Re: I have a question-Schuyler
Natalie Picone-Louro
Thank you Schuyler for taking the time to respond to everything I said. I appreciate hearing what works for you. Thank you for sharing your life with me. It really is wonderful the spectrum of women and men in this unschooling world. We all are unschoolers and we all come from different stories or past with different upbringings. I love that we all don't have the same blood running through our veins becasue then we would all be the same.
I know for me when I don't deal with something that triggers me, if I ignor it , it will just manifest into something else, something bigger. So when I take care of myself I make plans with a girlfriend to process it. I need to process out loud, or sometimes I am happy to just be in a different environment and journal in a cafe...No one has to agree or understand it. I am not pushing my children to the side while i am going through it. I am very aware if it and I have learned not to take it out on them-took me a while but I know now. I wait for George to come home or I make plans for the next day.
We are programed differently. I don't make my life more difficult but I can see your projection of how doing it my way would make your life more difficult, only because we are not of the same. How I define myself does not define how I love my children. I do the same things with my children.Smelling their hair, reading them a book, playng with them at 5am in the morning b/c they are just ready to get up, meeting all their needs b/c they are important..I feel it is also important for them to see me as a person too who has needs.. That is consensual living..What can we do to meet everyones needs.
The idea of what I said about woman, partner, mother isn't so black and white, it goes so much deeper then that. but that is the non-magic of computers there is no tone or emotion...They are just words...
As far as my partner- we are arguing b/c he has menatlly checked out and is no longer connecting w/ me which is sooooo important for us..He is having a hard time b/c he is stressing himself out w/ things beyond his control. He stopped talking with me during his process and felt he had to fix it and do it by himself..While I respect his process-knowing I can't save him- he has to own it- I still am affected by it b/c there are so manythings I want share with him like prepare and make space for this baby and our family, but he hasn't been present...So being tiered and food doesn't have anything to do with that..but thank you i will be more aware of my state when we are trying to connect... to be honest when he checks out it triggers my memory of when my mother left...and when my father remarried and my stepmother took over he checked out too...so it is a story that I am very familiar with. And we always match ourselves the very people that will trigger us
for the opportunity to heal. Eventhough it is hard times they are wonderful times b/c it just makes us more aware of what needs to be healed to be better people. As a result I am a better mother.
As a childbirth educator, doula, and even LLL leader I have learned through supporting women that they always have a very good reason for why they need to make the decisions they do. And to not judge but be compassionate...I do not feel judged by you at all I just wanted to share that.
Be well.
natalie
Visit our blog:
http://twodancingpepitas.blogspot.com/
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.
- Marianne Williamson
"You know you are face-to-face with the unfinished business of your own childhood when you respond with strong negative feelings to your child's behavior." (Hendrix and Hunt, 1997)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I know for me when I don't deal with something that triggers me, if I ignor it , it will just manifest into something else, something bigger. So when I take care of myself I make plans with a girlfriend to process it. I need to process out loud, or sometimes I am happy to just be in a different environment and journal in a cafe...No one has to agree or understand it. I am not pushing my children to the side while i am going through it. I am very aware if it and I have learned not to take it out on them-took me a while but I know now. I wait for George to come home or I make plans for the next day.
We are programed differently. I don't make my life more difficult but I can see your projection of how doing it my way would make your life more difficult, only because we are not of the same. How I define myself does not define how I love my children. I do the same things with my children.Smelling their hair, reading them a book, playng with them at 5am in the morning b/c they are just ready to get up, meeting all their needs b/c they are important..I feel it is also important for them to see me as a person too who has needs.. That is consensual living..What can we do to meet everyones needs.
The idea of what I said about woman, partner, mother isn't so black and white, it goes so much deeper then that. but that is the non-magic of computers there is no tone or emotion...They are just words...
As far as my partner- we are arguing b/c he has menatlly checked out and is no longer connecting w/ me which is sooooo important for us..He is having a hard time b/c he is stressing himself out w/ things beyond his control. He stopped talking with me during his process and felt he had to fix it and do it by himself..While I respect his process-knowing I can't save him- he has to own it- I still am affected by it b/c there are so manythings I want share with him like prepare and make space for this baby and our family, but he hasn't been present...So being tiered and food doesn't have anything to do with that..but thank you i will be more aware of my state when we are trying to connect... to be honest when he checks out it triggers my memory of when my mother left...and when my father remarried and my stepmother took over he checked out too...so it is a story that I am very familiar with. And we always match ourselves the very people that will trigger us
for the opportunity to heal. Eventhough it is hard times they are wonderful times b/c it just makes us more aware of what needs to be healed to be better people. As a result I am a better mother.
As a childbirth educator, doula, and even LLL leader I have learned through supporting women that they always have a very good reason for why they need to make the decisions they do. And to not judge but be compassionate...I do not feel judged by you at all I just wanted to share that.
Be well.
natalie
Visit our blog:
http://twodancingpepitas.blogspot.com/
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure.
- Marianne Williamson
"You know you are face-to-face with the unfinished business of your own childhood when you respond with strong negative feelings to your child's behavior." (Hendrix and Hunt, 1997)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
There is a list that might help you to get some perspective on your relationship with your partner: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Peacefulpartnerships/. People there won't argue that you need to fix your partner, but they may help you to see ways to enjoy being with him, as he is, more.
Schuyler
http://www.waynforth.blogspot.com
As far as my partner- we are arguing b/c he has menatlly checked out and is no longer connecting w/ me which is sooooo important for us..He is having a hard time b/c he is stressing himself out w/ things beyond his control. He stopped talking with me during his process and felt he had to fix it and do it by himself..While I respect his process-knowing I can't save him- he has to own it- I still am affected by it b/c there are so manythings I want share with him like prepare and make space for this baby and our family, but he hasn't been present...So being tiered and food doesn't have anything to do with that..but thank you i will be more aware of my state when we are trying to connect... to be honest when he checks out it triggers my memory of when my mother left...and when my father remarried and my stepmother took over he checked out too...so it is a story that I am very familiar with. And we always match ourselves the very people that will trigger us
for the opportunity to heal. Eventhough it is hard times they are wonderful times b/c it just makes us more aware of what needs to be healed to be better people. As a result I am a better mother.
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Schuyler
http://www.waynforth.blogspot.com
As far as my partner- we are arguing b/c he has menatlly checked out and is no longer connecting w/ me which is sooooo important for us..He is having a hard time b/c he is stressing himself out w/ things beyond his control. He stopped talking with me during his process and felt he had to fix it and do it by himself..While I respect his process-knowing I can't save him- he has to own it- I still am affected by it b/c there are so manythings I want share with him like prepare and make space for this baby and our family, but he hasn't been present...So being tiered and food doesn't have anything to do with that..but thank you i will be more aware of my state when we are trying to connect... to be honest when he checks out it triggers my memory of when my mother left...and when my father remarried and my stepmother took over he checked out too...so it is a story that I am very familiar with. And we always match ourselves the very people that will trigger us
for the opportunity to heal. Eventhough it is hard times they are wonderful times b/c it just makes us more aware of what needs to be healed to be better people. As a result I am a better mother.
---------------snip-----------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]