Sandy (Corey) Winn

Hi Everyone,

I've been on the list off and on through the years mostly because I
respect you guys so much and am embarrassed that I've been wishy-washy
and do not want to get on everyone's nerves. :-)

My husband and I have really come a long way towards our views on
education and we truly believe that what our children want to learn is
best. That said, how do you avoid the pitfall of not feeling that if
you don't push your child to learn that you've failed them?

This question mostly pertains to our 14yo son. He's a wonderful young
man. For over a year now, he keeps talking about dual enrolling at the
community college when he's 16 (we haven't told him he 'has to' and
both hubby and I have said it is his choice) and then joining the
military. We told him that he should do what he wants when it comes to
all of that.

My "concern"...He speaks very passionately about both of those and,
together, we've looked at what needs to be done to accomplish them.
The Navy wants a "diploma" and "credits" and preferably "sports"--Zak
is not into sports at all. We're having trouble finding out exactly
what the Air Force requires (he doesn't want to join the Marines or
Army). Also, he doesn't want to write, spend time with grammar, or do
science projects. However, he loves reading about history from time to
time, finances and real estate. There just isn't any "work" to show
for it aside from me listing the books he's read.

As for community college, he doesn't want to prepare for that either
by learning what will be required to even get his foot in the door,
i.e.; Florida FCAT, Clepping, portfolio. I can add books he's read and
tv shows that he's watched and also a few community projects he's
done--but I don't know if it will be enough.

He's such a wonderful young man. My mountain is trying to get over
"stories" where people say, "Thank goodness my parents/teacher/adult
pushed me to get good grades and study hard or I never would have made
it through life!"

I've told him that whatever he needs, be it test prep study materials
or books or anything that all he has to do is ask. He can partake in
sports, volunteer, ask to be an apprentice, and more. Is that enough?
I'm worried that if he isn't able to get into college or the military
(he may change his mind but it's been set for a long time and that's
never happened before) that he'll one day blame me for not pushing
him--it's a major fear for me.

Even though I know what he needs to do, I dread the thought of saying,
"You said you want to go to college so it's time to take it seriously.
From now on, everyday we're going to do "x, y and z" to get you there."

Thanks so much for your time.

Respectfully ~ Sandy

Meredith

--- In [email protected], "Sandy (Corey) Winn"
<sereneaspirations@...> wrote:
>> That said, how do you avoid the pitfall of not feeling that if
> you don't push your child to learn that you've failed them?

Pushing doesn't guarantee success - it can just as easily lead to
burnout or resistance or pushing a child Away from something he/she
loves. What makes pushing attractive is that you get to feel like
you're "doing something". It feels active, not passive. Do something,
even if its wrong.

> For over a year now, he keeps talking about dual enrolling at the
> community college when he's 16 (we haven't told him he 'has to' and
> both hubby and I have said it is his choice) and then joining the
> military. We told him that he should do what he wants when it comes
to
> all of that.

Pushing him to do more to "get ready" isn't going to inspire him -
ultimately, he Doesn't have to go to community college at 16. Its
okay if it takes another year or two (or changes his mind entirely).
If you're wanting to be helpful in a proactive way, keep looking into
options around the idea using a portfolio rather than something more
structured for admissions. Maybe look into enrolling with some kind
of "umbrella school" that will issue y'all a diploma - some are very
familiar with unschoolers and eclectic homeschoolers and will help
you turn what you do into something that you can use with the Navy,
for example.

> I've told him that whatever he needs, be it test prep study
materials
> or books or anything that all he has to do is ask.

Good. There's lots of time. Step away from the idea of materials, now
and help him look for more things that appeal to him right now. He's
not into sports - how does he feel about things like juggling or
skateboarding? Alternately, how does he feel about things like
pottery or metalworking? Those are some of my 15yos interests, which
is why they come to mind, but they're all fantastically physical,
even if they aren't "sports". Maybe look into summer camps or
scouting, too - organized ways to participate in what are,
essentially, individual sports like hiking or canoeing (sp?) or rock
climbing. If you ds just isn't interested in doing things with his
body, eventually he's going to figure out that the military isn't a
good fit for him. Its okay if he takes awhile to figure that out,
though. There's still lots of time.

>My mountain is trying to get over
> "stories" where people say, "Thank goodness my parents/teacher/adult
> pushed me to get good grades and study hard or I never would have
made
> it through life!"

What will help you get over that mountain? Will stories that say
something else help? I did well in school and got fantastic grades
and now have an education that's almost completely worthless to me. I
got more out of my hobbies, things that I was actively discouraged
from persuing, than anything I was encouraged to do. Does that help?

---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)

Sandy (Corey) Winn

Hi Meredith,

Thank you so much for pointing out the obvious. I really appreciate
your time and, yes, it helped greatly!

We are with a private umbrella school but it doesn't require anything
other than attendance on a yearly basis. Your information about
finding ones that are unschool friendly is a great idea though. I've
also contemplated trying to find an unschool friendly certified
teacher to help--though his/her insight will stay with me and I don't
have to report to the state because we're not under Option 1 of
Florida's home schooling laws.

On another not, I took advantage of the search option for this group
and found a few helpful replies to other questions that aided me as
well. :-)

Have a great day ~ Sandy

> What will help you get over that mountain? Will stories that say
> something else help? I did well in school and got fantastic grades
> and now have an education that's almost completely worthless to me. I
> got more out of my hobbies, things that I was actively discouraged
> from persuing, than anything I was encouraged to do. Does that help?
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>