sex, sleeping, beds, and unschooling
sistergoddesselli
Hello everyone -
So, I've got a question, one that I've struggled with since my two
were born (my son is 8 and my daughter is almost 11 now). How do we,
as a family, weave together everyone's desires when it comes to
sleeping, beds, and sex (okay, so the sex has to do with me and my Hot
Hubby, not the kids)?
Here's what we've got:
I love it when my kids sleep in my bed with me.
My husband doesn't like it.
Our kids LOVE to sleep in our bed with us.
We have a king size bed.
The kids each have full size beds (one is a loft bed my husband built
for my daughter)
My husband sometimes falls asleep on the couch (although, now that I
am NOT harshly judging the TV and computer, he is more likely to
follow me up to bed when I go up around 9 or 10 pm. THANK YOU
un-schoolers for leading me to accepting and rejoicing in the
pleasures of TV and computers!!! My family is much more happy now!!)
I am tired at night and usually want to fall asleep around 9 pm.
I love getting up early!
I have rheumatoid arthritis, and sometimes sleeping with kids snuggled
up against my body makes me ache more.
My husband and son love to sleep in late and go to bed late.
My son and daughter typically come up to bed when I go up and they
love to snuggle with me in my bed and fall asleep.
My daughter is easily transferred to her bed when HH comes up (at
least, she will go there and not come back later). Although, if she
knows that we are going to ask her to move to her bed during the
night, she will usually want to fall asleep in her bed. Getting up
into a loft while she is half asleep doesn't feel safe to her.
My son can be carried to his bed, but when he wakes up he comes in and
asks to get into our bed, at which point, my husband yells "NO!" and
then there is a back and forth all night long, or my son turns on his
I-pod stories in his bedroom so that we all can hear, or loudly calls
the dog to his bed. This can go on throughout the night and into the
morning until my sweet son sneaks his way into our bed again (usually
after I am up and about for the morning).
My daughter gets jealous if her brother is sleeping in my bed and she
is not. Same is true the other way around.
If I am in the middle of the bed, which is where everyone wants me so
that they can be next to me, my body aches!! I need room to move
around and get comfortable. Rheumatoid arthritis is often worse at night.
And, where in all of this do Hot Hubby and I fit sex??
One thought I had, was to let the kids know that we will be going to
the bedroom for a while after dinner a couple of nights each week, and
they can enjoy TV or reading or what ever, on their own. And, that
this would let mom and dad get some time to connect, which would make
sleeping arrangements more flexible.
I like this idea because it makes our couple time intentional, rather
than a catch as catch can.
Within flexible sleeping arrangements, we would all need to be
sensitive to the fact that I need SPACE in which to feel comfortable
while I sleep. So, maybe some brainstorming around how to help mommy
feel comfortable at night, could also help. (of course, HH's answer
to that is make the kids sleep in their own beds, where they belong!!
So, perhaps some more advice on husbands would help here.)
What do you think of my idea??
Does anyone have any other ideas or experience??
Thanks!
Elli
Mom to Peter, 8 years and Sophia, 10 years
So, I've got a question, one that I've struggled with since my two
were born (my son is 8 and my daughter is almost 11 now). How do we,
as a family, weave together everyone's desires when it comes to
sleeping, beds, and sex (okay, so the sex has to do with me and my Hot
Hubby, not the kids)?
Here's what we've got:
I love it when my kids sleep in my bed with me.
My husband doesn't like it.
Our kids LOVE to sleep in our bed with us.
We have a king size bed.
The kids each have full size beds (one is a loft bed my husband built
for my daughter)
My husband sometimes falls asleep on the couch (although, now that I
am NOT harshly judging the TV and computer, he is more likely to
follow me up to bed when I go up around 9 or 10 pm. THANK YOU
un-schoolers for leading me to accepting and rejoicing in the
pleasures of TV and computers!!! My family is much more happy now!!)
I am tired at night and usually want to fall asleep around 9 pm.
I love getting up early!
I have rheumatoid arthritis, and sometimes sleeping with kids snuggled
up against my body makes me ache more.
My husband and son love to sleep in late and go to bed late.
My son and daughter typically come up to bed when I go up and they
love to snuggle with me in my bed and fall asleep.
My daughter is easily transferred to her bed when HH comes up (at
least, she will go there and not come back later). Although, if she
knows that we are going to ask her to move to her bed during the
night, she will usually want to fall asleep in her bed. Getting up
into a loft while she is half asleep doesn't feel safe to her.
My son can be carried to his bed, but when he wakes up he comes in and
asks to get into our bed, at which point, my husband yells "NO!" and
then there is a back and forth all night long, or my son turns on his
I-pod stories in his bedroom so that we all can hear, or loudly calls
the dog to his bed. This can go on throughout the night and into the
morning until my sweet son sneaks his way into our bed again (usually
after I am up and about for the morning).
My daughter gets jealous if her brother is sleeping in my bed and she
is not. Same is true the other way around.
If I am in the middle of the bed, which is where everyone wants me so
that they can be next to me, my body aches!! I need room to move
around and get comfortable. Rheumatoid arthritis is often worse at night.
And, where in all of this do Hot Hubby and I fit sex??
One thought I had, was to let the kids know that we will be going to
the bedroom for a while after dinner a couple of nights each week, and
they can enjoy TV or reading or what ever, on their own. And, that
this would let mom and dad get some time to connect, which would make
sleeping arrangements more flexible.
I like this idea because it makes our couple time intentional, rather
than a catch as catch can.
Within flexible sleeping arrangements, we would all need to be
sensitive to the fact that I need SPACE in which to feel comfortable
while I sleep. So, maybe some brainstorming around how to help mommy
feel comfortable at night, could also help. (of course, HH's answer
to that is make the kids sleep in their own beds, where they belong!!
So, perhaps some more advice on husbands would help here.)
What do you think of my idea??
Does anyone have any other ideas or experience??
Thanks!
Elli
Mom to Peter, 8 years and Sophia, 10 years
strawlis
--- In [email protected], "sistergoddesselli"
<elinorsparks@...> wrote:
the bedroom for a while after dinner a couple of nights each week, and
they can enjoy TV or reading or what ever, on their own. And, that
this would let mom and dad get some time to connect, which would make
sleeping arrangements more flexible."
:):):) That's a great idea and a great start! Sex and sleeping are
two sperate and very enjoyable actitivies in our houses.
"Within flexible sleeping arrangements, we would all need to be
sensitive to the fact that I need SPACE in which to feel comfortable
while I sleep. So, maybe some brainstorming around how to help mommy
feel comfortable at night, could also help."
:):):) First not knowing to much about your conditon, I would ask, is
there anything you can do for yourself to easy the discomfort, before
and during sleep, like a hot bath, a heating blanket (does heat help
or hinder RA pain?), maybe a 'special' massage from said Hotty DH.
Second I would share that we 4 (DD's 8&10,DH, me) also mostly sleep
on one King size bed.....and we are seriously considering moving a
double bed that we have in our spare room, into our small master
room, along with pulling out some of the dressers..and making what
would be my fantasy all 'Bed' room.
It's about making really simple changes in the way your precieve
things ought to be...for instance in our home both DD's have thier
own bedrooms, and to anyone else that is exactly what they look
like...bedrooms...but we know different, thier beds are extra comphy
extended play/cudddle areas, thier draws, places to keep thier toys
and treasures in. Just a shift! In fact the joke in our house is...
that we all have our own closet!
Hope this gets ya thinking...it is possible.
Elisabeth
<elinorsparks@...> wrote:
>"One thought I had, was to let the kids know that we will be going to
the bedroom for a while after dinner a couple of nights each week, and
they can enjoy TV or reading or what ever, on their own. And, that
this would let mom and dad get some time to connect, which would make
sleeping arrangements more flexible."
:):):) That's a great idea and a great start! Sex and sleeping are
two sperate and very enjoyable actitivies in our houses.
"Within flexible sleeping arrangements, we would all need to be
sensitive to the fact that I need SPACE in which to feel comfortable
while I sleep. So, maybe some brainstorming around how to help mommy
feel comfortable at night, could also help."
:):):) First not knowing to much about your conditon, I would ask, is
there anything you can do for yourself to easy the discomfort, before
and during sleep, like a hot bath, a heating blanket (does heat help
or hinder RA pain?), maybe a 'special' massage from said Hotty DH.
Second I would share that we 4 (DD's 8&10,DH, me) also mostly sleep
on one King size bed.....and we are seriously considering moving a
double bed that we have in our spare room, into our small master
room, along with pulling out some of the dressers..and making what
would be my fantasy all 'Bed' room.
It's about making really simple changes in the way your precieve
things ought to be...for instance in our home both DD's have thier
own bedrooms, and to anyone else that is exactly what they look
like...bedrooms...but we know different, thier beds are extra comphy
extended play/cudddle areas, thier draws, places to keep thier toys
and treasures in. Just a shift! In fact the joke in our house is...
that we all have our own closet!
Hope this gets ya thinking...it is possible.
Elisabeth
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "sistergoddesselli"
<elinorsparks@...> wrote:
relation to the "family" bed? It can be really helpful to have extra
beds or even simple "nests" on the floor next to where the parents
are sleeping (or even in a big closet, weird as that sounds) - it can
provide enough separation for aching bodies *and* grownup fun while
still letting the kids be close to mom and dad for comfort. Its also
much much easier to shift a child Down than up or even over, iykwim?
Something else to consider... do you and dh need that king size bed
if its just the two of you? I mean really physically need that much
space? You could keep that as the family bed, you see, and you and dh
have a separate bed of y'all's own - you and he could move, rather
than shifting the kids.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
<elinorsparks@...> wrote:
>we,
> Hello everyone -
>
> So, I've got a question, one that I've struggled with since my two
> were born (my son is 8 and my daughter is almost 11 now). How do
> as a family, weave together everyone's desires when it comes toHot
> sleeping, beds, and sex (okay, so the sex has to do with me and my
> Hubby, not the kids)?Something that wasn't clear to me is where the kids beds are in
relation to the "family" bed? It can be really helpful to have extra
beds or even simple "nests" on the floor next to where the parents
are sleeping (or even in a big closet, weird as that sounds) - it can
provide enough separation for aching bodies *and* grownup fun while
still letting the kids be close to mom and dad for comfort. Its also
much much easier to shift a child Down than up or even over, iykwim?
Something else to consider... do you and dh need that king size bed
if its just the two of you? I mean really physically need that much
space? You could keep that as the family bed, you see, and you and dh
have a separate bed of y'all's own - you and he could move, rather
than shifting the kids.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Sex? Kids go to sleep and we have the whole house for ourselves!
It can be tricky but since I go to bed late dh has asked me to wake him up.
We have also sneaked when kids where happily playing during the day.
I also found out that flirting and being more physical with my dh makes him feel happy and wanted/desired.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
It can be tricky but since I go to bed late dh has asked me to wake him up.
We have also sneaked when kids where happily playing during the day.
I also found out that flirting and being more physical with my dh makes him feel happy and wanted/desired.
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]