Looking for suggestions
Sarah
on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin. My son feels as though the boy thinks he's "dumb" and he starts feeling he isn't intelligent when he can't answer the kid's questions. He's told me that he's told the boy that it's none of his business but he keeps at it. My son has verbal apraxia so communication is very difficult for him. I've tried to explain to my son that this boy probably wishes that he could be homeschooled and he also has strong feelings about a team mate who is 3 years younger getting higher scores than he is. That envy can make people say hurtful things. I'm concerned that the negativity between them is escalating. Last night my son was in tears in the gym about an interaction with this kid, which only left him feeling worse about himself that he had been reduced to tears in front of everyone. When we left the gym he said he wanted to quit because of this kid and I told him that was absolutely his decision and we could talk more about it later. We talked at dinner and he became very angry at the 10 year old, yelling and really upset that it's none of this kid's business. Then this morning he told me he didn't want to quit gymnastics but I can tell it's coloring how he feels about going.
My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Erin
What about the coaches at the gym? Are they aware of what is going on? I would suggest talking to the coaches, the owner of the gym, someone that will step in and talk to this kid and/or his family. The child simply needs to mind his own business and leave your son alone...the coaches should be able to help.
Good luck.
Erin
Good luck.
Erin
--- In [email protected], "Sarah" <smccann@...> wrote:
>
> on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin. My son feels as though the boy thinks he's "dumb" and he starts feeling he isn't intelligent when he can't answer the kid's questions. He's told me that he's told the boy that it's none of his business but he keeps at it. My son has verbal apraxia so communication is very difficult for him. I've tried to explain to my son that this boy probably wishes that he could be homeschooled and he also has strong feelings about a team mate who is 3 years younger getting higher scores than he is. That envy can make people say hurtful things. I'm concerned that the negativity between them is escalating. Last night my son was in tears in the gym about an interaction with this kid, which only left him feeling worse about himself that he had been reduced to tears in front of everyone. When we left the gym he said he wanted to quit because of this kid and I told him that was absolutely his decision and we could talk more about it later. We talked at dinner and he became very angry at the 10 year old, yelling and really upset that it's none of this kid's business. Then this morning he told me he didn't want to quit gymnastics but I can tell it's coloring how he feels about going.
>
> My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
>
> Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
> Sarah
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Verna
>What you are describing here is called bullying and of course you intervene. You should not allow your son to be treated like that. He is 3 years younger than this other child. Personnally, I approach the child and tell him not to speak to your son unless he has something nice to say to him. I would be nice but firm and let him know in no uncertain terms that he is hurting his feelings and it needs to stop. Next time it happened I would go directly to his mother/father.
> My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
>
> Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
> Sarah
>
Heather & Markus Schleidt
Sarah,
I agree with the other people - talk to the boy, the coaches, and if necessary the parents. Your son is not old enough and doesn't have the confidence to fend off bullies himself - and that is EXACTLY what this is.
On another note - my son was getting something similar by a friend of his, same age, at Cub Scouts. I overheard the conversation and let it go. When Mitchell got home that night he was visibly upset because the boy had asked him lots of questions that he didn't know the answer to. So..... we learned some obscure knowledge about the first guy to cross the English Channel (Louis Bleriot) and some of his plane information and England/France facts that week. When the kid started picking on him the following week, Mitchell started asking him some of the information he knew and the kid blundered. Mitchell never had another problem after that. BTW, I found out afterwards that the kid's parents were going through a NASTY divorce and that the kid was just acting out his aggression elsewhere. Maybe be food for thought - WHY? is the kid on the team acting out? Something to think about.
Heather
To: [email protected]
From: smccann@...
Date: Thu, 5 Mar 2009 14:12:54 -0500
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Looking for suggestions
on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin. My son feels as though the boy thinks he's "dumb" and he starts feeling he isn't intelligent when he can't answer the kid's questions. He's told me that he's told the boy that it's none of his business but he keeps at it. My son has verbal apraxia so communication is very difficult for him. I've tried to explain to my son that this boy probably wishes that he could be homeschooled and he also has strong feelings about a team mate who is 3 years younger getting higher scores than he is. That envy can make people say hurtful things. I'm concerned that the negativity between them is escalating. Last night my son was in tears in the gym about an interaction with this kid, which only left him feeling worse about himself that he had been reduced to tears in front of everyone. When we left the gym he said he wanted to quit because of this kid and I told him that was absolutely his decision and we could talk more about it later. We talked at dinner and he became very angry at the 10 year old, yelling and really upset that it's none of this kid's business. Then this morning he told me he didn't want to quit gymnastics but I can tell it's coloring how he feels about going.
My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I agree with the other people - talk to the boy, the coaches, and if necessary the parents. Your son is not old enough and doesn't have the confidence to fend off bullies himself - and that is EXACTLY what this is.
On another note - my son was getting something similar by a friend of his, same age, at Cub Scouts. I overheard the conversation and let it go. When Mitchell got home that night he was visibly upset because the boy had asked him lots of questions that he didn't know the answer to. So..... we learned some obscure knowledge about the first guy to cross the English Channel (Louis Bleriot) and some of his plane information and England/France facts that week. When the kid started picking on him the following week, Mitchell started asking him some of the information he knew and the kid blundered. Mitchell never had another problem after that. BTW, I found out afterwards that the kid's parents were going through a NASTY divorce and that the kid was just acting out his aggression elsewhere. Maybe be food for thought - WHY? is the kid on the team acting out? Something to think about.
Heather
To: [email protected]
From: smccann@...
Date: Thu, 5 Mar 2009 14:12:54 -0500
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Looking for suggestions
on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin. My son feels as though the boy thinks he's "dumb" and he starts feeling he isn't intelligent when he can't answer the kid's questions. He's told me that he's told the boy that it's none of his business but he keeps at it. My son has verbal apraxia so communication is very difficult for him. I've tried to explain to my son that this boy probably wishes that he could be homeschooled and he also has strong feelings about a team mate who is 3 years younger getting higher scores than he is. That envy can make people say hurtful things. I'm concerned that the negativity between them is escalating. Last night my son was in tears in the gym about an interaction with this kid, which only left him feeling worse about himself that he had been reduced to tears in front of everyone. When we left the gym he said he wanted to quit because of this kid and I told him that was absolutely his decision and we could talk more about it later. We talked at dinner and he became very angry at the 10 year old, yelling and really upset that it's none of this kid's business. Then this morning he told me he didn't want to quit gymnastics but I can tell it's coloring how he feels about going.
My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
_________________________________________________________________
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Susan Hammer
Sarah,
Isn't there a couch? I would speak with whom ever is working with the kids and have them deal with the fact that the kids are not acting like teammates (the 10 year old)...gymnastics team should be a safe, fun place to be. It seems to me like you've allowed time for your son to work thru it, but the reality is that this is a team and the kid is 3 years older.
Susan
________________________________
From: Sarah <smccann@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 5, 2009 12:12:54 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Looking for suggestions
on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin. My son feels as though the boy thinks he's "dumb" and he starts feeling he isn't intelligent when he can't answer the kid's questions. He's told me that he's told the boy that it's none of his business but he keeps at it. My son has verbal apraxia so communication is very difficult for him. I've tried to explain to my son that this boy probably wishes that he could be homeschooled and he also has strong feelings about a team mate who is 3 years younger getting higher scores than he is. That envy can make people say hurtful things. I'm concerned that the negativity between them is escalating. Last
night my son was in tears in the gym about an interaction with this kid, which only left him feeling worse about himself that he had been reduced to tears in front of everyone. When we left the gym he said he wanted to quit because of this kid and I told him that was absolutely his decision and we could talk more about it later. We talked at dinner and he became very angry at the 10 year old, yelling and really upset that it's none of this kid's business. Then this morning he told me he didn't want to quit gymnastics but I can tell it's coloring how he feels about going.
My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Isn't there a couch? I would speak with whom ever is working with the kids and have them deal with the fact that the kids are not acting like teammates (the 10 year old)...gymnastics team should be a safe, fun place to be. It seems to me like you've allowed time for your son to work thru it, but the reality is that this is a team and the kid is 3 years older.
Susan
________________________________
From: Sarah <smccann@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thursday, March 5, 2009 12:12:54 PM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Looking for suggestions
on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin. My son feels as though the boy thinks he's "dumb" and he starts feeling he isn't intelligent when he can't answer the kid's questions. He's told me that he's told the boy that it's none of his business but he keeps at it. My son has verbal apraxia so communication is very difficult for him. I've tried to explain to my son that this boy probably wishes that he could be homeschooled and he also has strong feelings about a team mate who is 3 years younger getting higher scores than he is. That envy can make people say hurtful things. I'm concerned that the negativity between them is escalating. Last
night my son was in tears in the gym about an interaction with this kid, which only left him feeling worse about himself that he had been reduced to tears in front of everyone. When we left the gym he said he wanted to quit because of this kid and I told him that was absolutely his decision and we could talk more about it later. We talked at dinner and he became very angry at the 10 year old, yelling and really upset that it's none of this kid's business. Then this morning he told me he didn't want to quit gymnastics but I can tell it's coloring how he feels about going.
My son already feels that he's different from other kids because of the apraxia and this situation appears to be making things worse. I'm concerned that it's negatively affecting his confidence. I mean the whole reason for going to gymnastics is to have fun and feel good, not to be in tears. Do I step in and intervene or let them work it out? Are there things I can tell my son so he can develop a thick skin to this kind of thing? I know he wont get along with everyone and it's a normal part of life, I'd just like to help him keep his self confidence up in the face of someone behaving like this. Right now he's got very big buttons/chips on his shoulders and people keep telling me how "sensitive" he is . . .
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I appreciate any suggestions.
Sarah
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On 3/5/2009 11:12 AM, Sarah wrote:
tell me something you learned today." If the kid told her something,
she'd say, "See, now I know that too. That's how I learn things."
There was one girl who used to ask her stupid stuff like, "How did you
learn to tie your shoes?" One day she asked her, "How do you learn
science?" Rosie said, "Well, like what?" The girl: "Like what is the
speed of light?" Rosie: "What is it?" The girl: "I knew it for the quiz
but now I don't remember." Rosie: "So you didn't learn it." Girl: "I
learned it for the quiz." Rosie: "But you don't know it now and neither
do I. So what's the difference?" Silence.
-pam
> on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin.Rosie used to turn such questions around. She'd respond with, "Well,
tell me something you learned today." If the kid told her something,
she'd say, "See, now I know that too. That's how I learn things."
There was one girl who used to ask her stupid stuff like, "How did you
learn to tie your shoes?" One day she asked her, "How do you learn
science?" Rosie said, "Well, like what?" The girl: "Like what is the
speed of light?" Rosie: "What is it?" The girl: "I knew it for the quiz
but now I don't remember." Rosie: "So you didn't learn it." Girl: "I
learned it for the quiz." Rosie: "But you don't know it now and neither
do I. So what's the difference?" Silence.
-pam
Melissa
I like Rosie!!!!She sounds neat. She can come play at my house anytime!!!!! WOW. Good for her. I think she handles it perfectly. She seems confident. Maybe she could ask them to stop and request they just be friends.
Melissa
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> On 3/5/2009 11:12 AM, Sarah wrote:
> > on helping my 7 year old son deal with an uncomfortable relationship with a 10 year old boy on his gymnastics team. At just about every practice this boy asks my son things like, "What did you learn today? What's 8 x 5? Are you learning ANYthing? Have you started learning such and such?" I've watched the interaction and it's definitely not friendly in origin.
>
> Rosie used to turn such questions around. She'd respond with, "Well,
> tell me something you learned today." If the kid told her something,
> she'd say, "See, now I know that too. That's how I learn things."
>
> There was one girl who used to ask her stupid stuff like, "How did you
> learn to tie your shoes?" One day she asked her, "How do you learn
> science?" Rosie said, "Well, like what?" The girl: "Like what is the
> speed of light?" Rosie: "What is it?" The girl: "I knew it for the quiz
> but now I don't remember." Rosie: "So you didn't learn it." Girl: "I
> learned it for the quiz." Rosie: "But you don't know it now and neither
> do I. So what's the difference?" Silence.
>
>
> -pam
>
srmccann2003
Thank you to everyone that wrote in with suggestions. I sat with my son this morning and went over what options we thought we had to choose from, such as: do nothing, have me or him talk to the coaches, have me talk to the child, have me talk with the parents, have him ask the kid questions/turn it back on the kid. Out of those my son liked the option of asking him questions about facts that the kid might not know. BUT he does not want to do the memorizing that it would entail. He wants to just make up questions and make up the answers. For example he said, "I'm going to ask (name of child) how far it is to the moon! Then I'm going to say, 'No it isn't it's 50 miles!'" Needless to say I'm pleased with his gumption and creativity but I don't think this will help get the child to stop the harassment. Quite honestly I don't think my intervening directly will stop it either because I've spoken to this kid and another one about not pushing my son out of line AND the coach has spoken to them and they still do it.
I still wish that there was a way for me to help my son become immune to other people/kids trying to 'get his goat'. To be confident in spite of his differences. It's something I'm not particularly good at though so maybe I have to learn it first and model it for him. In the mean time I'll ask him again if he's comfortable just asking, "You tell me something you've learned today and then I'll know it". Because of the apraxia it will have to be something he practices so he'll really have to want to do it.
Thanks again,
Sarah
I still wish that there was a way for me to help my son become immune to other people/kids trying to 'get his goat'. To be confident in spite of his differences. It's something I'm not particularly good at though so maybe I have to learn it first and model it for him. In the mean time I'll ask him again if he's comfortable just asking, "You tell me something you've learned today and then I'll know it". Because of the apraxia it will have to be something he practices so he'll really have to want to do it.
Thanks again,
Sarah