Values versus reality versus unschooling goals Re: Moving toward more peaceful parenting/ my story
Nance Confer
An excellent jumping off point for all of us to think about what we want to impart to our kids, our values. As opposed to what we think unschooling means and opposed to what we wish we could afford versus what we can afford in reality.
Figuring out how these things can work together and not always be a matter of opposing and versus. . .
Talking to and with the kids seems like a good thing. A 7-year-old with tons of Legos may not see that, probably doesn't see that, as a pile of money. Dang, Legos are expensive! Or he doesn't see it as part of the family budget. Or he doesn't see it as part of the process of making choices.
Or maybe some of us are lucky enough not to have to choose. I don't know anyone like that, personally, so a purchase is always weighed against other purchases and other things that must be paid, like the light bill. Yes, in many and more homes, it is coming down to that choice. Not much of a choice then but how to get into it without being frightening?
This economy if offering many of us some good learning opportunities. :)
Nance
Re: Moving toward more peaceful parenting/ my story
Posted by: "Meridith Richardson" ruttegar@... ruttegar
Tue Jan 6, 2009 7:46 pm (PST)
ok so there are some limits too. Like a set amount to be spent. That is like us. I kept getting the idea that people pretty much opened the savings accounts up to the the children, but this is pretty much like we do. I am 35 and was unschooled to the extent the law would allow (basically through umbrella schools) in the 80s and early 90s. My parents were very wealthy but when I would say I want a corvette when I was 16 they said, well let's get you something a bit less extravagant to start with. Or when I was 14 and wanted my own race horse the said that doesn't seem that pratical etc. I hate waste and when I see tons of un-played with toys around my house I just feel like I can't say yes to 5 more lego sets at once when we walk in the store. BUt I do often say sure to one. Or maybe a couple of smaller sets etc. My parents used to send me to the mall with a credit card and say buy whatever clothes you would like and most times
I would walk out empty handed as I was never that worldly, but then I had friends who were also homeshcooled/unschooled that would buy $100 guess jeans and and definitely had that heir of entitlement. So I worry about that fine line. When perhaps it is ok to say no to excess and waste, but still allow another option. I desire to be a radical unschooler but am worried that maybe I can't spend the way some do or give in to whims that create waste when I desire to help preserve the environment. I know these are MY goals but is a 7 year old able to see that ordering all three happy meal choices is not appropriate even though we can afford it? Ugh I hate the guilt but love the idea :) Hope this makes sense. I know emails can sounds full of judgement, but I really am trying to find my way and am NOT judging. I am the daughter of one of the first unschooling families in Virginia, but I struggle with balance too. Maybe I am doing just
fine and I judge myself too much. One thing I have to say though, and I think I am the minority with this, but I am darn lazy. My parents took care of my every need, made life comfy, did my laundry, dishes etc. and I struggle with doing them on my own now. I still choose to take care of they needs for my daughter and plan on doing so until she would like to do her own, but it does scare me. Thanks for listening.
Meridith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Figuring out how these things can work together and not always be a matter of opposing and versus. . .
Talking to and with the kids seems like a good thing. A 7-year-old with tons of Legos may not see that, probably doesn't see that, as a pile of money. Dang, Legos are expensive! Or he doesn't see it as part of the family budget. Or he doesn't see it as part of the process of making choices.
Or maybe some of us are lucky enough not to have to choose. I don't know anyone like that, personally, so a purchase is always weighed against other purchases and other things that must be paid, like the light bill. Yes, in many and more homes, it is coming down to that choice. Not much of a choice then but how to get into it without being frightening?
This economy if offering many of us some good learning opportunities. :)
Nance
Re: Moving toward more peaceful parenting/ my story
Posted by: "Meridith Richardson" ruttegar@... ruttegar
Tue Jan 6, 2009 7:46 pm (PST)
ok so there are some limits too. Like a set amount to be spent. That is like us. I kept getting the idea that people pretty much opened the savings accounts up to the the children, but this is pretty much like we do. I am 35 and was unschooled to the extent the law would allow (basically through umbrella schools) in the 80s and early 90s. My parents were very wealthy but when I would say I want a corvette when I was 16 they said, well let's get you something a bit less extravagant to start with. Or when I was 14 and wanted my own race horse the said that doesn't seem that pratical etc. I hate waste and when I see tons of un-played with toys around my house I just feel like I can't say yes to 5 more lego sets at once when we walk in the store. BUt I do often say sure to one. Or maybe a couple of smaller sets etc. My parents used to send me to the mall with a credit card and say buy whatever clothes you would like and most times
I would walk out empty handed as I was never that worldly, but then I had friends who were also homeshcooled/unschooled that would buy $100 guess jeans and and definitely had that heir of entitlement. So I worry about that fine line. When perhaps it is ok to say no to excess and waste, but still allow another option. I desire to be a radical unschooler but am worried that maybe I can't spend the way some do or give in to whims that create waste when I desire to help preserve the environment. I know these are MY goals but is a 7 year old able to see that ordering all three happy meal choices is not appropriate even though we can afford it? Ugh I hate the guilt but love the idea :) Hope this makes sense. I know emails can sounds full of judgement, but I really am trying to find my way and am NOT judging. I am the daughter of one of the first unschooling families in Virginia, but I struggle with balance too. Maybe I am doing just
fine and I judge myself too much. One thing I have to say though, and I think I am the minority with this, but I am darn lazy. My parents took care of my every need, made life comfy, did my laundry, dishes etc. and I struggle with doing them on my own now. I still choose to take care of they needs for my daughter and plan on doing so until she would like to do her own, but it does scare me. Thanks for listening.
Meridith
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]