advice re child who plays with my children plz...slightly ot, but im worried
ann329851
im happy to let my kids play with a vast range of different aged
children, as iknow each child gives something different, but im
becoming increasingly concerned about a girl whois approx 14 yrs of
age, whoplays with my children and some others here in our street.
my concerns began when my child came in and told me shed said, if he
didnt do as she said, she would make all the other kids, not play with
him. soi kindly spoke to her about this, and all seemed well. however
today, i caight her whispering to the other kids, if they played with
my children, she would never be friendly with them again . now, i dont
want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becoming
increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling children
much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry she
bullied mine too. there are lots of kids her age in the neighbourhood,
but she insists on playing with 4 to 9 yr olds, i think cos she has
lots of control over them as opposed toher peers. her parents willjust
hurl abuse at me if i approach them. what doi do...myhead is cabbaged
with this kid. helpplease someone with a clear non judgemental mind !!!
thanks very much anna
children, as iknow each child gives something different, but im
becoming increasingly concerned about a girl whois approx 14 yrs of
age, whoplays with my children and some others here in our street.
my concerns began when my child came in and told me shed said, if he
didnt do as she said, she would make all the other kids, not play with
him. soi kindly spoke to her about this, and all seemed well. however
today, i caight her whispering to the other kids, if they played with
my children, she would never be friendly with them again . now, i dont
want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becoming
increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling children
much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry she
bullied mine too. there are lots of kids her age in the neighbourhood,
but she insists on playing with 4 to 9 yr olds, i think cos she has
lots of control over them as opposed toher peers. her parents willjust
hurl abuse at me if i approach them. what doi do...myhead is cabbaged
with this kid. helpplease someone with a clear non judgemental mind !!!
thanks very much anna
xandersmom0529
Do you know that is what the parents of the girl will do if you
approach them? or is that what you assume? Because if that's how they
are that explains a lot about the child.
Sometimes speaking to some of the other children's parents casually
can help safety in numbers. even though yes it seems to be targeted at
yours they are still intimidating their children as well in order to
alienate yours. They would probably be interested in knowing this.
good luck!
melissa
--- In [email protected], "ann329851"
<annworsley991@...> wrote:
approach them? or is that what you assume? Because if that's how they
are that explains a lot about the child.
Sometimes speaking to some of the other children's parents casually
can help safety in numbers. even though yes it seems to be targeted at
yours they are still intimidating their children as well in order to
alienate yours. They would probably be interested in knowing this.
good luck!
melissa
--- In [email protected], "ann329851"
<annworsley991@...> wrote:
>
> im happy to let my kids play with a vast range of different aged
> children, as iknow each child gives something different, but im
> becoming increasingly concerned about a girl whois approx 14 yrs of
> age, whoplays with my children and some others here in our street.
> my concerns began when my child came in and told me shed said, if he
> didnt do as she said, she would make all the other kids, not play with
> him. soi kindly spoke to her about this, and all seemed well. however
> today, i caight her whispering to the other kids, if they played with
> my children, she would never be friendly with them again . now, i dont
> want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becoming
> increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling children
> much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry she
> bullied mine too. there are lots of kids her age in the neighbourhood,
> but she insists on playing with 4 to 9 yr olds, i think cos she has
> lots of control over them as opposed toher peers. her parents willjust
> hurl abuse at me if i approach them. what doi do...myhead is cabbaged
> with this kid. helpplease someone with a clear non judgemental mind !!!
> thanks very much anna
>
Melissa
In a similar situation I asked my kids how they felt about it and
what they thought they could do. My kids felt they were obligated to
do what the kid told them to do. After a talk, they decided to tell
the older child no thanks to the bossy behavior. I guess sometimes
kids forget they are in charge of themselves and they do what an
older kid says to do so they can be accepted.
Melissa-Ocala
--- In [email protected], "ann329851"
<annworsley991@...> wrote:
what they thought they could do. My kids felt they were obligated to
do what the kid told them to do. After a talk, they decided to tell
the older child no thanks to the bossy behavior. I guess sometimes
kids forget they are in charge of themselves and they do what an
older kid says to do so they can be accepted.
Melissa-Ocala
--- In [email protected], "ann329851"
<annworsley991@...> wrote:
>he
> im happy to let my kids play with a vast range of different aged
> children, as iknow each child gives something different, but im
> becoming increasingly concerned about a girl whois approx 14 yrs of
> age, whoplays with my children and some others here in our street.
> my concerns began when my child came in and told me shed said, if
> didnt do as she said, she would make all the other kids, not playwith
> him. soi kindly spoke to her about this, and all seemed well.however
> today, i caight her whispering to the other kids, if they playedwith
> my children, she would never be friendly with them again . now, idont
> want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becomingchildren
> increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling
> much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry sheneighbourhood,
> bullied mine too. there are lots of kids her age in the
> but she insists on playing with 4 to 9 yr olds, i think cos she haswilljust
> lots of control over them as opposed toher peers. her parents
> hurl abuse at me if i approach them. what doi do...myhead iscabbaged
> with this kid. helpplease someone with a clear non judgementalmind !!!
> thanks very much anna
>
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "ann329851"
<annworsley991@...> wrote:
feels pretty helpless at home its natural that she'd try to replay
some of those power dynamics with others - to put herself in the
position of the one who makes the rules and enforces them by any
means necessary.
What can you do? Confrontation isn't likely to help in any way. But
you can make Your home more welcoming for play, so other kids are
motivated to come and play in your "territory" as it were. When the
kids are playing near, you have the opportunity to set the tone, to
model generosity and graciousness. It would mean more direct
engagement on your part. Without knowing more about your situation, I
can't really give any specific suggestions, but ask your kids, for
sure. How can you make your home an oaisis for kids in your
neighborhood?
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
<annworsley991@...> wrote:
>now, i dontchildren
> want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becoming
> increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling
> much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry sheIts entirely possible that's what's going on. If the girl in question
> bullied mine too.
feels pretty helpless at home its natural that she'd try to replay
some of those power dynamics with others - to put herself in the
position of the one who makes the rules and enforces them by any
means necessary.
What can you do? Confrontation isn't likely to help in any way. But
you can make Your home more welcoming for play, so other kids are
motivated to come and play in your "territory" as it were. When the
kids are playing near, you have the opportunity to set the tone, to
model generosity and graciousness. It would mean more direct
engagement on your part. Without knowing more about your situation, I
can't really give any specific suggestions, but ask your kids, for
sure. How can you make your home an oaisis for kids in your
neighborhood?
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Tammy Curry
We have moved into a multicultural neighborhood. It has created a variety of dynamics for our kids. They are getting exposure to other cultures but at the same time across the lines of ethnicity you have people who play nicely and those who just don't. It has taken a bit for our kids to find ones that play they play nicely together they have even started their own club "The Club for Nice People". They have been trying to find a safe place for a club house. Well since my daughter's new best friend lives almost directly behind us, there is an empty trailer lot and a fence in between and the other mother isn't as involved with her children playing outside, she does have a very new baby to take care of and the weather has been icky. We decided that since we are turning out little lot into an edible landscape we are going to set aside one area with a lattice arbor and let the kids help us plant and create their own club house. The parents are all thrilled to
death and materials are being donated.
We have had similar problems with some of the kids in the neighborhood, however, I have noticed that when I am outside, not necessarily playing with the kids but working on building our gardens, cleaning the car and restocking it, etc they seem to behave better. I think it is more or less an escape from dominating parents but if there is an authority figure around they seem to mind their manners. I do try to include them if they are near by when we pass out juice boxes or water bottles or some kind of snack. This is probably how our house becomes a haven to other kids. LOL
Of course a few of the families are a bit taken back by the fact we homeschool. I haven't even attempted to explain unschooling to them it would just confuse them as they are having a hard time understanding why we don't take advantage of the school system and give ourselves a break from having the kids with us constantly.
But I definitely promote the idea of creating a safe haven on your own turf. Most kids that bully are bullied themselves at home. Perhaps if this girl sees that not all parents are like that, it might help her to make better decisions.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/
________________________________
From: Meredith <meredith@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, March 2, 2009 10:54:30 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: advice re child who plays with my children plz...slightly ot, but im worried
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "ann329851"
<annworsley991@ ...> wrote:
feels pretty helpless at home its natural that she'd try to replay
some of those power dynamics with others - to put herself in the
position of the one who makes the rules and enforces them by any
means necessary.
What can you do? Confrontation isn't likely to help in any way. But
you can make Your home more welcoming for play, so other kids are
motivated to come and play in your "territory" as it were. When the
kids are playing near, you have the opportunity to set the tone, to
model generosity and graciousness. It would mean more direct
engagement on your part. Without knowing more about your situation, I
can't really give any specific suggestions, but ask your kids, for
sure. How can you make your home an oaisis for kids in your
neighborhood?
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
death and materials are being donated.
We have had similar problems with some of the kids in the neighborhood, however, I have noticed that when I am outside, not necessarily playing with the kids but working on building our gardens, cleaning the car and restocking it, etc they seem to behave better. I think it is more or less an escape from dominating parents but if there is an authority figure around they seem to mind their manners. I do try to include them if they are near by when we pass out juice boxes or water bottles or some kind of snack. This is probably how our house becomes a haven to other kids. LOL
Of course a few of the families are a bit taken back by the fact we homeschool. I haven't even attempted to explain unschooling to them it would just confuse them as they are having a hard time understanding why we don't take advantage of the school system and give ourselves a break from having the kids with us constantly.
But I definitely promote the idea of creating a safe haven on your own turf. Most kids that bully are bullied themselves at home. Perhaps if this girl sees that not all parents are like that, it might help her to make better decisions.
Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/
________________________________
From: Meredith <meredith@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, March 2, 2009 10:54:30 AM
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: advice re child who plays with my children plz...slightly ot, but im worried
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, "ann329851"
<annworsley991@ ...> wrote:
>now, i dontchildren
> want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becoming
> increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling
> much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry sheIts entirely possible that's what's going on. If the girl in question
> bullied mine too.
feels pretty helpless at home its natural that she'd try to replay
some of those power dynamics with others - to put herself in the
position of the one who makes the rules and enforces them by any
means necessary.
What can you do? Confrontation isn't likely to help in any way. But
you can make Your home more welcoming for play, so other kids are
motivated to come and play in your "territory" as it were. When the
kids are playing near, you have the opportunity to set the tone, to
model generosity and graciousness. It would mean more direct
engagement on your part. Without knowing more about your situation, I
can't really give any specific suggestions, but ask your kids, for
sure. How can you make your home an oaisis for kids in your
neighborhood?
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Faith Void
You can only control yourself. I second the suggestions of creating an oasis
at your home. The neighborhood kids all love to come to my house. We have a
trampoline and a huge back yard. I have beverages and occasionally snacks.
We also have a wii and a nice playroom and art supplies for indoor play. We
have one major rule: be nice of leave. I will let the kids know what I
expect. I respect them and I expect respectful treatment to all who is
there. This was people who are unpleasant can't play at our house.
Faith
at your home. The neighborhood kids all love to come to my house. We have a
trampoline and a huge back yard. I have beverages and occasionally snacks.
We also have a wii and a nice playroom and art supplies for indoor play. We
have one major rule: be nice of leave. I will let the kids know what I
expect. I respect them and I expect respectful treatment to all who is
there. This was people who are unpleasant can't play at our house.
Faith
On Sat, Feb 28, 2009 at 12:43 PM, ann329851 <annworsley991@...>wrote:
> im happy to let my kids play with a vast range of different aged
> children, as iknow each child gives something different, but im
> becoming increasingly concerned about a girl whois approx 14 yrs of
> age, whoplays with my children and some others here in our street.
> my concerns began when my child came in and told me shed said, if he
> didnt do as she said, she would make all the other kids, not play with
> him. soi kindly spoke to her about this, and all seemed well. however
> today, i caight her whispering to the other kids, if they played with
> my children, she would never be friendly with them again . now, i dont
> want to level myself to the psych of a 14 yr old, but im becoming
> increasingly worried, that shes dominating and controlling children
> much much younger than herself. if im truthful, im quite angry she
> bullied mine too. there are lots of kids her age in the neighbourhood,
> but she insists on playing with 4 to 9 yr olds, i think cos she has
> lots of control over them as opposed toher peers. her parents willjust
> hurl abuse at me if i approach them. what doi do...myhead is cabbaged
> with this kid. helpplease someone with a clear non judgemental mind !!!
> thanks very much anna
>
> __
>
--
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]