Help, I have regressed!
Linda
I started Unschooling last year, and found it fantastic, but over the
December holidays those awful doubts started creeping in again. I have
had NO indication that my child has actually learned anything over the
past year, and of course all the extended family were asking him
questions about his year and what he had learned and he had no answers
for them. So I felt terrible, and 'fell off the wagon' and got out all
the old books again. Cringe. We have had a horrible couple of weeks,
and I can see my son's eyes glazing over, even though i tried giving
him a choice of what 'schoolish' things we did. Have I undone
everything? I just can't shake the 'guilt' I feel when leaving him to
his own interests, maybe because I am not seeing any concrete learning
happening. Please help me to let go permanently!!
December holidays those awful doubts started creeping in again. I have
had NO indication that my child has actually learned anything over the
past year, and of course all the extended family were asking him
questions about his year and what he had learned and he had no answers
for them. So I felt terrible, and 'fell off the wagon' and got out all
the old books again. Cringe. We have had a horrible couple of weeks,
and I can see my son's eyes glazing over, even though i tried giving
him a choice of what 'schoolish' things we did. Have I undone
everything? I just can't shake the 'guilt' I feel when leaving him to
his own interests, maybe because I am not seeing any concrete learning
happening. Please help me to let go permanently!!
carenkh
I don't know if I can help you let go permanently, but I can for this
moment:
1) Take a deep breath, all the way into your tummy.
2) Take another.
In this moment, right now - Is your son happy? Is he interested in
things? If you pulled him out of school, or you were school-at-homing,
he may not seem to be, because he's still deschooling, which can look
a lot like "doing nothing all day". If that's the case, let him heal,
and you can ask for specific things to help with deschooling on this
list and others.
If he is happy and interested, that's a great start! If you aim your
compass for joy, help your son aim his the same, and let that be your
touchstone and way of being, that is really all you need. Learning
WILL happen. You can't stop it from happening. It will NOT look like
school learning, and he more than likely won't be able to articulate
what he's learning, but it *is* happening. Aim for joy. That is ALL
you need to be concerned with: what will help make my son happy in
this moment? Those moments after moments add up. You will soon forget
school even exists, and those doubting days will be no more - honest!
Unschoolers don't "leave kids to their own interests" - we are WITH
kids in their own interests, as much as the kid desires or needs. It's
about connection, connection, connection - a concept I didn't *really*
get 'til I'd been unschooling for a little while.
Go to an unschooling conference! There are many, all around the US
this year. And outside the US, too! Let us know where you are, and we
can point you to the closest.
This is from the Sudbury Valley School site - so it's not an
unschooler, exactly, but it sums up learning through life so well:
"They'd say, "What did you learn today?" and we'd think, "What did we
learn today? What are you talking about?" Because it wasn't as if you
went into the library and learned your facts for the day. You had a
dozen conversations with people. We weren't learning subject by
subject. We were learning in a much more organic manner. You would be
doing a lot of different things and you would learn them in little
bits and pieces that would start adding up to much bigger pictures.
You wouldn't really know where it came from a lot of the time. By the
time you were done learning about something, information was coming
from so many different sources, from books and from people you were
talking to, and from a long drawn out experience, that you had no idea
how you learned it."
For those bits and pieces to happen, support your son in doing what he
loves to do - or even just likes! I'll say it again: it will not look
like school learning. But is IS learning, learning with your whole
heart and mind and body. It's amazing and miraculous and such an
incredible way to live! So even if you haven't let go in your mind,
pretend like you have in your actions. Your mind will follow!
peace,
Caren
moment:
1) Take a deep breath, all the way into your tummy.
2) Take another.
In this moment, right now - Is your son happy? Is he interested in
things? If you pulled him out of school, or you were school-at-homing,
he may not seem to be, because he's still deschooling, which can look
a lot like "doing nothing all day". If that's the case, let him heal,
and you can ask for specific things to help with deschooling on this
list and others.
If he is happy and interested, that's a great start! If you aim your
compass for joy, help your son aim his the same, and let that be your
touchstone and way of being, that is really all you need. Learning
WILL happen. You can't stop it from happening. It will NOT look like
school learning, and he more than likely won't be able to articulate
what he's learning, but it *is* happening. Aim for joy. That is ALL
you need to be concerned with: what will help make my son happy in
this moment? Those moments after moments add up. You will soon forget
school even exists, and those doubting days will be no more - honest!
Unschoolers don't "leave kids to their own interests" - we are WITH
kids in their own interests, as much as the kid desires or needs. It's
about connection, connection, connection - a concept I didn't *really*
get 'til I'd been unschooling for a little while.
Go to an unschooling conference! There are many, all around the US
this year. And outside the US, too! Let us know where you are, and we
can point you to the closest.
This is from the Sudbury Valley School site - so it's not an
unschooler, exactly, but it sums up learning through life so well:
"They'd say, "What did you learn today?" and we'd think, "What did we
learn today? What are you talking about?" Because it wasn't as if you
went into the library and learned your facts for the day. You had a
dozen conversations with people. We weren't learning subject by
subject. We were learning in a much more organic manner. You would be
doing a lot of different things and you would learn them in little
bits and pieces that would start adding up to much bigger pictures.
You wouldn't really know where it came from a lot of the time. By the
time you were done learning about something, information was coming
from so many different sources, from books and from people you were
talking to, and from a long drawn out experience, that you had no idea
how you learned it."
For those bits and pieces to happen, support your son in doing what he
loves to do - or even just likes! I'll say it again: it will not look
like school learning. But is IS learning, learning with your whole
heart and mind and body. It's amazing and miraculous and such an
incredible way to live! So even if you haven't let go in your mind,
pretend like you have in your actions. Your mind will follow!
peace,
Caren
[email protected]
maybe because I am not seeing any concrete learning
happening.
*******
Define "concrete learning."
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
happening.
*******
Define "concrete learning."
Nance
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa
Thank you for you post and for all who responded. I too have felt I
have regressed. I think what happens to "new unschoolers" is that we
TRY to unschool instead of realizing that we KNOW how already. I know
we tend to just let the kids "be" and forget that it is important to be
with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday that my kids were
not having interests because I wasn't interested. I made the mistake
of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that make sense? When
they watched a shoe baout volcanoes, I did hte dishes. Not exactly
supportive. My point is...it is important to BE with them and not just
leave them to find their way. Especially at first. Anyway, thank you
for posting. Sometimes we think that the post is just for ourselves,
but it turns out to save someone else.
Melissa
have regressed. I think what happens to "new unschoolers" is that we
TRY to unschool instead of realizing that we KNOW how already. I know
we tend to just let the kids "be" and forget that it is important to be
with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday that my kids were
not having interests because I wasn't interested. I made the mistake
of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that make sense? When
they watched a shoe baout volcanoes, I did hte dishes. Not exactly
supportive. My point is...it is important to BE with them and not just
leave them to find their way. Especially at first. Anyway, thank you
for posting. Sometimes we think that the post is just for ourselves,
but it turns out to save someone else.
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "Linda" <wolrablk@...> wrote:
>
> I started Unschooling last year, and found it fantastic, but over the
> December holidays those awful doubts started creeping in again. I have
> had NO indication that my child has actually learned anything over the
> past year, and of course all the extended family were asking him
> questions about his year and what he had learned and he had no answers
> for them. So I felt terrible, and 'fell off the wagon' and got out all
> the old books again. Cringe. We have had a horrible couple of weeks,
> and I can see my son's eyes glazing over, even though i tried giving
> him a choice of what 'schoolish' things we did. Have I undone
> everything? I just can't shake the 'guilt' I feel when leaving him to
> his own interests, maybe because I am not seeing any concrete learning
> happening. Please help me to let go permanently!!
>
strawlis
--- In [email protected], "Melissa" <ckent001@...>
wrote:
important to be with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday
that my kids were not having interests because I wasn't interested. I
made the mistake of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that
make sense?
:):):) Absolutely...this is spot on...and a common mistake. And one
that is easily rectified!
wrote:
>I know we tend to just let the kids "be" and forget that it is
important to be with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday
that my kids were not having interests because I wasn't interested. I
made the mistake of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that
make sense?
:):):) Absolutely...this is spot on...and a common mistake. And one
that is easily rectified!
Heather & Markus Schleidt
Wow, this really hit the nail on the head - unschooling vs. nonschooling. I think that is what many of my family/friends think and sometimes I perpetuate that stereotype by saying I don't DO anything. What I then go on to explain is that I facilitate their interests but I help them the best when I get out of their way until they show an interest or are interested in something we are exploring as a family. Not everyone gets this and they question the fact that I don't "Do" anything.
My 8 yo and I are now doing a Math program because he asked for it. We work about 15 minutes a day on it when he is interested, but if he is not, we leave it be. When we were "doing" school at age 6ish, I would be "teaching" him something and he would disengage, aske when we would be finished, and was out the door as soon as I would let him. Now that he asks for the stuff and we do things according to his interests, he is actually learning. That certainly isn't "nonschooling" to me. Thanks for the clarification and the use of the two words together to understand what some people think!
Heather in Ohio
To: [email protected]: lisberning@...: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 14:55:40 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help, I have regressed!
--- In [email protected], "Melissa" <ckent001@...> wrote:>I know we tend to just let the kids "be" and forget that it is important to be with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday that my kids were not having interests because I wasn't interested. I made the mistake of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that make sense? :):):) Absolutely...this is spot on...and a common mistake. And one that is easily rectified!
_________________________________________________________________
Windows Live�: Keep your life in sync.
http://windowslive.com/explore?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_t1_allup_explore_022009
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My 8 yo and I are now doing a Math program because he asked for it. We work about 15 minutes a day on it when he is interested, but if he is not, we leave it be. When we were "doing" school at age 6ish, I would be "teaching" him something and he would disengage, aske when we would be finished, and was out the door as soon as I would let him. Now that he asks for the stuff and we do things according to his interests, he is actually learning. That certainly isn't "nonschooling" to me. Thanks for the clarification and the use of the two words together to understand what some people think!
Heather in Ohio
To: [email protected]: lisberning@...: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 14:55:40 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help, I have regressed!
--- In [email protected], "Melissa" <ckent001@...> wrote:>I know we tend to just let the kids "be" and forget that it is important to be with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday that my kids were not having interests because I wasn't interested. I made the mistake of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that make sense? :):):) Absolutely...this is spot on...and a common mistake. And one that is easily rectified!
_________________________________________________________________
Windows Live�: Keep your life in sync.
http://windowslive.com/explore?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_t1_allup_explore_022009
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deanne Liner
Heather I know what you mean.� I say I do not DO anything also and get such harsh looks at times. If you give my 8 yr old a workbook or something from "school" he hates to write anything as he is Dyslexic they say, well to me he has eye tracking issues, but is fine. Well I got him a few pen pals from a Homeschool Yahoo Penpal group and he has NO PROBLEM writing to them. AND he has a map puzzle he goes and finds where they live on the map! A two fold purpose to write to penpals! If I asked him to write a paragraph in a workbook he would be having a fit. But to write to pen pals is not an issue, he enjoys that! He is sending them Valentines this weekend. His handwriting has improved and his cursive started on his own. He is doing it by himself and I dare say he writes better than I do at times! LOL� So non forced learning is where they really learn...just wish school had been that way with me!
--- On Sat, 2/7/09, Heather & Markus Schleidt <hmschleidt@...> wrote:
From: Heather & Markus Schleidt <hmschleidt@...>
Subject: RE: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help, I have regressed!
To: [email protected]
Date: Saturday, February 7, 2009, 8:34 AM
Wow, this really hit the nail on the head - unschooling vs. nonschooling.� I think that is what many of my family/friends think and sometimes I perpetuate that stereotype by saying I don't DO anything.� What I then go on to explain is that I facilitate their interests but I help them the best when I get out of their way until they show an interest or are interested in something we are exploring as a family.� Not everyone gets this and they question the fact that I don't "Do" anything.
My 8 yo and I are now doing a Math program because he asked for it.� We work about 15 minutes a day on it when he is interested, but if he is not, we leave it be.� When we were "doing" school at age 6ish, I would be "teaching" him something and he would disengage, aske when we would be finished, and was out the door as soon as I would let him.� Now that he asks for the stuff and we do things according to his interests, he is actually learning.� That certainly isn't "nonschooling" to me.� Thanks for the clarification and the use of the two words together to understand what some people think!
Heather in Ohio
To: [email protected]: lisberning@...: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 14:55:40 +0000Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Help, I have regressed!
--- In [email protected], "Melissa" <ckent001@...> wrote:>I know we tend to just let the kids "be" and forget that it is important to be with them and learn with them. I realized yesterday that my kids were not having interests because I wasn't interested. I made the mistake of thinking unschooling was nonschooling. Does that make sense? :):):) Absolutely...this is spot on...and a common mistake. And one that is easily rectified!
_________________________________________________________________
Windows Live�: Keep your life in sync.
http://windowslive.com/explore?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_t1_allup_explore_022009
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Heather & Markus Schleidt
Windows Live�: Keep your life in sync.
http://windowslive.com/explore?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_t1_allup_explore_022009
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
http://windowslive.com/explore?ocid=TXT_TAGLM_WL_t1_allup_explore_022009
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