Re: [unschoolingbasics] Contingency plans
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/14/2004 11:04:45 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:
Thinking about it carefully, it seems that I would need some kind of
provision in a will for hiring an au pair or something like that which
would enable the kids to continue to stay at home. Even then, though, I
don't think it's possible to make their continued Unschooling legally
binding, is it? It's pretty much necessary to have someone who's willing
to comply with our wishes just because they are our wishes. It just
seems so necessary to me to find a way to ensure that the kids wouldn't
lose their entire lifestyle in addition to losing a parent--and I know
two local homeschooling families who have faced this exact dilemma.
Neither dh nor I have a will, so it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to
have wills drawn up, and I'd like to be able to do it with this specific
issue in mind. Any ideas?<<<<<<<
Well, FIRST of all, get a will! Ours is in our wills. Otherwise, our parents
and siblings would be fighting over the boys----and I don't want *any* of
them to 'win'!
If I were to die, -----well, the boys are old enough now, at eight and 16 to
carry on themselves with unschooling. I mean, Cameron could watch over Duncan
while Ben worked----but at eight, he's right self-sufficient already. We've
had two au pairs, and we're comfortable with au pairs, so I think Ben would
consider that if he felt Duncan needed daily supervision. We would also call
her a "governess" which should appeal to the powers that be. <g>
Losing Ben, I would sell the house and buy something much smaller. Again,
the boys are old enough that I could work full-time if I needed to. (Or... I
would go off to some fat farm, lose 40 pounds, buy a new wardrobe, start
hanging out at Saratoga, and marry me some rich horseman---at least that's what I
tell Ben! <bwg> )
If we were to both kick the bucket, the plan is that----before Cam is 18,
the house would be sold, and the boys would go to live with Patrick and Gillian.
After he's 18, the house is his to do with as he sees fit. Patrick & Gillian
are still available for advice and such, but Cameron would make the
decisions.
If Ben, Cam, and I all croak, Duncan goes to live with Patrick & Gillian
until he's ready to be on his own.
We're getting awfully close to the magic *18*, so our worries are slowly
coming to an end. But the worry was very real only a few years ago. Real enough
that we made these contingencies and put them in our wills. If I had smallish
children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another one or
two with an attorney.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
danielle.conger@... writes:
Thinking about it carefully, it seems that I would need some kind of
provision in a will for hiring an au pair or something like that which
would enable the kids to continue to stay at home. Even then, though, I
don't think it's possible to make their continued Unschooling legally
binding, is it? It's pretty much necessary to have someone who's willing
to comply with our wishes just because they are our wishes. It just
seems so necessary to me to find a way to ensure that the kids wouldn't
lose their entire lifestyle in addition to losing a parent--and I know
two local homeschooling families who have faced this exact dilemma.
Neither dh nor I have a will, so it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to
have wills drawn up, and I'd like to be able to do it with this specific
issue in mind. Any ideas?<<<<<<<
Well, FIRST of all, get a will! Ours is in our wills. Otherwise, our parents
and siblings would be fighting over the boys----and I don't want *any* of
them to 'win'!
If I were to die, -----well, the boys are old enough now, at eight and 16 to
carry on themselves with unschooling. I mean, Cameron could watch over Duncan
while Ben worked----but at eight, he's right self-sufficient already. We've
had two au pairs, and we're comfortable with au pairs, so I think Ben would
consider that if he felt Duncan needed daily supervision. We would also call
her a "governess" which should appeal to the powers that be. <g>
Losing Ben, I would sell the house and buy something much smaller. Again,
the boys are old enough that I could work full-time if I needed to. (Or... I
would go off to some fat farm, lose 40 pounds, buy a new wardrobe, start
hanging out at Saratoga, and marry me some rich horseman---at least that's what I
tell Ben! <bwg> )
If we were to both kick the bucket, the plan is that----before Cam is 18,
the house would be sold, and the boys would go to live with Patrick and Gillian.
After he's 18, the house is his to do with as he sees fit. Patrick & Gillian
are still available for advice and such, but Cameron would make the
decisions.
If Ben, Cam, and I all croak, Duncan goes to live with Patrick & Gillian
until he's ready to be on his own.
We're getting awfully close to the magic *18*, so our worries are slowly
coming to an end. But the worry was very real only a few years ago. Real enough
that we made these contingencies and put them in our wills. If I had smallish
children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another one or
two with an attorney.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/19/2004 8:55:20 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
If I had smallish
children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another one or
two with an attorney.<<<<<
I have found it hard to find the "good friends". I have no really good
friends that I would trust with my boys. My family is OUT, LOL. I think about
this often though. The lawyer is the easy part. But we are working on it.
It is hard when you live so far outside the box. I would want it to be
someone that my boys would be comfortable with.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
If I had smallish
children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another one or
two with an attorney.<<<<<
I have found it hard to find the "good friends". I have no really good
friends that I would trust with my boys. My family is OUT, LOL. I think about
this often though. The lawyer is the easy part. But we are working on it.
It is hard when you live so far outside the box. I would want it to be
someone that my boys would be comfortable with.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Danielle Conger
Me, too, Pam. We have some good friends who would probably honor our
request and with whom we'd feel very comfortable leaving our kids
(although they tend to be on the controlling side). But, how do you
saddle people with *three* children!
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
Genant2@... wrote:
request and with whom we'd feel very comfortable leaving our kids
(although they tend to be on the controlling side). But, how do you
saddle people with *three* children!
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
Genant2@... wrote:
> In a message dated 10/19/2004 8:55:20 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
> kbcdlovejo@... writes:
>
> If I had smallish
> children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another
> one or
> two with an attorney.<<<<<
>
> I have found it hard to find the "good friends". I have no really good
> friends that I would trust with my boys. My family is OUT, LOL. I
> think about
> this often though. The lawyer is the easy part. But we are working
> on it.
> It is hard when you live so far outside the box. I would want it to be
> someone that my boys would be comfortable with.
> Pam G
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/19/2004 9:18:25 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
Genant2@... writes:
I have found it hard to find the "good friends". I have no really good
friends that I would trust with my boys. _My family_
(mip://05d582b0/my%20family) is OUT, LOL. I think about
this often though. The lawyer is the easy part. But we are working on it.
It is hard when you live so far outside the box. I would want it to be
someone that my boys would be comfortable with. <<<<
I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Genant2@... writes:
I have found it hard to find the "good friends". I have no really good
friends that I would trust with my boys. _My family_
(mip://05d582b0/my%20family) is OUT, LOL. I think about
this often though. The lawyer is the easy part. But we are working on it.
It is hard when you live so far outside the box. I would want it to be
someone that my boys would be comfortable with. <<<<
I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/19/2004 9:46:48 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:
But, how do you
saddle people with *three* children!<<<
Say, "Please!" <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
danielle.conger@... writes:
But, how do you
saddle people with *three* children!<<<
Say, "Please!" <g>
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/19/2004 10:46:31 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g><<<<<
Thank you Kelly that is very sweet. We may have to take you up on that.
LOL.
Back out now while you still have a chance.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g><<<<<
Thank you Kelly that is very sweet. We may have to take you up on that.
LOL.
Back out now while you still have a chance.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kate Sitzman
If I had smallish
children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another one or
two with an attorney.<<<<<
I'm on the other side of this coin. My sister is dying, and there is a
decent chance I will end up raising her 2 boys. The oldest is in
Kindergarten. My sister is very schoolish - thinks I'm crazy for
unschooling, and I am worried that she will 'require' me to keep them in
school. I wonder how binding this stuff is? I would send them if they wanted
to go, but I can't imagine forcing them when my kids (same ages) don't have
to go. I don't need to resolve this now, it's speculative at this point, but
if she put it in her will, would I be forced to comply? Makes me wonder if I
should be talking up unschooling so she's accepting of it, or downplaying it
so she forgets to specify.
Kate
children, I'd be spending a few hours with good friends and another one or
two with an attorney.<<<<<
I'm on the other side of this coin. My sister is dying, and there is a
decent chance I will end up raising her 2 boys. The oldest is in
Kindergarten. My sister is very schoolish - thinks I'm crazy for
unschooling, and I am worried that she will 'require' me to keep them in
school. I wonder how binding this stuff is? I would send them if they wanted
to go, but I can't imagine forcing them when my kids (same ages) don't have
to go. I don't need to resolve this now, it's speculative at this point, but
if she put it in her will, would I be forced to comply? Makes me wonder if I
should be talking up unschooling so she's accepting of it, or downplaying it
so she forgets to specify.
Kate
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], Danielle Conger
<danielle.conger@c...> wrote:
--aj, trying (but failing) to look innocent
<danielle.conger@c...> wrote:
>But, how do youWhy, you make a reciprocal agreenment with another family with 3 kids!
> saddle people with *three* children!
>
> --Danielle
--aj, trying (but failing) to look innocent
Danielle Conger
====== I'm on the other side of this coin. My sister is dying, and there
is a
decent chance I will end up raising her 2 boys. The oldest is in
Kindergarten. My sister is very schoolish - thinks I'm crazy for
unschooling, and I am worried that she will 'require' me to keep them in
school. ====
Oh, Kate, I'm so sorry to hear that. I can imagine how difficult it
would be to feel torn between honoring your sister's wishes and wanting
to honor her children as well by keeping them home. ((((HUG)))))
Somehow it just seems so much more obvious in that situation though--of
course Unschooling is better! *g*
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
is a
decent chance I will end up raising her 2 boys. The oldest is in
Kindergarten. My sister is very schoolish - thinks I'm crazy for
unschooling, and I am worried that she will 'require' me to keep them in
school. ====
Oh, Kate, I'm so sorry to hear that. I can imagine how difficult it
would be to feel torn between honoring your sister's wishes and wanting
to honor her children as well by keeping them home. ((((HUG)))))
Somehow it just seems so much more obvious in that situation though--of
course Unschooling is better! *g*
--Danielle
http://www.danielleconger.com/Homeschool/Welcomehome.html
>
Robyn Coburn
<<<<I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g> >>>>
Kelly, you may end up needing a way *bigger* house at this rate.
Robyn L. Coburn
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Kelly, you may end up needing a way *bigger* house at this rate.
Robyn L. Coburn
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[email protected]
In a message dated 10/20/2004 4:13:05 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
dezigna@... writes:
<<<<I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g> >>>>
Kelly, you may end up needing a way *bigger* house at this rate.<<<<<<<
Oh, I don't know.....I figure that unless we have another massive,
devastating flu epidemic like the one of 1918, I'm probably going to just keep my own
two. <g>
The chance thatI'll end up with any of your children is pretty slim. The
probability that you and James and Deb and David and Pam and Jackson *all* die
is infinitesimal, so I doubt I'll be preparing more rooms any time soon! <G>
I AM prepared to make those changes though. And I think almost any
unschooler you'd ask would do the same. The unschooling philosophy is probably strong
enough in many of us that we really wouldn't want our children's lives
disrupted in *that* way if something were to happen to us. I think the unschooling
community could/should? come together in cases like this. I know at least a
dozen families whose children I wouldn't hesitate to welcome into our home.
And the only things you need to do are to ask (<g>) and to put us in your will.
(Well, you might want to ask your children too! <G>) But there's room enough
here for any unschooling children.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dezigna@... writes:
<<<<I'd take 'em! Duncan would be THRILLED! <g> >>>>
Kelly, you may end up needing a way *bigger* house at this rate.<<<<<<<
Oh, I don't know.....I figure that unless we have another massive,
devastating flu epidemic like the one of 1918, I'm probably going to just keep my own
two. <g>
The chance thatI'll end up with any of your children is pretty slim. The
probability that you and James and Deb and David and Pam and Jackson *all* die
is infinitesimal, so I doubt I'll be preparing more rooms any time soon! <G>
I AM prepared to make those changes though. And I think almost any
unschooler you'd ask would do the same. The unschooling philosophy is probably strong
enough in many of us that we really wouldn't want our children's lives
disrupted in *that* way if something were to happen to us. I think the unschooling
community could/should? come together in cases like this. I know at least a
dozen families whose children I wouldn't hesitate to welcome into our home.
And the only things you need to do are to ask (<g>) and to put us in your will.
(Well, you might want to ask your children too! <G>) But there's room enough
here for any unschooling children.
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/20/04 8:33:49 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
How much do you all discuss this with your children and at what age? How
have they handled talking about it? I have thought about talking to my boys
about this and seeing what they think of different people etc. But I have
hesitated because I would not want to scare them. I know when my oldest (now 10)
first had a pet die and the reality of death hit him, he started thinking about
his own mortality and ours, his parents. It was a difficult few months for
him. We did lots of talking. He wanted to know why people die and those
philosophical type questions.
Anyway any thoughts on this would be helpful.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
> (Well, you might want to ask your children too! <G>) <<<<That brings up another good topic that I have given a great deal of thought.
How much do you all discuss this with your children and at what age? How
have they handled talking about it? I have thought about talking to my boys
about this and seeing what they think of different people etc. But I have
hesitated because I would not want to scare them. I know when my oldest (now 10)
first had a pet die and the reality of death hit him, he started thinking about
his own mortality and ours, his parents. It was a difficult few months for
him. We did lots of talking. He wanted to know why people die and those
philosophical type questions.
Anyway any thoughts on this would be helpful.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
J. Stauffer
<<<<That brings up another good topic that I have given a great deal of thought.
How much do you all discuss this with your children and at what age? >>>>
We talk about it all the time in various forms. We try to live close to the earth so the kids see that death isn't an end but a transition into a different form of energy (the whole circle of life thing).
When people on television make comments about not wanting to die or whatever, I might make just a comment about how everything dies so that other things can live, etc..
We have a bazillion pets of the "non-long-living" kind so the kids have seen it up close. In fact, we have a pet cemetary in the goat pen, complete with crosses (which is weird considering I'm pagan <grin>).
Day of the Dead is a holy day at our house. Our church has a big party and the kids bring something to remind them of a dead one to place on the altar.
Julie S.
How much do you all discuss this with your children and at what age? >>>>
We talk about it all the time in various forms. We try to live close to the earth so the kids see that death isn't an end but a transition into a different form of energy (the whole circle of life thing).
When people on television make comments about not wanting to die or whatever, I might make just a comment about how everything dies so that other things can live, etc..
We have a bazillion pets of the "non-long-living" kind so the kids have seen it up close. In fact, we have a pet cemetary in the goat pen, complete with crosses (which is weird considering I'm pagan <grin>).
Day of the Dead is a holy day at our house. Our church has a big party and the kids bring something to remind them of a dead one to place on the altar.
Julie S.
----- Original Message -----
From: Genant2@...
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, October 20, 2004 7:43 AM
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Contingency plans
In a message dated 10/20/04 8:33:49 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
> (Well, you might want to ask your children too! <G>) <<<<
That brings up another good topic that I have given a great deal of thought.
How much do you all discuss this with your children and at what age? How
have they handled talking about it? I have thought about talking to my boys
about this and seeing what they think of different people etc. But I have
hesitated because I would not want to scare them. I know when my oldest (now 10)
first had a pet die and the reality of death hit him, he started thinking about
his own mortality and ours, his parents. It was a difficult few months for
him. We did lots of talking. He wanted to know why people die and those
philosophical type questions.
Anyway any thoughts on this would be helpful.
Pam G
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***The probability that you and James and Deb and David and Pam and
Jackson *all* die is infinitesimal, ***
One of my contingency plans is to not die. <g>
David smokes so I figured he'll die before I do. (Sometimes I envision
exactly when and where he'll die, but that's veering off topic,
slightly.<BEG>)
When Dylan was younger the thought of us dying and leaving him really
worried me but I worry less now. He's almost thirteen and I think no
matter which relative he went to there isn't a body on the planet could
make this child go to school. <g> I had originally thought about one of
David's sisters but Dylan says he'd be happier with my brother Joe and
his wife or with my sister and her husband. They would also be willing
and happy to take our assorted critters.
I don't know why I worried about David and I dying at the same time, we
had almost no time together when Dylan was younger and certainly no time
together when Dylan wasn't with us. What ever could have gotten us could
have gotten him too. Honestly I'm with Dylan all the time so if I were
in some kind of accident he'd be there too.
So, it could be illness, but like Kelly said, unless it's an epidemic it
seems unlikely David and I would both go at once. Could be food
poisoning I guess, the way I cook. <g> It might be hair balls if I
don't vacuum soon.
Now that Dylan is older and knows his relatives better and can quiz them
about which presidential candidate they're supporting and whether they're
in favor of eliminating voting age restrictions, <g> he has a better idea
about who he could get along with and what changes would be acceptable to
him. So I think for those who are making the decision now, keep in mind
it may change when your kids are older and decide for themselves.
I was an emancipated minor and at that time I had to show proof of
employment and I don't remember what else. I don't know how it is now or
how much it varies by state but for some teens emancipation might be a
choice.
Deb Lewis
Jackson *all* die is infinitesimal, ***
One of my contingency plans is to not die. <g>
David smokes so I figured he'll die before I do. (Sometimes I envision
exactly when and where he'll die, but that's veering off topic,
slightly.<BEG>)
When Dylan was younger the thought of us dying and leaving him really
worried me but I worry less now. He's almost thirteen and I think no
matter which relative he went to there isn't a body on the planet could
make this child go to school. <g> I had originally thought about one of
David's sisters but Dylan says he'd be happier with my brother Joe and
his wife or with my sister and her husband. They would also be willing
and happy to take our assorted critters.
I don't know why I worried about David and I dying at the same time, we
had almost no time together when Dylan was younger and certainly no time
together when Dylan wasn't with us. What ever could have gotten us could
have gotten him too. Honestly I'm with Dylan all the time so if I were
in some kind of accident he'd be there too.
So, it could be illness, but like Kelly said, unless it's an epidemic it
seems unlikely David and I would both go at once. Could be food
poisoning I guess, the way I cook. <g> It might be hair balls if I
don't vacuum soon.
Now that Dylan is older and knows his relatives better and can quiz them
about which presidential candidate they're supporting and whether they're
in favor of eliminating voting age restrictions, <g> he has a better idea
about who he could get along with and what changes would be acceptable to
him. So I think for those who are making the decision now, keep in mind
it may change when your kids are older and decide for themselves.
I was an emancipated minor and at that time I had to show proof of
employment and I don't remember what else. I don't know how it is now or
how much it varies by state but for some teens emancipation might be a
choice.
Deb Lewis