[email protected]

In a message dated 10/14/2004 6:34:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
dana.tierney@... writes:

And people who cannot spell and cannot be bothered to use spellcheck seem to
think that spelling is not important :)<<<<

Conversely, do people who *can* spell and use spellcheck think that spelling
IS important?

I'm a very good speller. And a grammar nazi. I cringe when I see bad
spelling and bad grammar. It's important to ME. No one else. I know that---and I
bite my tongue.

I won't correct your grammar or spelling or typos in this forum because
that's not what it's designed for. This e-list is here to discuss unschooling and
peaceful parenting. If you send me your book to edit, I'll do that happily
and with a blue pen! <g>

No one should be afraid to write here beause of what others will think of
her compositions. Here, it's more important to get your feelings and concerns up
on the screen. And if someone who struggles with grammar and spelling is
looking to be published, she should hire an editor (or ask a friend! <g>)!

~Kelly


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Rebecca DeLong

Hey all, I wanted to pop my head in and let ya'll know that are newest unschooler has arrived.

His name is Garett Edward, and was born Sept. 19.

45 min after labor started, 15 min after we got to the birthing center, my midwife didn't make it, and a VERY startled and unprepared(for natural childbirth) resident ended up attending the birth. :^)

We are all adjusting to our new family dynamic, and trying to deal with all the other changes going on. Thank goodnes for unschooling!

Jaiden(6) has decided that he wants to learn to read, and he wants me to "teach" him, he has also asked for a daily schedual - that way he has time for "school" and video games. I'm hoping that this is just a phase. @@

Avery(3) decided last week that he was done with dipers (cool) but wasn't ready to go to the bathroom in the toilet(not cool). We're working it out though.

Jason also let me know that his work will most likely be going to Florida to rebuild, and that if he's on the crew that goes down he;ll be gone for a month, home for Thanxgiving, gone again, back for Xmas, then back down for an undetermined time.

Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on how to deal with this?

Well, Garett is waking up and Jaiden needs help with his game so I'm off, but I am a pro at one handed typing and clicking so I'm back online.

~Rebecca

"I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul."
-Calvin






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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tina

Congrats on your new arrival! How wonderful! Best wishes to you
and your family...

Tina

--- In [email protected], Rebecca DeLong
<elfmama_2@y...> wrote:
>
>
>
> Hey all, I wanted to pop my head in and let ya'll know that are
newest unschooler has arrived.
>
> His name is Garett Edward, and was born Sept. 19.
>
> 45 min after labor started, 15 min after we got to the birthing
center, my midwife didn't make it, and a VERY startled and unprepared
(for natural childbirth) resident ended up attending the birth. :^)
>
> We are all adjusting to our new family dynamic, and trying to deal
with all the other changes going on. Thank goodnes for unschooling!
>
> Jaiden(6) has decided that he wants to learn to read, and he wants
me to "teach" him, he has also asked for a daily schedual - that way
he has time for "school" and video games. I'm hoping that this is
just a phase. @@
>
> Avery(3) decided last week that he was done with dipers (cool) but
wasn't ready to go to the bathroom in the toilet(not cool). We're
working it out though.
>
> Jason also let me know that his work will most likely be going to
Florida to rebuild, and that if he's on the crew that goes down
he;ll be gone for a month, home for Thanxgiving, gone again, back
for Xmas, then back down for an undetermined time.
>
> Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on
how to deal with this?
>
> Well, Garett is waking up and Jaiden needs help with his game so
I'm off, but I am a pro at one handed typing and clicking so I'm
back online.
>
> ~Rebecca
>
> "I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul."
> -Calvin
>
>
>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> vote.yahoo.com - Register online to vote today!
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

mamaaj2000

--- In [email protected], Rebecca DeLong
<elfmama_2@y...> wrote:

> 45 min after labor started, 15 min after we got to the birthing
center, my midwife didn't make it, and a VERY startled and unprepared
(for natural childbirth) resident ended up attending the birth. :^)

Oh, I have a wonderful mental image of that! I just caused the
hospital staff to joke that they didn't remember how to deliver a
baby w/o using pitocin...

> Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on
how to deal with this?

Congrats on the new one! I was just adding up how much dh has been
gone lately...5 weeks out of the last 5 months, so I'm getting a
taste of it. Most of the time it's been for one week at a time, so
that's not too bad.

Dh stocks the fridge and freezer with lots of easy to cook food--
okay, some of it is 'easy to defrost' food! Showering has been nearly
impossible this week...

The main mental difference for me is that instead of trying to get a
bunch of stuff done quickly while dh plays with the kids, I try to
stretch out 'chores' so that we all enjoy them. Instead of dh picking
up the mail when he comes home, the kids and I go get it, which means
dd (1.5) takes the key and spends 15 minutes refusing to open the
mailbox. We talk to neighbors, we end up taking the mail for a little
walk, etc.

We might make 2-3 trips to the store for a few items and take our
time, looking at fruit we're not familiar with or something.

Ah shoot, some of you do this all the time, right? Maybe I need to
pretend dh isn't available more of the time.

They aren't chores, they're life, so enjoy it.

We are taking the kids on more errands as they get older. Ds (4) is
really good company. Dd is great on some outings, but gets frustrated
with others. Dh even survived taking both of them to the store last
week, poor ol' introvert! They came home with a frightening amount of
candy, but that's okay.

--aj, helping herself more than helping Rebecca!

[email protected]

In a message dated 10/19/2004 9:38:40 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
elfmama_2@... writes:

Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on how to
deal with this?



******************************************************************************
*********************

Congratulations, Rebecca!

While your husband is gone, you might need to minimize "have-to's" and
maximize fun and joy. With a newborn, you are doing this already! Is there
someone that can help you with housework or feeding the kids? (I never did, but
thought I would ask!) Is there a neighbor or a 10 YO that might want to come
over for a few dollars to play with the older kids?

Try to have as many easy meals around as possible, less cooking and less
cleanup.

My kids always liked to get out almost every day to do something. Even a
ride in the car or a walk around the block gave us a change of pace.

Since it is the holidays, you may need to warn the extended family that you
will be doing just the minimum this year, and that means caring for your
children. You might have to say "no" or "maybe" alot. When you have the time
and energy to do more, you will. If I got invitations to things, I would say
that I didn't know if I could come, it would just depend on the day. Most
people understood this.

Consider this an adventure, not a chore. And prepare your husband for you
to need alot of rest when he is home, and that he might need to take over the
care and feeding of everybody for those days. It is as much of an emotional
drain to do this as a physical one. Rest up while he is home.

Leslie in SC



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Rebecca DeLong

mamaaj2000 <mamaaj2000@...> wrote:

--- In [email protected], Rebecca DeLong
<elfmama_2@y...> wrote:

> 45 min after labor started, 15 min after we got to the birthing
center, my midwife didn't make it, and a VERY startled and unprepared
(for natural childbirth) resident ended up attending the birth. :^)

Oh, I have a wonderful mental image of that! I just caused the
hospital staff to joke that they didn't remember how to deliver a
baby w/o using pitocin...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something we are still laughing about...I had REALLY wanted a water birth with this one, we had tried with the other two but wasn't able to manage it. The staff new about the water birth and had the tub all set up for me, Jason had stripped down to his boxers so he could be in the tub with me, when the next thing we knew, I was pushing he had climbed up onto the bed to hold my had and talk me through everything. After all was said and done jason noticed the resident was bright red and all flustered, he looked down and noticed that his boxers had shifted and, umm, as he put it, "beans and franks, for the world to see".

That poor resident, she had only been at the hospital for 2 months, never heard of the birthing center located in the hospital, wasn't prepared for nude men and a laboring woman screaming at her that if they tried to move me I'd jump up and kick her ass. (I was on the bed sideways and she wanted me at the end of the bed with my butt hanging off the mattress, and she kept trying to pull me where she wanted me).

~Rebecca





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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Syndi

>
> CONGRATULATIONS!!! Wow, how lucky you are to have such a quick
delivery!

" Avery(3) decided last week that he was done with dipers (cool) but
wasn't ready to go to the bathroom in the toilet(not cool). We're
working it out though."

Ok, now most of you are going to think this is gross, and I guess
there are better ways, but a coffee can works very well for little
boys not ready to use the bathroom yet! Take aim and fire (we held
the can for him)!
We did this and it wasn't too much longer until mine decided he'd
use the bathroom (many moons ago).
syndi

>
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Do you Yahoo!?
> vote.yahoo.com - Register online to vote today!
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Kiersten Pasciak

On the little boy/potty issue,
we just used a plastic potty at first (kinda like the coffee can
idea) and kept it in whatever room we were in. It made a big
difference for Jacob to not have to leave the room if he was in the
middle of something, especially TV.

Usually he just wanted to hang out naked so that made things really
easy. With winter coming, don't know how well that would work, LOL

If he went somewhere else, we just gently cleaned it up and
said "Next time you can put your pee in the potty" or "Oops, pee
doesn't go on the floor, let's clean up" (Mother's Little Miracle"
is a great spray for getting out stain/odor from potty accidents)
Very low key.
We did teach him to pee sitting down because that is how my husband
goes (at home).

Eventually we got a "Flip N Flush" for the toilet and a little stool
and he got into going on the toilet pretty quick.

Hope he makes up his mind for you soon :)

Kiersten


> " Avery(3) decided last week that he was done with dipers (cool)
but
> wasn't ready to go to the bathroom in the toilet(not cool). We're
> working it out though."

Angela S

Rebecca wrote:



His name is Garett Edward, and was born Sept. 19.



Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on how to
deal with this?

-----------------------------------------------------

Congratulations! And welcome to world Garett. How exciting!



My dh has traveled frequently since we before we had kids. Right now he
tends to be gone for three weeks and home for 1-3 weeks. One of the
benefits of this type of work schedule is that when he is home, he is home
all day. We get to spend a lot of time together when he is here.



I don't really have any advice to offer. It's just something you get used
to. I think that we actually talk more this way because he calls every
night and we all sum up our days for each other. The kids really look
forward to talking with him and so do I. One piece of advice I would offer
is that when he is home, don't stop all of your routines trying to include
him. It seems to work better if we keep our regular routines and let him
know he is welcome to join us or not. It took me a while to figure that
out. It wasn't until I started doing this that the transition of coming and
going became easier. It used to be more difficult taking 2 days for us to
readjust to him being home or being gone. (Or maybe the kids just got older
and so it got easier. They are now 8 and 9.75 and it's all they've ever
known.)



If you feel overwhelmed I think someone's idea to get a mother's helper is a
good one. I never really felt the need to, but I only have two children.
Just don't expect too much from yourself. Some days we still don't get
dressed or I wish the lawn was mowed 3 days ago, but it's not important in
the big picture. I find it easier to cook too because the kids would rather
graze anyway, for the most part. Sometimes we just have mashed potatoes for
supper. But it all works out in the long run.



Angela ~ Maine

game-enthusiast@...



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Jon and Rue Kream

>>she should hire an editor (or ask a friend! <g>)!

**I'm awfully lucky to have a self-proclaimed grammar nazi for a friend. I
hope you've recovered from the comma trauma <G>. ~Rue (good speller, queen
of the misplaced comma)


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Robyn Coburn

Congratulations Rebecca, to you and your family.

Robyn L. Coburn

<<<His name is Garett Edward, and was born Sept. 19. >>>

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Robyn Coburn

<<<<Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on how to
deal with this?>>>>

My dh had been separated from us for about a month on a couple of occasions,
for different reasons.

The best advice I can give you is to be prepared for a period of turmoil
when he gets back. Jayn and I had become used to each other alone, and I
think there was also some resentment on her part that he had left her so she
was pretty angry at him. It took patience and specific attention to her from
him to overcome it. I also felt a bit out of balance and had to get to
accommodating his ideas about household running too. We had slipped into
different routines, different rhythms, different priorities in the periods
while he was away.

Robyn L. Coburn

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[email protected]

> Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on how to
> deal with this?

My children's father is gone often and for long perids of time. Ever since they were babies. In fact my xh left for a 2 week business trip when our youngest was 3 weeks old. Somehow through all that they have always stayed connected. When Dan is home he is quite involved with the children. He's always given them baths, changed diapers, held them, carried them in the slings and front packs, taken them to the parks, helped them learn things, etc. When he has been gone for a week or more he calls them and talks to them each day.

My end has been harder. Having to be "on" 24/7 for long stretches of time. It is a bit easier now that they are older and I can escape for an hour or so to go do "my time" things. I stamp once a month and go to Curves (when I get around to it) or run to the store to pick up a few items. Sunday's are usually "my day" where I go do the weekly shopping, have a cup of tea somewhere (usually Starbucks), and read the paper. When the kids were younger it was harder because I couldn't leave them at all much less for an hour. There were days I just wanted to scream for some alone time. What I found is that I would stay up later than I normally would. I'm naturally a morning person and wake at 6am at the latest. I enjoy mornings, but in order to get some "me time" I found I had to stay up later and live off less sleep. (Not recommended during the post partum period LOL!) But it afforded me the time to stamp, scrapbook, and read undisturbed. It helped. I had to learn to cope with less sleep as a trade-off to having time to unwind and relax.

Michelle

Alison

On Oct 19, 2004, at 8:06 AM, [email protected] wrote:

> Any one have a dh that is gone for periods of time? Any advise on how
> to deal with this?
>
Congratulations on your new little guy!

My dh can be gone for weeks at a time. The first time he did go was
when our ds was 6 weeks old and he was gone for 3 weeks. I was in awe
of single parents. It was really hard. After a couple of times like
that I decided to hire someone to come in for three hours each morning.
Just enough time for me to get a bit of a nap, shower and have
breakfast and feel like I could meet the day. It made a HUGE
difference. With the baby and 2 little other ones I can imagine the
idea of him leaving for this time will be really daunting.

I agree w/ what Robyn said about the return and getting into our own
routine. Also, I'd think when he'd come back, finally! I'd get some
help but many times my dh was exhausted from the trip too, coming back
from Europe and a grueling schedule so he just needed to rest and go
through heavy jet lag.

Whatever support you can get, definitely get it. It's easy to get
isolated which can happen w/ a new baby anyway.

Good luck.

Alison

mamaaj2000

--- In [email protected], "Robyn Coburn"
<dezigna@c...> wrote:
> The best advice I can give you is to be prepared for a period of
turmoil
> when he gets back.

I keep expecting something like that and it doesn't happen. Maybe
it's because he's usually only gone for one week at a time, but they
just jump on him and are thrilled at his very existance for a few
days.

--aj

heather mclean

Is there someplace online that lists all the
unschooling conferences? I mentioned the one I've
attended (Rethinking Education) at a Newcomers meeting
recently, and someone has asked about it. I'd like to
let her know about the others as well.

thanks,
heather mclean
tucson