griesellists

I've been trying lately to balance the needs of my two children, a nine year old badly wounded by school experiences, and a three year old. They don't like to do things together, except rarely, at a level that is beyond just having separate interests. They both have a great desire to be with me, all of the time, and to have the other child absent.

The most difficult aspects: Both want to sleep with me but without the other child. Rosalie (my little one) wants to be with me and the center of attention essentially 24/7. Even if she is engaged in another activity, it almost seems like she has "Mom is with my brother radar", because she is always on us within five minutes demanding that I play with her and not Andrew. Andrew, the older one, objects to the mere fact that Rosalie still nurses and is very jealous of her. They both have the attitude (it seems) that Andrew has articulated in no uncertain terms: "I don't just want to get what I want, I want Rosalie to not get what she wants." This was in response to an argument about television shows, in which he wanted to watch Phineas and Ferb (Love that show!) instead of what Rosalie was watching, but once Rosalie said she'd love to watch Phineas and Ferb, he wanted to find something else.

In a more thoughtful moment, Andrew mentioned that he was actually taking his anger about school (bullying) out on his sister because it had to go somewhere and being mean to Rosalie was easy and safe for him. (And yes, he is seeing a therapist.) But Rosalie is a person, not one of those blowup punching dolls. I'm always feeling like I'm neglecting one or the other of them.

I'm looking for ways to help them get beyond this extreme jealousy before they end up disliking each other for life.

Help!