introducing the family bed
Jana Smith
As I gather info here several families have HAD family beds that stemmed from birth/nursing. I never went that route since I adopted 4 sibs in 1999 BUT am thoroughly interested in one (there are only 2 home now). I am wondering though, if there are families who have introduced the idea when your children were older? Is a certain number with regards to age--too old? What was your experiences? I've casually talked about it recently (with the posts about a family bed) with my guys and my 13 yo loves the idea, but my 11 yo is a bit apprehensive. He IS a fidgety sleeper and is aware he could disrupt us, but I've pointed out the suggestions (like a different mattress next to us) here and he seems a bit more comfortable with the "idea" but not sure the reality of it yet. He has asked me questions like "what do they do if the mom and dad wants privacy?" & "I have to get up and pee too many times" I've answered "that they probably just say
something along that line." & "whether we're all sleeping in the same bed or not doesn't change the fact you still get up and pee". I am a single mom, who does not, has not dated so these questions are of curiousity to me. I also don't want them to be uncomfortable since they are pre-pubescent, and this is all new to me (us). Thanks for continued info on this.............and everything!! :)
Jana living life full of adventure with Jake (13) & Josh (11)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
something along that line." & "whether we're all sleeping in the same bed or not doesn't change the fact you still get up and pee". I am a single mom, who does not, has not dated so these questions are of curiousity to me. I also don't want them to be uncomfortable since they are pre-pubescent, and this is all new to me (us). Thanks for continued info on this.............and everything!! :)
Jana living life full of adventure with Jake (13) & Josh (11)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 5/2/2009 8:25 AM, Jana Smith wrote:
own beds, especially if they haven't grown up in a family bed. I
certainly would do a lot of cuddling, etc., but just seems to me that
that was the age when my kids (and they are girls, but I think the same
would be true of boys) started sleeping more often on their own and only
crawled in with us on occasion, no longer as their regular place to sleep.
There are lots of occasions for snuggling and closeness. There are
times that we all sleep in the living room - we have a stack of blankets
and pillows in a hall closet and some get pulled out almost every night
- sometimes several or all of us will end up sleeping out there all
night. Rosie and Roxana sleep in each other's rooms really often, too,
staying up to talk or watch a video and falling asleep there. My 18 year
old is snuggled up to me right now - she slept on the living room couch
all night (fell asleep out there and just stayed, as she often does).
I'm on my laptop and sitting at the end of the couch and she's cuddled
up with me and gone back to sleep.
Maybe you could have "overnighters" sometimes - the three of you make
"nests" on the living room floor and make popcorn, watch a movie, stay
awake late talking.
-pam
> I am a single mom, who does not, has not dated so these questions are of curiousity to me. I also don't want them to be uncomfortable since they are pre-pubescent, and this is all new to me (us). Thanks for continued info on this.............and everything!!:)I think young teen/adolescent boys probably would be more comfy in their
>
own beds, especially if they haven't grown up in a family bed. I
certainly would do a lot of cuddling, etc., but just seems to me that
that was the age when my kids (and they are girls, but I think the same
would be true of boys) started sleeping more often on their own and only
crawled in with us on occasion, no longer as their regular place to sleep.
There are lots of occasions for snuggling and closeness. There are
times that we all sleep in the living room - we have a stack of blankets
and pillows in a hall closet and some get pulled out almost every night
- sometimes several or all of us will end up sleeping out there all
night. Rosie and Roxana sleep in each other's rooms really often, too,
staying up to talk or watch a video and falling asleep there. My 18 year
old is snuggled up to me right now - she slept on the living room couch
all night (fell asleep out there and just stayed, as she often does).
I'm on my laptop and sitting at the end of the couch and she's cuddled
up with me and gone back to sleep.
Maybe you could have "overnighters" sometimes - the three of you make
"nests" on the living room floor and make popcorn, watch a movie, stay
awake late talking.
-pam
Jana Smith
great suggestions Pam, thanks! They sure grow up too fast.
Jana living a life full of adventure with Jake (13) & Josh (11)
Jana living a life full of adventure with Jake (13) & Josh (11)
--- On Sun, 5/3/09, Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
From: Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] introducing the family bed
To: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, May 3, 2009, 8:43 AM
On 5/2/2009 8:25 AM, Jana Smith wrote:
> I am a single mom, who does not, has not dated so these questions are of curiousity to me. I also don't want them to be uncomfortable since they are pre-pubescent, and this is all new to me (us). Thanks for continued info on this........ .....and everything!! :)
>
I think young teen/adolescent boys probably would be more comfy in their
own beds, especially if they haven't grown up in a family bed. I
certainly would do a lot of cuddling, etc., but just seems to me that
that was the age when my kids (and they are girls, but I think the same
would be true of boys) started sleeping more often on their own and only
crawled in with us on occasion, no longer as their regular place to sleep.
There are lots of occasions for snuggling and closeness. There are
times that we all sleep in the living room - we have a stack of blankets
and pillows in a hall closet and some get pulled out almost every night
- sometimes several or all of us will end up sleeping out there all
night. Rosie and Roxana sleep in each other's rooms really often, too,
staying up to talk or watch a video and falling asleep there. My 18 year
old is snuggled up to me right now - she slept on the living room couch
all night (fell asleep out there and just stayed, as she often does).
I'm on my laptop and sitting at the end of the couch and she's cuddled
up with me and gone back to sleep.
Maybe you could have "overnighters" sometimes - the three of you make
"nests" on the living room floor and make popcorn, watch a movie, stay
awake late talking.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
My questions on it would be: do THEY want it? And would there be a way
for everyone to be comfortable (physically/mentally)? For us, DS is
welcome in our bed BUT from experience we know that his now nearly 11 yr
old self takes way more space to be comfortable than his 5 yr old self
did - particularly in the sticky humid summers it's a no-win situation
for everyone (no a/c and fans only go so far). There have been times in
the last year or so when he did curl up with us and that's fine. Mostly,
though, his shifting sleep cycles find him more comfortable on the
living room couch - he can sleep, wake, play on his laptop, watch TV,
read whatever (which he could also do in his room, same things available
there but he prefers the living room right now).
Deb R
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for everyone to be comfortable (physically/mentally)? For us, DS is
welcome in our bed BUT from experience we know that his now nearly 11 yr
old self takes way more space to be comfortable than his 5 yr old self
did - particularly in the sticky humid summers it's a no-win situation
for everyone (no a/c and fans only go so far). There have been times in
the last year or so when he did curl up with us and that's fine. Mostly,
though, his shifting sleep cycles find him more comfortable on the
living room couch - he can sleep, wake, play on his laptop, watch TV,
read whatever (which he could also do in his room, same things available
there but he prefers the living room right now).
Deb R
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Jana Smith
Understood.
My 13 yo WANTS it and my 11 yo "kinda sometimes would"--his words. That's why I had asked at what age (physically/emotionally) would deem it "awkward"--my word. I find that the ds who has asked about it, does so reluctantly because of his younger bro's response to it in discussion. And because I know there has been an air of resentment/competition between the two since the youngest was born, if this is a request out of that, KWIM? I am thinking "I love the idea for closeness--bonding--reconnecting" but don't want to further the already apparent competetion between them. It is a bit more thought provoking than I'd imagined when laying it on the table for discussion. I absolutely do not believe that my older son wants to instigate any of these feelings for his brother, but do feel that if it were to transpire completely, instead of just discussing it, that my younger son (who dissects every action, word etc. down to the 'inth--which is
awesome!) would somehow feel slighted and then join in mainly because his bro is and then feel frustrated by it, which happens consistently. <sigh> Like someone else responded, sorry can't remember a name, there are other ways of connecting I could suggest for the same effect. So that everyone is getting their desires met.
PS I secretly want to keep them little ;) of which I don't think is a big secret to them. <g>
THANKS! Jana
My 13 yo WANTS it and my 11 yo "kinda sometimes would"--his words. That's why I had asked at what age (physically/emotionally) would deem it "awkward"--my word. I find that the ds who has asked about it, does so reluctantly because of his younger bro's response to it in discussion. And because I know there has been an air of resentment/competition between the two since the youngest was born, if this is a request out of that, KWIM? I am thinking "I love the idea for closeness--bonding--reconnecting" but don't want to further the already apparent competetion between them. It is a bit more thought provoking than I'd imagined when laying it on the table for discussion. I absolutely do not believe that my older son wants to instigate any of these feelings for his brother, but do feel that if it were to transpire completely, instead of just discussing it, that my younger son (who dissects every action, word etc. down to the 'inth--which is
awesome!) would somehow feel slighted and then join in mainly because his bro is and then feel frustrated by it, which happens consistently. <sigh> Like someone else responded, sorry can't remember a name, there are other ways of connecting I could suggest for the same effect. So that everyone is getting their desires met.
PS I secretly want to keep them little ;) of which I don't think is a big secret to them. <g>
THANKS! Jana
--- On Mon, 5/4/09, Debra Rossing <debra.rossing@...> wrote:
From: Debra Rossing <debra.rossing@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:introducing the family bed
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, May 4, 2009, 4:51 AM
My questions on it would be: do THEY want it? And would there be a way
for everyone to be comfortable (physically/ mentally) ? For us, DS is
welcome in our bed BUT from experience we know that his now nearly 11 yr
old self takes way more space to be comfortable than his 5 yr old self
did - particularly in the sticky humid summers it's a no-win situation
for everyone (no a/c and fans only go so far). There have been times in
the last year or so when he did curl up with us and that's fine. Mostly,
though, his shifting sleep cycles find him more comfortable on the
living room couch - he can sleep, wake, play on his laptop, watch TV,
read whatever (which he could also do in his room, same things available
there but he prefers the living room right now).
Deb R
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Vickisue Gray
'Do THEY want it?'
That question sums up so much. =)
We never planned on having a family bed. We just slipped into it naturally. The kids have their own rooms and beds which they are free to use and sometimes have. We also invested in a hugh comfy couch and hugh ottoman that can sleep three on the couch and someone 4' or shorter on the ottoman extremely comfortably. The older kids being two girls have preferred sharing their room or sleeping on the couch. The youngest, now 11, goes between sleeping on the couch to slipping into our bed around 3am. I'm sure he will slowly stop coming in as frequently as he grows into a young teen and I'm gonna miss him. I highly recommend investing in a big comfy couch, too! There's nothing better then cuddling your whole family in front of a great movie.
Peace and Laughter!
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
That question sums up so much. =)
We never planned on having a family bed. We just slipped into it naturally. The kids have their own rooms and beds which they are free to use and sometimes have. We also invested in a hugh comfy couch and hugh ottoman that can sleep three on the couch and someone 4' or shorter on the ottoman extremely comfortably. The older kids being two girls have preferred sharing their room or sleeping on the couch. The youngest, now 11, goes between sleeping on the couch to slipping into our bed around 3am. I'm sure he will slowly stop coming in as frequently as he grows into a young teen and I'm gonna miss him. I highly recommend investing in a big comfy couch, too! There's nothing better then cuddling your whole family in front of a great movie.
Peace and Laughter!
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]