Kelly Lovejoy

From the original poster:








It
was interesting to see the feedback, and I got much that was helpful.
And probably most helpful was my own mental clarification after reading
through the replies of what exactly my problem is!




Dh and I
have both worked VERY hard to create a household where we are open and
talk about how we feel about things. ?Especially in response to how HE
was treated. We've always been open about body parts and functions;
it's the sexuality and relationships that gets complicated. I think a
great deal of my problem (for verification) isn't that ds and I can't
talk about the body, physical health and even political issues
surrounding sex like birth control, abortion etc. It's more of not
knowing the line between healthy looking at pictures, and then abuse
and being scarred for life. My abuser used porn as a gateway, and the
longer the abuse when on, the less mainstream it became. And of course I was curious, but in hindsight, 12 yos shouldn't be reading about
undesired bondage and wound infliction as part of their introduction to
sexuality! What was the term...something more "vanilla," I guess. And part
of my baggage is that my mother (at some point) knew what was going on
but didn't have the desire or courage to step into and lose a boyfriend
over it. So as a mother figure, I needed someone to step in and protect
me; and as a mother now, I'm not sure where that point is.




I do worry
because in our homeschool group, it's all guys. I worry that I'm not
providing enough social interaction to develop relationships, but he
really doesn't seem to seek out social interactions IRL. Someone said
that just because he's looking doesn't mean he's wanting to meet girls,
and that's useful to know. Anyone have a script for me to bring up THAT
discussion. "I noticed that you've been looking at x, is there
something I can help you find? Are you looking to meet some new friends
of the girly persuasion?"






As for the
guy/girl thing, I hope I didn't offend. I do not discriminate based on
sexual preference...just with things being so complicated
already...sigh. So that's normal too?




And lastly,
the legal issues do bother me some, privacy and tracking on certain
websites, so Christy and Schuyler's advice was particularly helpful.
Thanks so much, everyone, I'll look into the books mentioned.





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