video games and addiction
Aidan Tro
I have a problem with applying the term addiction to kids without lots of thoroughly applied critical thinking and investigation of all the facts. As soon as the word comes into the conversation, it is generally believed that the person with the "addiction" needs to be stripped of their right to make a choice. The insinuation always follows that they don't know what's right for them, and others should now make choices for them- by force and over their protests if necessary. Basically, it becomes ok, even required to throw out the constitution where that person is concerned.
I have seen the label of addiction used as a shortcut to thinking and problem solving with kids way too often. It's made me think more seriously about that term, about what assumptions I have and what prescriptions are being recommended. The trouble is, when the word comes into the conversation, prescriptions are far more often implied than openly suggested.
The crosswalk.com article wasn't authoritarian, it was inflammatory. Where is the critical thinking? Where is the evidence? Where is the scientific process? This article depends entirely on the cultural "wisdom" of Americans regarding the word addiction. It illustrates so perfectly my points about how the addiction label is problematic and should not be used lightly with kids. Take this quote:
"Be prepared for resistance. When you decide to reduce
or eliminate the time your children spend playing video games, expect
them to fight your choice. They’ll go through withdrawal symptoms like
depression and agitation if they’ve been addicted."
If they argue about having their video games controlled or removed, why consider the reasons? It's simple: they're addicted! That's like the story of the woman who is committed to a mental institution though she is not insane.. When she protests, angry at her incarceration, they chalk it up to insanity and her fate is sealed.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have seen the label of addiction used as a shortcut to thinking and problem solving with kids way too often. It's made me think more seriously about that term, about what assumptions I have and what prescriptions are being recommended. The trouble is, when the word comes into the conversation, prescriptions are far more often implied than openly suggested.
The crosswalk.com article wasn't authoritarian, it was inflammatory. Where is the critical thinking? Where is the evidence? Where is the scientific process? This article depends entirely on the cultural "wisdom" of Americans regarding the word addiction. It illustrates so perfectly my points about how the addiction label is problematic and should not be used lightly with kids. Take this quote:
"Be prepared for resistance. When you decide to reduce
or eliminate the time your children spend playing video games, expect
them to fight your choice. They’ll go through withdrawal symptoms like
depression and agitation if they’ve been addicted."
If they argue about having their video games controlled or removed, why consider the reasons? It's simple: they're addicted! That's like the story of the woman who is committed to a mental institution though she is not insane.. When she protests, angry at her incarceration, they chalk it up to insanity and her fate is sealed.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 25, 2009, at 11:23 AM, Aidan Tro wrote:
fear rather than rational thought. The feared activity turns into a
vampire, mesmerizing our kids and sucking away their will and lives.
So we need to turn on the mama bear and fight the beast.
What if it is addiction? What about the child's behavior described?
The child is unhappy and the advice *seems* to be to just ignore it
because games are fun and it's normal. The advice *seems* to be:
"There's nothing wrong with your child. It's your attitude toward
games that's the problem." Or, worse, the advice seems to be a
blinkered, "Don't be foolish. It can't be addiction."
First, to get rid of fears so the situation can be seen more
rationally and objectively, read the Rat Park link Schuyler brought:
http://www.walrusmagazine.com/articles/2007.12-health-rat-trap/
Addictions are not *caused* by substances or activities. The
groundwork for addiction is set in the environment. Addictive
behavior is an escape. If that environment isn't present -- which
unschooling parents should be attending to so it isn't a factor --
all the video games in the world aren't going to cause addiction.
It's also very helpful not to mix the reactions of schooled children
in with unschooled children. Besides playing video games for fun,
schooled children are *also* using them as depressurizers from
school. Schooled kids can escape from a world they have no control
over into a world where they have enormous control.
Unschooled children -- barring some upsetness in their lives like
looming divorce, a death -- play video games because they're fun.
Because they're engaging. Because they're hugely challenging puzzles.
*And* sometimes to be competent and powerful and in control.
Because some kids can get so intensely into them, they can push
themselves beyond their limits. And those kids can do that repeatedly
because the games are so incredibly challenging. And the consequences
are the kids going to be irritable. That's what happens to humans
when they keep pushing themselves beyond their limits.
Yes, there is unhappiness. *That* should be the focus. Help the kids
find strategies to be happy.
Yes, unschooling advice is often to give them freedom to explore. But
the advice is *also* to *be* with them. Be aware. If they're
struggling with something: Help them! Problem solve with them. You're
in their unschooling lives to be their helpmate, not their
controller. No one should be "left to unlimited use".
The easiest route is for parents to take away the games. As someone
said, her son was back after she did so. But for many (most?) kids
that would result in even more distress. *And* it also sends the
message that the child is weaker than the activity, that they need a
stronger person to take over and rescue them.
Think about how you would react if you'd just discovered Harry Potter
(or something else you can imagine being hugely engaged in). And you
started reading and reading and reading. And you were grumpy and
neglecting other things. Let's say you don't have others depending on
you (as kids don't) but do have others who enjoy spending time with
you (as kids do).
Would you feel good if someone decided to lock the books away and let
you only have one chapter a day?
Taking control away from someone is quick and (sometimes) effective,
but it tears down relationships and makes people mad.
Does that mean there's nothing that can be done? If you can't take it
away, put up with it?
No, of course not. Here are some ideas that will help (most of which
have been offered here). Not all will work all the time and be aware
that the goal isn't to get them to stop playing. The goal is to help
them be happy.
1) Bring them food. Use the monkey platter idea so there's a variety
of things they like to munch on.
2) Play with them. It's great if you can get as engaged in it as much
as they. (Pokemon and Animal Crossing and several other games have
been great bonding activities with my daughter that have expanded
beyond the games themselves.) But, no, you don't have to love every
game and you don't have to play all the time. Play enough that you
understand the draw of the game, so you can hold conversations about
it, so you can help them along (or help them find help).
As a side effect, you can notice when you're getting tired and hungry
and say "Hey, I'm getting hungry. Let's find a stopping place so I
can get something to eat."
3) Have even better things going on in their lives. Trying to get
them away from a game to go grocery shopping is an exercise in
frustration ;-) Do let them say no thanks!
4) Build video game playing into the day. Don't treat it like an evil
to be tolerated but a legitimate activity. Let kids know the schedule
if you have other activities you'd like to do.
5) Talk to them about their feelings (and resultant behavior). Kids
*don't* want to be unhappy. But they *do* want to do the things that
they enjoy. Say, "I've noticed you're upset after playing for a long
time." And engage them into discussing their feelings. Don't jump
right to solutions. Don't try to steer them to solutions. Talk about
what's going on.
Ask them if there are other things they'd like to do that isn't
getting done. (Playing around with time management strategies and
transitioning are good life time skills.)
Let him know that he's missed and Dad/his sister/you would love to
see him (at dinner, at family game night, for an hour of playtime.)
(People can often find time for a specific activity, but if there's a
blanket desire for them to be away from their game, it can feel like
a pull to change them rather than an invitation to be with them.)
6) Be aware of your own biases and prejudices. If they were reading
Shakespeare for hours on end, creating amazing clay sculptures,
writing poetry ... would you be treating their pursuit exactly as
you're treating their game playing? As is natural, we tend to avoid
negative people and your negativity can make them turn away from you
(and retreat to games). It can also color the situation so that you
look at engagement and see addiction.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> As soon as the word comes into the conversation, it is generallyI agree. When addiction is brought up, then decisions are based on
> believed that the person with the "addiction" needs to be stripped
> of their right to make a choice.
fear rather than rational thought. The feared activity turns into a
vampire, mesmerizing our kids and sucking away their will and lives.
So we need to turn on the mama bear and fight the beast.
What if it is addiction? What about the child's behavior described?
The child is unhappy and the advice *seems* to be to just ignore it
because games are fun and it's normal. The advice *seems* to be:
"There's nothing wrong with your child. It's your attitude toward
games that's the problem." Or, worse, the advice seems to be a
blinkered, "Don't be foolish. It can't be addiction."
First, to get rid of fears so the situation can be seen more
rationally and objectively, read the Rat Park link Schuyler brought:
http://www.walrusmagazine.com/articles/2007.12-health-rat-trap/
Addictions are not *caused* by substances or activities. The
groundwork for addiction is set in the environment. Addictive
behavior is an escape. If that environment isn't present -- which
unschooling parents should be attending to so it isn't a factor --
all the video games in the world aren't going to cause addiction.
It's also very helpful not to mix the reactions of schooled children
in with unschooled children. Besides playing video games for fun,
schooled children are *also* using them as depressurizers from
school. Schooled kids can escape from a world they have no control
over into a world where they have enormous control.
Unschooled children -- barring some upsetness in their lives like
looming divorce, a death -- play video games because they're fun.
Because they're engaging. Because they're hugely challenging puzzles.
*And* sometimes to be competent and powerful and in control.
Because some kids can get so intensely into them, they can push
themselves beyond their limits. And those kids can do that repeatedly
because the games are so incredibly challenging. And the consequences
are the kids going to be irritable. That's what happens to humans
when they keep pushing themselves beyond their limits.
Yes, there is unhappiness. *That* should be the focus. Help the kids
find strategies to be happy.
Yes, unschooling advice is often to give them freedom to explore. But
the advice is *also* to *be* with them. Be aware. If they're
struggling with something: Help them! Problem solve with them. You're
in their unschooling lives to be their helpmate, not their
controller. No one should be "left to unlimited use".
The easiest route is for parents to take away the games. As someone
said, her son was back after she did so. But for many (most?) kids
that would result in even more distress. *And* it also sends the
message that the child is weaker than the activity, that they need a
stronger person to take over and rescue them.
Think about how you would react if you'd just discovered Harry Potter
(or something else you can imagine being hugely engaged in). And you
started reading and reading and reading. And you were grumpy and
neglecting other things. Let's say you don't have others depending on
you (as kids don't) but do have others who enjoy spending time with
you (as kids do).
Would you feel good if someone decided to lock the books away and let
you only have one chapter a day?
Taking control away from someone is quick and (sometimes) effective,
but it tears down relationships and makes people mad.
Does that mean there's nothing that can be done? If you can't take it
away, put up with it?
No, of course not. Here are some ideas that will help (most of which
have been offered here). Not all will work all the time and be aware
that the goal isn't to get them to stop playing. The goal is to help
them be happy.
1) Bring them food. Use the monkey platter idea so there's a variety
of things they like to munch on.
2) Play with them. It's great if you can get as engaged in it as much
as they. (Pokemon and Animal Crossing and several other games have
been great bonding activities with my daughter that have expanded
beyond the games themselves.) But, no, you don't have to love every
game and you don't have to play all the time. Play enough that you
understand the draw of the game, so you can hold conversations about
it, so you can help them along (or help them find help).
As a side effect, you can notice when you're getting tired and hungry
and say "Hey, I'm getting hungry. Let's find a stopping place so I
can get something to eat."
3) Have even better things going on in their lives. Trying to get
them away from a game to go grocery shopping is an exercise in
frustration ;-) Do let them say no thanks!
4) Build video game playing into the day. Don't treat it like an evil
to be tolerated but a legitimate activity. Let kids know the schedule
if you have other activities you'd like to do.
5) Talk to them about their feelings (and resultant behavior). Kids
*don't* want to be unhappy. But they *do* want to do the things that
they enjoy. Say, "I've noticed you're upset after playing for a long
time." And engage them into discussing their feelings. Don't jump
right to solutions. Don't try to steer them to solutions. Talk about
what's going on.
Ask them if there are other things they'd like to do that isn't
getting done. (Playing around with time management strategies and
transitioning are good life time skills.)
Let him know that he's missed and Dad/his sister/you would love to
see him (at dinner, at family game night, for an hour of playtime.)
(People can often find time for a specific activity, but if there's a
blanket desire for them to be away from their game, it can feel like
a pull to change them rather than an invitation to be with them.)
6) Be aware of your own biases and prejudices. If they were reading
Shakespeare for hours on end, creating amazing clay sculptures,
writing poetry ... would you be treating their pursuit exactly as
you're treating their game playing? As is natural, we tend to avoid
negative people and your negativity can make them turn away from you
(and retreat to games). It can also color the situation so that you
look at engagement and see addiction.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Michelle Thedaker
Joyce,
Thank you, thank you for your clarity! We go back and forth between
unlimited gaming and putting controls on it, based purely on the emotional
outbursts that my older son has while gaming. I honestly don't have a
problem with him being totally absorbed in a game (or anything else!), but
we all struggle with keeping an "even keel" during the days of heavy gaming.
Lately I'm noticing that I'm almost *always* on edge, feeling highly
anxious, waiting for the next outburst. Both of my boys are really intense
personalities to begin with, so we go from high energy to through-the-roof
energy and it's been so *hard* for me to stay connected and level-headed
(i.e. not giving in to my anxiety and anger). Your response reminded me of
many ideas that I had forgotten, lots of "a ha!" moments came while reading.
Thanks again!
Michelle in SoCal
Mom to Drew, 9.5 and Josh, 5.5
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you, thank you for your clarity! We go back and forth between
unlimited gaming and putting controls on it, based purely on the emotional
outbursts that my older son has while gaming. I honestly don't have a
problem with him being totally absorbed in a game (or anything else!), but
we all struggle with keeping an "even keel" during the days of heavy gaming.
Lately I'm noticing that I'm almost *always* on edge, feeling highly
anxious, waiting for the next outburst. Both of my boys are really intense
personalities to begin with, so we go from high energy to through-the-roof
energy and it's been so *hard* for me to stay connected and level-headed
(i.e. not giving in to my anxiety and anger). Your response reminded me of
many ideas that I had forgotten, lots of "a ha!" moments came while reading.
Thanks again!
Michelle in SoCal
Mom to Drew, 9.5 and Josh, 5.5
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]