional parenting traps and family circumstances. I would appreciate constructive input and suggestions. Here is a brief explanation of my family.
I have two girls, they will be 7 and 3 in August. Like most siblings they are very different in regards to temperament and interests. My husband is in the process of establishing his own accounting practice and is a major workaholic so I am more or less a single parent most of the time due to his work schedule. I also run a home daycare 4 days a week. This has been a tremendous help for me in regards to personal growth and financial support.
I am trying very hard to say yes more often to my childrens' requests and letting go of my own needs and recognizing their's more often. I am also trying to look at everything as a choice rather than a need to get something done or accomplish something. I am trying to see the joy in spending more time with my children and really being with them than just around them. I truly want to embrace the unschooling lifestyle, but I have to be honest it is really, really difficult for me. I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them. I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.
I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.
Thanks,
Jen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jeff Sabo
A quick word about the husband thing, if I may. Unschooling can work with a partner with whom you have a strong relationship and if s/he is on board with unschooling, even if s/he is away for long stretches. It can also work as a single parent. What makes it hard is when the partners feel differently about unschooling, regardless of how much time they spend together or with the kids. If your DH is gone much but wants to unschool, it can work - but if he is resistant, you'll need to try to get on the same page, or at least the same chapter.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tammy Curry
What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day care in your home?
As for the example of the day at the park, it might have just been too much running around after a long day at school. I used to say that my daughter grew fangs and claws at the end of the school day. Two things I figured out were going on. The first she ate lunch at 1030 am. Snack at 1 pm, she didn't get off the school bus until after 4 pm. The kid was starving and didn't realize that is what she needed. The second thing I realized is that she was exhausted. Tired and hungry children are prone to getting upset, tantrums if you must label it. Being up early, long days and then going out and about not a good combination if you are trying to set a happy moment. A snack after school for my daughter would be a sandwich or a bowl of cereal, whatever she felt like eating. Something high in protein and carbs. Carbs for the immediate energy boost and protein for longer time period (think diabetic low blood sugar remedy). Then down time, chilling in front of the
tv, a game, a nap, or just sitting outside. Kids in public school really need down time when they get home. Even unschoolers need downtime after a busy day.
I will finish this post after a while. I have a tired 4 year old needing snack and snuggles.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
Rachel Carson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
As for the example of the day at the park, it might have just been too much running around after a long day at school. I used to say that my daughter grew fangs and claws at the end of the school day. Two things I figured out were going on. The first she ate lunch at 1030 am. Snack at 1 pm, she didn't get off the school bus until after 4 pm. The kid was starving and didn't realize that is what she needed. The second thing I realized is that she was exhausted. Tired and hungry children are prone to getting upset, tantrums if you must label it. Being up early, long days and then going out and about not a good combination if you are trying to set a happy moment. A snack after school for my daughter would be a sandwich or a bowl of cereal, whatever she felt like eating. Something high in protein and carbs. Carbs for the immediate energy boost and protein for longer time period (think diabetic low blood sugar remedy). Then down time, chilling in front of the
tv, a game, a nap, or just sitting outside. Kids in public school really need down time when they get home. Even unschoolers need downtime after a busy day.
I will finish this post after a while. I have a tired 4 year old needing snack and snuggles.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
Rachel Carson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer Croce
< What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day care in your home? >
I think that running a home daycare will help teach my children empathy, how to compromise/share, take care of others and it provides peer interaction in a safer setting than public school. I believe running a home daycare provides my children with a truer sense of socialization since one of the meanings of socialization means to develop social skills that allows a person to function in society or the "real world". My children are exposed to children younger than them and interact with the daycare parents who are older. In school my older daughter in a group that is comprised of children her age and more or less same socio-economic status (since schools are usually grouped by neighborhoods). The "real world" is obviously much more diverse and I think she will be more comfortable since she is getting more diverse exposure at an earlier age. I also think it is important for my children to see me work and contribute financially to
our family, especially since they are girls.
I am very aware of the negative implication of running a daycare and having other children in our home. I also know my children can learn the above mentioned skills without me running a daycare. I have worked hard to make my schedule as family oriented as possible (operating on the school calendar, ending at 3:30pm and working 4 days a week). The families enrolled have been extremely respectful and cooperative with my schedule and requirement to meet my family's needs first.
Due to the nature of my husband's work it is nearly impossible for me to work outside the home. I wouldn't be able to homeschool as easily if I worked outside the home, and I think it would be a lot harder on my family if I did. In this day and age and with my husband being self employed any extra income is beneficial and doing this takes a bit of the pressure off of him (I realize I make a drop in the bucket compared to him, but he has said he feels better with me working even though it is minimal). I feel it is because of the situation we are now in that we are able to homeschool/unschool.
I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving for. I/we have a lot of schooling/parenting/conventional life baggage to let go of and it will be a long slow process, but I am hopeful about getting there.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
From: Tammy Curry <mamabeart00@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 9:05:36 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day care in your home?
As for the example of the day at the park, it might have just been too much running around after a long day at school. I used to say that my daughter grew fangs and claws at the end of the school day. Two things I figured out were going on. The first she ate lunch at 1030 am. Snack at 1 pm, she didn't get off the school bus until after 4 pm. The kid was starving and didn't realize that is what she needed. The second thing I realized is that she was exhausted. Tired and hungry children are prone to getting upset, tantrums if you must label it. Being up early, long days and then going out and about not a good combination if you are trying to set a happy moment. A snack after school for my daughter would be a sandwich or a bowl of cereal, whatever she felt like eating. Something high in protein and carbs. Carbs for the immediate energy boost and protein for longer time period (think diabetic low blood sugar remedy). Then down time, chilling in front of the
tv, a game, a nap, or just sitting outside. Kids in public school really need down time when they get home. Even unschoolers need downtime after a busy day.
I will finish this post after a while. I have a tired 4 year old needing snack and snuggles.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry. blogspot. com/
http://crazy- homeschool- adventures. blogspot. com/
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
Rachel Carson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I think that running a home daycare will help teach my children empathy, how to compromise/share, take care of others and it provides peer interaction in a safer setting than public school. I believe running a home daycare provides my children with a truer sense of socialization since one of the meanings of socialization means to develop social skills that allows a person to function in society or the "real world". My children are exposed to children younger than them and interact with the daycare parents who are older. In school my older daughter in a group that is comprised of children her age and more or less same socio-economic status (since schools are usually grouped by neighborhoods). The "real world" is obviously much more diverse and I think she will be more comfortable since she is getting more diverse exposure at an earlier age. I also think it is important for my children to see me work and contribute financially to
our family, especially since they are girls.
I am very aware of the negative implication of running a daycare and having other children in our home. I also know my children can learn the above mentioned skills without me running a daycare. I have worked hard to make my schedule as family oriented as possible (operating on the school calendar, ending at 3:30pm and working 4 days a week). The families enrolled have been extremely respectful and cooperative with my schedule and requirement to meet my family's needs first.
Due to the nature of my husband's work it is nearly impossible for me to work outside the home. I wouldn't be able to homeschool as easily if I worked outside the home, and I think it would be a lot harder on my family if I did. In this day and age and with my husband being self employed any extra income is beneficial and doing this takes a bit of the pressure off of him (I realize I make a drop in the bucket compared to him, but he has said he feels better with me working even though it is minimal). I feel it is because of the situation we are now in that we are able to homeschool/unschool.
I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving for. I/we have a lot of schooling/parenting/conventional life baggage to let go of and it will be a long slow process, but I am hopeful about getting there.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
From: Tammy Curry <mamabeart00@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, May 14, 2009 9:05:36 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day care in your home?
As for the example of the day at the park, it might have just been too much running around after a long day at school. I used to say that my daughter grew fangs and claws at the end of the school day. Two things I figured out were going on. The first she ate lunch at 1030 am. Snack at 1 pm, she didn't get off the school bus until after 4 pm. The kid was starving and didn't realize that is what she needed. The second thing I realized is that she was exhausted. Tired and hungry children are prone to getting upset, tantrums if you must label it. Being up early, long days and then going out and about not a good combination if you are trying to set a happy moment. A snack after school for my daughter would be a sandwich or a bowl of cereal, whatever she felt like eating. Something high in protein and carbs. Carbs for the immediate energy boost and protein for longer time period (think diabetic low blood sugar remedy). Then down time, chilling in front of the
tv, a game, a nap, or just sitting outside. Kids in public school really need down time when they get home. Even unschoolers need downtime after a busy day.
I will finish this post after a while. I have a tired 4 year old needing snack and snuggles.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry. blogspot. com/
http://crazy- homeschool- adventures. blogspot. com/
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
Rachel Carson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Tammy Curry
Ok a few minutes before my daughter and I are ready to watch NCIS and Bones. If your daughter is struggling so much with public school pull her now and let her start deschooling. It may take longer than you think. Let her relax and decompress from all the stress it is obiviously causing her. Why keep her some place that isn't happy for a few more weeks when she could spend those weeks with you at home surrounded by peace and love.
You will also need to deschool and learn to let go of a lot of things. If you don't want to officially pull her on mornings when she is really struggling and not wanting to go, let her stay home. What is the school really going to do since you intend to do some kind of homeschooling anyway? If unschooling is the path you really want to go down then you need to make sure that your children are on board as well. Ask them how they feel about having other kids on a school schedule around them. Ask yourself how much of that schedule you will be able to just be with your kids and not taking care of someone elses. I do realize that extra income can be necessary but if need be make a list of what is important to you and your family.
The socialization would be forced and really no different than if you kept her in school. You are forcing into a situation of socializing with different ages groups, not letting her explore them. Especially if you are not giving her options/choices. She would not have as many options of places to hang out in her own home with other children present. I know you have stated that you are aware of the negatives of having a day care in your home while trying to unschool and that you consider yourself more eclectic than unschooling. But you really do have to focus on being with your children to make the transition. Keep in mind it is a lifestyle not a homeschooling method. Living life and finding the joys in moments. Giving your children the opportunity to explore the world around them in ways that they enjoy. Sharing all of that with them and building a loving, trusting relationship.
Ok..time is up, snacks, drinks, and daughter are waiting for me.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
Rachel Carson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You will also need to deschool and learn to let go of a lot of things. If you don't want to officially pull her on mornings when she is really struggling and not wanting to go, let her stay home. What is the school really going to do since you intend to do some kind of homeschooling anyway? If unschooling is the path you really want to go down then you need to make sure that your children are on board as well. Ask them how they feel about having other kids on a school schedule around them. Ask yourself how much of that schedule you will be able to just be with your kids and not taking care of someone elses. I do realize that extra income can be necessary but if need be make a list of what is important to you and your family.
The socialization would be forced and really no different than if you kept her in school. You are forcing into a situation of socializing with different ages groups, not letting her explore them. Especially if you are not giving her options/choices. She would not have as many options of places to hang out in her own home with other children present. I know you have stated that you are aware of the negatives of having a day care in your home while trying to unschool and that you consider yourself more eclectic than unschooling. But you really do have to focus on being with your children to make the transition. Keep in mind it is a lifestyle not a homeschooling method. Living life and finding the joys in moments. Giving your children the opportunity to explore the world around them in ways that they enjoy. Sharing all of that with them and building a loving, trusting relationship.
Ok..time is up, snacks, drinks, and daughter are waiting for me.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/
"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."
Rachel Carson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
JJ Ross
At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful unschooling.
You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis. So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering blanket?
Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every park in the area instead.
You say you know all this but but but --
I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis. So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering blanket?
Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every park in the area instead.
You say you know all this but but but --
I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
--- In [email protected], Jennifer Croce <jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
>
> < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day care in your home? >
<snip>
>
> I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving for. there.
>
>
>
>
Jennifer Croce
< If your daughter is struggling so much with public school pull her now and let her start deschooling. >
I would love to pull her now but I can't for several reasons. I don't want to clog up the list with all the specifics as to why I can't, but trust me if I could pull her now I would.
< If you don't want to officially pull her on mornings when she is really struggling and not wanting to go, let her stay home. >
It is literally every morning we struggle.
< The socialization would be forced and really no different than if you kept her in school. You are forcing into a situation of socializing with different ages groups, not letting her explore them. Especially if you are not giving her options/choices. >
My daughter actually quite enjoys the daycare children. She likes reading to them, playing with them and helping to take care of them. In fact, the idea of homeschooling came about because she was home with me one day while I was working and she was a completely different kid. Seeing how confident and happy she was made me wonder what it would be like if she was home all the time.
I realize this arrangement may get tiresome when she is exposed to it day in and day out. Luckily, our house is big and she has the option of playing in her room (not used for daycare) be downstairs if we are upstairs or vice versa or play outside. I am very up front and talk with her about the times where it will be chaotic/busy/ I can't get or give her what she wants and that there will be times where she wishes she was at school. I explained that the "work" next year is going to be different in that she won't be doing worksheets and taking tests, but finding out what interests her and learning to do things, play, learn on her own. I tell her she is her own best teacher. I explain that I will be here to guide, support and do things with her but there are unfortunately still some limits. The daycare kids nap/rest from about 12:30-2:30 so I will have time to spend with her one on one. Plus, I have Fridays off and am done by 3:30pm
so it still gives us time to do things together.
I think the biggest adjustment is not having from the moment she gets up to the moment she goes to bed scheduled for her. Letting go of the structure and limits is difficult even though it is something we don't like. For example, last month my husband and I went to NYC for the weekend. It was the first time we had gone away alone in 4 years and it was the first time I was away overnight from my youngest (who will be 3 in August) since she was born. I was so excited to have some time with my husband, have uninterrupted sleep and sleep past 5:30am. However, once I got to the hotel I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness and felt completely lost. I didn't know what to do, it was a very unsettling feeling.
< Keep in mind it is a lifestyle not a homeschooling method. >
That fact is what prompted my original post which is can I have an unschooling lifestyle given my current circumstances. I am learning the answer is no which is OK.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I would love to pull her now but I can't for several reasons. I don't want to clog up the list with all the specifics as to why I can't, but trust me if I could pull her now I would.
< If you don't want to officially pull her on mornings when she is really struggling and not wanting to go, let her stay home. >
It is literally every morning we struggle.
< The socialization would be forced and really no different than if you kept her in school. You are forcing into a situation of socializing with different ages groups, not letting her explore them. Especially if you are not giving her options/choices. >
My daughter actually quite enjoys the daycare children. She likes reading to them, playing with them and helping to take care of them. In fact, the idea of homeschooling came about because she was home with me one day while I was working and she was a completely different kid. Seeing how confident and happy she was made me wonder what it would be like if she was home all the time.
I realize this arrangement may get tiresome when she is exposed to it day in and day out. Luckily, our house is big and she has the option of playing in her room (not used for daycare) be downstairs if we are upstairs or vice versa or play outside. I am very up front and talk with her about the times where it will be chaotic/busy/ I can't get or give her what she wants and that there will be times where she wishes she was at school. I explained that the "work" next year is going to be different in that she won't be doing worksheets and taking tests, but finding out what interests her and learning to do things, play, learn on her own. I tell her she is her own best teacher. I explain that I will be here to guide, support and do things with her but there are unfortunately still some limits. The daycare kids nap/rest from about 12:30-2:30 so I will have time to spend with her one on one. Plus, I have Fridays off and am done by 3:30pm
so it still gives us time to do things together.
I think the biggest adjustment is not having from the moment she gets up to the moment she goes to bed scheduled for her. Letting go of the structure and limits is difficult even though it is something we don't like. For example, last month my husband and I went to NYC for the weekend. It was the first time we had gone away alone in 4 years and it was the first time I was away overnight from my youngest (who will be 3 in August) since she was born. I was so excited to have some time with my husband, have uninterrupted sleep and sleep past 5:30am. However, once I got to the hotel I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness and felt completely lost. I didn't know what to do, it was a very unsettling feeling.
< Keep in mind it is a lifestyle not a homeschooling method. >
That fact is what prompted my original post which is can I have an unschooling lifestyle given my current circumstances. I am learning the answer is no which is OK.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer Croce
< At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful unschooling. >
I guess you are right, I'm not in a place to do this right now. Thanks for the insight and analogy, it made it quite clear we aren't cut out for this right now.
Take care,
Jen
________________________________
From: JJ Ross <jrossedd@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:15:10 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Skills taught from running a daycare and unschooling
At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful unschooling.
You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis. So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering blanket?
Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every park in the area instead.
You say you know all this but but but --
I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
I guess you are right, I'm not in a place to do this right now. Thanks for the insight and analogy, it made it quite clear we aren't cut out for this right now.
Take care,
Jen
________________________________
From: JJ Ross <jrossedd@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:15:10 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Skills taught from running a daycare and unschooling
At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful unschooling.
You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis. So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering blanket?
Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every park in the area instead.
You say you know all this but but but --
I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Jennifer Croce <jennifercroce37@ ...> wrote:
>
> < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day care in your home? >
<snip>
>
> I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving for. there.
>
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
On Thu, May 14, 2009 at 8:52 PM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
Strictly speaking, from a social science model, you are teaching your
girls several key things:
1.) Money is more important than anything else, including happiness.
2.) Women should contribute to a family and the only way that happens
is with a job. Care taking is not valued. There is no value in being
a mother and wife unless you are being paid to do it.
3.) Women should do "women's work" because after all you are taking
care of children, so any fantasy that your daughters are learning that
women are powerful beings who can and should be anything is
wrong....they are learning, through social modeling, the gender schema
that women raise children. (Which IMO is the way it should be but you
are the one who thinks they should be learning about "contributing".)
4.) Mom needs/wants other children around.
5.) The needs of the paying customers come first.
AND most importantly, they have no control over their lives, and NO
sanctuary in their own home. They have to share everything including
their mother's love. I'd be pissed too.
jmo ymmv
Karen
<jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
>*********************************************************************************************************************************************************
>
> < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day
> care in your home? >
>
> I think that running a home daycare will help teach my children empathy, how
> to compromise/share, take care of others and it provides peer interaction in
> a safer setting than public school. I believe running a home daycare
> provides my children with a truer sense of socialization since one of the
> meanings of socialization means to develop social skills that allows a
> person to function in society or the "real world". My children are exposed
> to children younger than them and interact with the daycare parents who are
> older. In school my older daughter in a group that is comprised of children
> her age and more or less same socio-economic status (since schools are
> usually grouped by neighborhoods). The "real world" is obviously much more
> diverse and I think she will be more comfortable since she is getting more
> diverse exposure at an earlier age. I also think it is important for my
> children to see me work and contribute financially to
> our family, especially since they are girls.
Strictly speaking, from a social science model, you are teaching your
girls several key things:
1.) Money is more important than anything else, including happiness.
2.) Women should contribute to a family and the only way that happens
is with a job. Care taking is not valued. There is no value in being
a mother and wife unless you are being paid to do it.
3.) Women should do "women's work" because after all you are taking
care of children, so any fantasy that your daughters are learning that
women are powerful beings who can and should be anything is
wrong....they are learning, through social modeling, the gender schema
that women raise children. (Which IMO is the way it should be but you
are the one who thinks they should be learning about "contributing".)
4.) Mom needs/wants other children around.
5.) The needs of the paying customers come first.
AND most importantly, they have no control over their lives, and NO
sanctuary in their own home. They have to share everything including
their mother's love. I'd be pissed too.
jmo ymmv
Karen
juillet727
Hi--
I think you're daughter's meltdown at the park could have been connected to not getting bangs at the hair cutters. It's a bummer that she was talked out of it if she wanted bangs so much. In hot weather they can be clipped back in a cute styley barrette. It's not really that big of a deal. Maybe she could go back and get them if she's still wanting that?
As a parent, I consider it part of my job to "be in my son's corner" when it comes to his wants and needs. The other day we (me and dad) had to convince the hair cutter that our son, 9 yrs old, really did want his long, blond curly locks shaved off. (Because he loves the punk rock look) He just got his ears pierced and he wanted short hair to go with it. Even though I *love* his long hair, he looks really cute and he's particularly happy with his choice.
My son went to school too--k-2nd grade--and I was reading all I could everywhere about unschooling. I can really relate to the struggles you're going thru in that regard.
My partner and I did some things that made our lives easier at that time. We took *a lot* of days off--not to the point truancy, but here and there, they were very valuable for our boy.
Also, we just did our son's homework for him--told him the answers or even wrote it for him, with a little note: "Kevin was too tired to write, so he dictated". We'd casually talk with the teacher before school and say, "We didn't get the homework done." And if the teacher said *anything* I'd say, "Well, we've been kind of busy lately and the homework is creating struggles in my family that I'm not willing to do, so I'm going to let these pages go for now. I'm not going to make him do them." If the teacher objected and tried to tell me that I was "negatively affecting my son's study ability in the future", I'd repeat it. I was not willing to bring homework struggles into my family time. (I didn't take my son out at that time because me and my partner weren't on the same page yet. He was still thinking that school was good, even though he was against homework.)
~~Juillet
I think you're daughter's meltdown at the park could have been connected to not getting bangs at the hair cutters. It's a bummer that she was talked out of it if she wanted bangs so much. In hot weather they can be clipped back in a cute styley barrette. It's not really that big of a deal. Maybe she could go back and get them if she's still wanting that?
As a parent, I consider it part of my job to "be in my son's corner" when it comes to his wants and needs. The other day we (me and dad) had to convince the hair cutter that our son, 9 yrs old, really did want his long, blond curly locks shaved off. (Because he loves the punk rock look) He just got his ears pierced and he wanted short hair to go with it. Even though I *love* his long hair, he looks really cute and he's particularly happy with his choice.
My son went to school too--k-2nd grade--and I was reading all I could everywhere about unschooling. I can really relate to the struggles you're going thru in that regard.
My partner and I did some things that made our lives easier at that time. We took *a lot* of days off--not to the point truancy, but here and there, they were very valuable for our boy.
Also, we just did our son's homework for him--told him the answers or even wrote it for him, with a little note: "Kevin was too tired to write, so he dictated". We'd casually talk with the teacher before school and say, "We didn't get the homework done." And if the teacher said *anything* I'd say, "Well, we've been kind of busy lately and the homework is creating struggles in my family that I'm not willing to do, so I'm going to let these pages go for now. I'm not going to make him do them." If the teacher objected and tried to tell me that I was "negatively affecting my son's study ability in the future", I'd repeat it. I was not willing to bring homework struggles into my family time. (I didn't take my son out at that time because me and my partner weren't on the same page yet. He was still thinking that school was good, even though he was against homework.)
>> "My hubby is on board with unschooling, but I don't think his work focus will ever change. I am hopeful that living an unschooled life will help him with his priorities and see what is really important in life."His priorities are to provide for you all. That's a pretty cool priority! Way better than the opposite! :) It makes it possible to do the things you do. As he gets settled with his business, I'll bet it will be easier--still busy during the yr at times, but with unschooling, family time is way more flexible.
~~Juillet
Jennifer Croce
< 1.) Money is more important than anything else, including happiness.
2.) Women should contribute to a family and the only way that happens
is with a job. Care taking is not valued. There is no value in being
a mother and wife unless you are being paid to do it.
3.) Women should do "women's work" because after all you are taking
care of children, so any fantasy that your daughters are learning that
women are powerful beings who can and should be anything is
wrong....they are learning, through social modeling, the gender schema
that women raise children. (Which IMO is the way it should be but you
are the one who thinks they should be learning about "contributing" .)
4.) Mom needs/wants other children around.
5.) The needs of the paying customers come first.
AND most importantly, they have no control over their lives, and NO
sanctuary in their own home. They have to share everything including their mother's love. I'd be pissed too. >
Thanks for emphasizing the negative effects. It is helpful to me to be made aware of the things I'm not considering and inflicting on my children. I'd love to have a discussion about these points, especially point #3, off list if you are interested since that is not how I feel and I'd like to clarify that.
I would just like to clarify that I do not believe that "care taking is not valued", and "there is no value in being a mother and wife unsless you are being paid to do it." I believe SAHM work extremely hard and what they contribute is vital to the family. My opinion/statement is due to my own circumstances and upbringing.
Take care,
Jen
________________________________
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:49:07 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Skills taught from running a daycare and unschooling
On Thu, May 14, 2009 at 8:52 PM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com> wrote:
Strictly speaking, from a social science model, you are teaching your
girls several key things:
1.) Money is more important than anything else, including happiness.
2.) Women should contribute to a family and the only way that happens
is with a job. Care taking is not valued. There is no value in being
a mother and wife unless you are being paid to do it.
3.) Women should do "women's work" because after all you are taking
care of children, so any fantasy that your daughters are learning that
women are powerful beings who can and should be anything is
wrong....they are learning, through social modeling, the gender schema
that women raise children. (Which IMO is the way it should be but you
are the one who thinks they should be learning about "contributing" .)
4.) Mom needs/wants other children around.
5.) The needs of the paying customers come first.
AND most importantly, they have no control over their lives, and NO
sanctuary in their own home. They have to share everything including
their mother's love. I'd be pissed too.
jmo ymmv
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
2.) Women should contribute to a family and the only way that happens
is with a job. Care taking is not valued. There is no value in being
a mother and wife unless you are being paid to do it.
3.) Women should do "women's work" because after all you are taking
care of children, so any fantasy that your daughters are learning that
women are powerful beings who can and should be anything is
wrong....they are learning, through social modeling, the gender schema
that women raise children. (Which IMO is the way it should be but you
are the one who thinks they should be learning about "contributing" .)
4.) Mom needs/wants other children around.
5.) The needs of the paying customers come first.
AND most importantly, they have no control over their lives, and NO
sanctuary in their own home. They have to share everything including their mother's love. I'd be pissed too. >
Thanks for emphasizing the negative effects. It is helpful to me to be made aware of the things I'm not considering and inflicting on my children. I'd love to have a discussion about these points, especially point #3, off list if you are interested since that is not how I feel and I'd like to clarify that.
I would just like to clarify that I do not believe that "care taking is not valued", and "there is no value in being a mother and wife unsless you are being paid to do it." I believe SAHM work extremely hard and what they contribute is vital to the family. My opinion/statement is due to my own circumstances and upbringing.
Take care,
Jen
________________________________
From: Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:49:07 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Skills taught from running a daycare and unschooling
On Thu, May 14, 2009 at 8:52 PM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
>
> < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you run a day
> care in your home? >
>
> I think that running a home daycare will help teach my children empathy, how
> to compromise/share, take care of others and it provides peer interaction in
> a safer setting than public school. I believe running a home daycare
> provides my children with a truer sense of socialization since one of the
> meanings of socialization means to develop social skills that allows a
> person to function in society or the "real world". My children are exposed
> to children younger than them and interact with the daycare parents who are
> older. In school my older daughter in a group that is comprised of children
> her age and more or less same socio-economic status (since schools are
> usually grouped by neighborhoods) . The "real world" is obviously much more
> diverse and I think she will be more comfortable since she is getting more
> diverse exposure at an earlier age. I also think it is important for my
> children to see me work and contribute financially to
> our family, especially since they are girls.
Strictly speaking, from a social science model, you are teaching your
girls several key things:
1.) Money is more important than anything else, including happiness.
2.) Women should contribute to a family and the only way that happens
is with a job. Care taking is not valued. There is no value in being
a mother and wife unless you are being paid to do it.
3.) Women should do "women's work" because after all you are taking
care of children, so any fantasy that your daughters are learning that
women are powerful beings who can and should be anything is
wrong....they are learning, through social modeling, the gender schema
that women raise children. (Which IMO is the way it should be but you
are the one who thinks they should be learning about "contributing" .)
4.) Mom needs/wants other children around.
5.) The needs of the paying customers come first.
AND most importantly, they have no control over their lives, and NO
sanctuary in their own home. They have to share everything including
their mother's love. I'd be pissed too.
jmo ymmv
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The Coffee Goddess
>>Wehave so far always come to a consensus with the exception of ds wanting
to eat sugar straight from the bowl. I just got rid of the sugar.>>
I don't know why this is always used as a "worst-case scenario", which makes parents think they need to set food limits. I just checked--a teaspoon of sugar is only 15 calories, and has NO fat. Yet, something like a recess peanut butter cup, which a parent wouldn't think twice about giving their kid, has 88 calories and 5.2 grams of fat--just for one cup--and usually people eat two. Is a spoonful of sugar REALLY the horror you think it is? (Aside from it just being MEAN to throw away something your kid loves!)
Dana
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], Jennifer Croce <jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
Is there a way to stop Now? Seriously, look into it. Don't stres yourself out a moment longer than you have to. Start summer today, if its at all possible - check with other local homeschoolers for details.
If you can't find a way to pull her out, drop this entirely. Why should she do homework? Why should school get one more minute of her life, your family's time together? There was a time when Ray first moved in with us where he was still in school at his bio mom's insistance, so I did all his homework for him. Its a Great way to start - it says, like nothing else, that you really believe in your child more than in school, that you're serious about being an ally.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
> My daughter is finishing 1st grade in public school... A lot of my stress is due to fighting with her to get ready in the morning and out the door on time...***************************
Is there a way to stop Now? Seriously, look into it. Don't stres yourself out a moment longer than you have to. Start summer today, if its at all possible - check with other local homeschoolers for details.
>At the end of the day I am fighting with my daughter to do her homework***************
If you can't find a way to pull her out, drop this entirely. Why should she do homework? Why should school get one more minute of her life, your family's time together? There was a time when Ray first moved in with us where he was still in school at his bio mom's insistance, so I did all his homework for him. Its a Great way to start - it says, like nothing else, that you really believe in your child more than in school, that you're serious about being an ally.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "jennifercroce37" <jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
One of the things that can happen is that when you start creating more options, being more open to what's possible, your kids start to express more of their less pleasant feelings - things they may have learned to "tone down" in the past. Its a good sign, in some ways - even though its disconcerting. They're trusting you a bit more, and they're feeling safe to explore some of those other feelings, the ones kids are often not "supposed" to show around adults. Acknowledge those feelings and take them seriously (although, naturally, do what's needed to keep people safe).
Try to ascertain what the child in question needs/wants from you - to be reassured? appologised to? to be given time to vent? My 15yo has always preferred to do something really physical when he's upset, so we've helped him find tools in that direction. My 7yo needs time alone, but also needs to cry. Different personalities. One of the wonderful opportunities you have, now, is to help your kids figure out what their best strategies are for dealing with big, uncomfortable emotions.
3 and 7 are both somewhat transitional years, too. Around 3 kids tend to start to push outward noticably more - they become more aware of the world outside the home and family and start wanting to make more decisions about their lives. Around 7 kids go through a similar transition, starting to want to do more mature things without, often, having a sense of exactly what it is they want. So those factors are also going to contribute to more emotional upset - the 7yo wants new and different and the 3yo wants to be in charge. It can help to look for ways to meet those needs - the deep underlying needs - rather than simply the needs of the moment.
Juggling needs can be challenging! It helps to think ahead as much as possible - see which needs you can meet proactively instead of being stuck reacting all the time. That's one of the biggest skills of being an unschooling parent, learning how to be proactive. Those big, developmental needs, especially, are worth thinking about in terms of being proactive. Having more ways to meet those can make a big difference in the day to day stuff - its easier to compromise when Most of your needs are being met already.
I don't know what your setup is, wrt the daycare thing, but one of the things that can help streamline your life is to make your home as kid-friendly as possible. Make sure your kids can get serving size snacks and drinks without having to ask for help (but help if they ask!), that their favorite art supplies, toys and games are easy for them to get on their own.
Recovery time is sooooo important. Look for ways to catch little moments of special time for yourself during the day. Get or do something special just for you - even if its just a cute windchime or some scented soap. Something that that makes you smile or lightens your heart a little. Take a few moments, now and then during the day, to take a few slow breaths and touch base with yourself.
Happily, there's No One True Way to unschool. Every family is unique. It helped me to stop looking at the idea of unschooling itself, and start looking more at ways to bring kindness and joy into my life and family. Find those things that are important to you - your guiding principles - and cultivate those. That's unschooling at its heart.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>I am seeing an increase in anger, tantrums and rudeness from my children when I try to be more open to letting them do and explore the things that interest them.**************************************
One of the things that can happen is that when you start creating more options, being more open to what's possible, your kids start to express more of their less pleasant feelings - things they may have learned to "tone down" in the past. Its a good sign, in some ways - even though its disconcerting. They're trusting you a bit more, and they're feeling safe to explore some of those other feelings, the ones kids are often not "supposed" to show around adults. Acknowledge those feelings and take them seriously (although, naturally, do what's needed to keep people safe).
Try to ascertain what the child in question needs/wants from you - to be reassured? appologised to? to be given time to vent? My 15yo has always preferred to do something really physical when he's upset, so we've helped him find tools in that direction. My 7yo needs time alone, but also needs to cry. Different personalities. One of the wonderful opportunities you have, now, is to help your kids figure out what their best strategies are for dealing with big, uncomfortable emotions.
3 and 7 are both somewhat transitional years, too. Around 3 kids tend to start to push outward noticably more - they become more aware of the world outside the home and family and start wanting to make more decisions about their lives. Around 7 kids go through a similar transition, starting to want to do more mature things without, often, having a sense of exactly what it is they want. So those factors are also going to contribute to more emotional upset - the 7yo wants new and different and the 3yo wants to be in charge. It can help to look for ways to meet those needs - the deep underlying needs - rather than simply the needs of the moment.
> I have a very difficult time accommodating both their needs/interests sinced they often conflict and I am often alone with them.***********************
Juggling needs can be challenging! It helps to think ahead as much as possible - see which needs you can meet proactively instead of being stuck reacting all the time. That's one of the biggest skills of being an unschooling parent, learning how to be proactive. Those big, developmental needs, especially, are worth thinking about in terms of being proactive. Having more ways to meet those can make a big difference in the day to day stuff - its easier to compromise when Most of your needs are being met already.
I don't know what your setup is, wrt the daycare thing, but one of the things that can help streamline your life is to make your home as kid-friendly as possible. Make sure your kids can get serving size snacks and drinks without having to ask for help (but help if they ask!), that their favorite art supplies, toys and games are easy for them to get on their own.
>>letting go of my own needsIt helps *me* to think in terms of finding alternative ways to meet my needs, rather than letting go of them. Mom's needs are important! I look for ways to meet my own needs proactively, whenever I can, and I've come to trust Myself that when I delay my own gratification, its Just a delay. I'll get my [nap, snack, shower, backrub, time to check my email, whatever!] eventually. It also helps me to look at *my* bigger, deeper needs and work to meet Those needs consistently. Then I can stretch more for the small stuff.
> I think the hardest thing for me is doing this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress of day to day life.***********************
Recovery time is sooooo important. Look for ways to catch little moments of special time for yourself during the day. Get or do something special just for you - even if its just a cute windchime or some scented soap. Something that that makes you smile or lightens your heart a little. Take a few moments, now and then during the day, to take a few slow breaths and touch base with yourself.
>I am beginning to think a true unschooling lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the towel.************************
Happily, there's No One True Way to unschool. Every family is unique. It helped me to stop looking at the idea of unschooling itself, and start looking more at ways to bring kindness and joy into my life and family. Find those things that are important to you - your guiding principles - and cultivate those. That's unschooling at its heart.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Meredith
Its wonderful that you are able to work from home. My partner and I have both worked from home off and on - although currently I'm working full time outside the home, he's the at-home parent, and trying to juggle his work around that. Its a challenge.
One of the ideas George and I have both struggled with and had to let go of, was an expectation that our kids would learn "important things" from our work at home. Kids learn all manner of things all day long, regardless of what we do or don't do. We can't always predict what they'll learn when - that's part of the theoretical underpinnings of unschooling right there! And there's no way to guarantee that they'll learn what we'd Like them to learn. One of the marvelous parts of unschooling is getting to go on journeys of the mind that we wouldn't have taken were it not for our children.
In my own life I've found it helpful to step away from my ideas of how and what the kids could learn from the family businesses and instead to look for ways to strengthen our sense of mutual supportiveness as a family - ways that aren't tied in to the work part, necessarily. We've found ways for the kids to have space in the work areas that are about them, not about "business". I'm sure there are ways to do that with home childcare, too - the hardest part may be the mental shift away from the assumption that your kids will necessarily *want* to be involved. They might, especially if they tend to be social. But they could just as easily wish they didn't have to share mom all day with a bunch of other kids. Supporting *those* kinds of feelings is essential. The last thing you want your kids to learn, I'm sure, is that other kids are more important to their mom than their own needs and feelings.
Like I said, there's very likely a way to create an environment where your kids can feel supported while you work from home - its challenging, but many other unschooling families include home businesses, some of them childcare related! So I'm sure its possible. As your kids get older, and their needs become more separate from those of the kids you take care of during the day, it may well be easier - it will be clearer what's "for the big kids" for example.
Its good to know that a lot of these kinds of behaviors are related to development and personality. Empathy, compassion, seeing from someone else's pov - those all take some emotional reserves of security and a sense of supportedness. Kid's reserves aren't as big as adults - and how much empathy do adults have when they're under stress? Humans are naturally caring of other humans - When we are Able to be. From an unschooling standpoint, that means if you want kids to be able to show empathy and care, its vital to heap them with empathy and care first.
Modeling does help, but its important to realize what constitutes modeling from a child's perspective - its really only what you are saying or doing *to* that exact child. Lecturing to a child about sharing models lecturing. Pushing a child to be polite models pushing. Holding firm to an ideal models stubborness! But being gracious and thoughtful when a child is having a lousy moment models grace and thoughfulness. Looking for creative ways to meet needs models creative problem solving. And being kind and thoughtful and gracious not only models those things, it feeds a child's needs for care, making them better able to be caring, themselves.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
One of the ideas George and I have both struggled with and had to let go of, was an expectation that our kids would learn "important things" from our work at home. Kids learn all manner of things all day long, regardless of what we do or don't do. We can't always predict what they'll learn when - that's part of the theoretical underpinnings of unschooling right there! And there's no way to guarantee that they'll learn what we'd Like them to learn. One of the marvelous parts of unschooling is getting to go on journeys of the mind that we wouldn't have taken were it not for our children.
In my own life I've found it helpful to step away from my ideas of how and what the kids could learn from the family businesses and instead to look for ways to strengthen our sense of mutual supportiveness as a family - ways that aren't tied in to the work part, necessarily. We've found ways for the kids to have space in the work areas that are about them, not about "business". I'm sure there are ways to do that with home childcare, too - the hardest part may be the mental shift away from the assumption that your kids will necessarily *want* to be involved. They might, especially if they tend to be social. But they could just as easily wish they didn't have to share mom all day with a bunch of other kids. Supporting *those* kinds of feelings is essential. The last thing you want your kids to learn, I'm sure, is that other kids are more important to their mom than their own needs and feelings.
Like I said, there's very likely a way to create an environment where your kids can feel supported while you work from home - its challenging, but many other unschooling families include home businesses, some of them childcare related! So I'm sure its possible. As your kids get older, and their needs become more separate from those of the kids you take care of during the day, it may well be easier - it will be clearer what's "for the big kids" for example.
>>teach my children empathy, how to compromise/share, take care of others**************
Its good to know that a lot of these kinds of behaviors are related to development and personality. Empathy, compassion, seeing from someone else's pov - those all take some emotional reserves of security and a sense of supportedness. Kid's reserves aren't as big as adults - and how much empathy do adults have when they're under stress? Humans are naturally caring of other humans - When we are Able to be. From an unschooling standpoint, that means if you want kids to be able to show empathy and care, its vital to heap them with empathy and care first.
Modeling does help, but its important to realize what constitutes modeling from a child's perspective - its really only what you are saying or doing *to* that exact child. Lecturing to a child about sharing models lecturing. Pushing a child to be polite models pushing. Holding firm to an ideal models stubborness! But being gracious and thoughtful when a child is having a lousy moment models grace and thoughfulness. Looking for creative ways to meet needs models creative problem solving. And being kind and thoughtful and gracious not only models those things, it feeds a child's needs for care, making them better able to be caring, themselves.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Jennifer Croce
From: Meredith <meredith@...>
< One of the ideas George and I have both struggled with and had to let go of, was an expectation that our kids would learn "important things" from our work at home. Kids learn all manner of things all day long, regardless of what we do or don't do. We can't always predict what they'll learn when >
I completely agree. I have no expectation that my children will learn certain things from my business, but the opportunity is there for them to do so. I didn't open the daycare in order to teach them certain things. I had the daycare before I considered homeschooling. In fact, the idea to homeschool came from seeing how different my older daughter acted when she was home with me one day while I was working. She was helpful, engaged with the younger children, confident and happy to be a part of it. I simply see homeschooling/unschooling as an opportunity to make our lives better. I admit that I can't do it perfectly or radically given my circumstances, but I am dedicated to doing it the best way I can right now.
< We've found ways for the kids to have space in the work areas that are about them, not about "business". I'm sure there are ways to do that with home childcare, too - the hardest part may be the mental shift away from the assumption that your kids will necessarily *want* to be involved. >
I agree, Anna's room is purposely not used for daycare so she has a place to go. She can also play outside and in other parts of the house we aren't occupying. If Anna doesn't want to be involved she doesn't have to be, I am not in favor of child labor.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
< One of the ideas George and I have both struggled with and had to let go of, was an expectation that our kids would learn "important things" from our work at home. Kids learn all manner of things all day long, regardless of what we do or don't do. We can't always predict what they'll learn when >
I completely agree. I have no expectation that my children will learn certain things from my business, but the opportunity is there for them to do so. I didn't open the daycare in order to teach them certain things. I had the daycare before I considered homeschooling. In fact, the idea to homeschool came from seeing how different my older daughter acted when she was home with me one day while I was working. She was helpful, engaged with the younger children, confident and happy to be a part of it. I simply see homeschooling/unschooling as an opportunity to make our lives better. I admit that I can't do it perfectly or radically given my circumstances, but I am dedicated to doing it the best way I can right now.
< We've found ways for the kids to have space in the work areas that are about them, not about "business". I'm sure there are ways to do that with home childcare, too - the hardest part may be the mental shift away from the assumption that your kids will necessarily *want* to be involved. >
I agree, Anna's room is purposely not used for daycare so she has a place to go. She can also play outside and in other parts of the house we aren't occupying. If Anna doesn't want to be involved she doesn't have to be, I am not in favor of child labor.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robin Bentley
>I remember you! You first started posting here back in March. Joyce,
> I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have
> read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book
> when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing
> this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress
> of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling
> lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the
> towel.
in particular, wrote a lovely long post to you about change. And
didn't you tell the unschoolers over on AlwaysLearning last month that
you weren't cut out for unschooling? That was after you received a lot
of thoughtful and useful advice (most of which you said couldn't work
for you because of your "circumstances" which you won't divulge, so
we're at a loss to help you).
I think you might be right. A true unschooling lifestyle isn't
possible for you right now. You seem to want a lot of support for
living your life just as you are (while turning things upside down for
your children), without making real and lasting changes to yourself.
Other things, like daycare and marathon running and "mom time" seem
more important than the happiness and peace of your girls.
Unschooling is not something you do in between the other stuff, when
you have time and energy. You have other priorities and unschooling
can't be done if you don't put your children first. You say "I am
often alone with them" like it's a thing to be pitied. Unschooling
won't work if you, the mom, won't change your attitude about how hard
life with your kids is. I know single parents, struggling to make ends
meet, who unschool and unschool very well. Their kids' happy lives
*are* their priority.
So keep reading. Re-read Rue's book. It's terrific. Read here and back
at AlwaysLearning and sites like Sandra's and Joyce's. Go to the
conference with your kids and see how people interact with their kids.
Then maybe you'll see what you have to do to unschool. Every moment
you are upset about this affects your children (and it sounds like
things are worse than they were before you took this notion to
unschool).
I think maybe you should take some deep breaths, say "yes" more,
slowly and gently, then go breathe in the scent of your little ones'
heads.
Robin B.
If parents want to be unschoolers, they need to figure out how to be
better parents, because it's the relationship between the parents and
children that ultimately makes unschooling work. Sandra Dodd
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jennifer Croce
< You say "I am often alone with them" like it's a thing to be pitied. >
I'm not looking for pity. I am just explaining that it is challenging for me to accommodate both my girls' needs since I am alone with them. For example, my older daughter loves to go for walks and if the younger one wants to sit in the house and watch TV then I can't go for a walk with the older one. Some one ends up being upset. Little conflicts like this happen a lot and due to their ages I can't leave either of them alone to do something with the other.
< Other things, like daycare and marathon running and "mom time" seem more important than the happiness and peace of your girls. >
I apologize if my posts infer that "mom time" is more important than my children's happiness, it isn't. Doing the occasional thing for myself is OK and is as important as doing things with and for them. When you are on an airplane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on yourself before your child. Reason being if you pass out you are no help to your child. Same concept hold true for taking some "mom time". I am not spending hours training for marathons, I usually go run after my girls are asleep at night. I run a daycare so I can be home with my girls and not working outside the home and have someone else caring for them and spend less time with them. My financial circumstances have changed and I am no longer working because I like to but now because I need to.
I have received some great feedback from unschoolers on this list who understand my situation.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
From: Robin Bentley <robin.bentley@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 11:36:51 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
in particular, wrote a lovely long post to you about change. And
didn't you tell the unschoolers over on AlwaysLearning last month that
you weren't cut out for unschooling? That was after you received a lot
of thoughtful and useful advice (most of which you said couldn't work
for you because of your "circumstances" which you won't divulge, so
we're at a loss to help you).
I think you might be right. A true unschooling lifestyle isn't
possible for you right now. You seem to want a lot of support for
living your life just as you are (while turning things upside down for
your children), without making real and lasting changes to yourself.
Other things, like daycare and marathon running and "mom time" seem
more important than the happiness and peace of your girls.
Unschooling is not something you do in between the other stuff, when
you have time and energy. You have other priorities and unschooling
can't be done if you don't put your children first. You say "I am
often alone with them" like it's a thing to be pitied. Unschooling
won't work if you, the mom, won't change your attitude about how hard
life with your kids is. I know single parents, struggling to make ends
meet, who unschool and unschool very well. Their kids' happy lives
*are* their priority.
So keep reading. Re-read Rue's book. It's terrific. Read here and back
at AlwaysLearning and sites like Sandra's and Joyce's. Go to the
conference with your kids and see how people interact with their kids.
Then maybe you'll see what you have to do to unschool. Every moment
you are upset about this affects your children (and it sounds like
things are worse than they were before you took this notion to
unschool).
I think maybe you should take some deep breaths, say "yes" more,
slowly and gently, then go breathe in the scent of your little ones'
heads.
Robin B.
If parents want to be unschoolers, they need to figure out how to be
better parents, because it's the relationship between the parents and
children that ultimately makes unschooling work. — Sandra Dodd
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm not looking for pity. I am just explaining that it is challenging for me to accommodate both my girls' needs since I am alone with them. For example, my older daughter loves to go for walks and if the younger one wants to sit in the house and watch TV then I can't go for a walk with the older one. Some one ends up being upset. Little conflicts like this happen a lot and due to their ages I can't leave either of them alone to do something with the other.
< Other things, like daycare and marathon running and "mom time" seem more important than the happiness and peace of your girls. >
I apologize if my posts infer that "mom time" is more important than my children's happiness, it isn't. Doing the occasional thing for myself is OK and is as important as doing things with and for them. When you are on an airplane they tell you to put your oxygen mask on yourself before your child. Reason being if you pass out you are no help to your child. Same concept hold true for taking some "mom time". I am not spending hours training for marathons, I usually go run after my girls are asleep at night. I run a daycare so I can be home with my girls and not working outside the home and have someone else caring for them and spend less time with them. My financial circumstances have changed and I am no longer working because I like to but now because I need to.
I have received some great feedback from unschoolers on this list who understand my situation.
Thanks,
Jen
________________________________
From: Robin Bentley <robin.bentley@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 11:36:51 PM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Is an unschooling lifestyle possible given my circumstances?
>I remember you! You first started posting here back in March. Joyce,
> I am registered for the NE unschooling conference in August and have
> read Rue Kream's book and am planning to read Dayna Martin's book
> when it is published. I think the hardest thing for me is doing
> this alone and not having adequate time to recover from the stress
> of day to day life. I am beginning to think a true unschooling
> lifestyle isn't possible for my family and am ready to throw in the
> towel.
in particular, wrote a lovely long post to you about change. And
didn't you tell the unschoolers over on AlwaysLearning last month that
you weren't cut out for unschooling? That was after you received a lot
of thoughtful and useful advice (most of which you said couldn't work
for you because of your "circumstances" which you won't divulge, so
we're at a loss to help you).
I think you might be right. A true unschooling lifestyle isn't
possible for you right now. You seem to want a lot of support for
living your life just as you are (while turning things upside down for
your children), without making real and lasting changes to yourself.
Other things, like daycare and marathon running and "mom time" seem
more important than the happiness and peace of your girls.
Unschooling is not something you do in between the other stuff, when
you have time and energy. You have other priorities and unschooling
can't be done if you don't put your children first. You say "I am
often alone with them" like it's a thing to be pitied. Unschooling
won't work if you, the mom, won't change your attitude about how hard
life with your kids is. I know single parents, struggling to make ends
meet, who unschool and unschool very well. Their kids' happy lives
*are* their priority.
So keep reading. Re-read Rue's book. It's terrific. Read here and back
at AlwaysLearning and sites like Sandra's and Joyce's. Go to the
conference with your kids and see how people interact with their kids.
Then maybe you'll see what you have to do to unschool. Every moment
you are upset about this affects your children (and it sounds like
things are worse than they were before you took this notion to
unschool).
I think maybe you should take some deep breaths, say "yes" more,
slowly and gently, then go breathe in the scent of your little ones'
heads.
Robin B.
If parents want to be unschoolers, they need to figure out how to be
better parents, because it's the relationship between the parents and
children that ultimately makes unschooling work. — Sandra Dodd
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
It has less to do with your situation than your thoughts about your
situation. You are hanging onto "shoulds" "have to" etc. You are
telling yourself that you have insurmountable circumstances. It's not
the specifics of the situation it is how you think about them. Many of
us (unschoolers) work both from home or outside of home. Some of us
are/were single parents. Some have a lot of disposible income, some
dont. Some of us have spouses that are on board, some to a lesser
degree. Some of us have disabilities, some of our children do. There
is very little you can't work through in order to unschool and be free.
Stop telling yourself and your child you can't. Look for ways you CAN.
Deschool yourself. Spend nap time reading about unschooling. Post
about your fears on here. We've heard them before. Stretch yourself,
you'll be surprised how far you can go. Figure out what triggers you
to feel incompent, stuck, unworthy of a good life. Work through these
things. Unschooling demands you stretch your comfort zones. To
unschool you need to let go of what doesn't bring you/your child joy
and look for other ways to met your needs.
I hear you saying that your child must finish out school. Why? What
need does having her in school fill? What are some other ways to fill
that need. Options, you need a good problem solving session.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 15, 2009, at 9:43 AM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
situation. You are hanging onto "shoulds" "have to" etc. You are
telling yourself that you have insurmountable circumstances. It's not
the specifics of the situation it is how you think about them. Many of
us (unschoolers) work both from home or outside of home. Some of us
are/were single parents. Some have a lot of disposible income, some
dont. Some of us have spouses that are on board, some to a lesser
degree. Some of us have disabilities, some of our children do. There
is very little you can't work through in order to unschool and be free.
Stop telling yourself and your child you can't. Look for ways you CAN.
Deschool yourself. Spend nap time reading about unschooling. Post
about your fears on here. We've heard them before. Stretch yourself,
you'll be surprised how far you can go. Figure out what triggers you
to feel incompent, stuck, unworthy of a good life. Work through these
things. Unschooling demands you stretch your comfort zones. To
unschool you need to let go of what doesn't bring you/your child joy
and look for other ways to met your needs.
I hear you saying that your child must finish out school. Why? What
need does having her in school fill? What are some other ways to fill
that need. Options, you need a good problem solving session.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 15, 2009, at 9:43 AM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> < At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a
> foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful
> unschooling. >
>
> I guess you are right, I'm not in a place to do this right now.
> Thanks for the insight and analogy, it made it quite clear we aren't
> cut out for this right now.
>
> Take care,
> Jen
>
> ________________________________
> From: JJ Ross <jrossedd@...>
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:15:10 AM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Skills taught from running a
> daycare and unschooling
>
> At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a
> foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful
> unschooling.
>
> You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven
> together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and
> giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want
> to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that
> the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for
> you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and
> underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful
> bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the
> fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
>
> To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to
> transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a
> homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis.
> So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters
> possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering
> blanket?
>
> Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning
> displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own
> rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling
> means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike
> after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap
> her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every
> park in the area instead.
>
> You say you know all this but but but --
> I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll
> throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
>
> --- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Jennifer Croce
> <jennifercroce37@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you
> run a day care in your home? >
> <snip>
> >
> > I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more
> accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this
> September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the
> unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving
> for. there.
>
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Faith Void
She wasn't telling you to give up. She was saying to uncover yourself.
Find ways to start unweaving the blanket.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 15, 2009, at 9:43 AM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
Find ways to start unweaving the blanket.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 15, 2009, at 9:43 AM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@...> wrote:
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
> < At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a
> foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful
> unschooling. >
>
> I guess you are right, I'm not in a place to do this right now.
> Thanks for the insight and analogy, it made it quite clear we aren't
> cut out for this right now.
>
> Take care,
> Jen
>
> ________________________________
> From: JJ Ross <jrossedd@...>
> To: [email protected]
> Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:15:10 AM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Skills taught from running a
> daycare and unschooling
>
> At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a
> foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful
> unschooling.
>
> You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven
> together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and
> giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want
> to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that
> the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for
> you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and
> underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful
> bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the
> fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
>
> To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to
> transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a
> homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis.
> So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters
> possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering
> blanket?
>
> Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning
> displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own
> rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling
> means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike
> after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap
> her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every
> park in the area instead.
>
> You say you know all this but but but --
> I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll
> throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
>
> --- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Jennifer Croce
> <jennifercroce37@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you
> run a day care in your home? >
> <snip>
> >
> > I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more
> accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this
> September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the
> unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving
> for. there.
>
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
rebecca de
Faith,
I've been following this conversation and I sent Jennifer a personal e-mail even! When I seen your name I had to open the post. You are wonderful and encouraging someone. I think that helping her step through her obstacles is what she was asking for and some of us were not as encourgaging. I just wanted to personally thank you -- you are one that has always had great ways to help me through hang ups and dilemmas I have had and do have through out my unschooling path. thank you for your light.
I've been following this conversation and I sent Jennifer a personal e-mail even! When I seen your name I had to open the post. You are wonderful and encouraging someone. I think that helping her step through her obstacles is what she was asking for and some of us were not as encourgaging. I just wanted to personally thank you -- you are one that has always had great ways to help me through hang ups and dilemmas I have had and do have through out my unschooling path. thank you for your light.
--- On Sat, 5/16/09, Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...> wrote:
From: Faith Void <littlemsvoid@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Realization that unschooling isn't possible right now
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]>
Date: Saturday, May 16, 2009, 8:11 AM
She wasn't telling you to give up. She was saying to uncover yourself.
Find ways to start unweaving the blanket.
Faith
Sent from my iPhone
On May 15, 2009, at 9:43 AM, Jennifer Croce
<jennifercroce37@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>
> < At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a
> foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful
> unschooling. >
>
> I guess you are right, I'm not in a place to do this right now.
> Thanks for the insight and analogy, it made it quite clear we aren't
> cut out for this right now.
>
> Take care,
> Jen
>
> ____________ _________ _________ __
> From: JJ Ross <jrossedd@comcast. net>
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
> Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 9:15:10 AM
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Skills taught from running a
> daycare and unschooling
>
> At this point I hear little in your situation to build on as a
> foundation, not even unschooling basics much less toward joyful
> unschooling.
>
> You've made this whole smothering blanket of rationalizations woven
> together nice and tight, and though it's scratchy and stifling and
> giving your girls (and you too, sounds like) heat rash and you want
> to change it, nevertheless you are telling yourself (and us) that
> the blanket is so snug and warm and great for your daughters and for
> you and your DH, and even for the other families you serve, and
> underneath your blanket somewhere you beleieve there's a beautiful
> bright unschooling butterfly that will magically hatch out in the
> fall, to the delight of your daughters and all the day care kids?
>
> To push the analogy, what you're pinning your hopes on and expect to
> transform into unschooling beauty somehow, isn't even a
> homeschooling caterpillar yet, much less an unschooling chrysalis.
> So ask yourself straight up: how can my life with my daughters
> possibly grow into an unschooling butterfly under that smothering
> blanket?
>
> Right now it sounds as if your daughters are living and learning
> displaced from their own home and their own mom and their own
> rhythms. What do THEY want and how do THEY want to live? Unschooling
> means if all your seven-year-old can think about is riding her bike
> after being freed from school schedules and rules, you don't slap
> her in the car (without said bike) for a comprehensive tour of every
> park in the area instead.
>
> You say you know all this but but but --
> I say when you do really know and understand and believe it, you'll
> throw back the blanket and see what's really going on under there.
>
> --- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Jennifer Croce
> <jennifercroce37@ ...> wrote:
> >
> > < What valuable skills will your daughter learn from having you
> run a day care in your home? >
> <snip>
> >
> > I am not claiming to be a radical unschooler and feel it is more
> accurate to say I am an eclectic homeschooler especially since this
> September will be our first year of homeschooling. I see the
> unschooling lifestyle as the ideal and is the goal I am striving
> for. there.
>
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
JJ Ross
Reflecting what I hear in such words because maybe Anna hears it too:
"Anna's room is purposely not used for daycare so she has a place to
go. She can also play outside and in other parts of the house we aren't occupying. . .If Anna doesn't want to be involved she doesn't have to be, I am not in favor of child labor. "
Not only is this not unschooling, it's worse than "school at home" homeschooling, where at least your own children get your full attention -- but as worded above, it becomes school at home for other people's children, leaving your own daughter only two choices in her own home, be a working teacher's aide or literally get out!
These words say you think of your own daughter's home as a place of business, where she literally isn't part of the "we" using and occupying it.
When I read this, I pictured my childless friends who have sheep dogs they love like children. They have a big party (once or twice a year) and either lock their beloved dogs in "the dog's room" kept purposely out of the entertaining action, or put them outside. Like Anna?
But no, because in daily life these happy, rambunctious and well-understood herd dogs are free, playing all over the house and furniture and my friends (and their friends, like me), the center of their own homelife and "family" and so much fun to live with.
I doubt my friends would run a home business and lock away their dogs out of the action and out of mind, all day every day. Lucky dogs.
JJ
"Anna's room is purposely not used for daycare so she has a place to
go. She can also play outside and in other parts of the house we aren't occupying. . .If Anna doesn't want to be involved she doesn't have to be, I am not in favor of child labor. "
Not only is this not unschooling, it's worse than "school at home" homeschooling, where at least your own children get your full attention -- but as worded above, it becomes school at home for other people's children, leaving your own daughter only two choices in her own home, be a working teacher's aide or literally get out!
These words say you think of your own daughter's home as a place of business, where she literally isn't part of the "we" using and occupying it.
When I read this, I pictured my childless friends who have sheep dogs they love like children. They have a big party (once or twice a year) and either lock their beloved dogs in "the dog's room" kept purposely out of the entertaining action, or put them outside. Like Anna?
But no, because in daily life these happy, rambunctious and well-understood herd dogs are free, playing all over the house and furniture and my friends (and their friends, like me), the center of their own homelife and "family" and so much fun to live with.
I doubt my friends would run a home business and lock away their dogs out of the action and out of mind, all day every day. Lucky dogs.
JJ