Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
Rebecca De Hate
Hello unschoolers out there. I haven't posted lately or often but I
like to pop on and read postings. I have some thoughts on my mind and
I feel that this group could help me. First , I'm mommy to to boys 6
year old Ian and 21/2 year old garret. I have been implementing
unschooling for at least 3 years now when my friend directed me to
this exact group for help with "disciplining" my oldest . Wow was my
eyes opened. I stayed up lately reading post having major ah-hah
moments and fully understanding that why and how unschooling could
work.. I have slowly let go of some old baggage and implementing
saying yes more and my relationship with my children has change
tremendoulsy. And usually when there is issues -- deep down there
mine... So here's my thoughts..
How do I "hold" my own when there others around that implement what I
consider old parenting styles? I would like to think that I am a
strong enough person to not be swayed but I find myself being a little
stricter when others are around if I don't watch myself.
I also find myself just feeling more stressed. Not at my kids but the
other parents. Sometimes they will make comments , not really
directly 'attacking' my style of parenting but I can sometimes feel
it.. or is that just me?? and my insecurities??
I have found myself just irritated as shit when parents scold there
kids over things I really don't know why they are getting after them.
For example, a friend and I are walking around our neighborhood and
our two boys are at the end of some ones driveway (to wait for us and
stay out of cars way) and they are just throwing stones up in the air.
No biggy in my eyes. they are not throwing them at anyone , but my
friend says don't so then I do. in my thoughts just out of respect but
then part of me is why???:?
Oh and the other day a new friend is over with her 31/2 and 11/2 year
old boys and her solution to her boys whining/crying/not sharing is to
put in the corner (now I think she arrived at this conclusion because
her friend implements this technique and she feels that her friends
kids are great their 6, 4 and 15 months =-== well i just met her kids
yesterday and they just plan seem unhappy. they barely talk (not shy
because the girl kept coming to me and climbing up on my lap and
gravitating toward me all night), they are not at all 'rowdy' which I
guess maybe my boys are just overly... and I just sense a feeling of
sadness in them. The mom even joked about that maybe she's just more
strict because when we were talking about timing out and only going
by the minutes by the age of the child -- and she said she just makes
them stand there until she feels like letting them out of the time
out???) Soooo am I just being overly judgemental... by all means I
am not a perfect parent , I'm still controlling at times, and yell
and have even hit my children (lots better though about controlling
that issue...)
okay and since I'm on a roll , let me vent about the time my cousin
was down here and right away -- I recieved comments about that there
should be routines and bedtimes and controls etc --- which truthfully
she may have all that implemented but I think some of the shit was a
front... basically on me about control and then one time I did over
exert myself with my boy -- she attacked that -- I shouldn't have done
that and if cps had seen that I would be in trouble.......and that I
shouldn't yell so much... Granted I shouldn't and since then even
though she pissed me off I haven't --- however I do know when i'm
stressed I'm harder on the boys (not an excuse just acknowledging and
willing to change).....However, I couldn't see where her harsh
controls were great -- yep she had a trained daughter but..
Anyway I guess my ramblings are that I want to be accepted for my
choices as a parent and I want to except others also...Should I gently
suggested alternative ways to discipling? or just keep my mouth
shut??? I like advocating a more positive, peaceful way of parenting
however not everyone gets it? So many just argue that we need to
control this or that etc??? so I usually just shut up? Figure if I
just show them by actions maybe they will get it... when I have seen a
better way of handling a situation I see it and try it soo????
anyway if I am making any sense at all please respond. Its getting
where I don't want to even be around some parents.
like to pop on and read postings. I have some thoughts on my mind and
I feel that this group could help me. First , I'm mommy to to boys 6
year old Ian and 21/2 year old garret. I have been implementing
unschooling for at least 3 years now when my friend directed me to
this exact group for help with "disciplining" my oldest . Wow was my
eyes opened. I stayed up lately reading post having major ah-hah
moments and fully understanding that why and how unschooling could
work.. I have slowly let go of some old baggage and implementing
saying yes more and my relationship with my children has change
tremendoulsy. And usually when there is issues -- deep down there
mine... So here's my thoughts..
How do I "hold" my own when there others around that implement what I
consider old parenting styles? I would like to think that I am a
strong enough person to not be swayed but I find myself being a little
stricter when others are around if I don't watch myself.
I also find myself just feeling more stressed. Not at my kids but the
other parents. Sometimes they will make comments , not really
directly 'attacking' my style of parenting but I can sometimes feel
it.. or is that just me?? and my insecurities??
I have found myself just irritated as shit when parents scold there
kids over things I really don't know why they are getting after them.
For example, a friend and I are walking around our neighborhood and
our two boys are at the end of some ones driveway (to wait for us and
stay out of cars way) and they are just throwing stones up in the air.
No biggy in my eyes. they are not throwing them at anyone , but my
friend says don't so then I do. in my thoughts just out of respect but
then part of me is why???:?
Oh and the other day a new friend is over with her 31/2 and 11/2 year
old boys and her solution to her boys whining/crying/not sharing is to
put in the corner (now I think she arrived at this conclusion because
her friend implements this technique and she feels that her friends
kids are great their 6, 4 and 15 months =-== well i just met her kids
yesterday and they just plan seem unhappy. they barely talk (not shy
because the girl kept coming to me and climbing up on my lap and
gravitating toward me all night), they are not at all 'rowdy' which I
guess maybe my boys are just overly... and I just sense a feeling of
sadness in them. The mom even joked about that maybe she's just more
strict because when we were talking about timing out and only going
by the minutes by the age of the child -- and she said she just makes
them stand there until she feels like letting them out of the time
out???) Soooo am I just being overly judgemental... by all means I
am not a perfect parent , I'm still controlling at times, and yell
and have even hit my children (lots better though about controlling
that issue...)
okay and since I'm on a roll , let me vent about the time my cousin
was down here and right away -- I recieved comments about that there
should be routines and bedtimes and controls etc --- which truthfully
she may have all that implemented but I think some of the shit was a
front... basically on me about control and then one time I did over
exert myself with my boy -- she attacked that -- I shouldn't have done
that and if cps had seen that I would be in trouble.......and that I
shouldn't yell so much... Granted I shouldn't and since then even
though she pissed me off I haven't --- however I do know when i'm
stressed I'm harder on the boys (not an excuse just acknowledging and
willing to change).....However, I couldn't see where her harsh
controls were great -- yep she had a trained daughter but..
Anyway I guess my ramblings are that I want to be accepted for my
choices as a parent and I want to except others also...Should I gently
suggested alternative ways to discipling? or just keep my mouth
shut??? I like advocating a more positive, peaceful way of parenting
however not everyone gets it? So many just argue that we need to
control this or that etc??? so I usually just shut up? Figure if I
just show them by actions maybe they will get it... when I have seen a
better way of handling a situation I see it and try it soo????
anyway if I am making any sense at all please respond. Its getting
where I don't want to even be around some parents.
Zoa Conner
Here are some ideas for you:
focused on your kids and helping them navigate the environment and
situations, you won¹t be able to worry about what other people think of your
parenting.
you are doing the right thing for your kids.
Sometimes it helps to stop and pause for 5 seconds (while deep breathing).
Then possibly ask the other parent what are you concerned about?
(maybe from this list!) to be with. You don¹t have to be around those people
if you don¹t want to.
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
*Handmade stuff @ earthyzee.etsy.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> How do I "hold" my own when there others around that implement what IPay more attention to your kids than to the others around you. If you are
> consider old parenting styles? I would like to think that I am a
> strong enough person to not be swayed but I find myself being a little
> stricter when others are around if I don't watch myself.
>
focused on your kids and helping them navigate the environment and
situations, you won¹t be able to worry about what other people think of your
parenting.
>Sounds like just your lack of confidence and not fully formed belief that
> I also find myself just feeling more stressed. Not at my kids but the
> other parents. Sometimes they will make comments , not really
> directly 'attacking' my style of parenting but I can sometimes feel
> it.. or is that just me?? and my insecurities??
>
you are doing the right thing for your kids.
>Competitive parenting? Replaying what your parents might have said to you?
> I have found myself just irritated as shit when parents scold there
> kids over things I really don't know why they are getting after them.
> For example, a friend and I are walking around our neighborhood and
> our two boys are at the end of some ones driveway (to wait for us and
> stay out of cars way) and they are just throwing stones up in the air.
> No biggy in my eyes. they are not throwing them at anyone , but my
> friend says don't so then I do. in my thoughts just out of respect but
> then part of me is why???:?
Sometimes it helps to stop and pause for 5 seconds (while deep breathing).
Then possibly ask the other parent what are you concerned about?
>Surround yourself with people that you enjoy being around. Find new people
> anyway if I am making any sense at all please respond. Its getting
> where I don't want to even be around some parents.
(maybe from this list!) to be with. You don¹t have to be around those people
if you don¹t want to.
Zoa
----------------
Zoa Conner, PhD
Physicist and Organic Learning Mother
zoaconner@...
*Handmade stuff @ earthyzee.etsy.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
~~Its getting where I don't want to even be around some parents.~~
This has been my decision on more than one occasion. Do I really want to be around parents who are not parenting respectfully and mindfully, and kids who are not happy?? The answer for me is a big resounding NO. I find it very stressful being around a child being treated that way. I'm lucky because there are many of us here in Calgary, Canada, but I don't like every one of them either! Seriously, I'm just not that desperate for friendship, and if it's too stressful, then I would much rather be alone with my girls having a peaceful, joyful time.
Jodi
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
This has been my decision on more than one occasion. Do I really want to be around parents who are not parenting respectfully and mindfully, and kids who are not happy?? The answer for me is a big resounding NO. I find it very stressful being around a child being treated that way. I'm lucky because there are many of us here in Calgary, Canada, but I don't like every one of them either! Seriously, I'm just not that desperate for friendship, and if it's too stressful, then I would much rather be alone with my girls having a peaceful, joyful time.
Jodi
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
jenniferbreseman
I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
seem more "real." I seem more "real."
experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
seem more "real." I seem more "real."
k
If you haven't found it yet, try meeting up with likeminded people on
http://familyrun.ning.com
~Katherine
http://familyrun.ning.com
~Katherine
> > I have found myself just irritated as shit when parents scold thereyou?
> > kids over things I really don't know why they are getting after them.
> > For example, a friend and I are walking around our neighborhood and
> > our two boys are at the end of some ones driveway (to wait for us and
> > stay out of cars way) and they are just throwing stones up in the air.
> > No biggy in my eyes. they are not throwing them at anyone , but my
> > friend says don't so then I do. in my thoughts just out of respect but
> > then part of me is why???:?
> Competitive parenting? Replaying what your parents might have said to
> Sometimes it helps to stop and pause for 5 seconds (while deepbreathing).
> Then possibly ask the other parent what are you concerned about?people
> >
> > anyway if I am making any sense at all please respond. Its getting
> > where I don't want to even be around some parents.
> Surround yourself with people that you enjoy being around. Find new
> (maybe from this list!) to be with. You don¹t have to be around thosepeople
> if you don¹t want to.[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
i don't know, but before i was trying to unschool, i was simply an attached parent, or trying to be.? i have a very low tolerance level for other parenting styles.? even though i make my share of mistakes, etc.?
-----Original Message-----
From: jenniferbreseman <jen@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
seem more "real." I seem more "real."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-----Original Message-----
From: jenniferbreseman <jen@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
seem more "real." I seem more "real."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Laura Beaudin
I have a very high intolerance of certain family styles...especially
where a certain neighbor is concerned. They have a son that they
didn't want and merely "put up with him" rather than truly nurture
him. It's big sister who gets all the attention. He's in a windowless
storage for a bedroom and they stick him in there as early as 5 pm so
they don't have to deal with him. They ignore his cries.
I have a dayhome and one mother is amazed that I can get her infant
daughter to sleep for a two-hour nap when the most she'll sleep at
home is 30 minutes. The trick? I lie down beside her and nap
alongside her...makes a huge difference, especially since she
startles so easily. Don't know how I'll manage it now though since dh
just started a new job...maybe I'll try putting both infants down together.
Laura
At 09:21 PM 09/10/2008, you wrote:
Visit Practical Homeschooling and view our OCTOBER contest for a
chance to a moveable alphabet and the Montessori pink reading level!
Practical Homeschooling: http://www.practical-homeschooling.org
CanPath Designs X-Stitch patterns and kits: http://www.canpath.com
Works in Progress: http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/Laura.Beaudin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
where a certain neighbor is concerned. They have a son that they
didn't want and merely "put up with him" rather than truly nurture
him. It's big sister who gets all the attention. He's in a windowless
storage for a bedroom and they stick him in there as early as 5 pm so
they don't have to deal with him. They ignore his cries.
I have a dayhome and one mother is amazed that I can get her infant
daughter to sleep for a two-hour nap when the most she'll sleep at
home is 30 minutes. The trick? I lie down beside her and nap
alongside her...makes a huge difference, especially since she
startles so easily. Don't know how I'll manage it now though since dh
just started a new job...maybe I'll try putting both infants down together.
Laura
At 09:21 PM 09/10/2008, you wrote:
>i don't know, but before i was trying to unschool, i was simply anDon't let school get in the way of your education!" --unknown
>attached parent, or trying to be.? i have a very low tolerance level
>for other parenting styles.? even though i make my share of mistakes, etc.?
>
>-----Original Message-----
>
>From: jenniferbreseman <<mailto:jen%40pop.net>jen@...>
>
>To:
><mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>[email protected]
>
>Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
>
>Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use
>some assistance with.
>
>I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
>
>experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
>
>used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
>
>to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
>
>unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
>
>seem more "real." I seem more "real."
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Visit Practical Homeschooling and view our OCTOBER contest for a
chance to a moveable alphabet and the Montessori pink reading level!
Practical Homeschooling: http://www.practical-homeschooling.org
CanPath Designs X-Stitch patterns and kits: http://www.canpath.com
Works in Progress: http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/Laura.Beaudin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
Schuyler had a great response to this... I'm quoting it verbatim below:
"I've gotten in social hot water for being to forthright about my feelings
about parenting and food, largely. The potential cost for my social faux pas
was to Linnaea and to Simon and not to me. Because of that I've worked
really hard to change my perspective and thus my approach. One is to
recognize that I'm not all that concerned about the parenting, more about
the child. That means I can be generous to the child without worrying about
what their parent is doing, or at least not so much. It may not seem to make
a lot of difference, but it kind of cuts them out of the picture. It allows
me to worry less about the parenting and just be the adult I want to be when
interacting with the child or children. The other thing that helps is to
recognize how lucky I am that I get to do this life. I know that it's not
just luck, it's a lot of work and thought and reading and breathing and
patience and curiousity and exploration. But I have a life where I can be
home
or out and about with Simon and Linnaea in ways that so many other people I
know just don't seem to be able to manage. And while I am sure if this life
was something they really wanted they could achieve it, it is still because
of all the wonderful gifts in my life that I am able to do this. It helps a
lot to see my life as this wonderful joyous trip that I'm on. Sometimes I
screw up, some moments I suck and grouch and say the wrong thing at the
wrong time. Who am I to throw stones at glass houses? I get to live with my
choices and so do other parents."
"I try and limit my expression of opinion to appropriate forums. Here is
great. Here I'm asked what I think and for help and advice. In other
people's homes and lives and company I don't have to be on call as an
advisor. And when I'm asked for advice, I need to take it with a grain of
salt, and be prepared not to have anything that I say be taken more as a
momentary conversation." ---Schuyler
<http://www.waynforth.blogspot.com/>
"I've gotten in social hot water for being to forthright about my feelings
about parenting and food, largely. The potential cost for my social faux pas
was to Linnaea and to Simon and not to me. Because of that I've worked
really hard to change my perspective and thus my approach. One is to
recognize that I'm not all that concerned about the parenting, more about
the child. That means I can be generous to the child without worrying about
what their parent is doing, or at least not so much. It may not seem to make
a lot of difference, but it kind of cuts them out of the picture. It allows
me to worry less about the parenting and just be the adult I want to be when
interacting with the child or children. The other thing that helps is to
recognize how lucky I am that I get to do this life. I know that it's not
just luck, it's a lot of work and thought and reading and breathing and
patience and curiousity and exploration. But I have a life where I can be
home
or out and about with Simon and Linnaea in ways that so many other people I
know just don't seem to be able to manage. And while I am sure if this life
was something they really wanted they could achieve it, it is still because
of all the wonderful gifts in my life that I am able to do this. It helps a
lot to see my life as this wonderful joyous trip that I'm on. Sometimes I
screw up, some moments I suck and grouch and say the wrong thing at the
wrong time. Who am I to throw stones at glass houses? I get to live with my
choices and so do other parents."
"I try and limit my expression of opinion to appropriate forums. Here is
great. Here I'm asked what I think and for help and advice. In other
people's homes and lives and company I don't have to be on call as an
advisor. And when I'm asked for advice, I need to take it with a grain of
salt, and be prepared not to have anything that I say be taken more as a
momentary conversation." ---Schuyler
<http://www.waynforth.blogspot.com/>
On 10/9/08, HoneyBeeECPlus3@... <HoneyBeeECPlus3@...> wrote:
> i don't know, but before i was trying to unschool, i was simply an
attached parent, or trying to be.? i have a very low tolerance level for
other parenting styles.? even though i make my share of mistakes, etc.?
>
> -----Original Message-----
>
> From: jenniferbreseman <jen@... <lt%3Bjen@...>>
>
> To: [email protected]
>
> Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
>
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some
assistance with.
>
> I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
>
> experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
>
> used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
>
> to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
>
> unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
>
> seem more "real." I seem more "real."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
man laura -- to his room by 5 pm? that's tough and heart breaking. I appreciate everyone's feed back on this just to hear i'm not crazy... by no means am I always doing my best but I am aware of what I can do and when something happens I really think on it and do better next time... I think that the one friend I was thinking about when I was writing this is wanting to do the "right thing" with her children however I question the her friends techniques that she is following. I think she would have much more success with peaceful techniques -- her children -boys are really gentle little souls so I think that they would respond well. Her oldest 3 1/2 year old is "whinier" and crys easily but I think he just needs her to listen (which I've been there!!!!) I do enjoy her company and I think some of her comments to me have really been questioning herself also. thank you
--- On Fri, 10/10/08, Laura Beaudin <laura.beaudin@...> wrote:
From: Laura Beaudin <laura.beaudin@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, October 10, 2008, 9:18 AM
I have a very high intolerance of certain family styles...especially
where a certain neighbor is concerned. They have a son that they
didn't want and merely "put up with him" rather than truly nurture
him. It's big sister who gets all the attention. He's in a windowless
storage for a bedroom and they stick him in there as early as 5 pm so
they don't have to deal with him. They ignore his cries.
I have a dayhome and one mother is amazed that I can get her infant
daughter to sleep for a two-hour nap when the most she'll sleep at
home is 30 minutes. The trick? I lie down beside her and nap
alongside her...makes a huge difference, especially since she
startles so easily. Don't know how I'll manage it now though since dh
just started a new job...maybe I'll try putting both infants down together.
Laura
At 09:21 PM 09/10/2008, you wrote:
>i don't know, but before i was trying to unschool, i was simply an
>attached parent, or trying to be.? i have a very low tolerance level
>for other parenting styles.? even though i make my share of mistakes, etc.?
>
>-----Original Message-----
>
>From: jenniferbreseman <<mailto: jen%40pop. net>jen@...>
>
>To:
><mailto:unschoolin gbasics%40yahoog roups.com>unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
>
>Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
>
>Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use
>some assistance with.
>
>I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
>
>experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
>
>used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
>
>to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
>
>unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
>
>seem more "real." I seem more "real."
>
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Don't let school get in the way of your education!" --unknown
Visit Practical Homeschooling and view our OCTOBER contest for a
chance to a moveable alphabet and the Montessori pink reading level!
Practical Homeschooling: http://www.practica l-homeschooling. org
CanPath Designs X-Stitch patterns and kits: http://www.canpath. com
Works in Progress: http://picasaweb. google.co. uk/Laura. Beaudin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
rebecca de
K,
OH my ! that is impactful! and really true. I did feel like I was throwing stones -- and I really never say anything because I'm not sure it's my place... unless the conversation leans there than i tread lightly. I really hate it when people speak up to me about my kids when not asked :) smiles. thank you for the info.
OH my ! that is impactful! and really true. I did feel like I was throwing stones -- and I really never say anything because I'm not sure it's my place... unless the conversation leans there than i tread lightly. I really hate it when people speak up to me about my kids when not asked :) smiles. thank you for the info.
--- On Fri, 10/10/08, k <katherand@...> wrote:
From: k <katherand@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, October 10, 2008, 10:12 AM
Schuyler had a great response to this... I'm quoting it verbatim below:
"I've gotten in social hot water for being to forthright about my feelings
about parenting and food, largely. The potential cost for my social faux pas
was to Linnaea and to Simon and not to me. Because of that I've worked
really hard to change my perspective and thus my approach. One is to
recognize that I'm not all that concerned about the parenting, more about
the child. That means I can be generous to the child without worrying about
what their parent is doing, or at least not so much. It may not seem to make
a lot of difference, but it kind of cuts them out of the picture. It allows
me to worry less about the parenting and just be the adult I want to be when
interacting with the child or children. The other thing that helps is to
recognize how lucky I am that I get to do this life. I know that it's not
just luck, it's a lot of work and thought and reading and breathing and
patience and curiousity and exploration. But I have a life where I can be
home
or out and about with Simon and Linnaea in ways that so many other people I
know just don't seem to be able to manage. And while I am sure if this life
was something they really wanted they could achieve it, it is still because
of all the wonderful gifts in my life that I am able to do this. It helps a
lot to see my life as this wonderful joyous trip that I'm on. Sometimes I
screw up, some moments I suck and grouch and say the wrong thing at the
wrong time. Who am I to throw stones at glass houses? I get to live with my
choices and so do other parents."
"I try and limit my expression of opinion to appropriate forums. Here is
great. Here I'm asked what I think and for help and advice. In other
people's homes and lives and company I don't have to be on call as an
advisor. And when I'm asked for advice, I need to take it with a grain of
salt, and be prepared not to have anything that I say be taken more as a
momentary conversation. " ---Schuyler
<http://www.waynfort h.blogspot. com/>
On 10/9/08, HoneyBeeECPlus3@ aol.com <HoneyBeeECPlus3@ aol.com> wrote:
> i don't know, but before i was trying to unschool, i was simply an
attached parent, or trying to be.? i have a very low tolerance level for
other parenting styles.? even though i make my share of mistakes, etc.?
>
> -----Original Message-----
>
> From: jenniferbreseman <jen@... <lt%3Bjen@pop. net>>
>
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
>
> Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
>
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some
assistance with.
>
> I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
>
> experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
>
> used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
>
> to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
>
> unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
>
> seem more "real." I seem more "real."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kim Zerbe
I know the comments from other parents are hard to take! I'm having issues
with one of my very best friends right now. She keeps making surly comments
to me like how I'm giving in to the tantrums just because I don't want to
hear it anymore and that's not the right message to send (to the child)
because he just gets what he wants all the time.
Well, she did it again yesterday! My son came to me and asked for sorbet
(while playing at a pizza & play arena with large play structures and slides
and bouncers) and I was kind of in the middle of some work I had brought
there to do while he played and (selfishly) asked if he needed it right now
or if he could drink some lemonade and wait a few minutes (for me to finish
a task on my computer). Well he started to cry and mumble something about
how he was SOOOO hungry he had to have it right away, but it was sort of
nonsensical gibberish (only a mother can understand) as he fell onto the
floor and rolled around. I'm sure we had been there too long and he'd been
playing so hard, he just needed a break, so I picked him up and tried to
calm him down in my lap. I said it sounds like he can't wait so we'd better
go get the sorbet now! So that's when my friend says I'm just giving in to
the tantrum, and it worked because he gets what he wants. I just don't see
it that way! I feel like it's my job to know when he's had enough and needs
a break, and he was right to come to me! I was selfishly wanting to finish
something first, and when I realized that, it was easy to comfort him and
wait for him to be calm. Then we got the money out and he got to make the
purchase (he's 4, it's a big deal). Now I could go on about how I don't like
to always buy the $1.50 scoop of sorbet because it's sort of a waste of
money, but how do you explain that to a 4 yr old? So sometimes we get one! I
already feel bad that he is allergic to dairy and can't eat pizza there! We
have to eat at Wendy's before we go, although yesterday I ate pizza there,
so he saw that I had food, so it seemed not the right time to say no to the
sorbet. ;)
Oh I'm sure this is way off topic! I guess I just needed to vent. I started
a thread a while back about this friend in particular and movie choices am
still processing how I want to deal with her and her surly comments.
I did like Schuyler's comments and will be thinking more about how I want to
deal with children, regardless of what their parents think!!! THAT is
setting a good example.
Kim Z
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of rebecca de
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 7:32 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use
some assistance with.
K,
OH my ! that is impactful! and really true. I did feel like I was throwing
stones -- and I really never say anything because I'm not sure it's my
place... unless the conversation leans there than i tread lightly. I really
hate it when people speak up to me about my kids when not asked :) smiles.
thank you for the info.
--- On Fri, 10/10/08, k <katherand@gmail. <mailto:katherand%40gmail.com>
com> wrote:
From: k <katherand@gmail. <mailto:katherand%40gmail.com> com>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use
some assistance with.
To: unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, October 10, 2008, 10:12 AM
Schuyler had a great response to this... I'm quoting it verbatim below:
"I've gotten in social hot water for being to forthright about my feelings
about parenting and food, largely. The potential cost for my social faux pas
was to Linnaea and to Simon and not to me. Because of that I've worked
really hard to change my perspective and thus my approach. One is to
recognize that I'm not all that concerned about the parenting, more about
the child. That means I can be generous to the child without worrying about
what their parent is doing, or at least not so much. It may not seem to make
a lot of difference, but it kind of cuts them out of the picture. It allows
me to worry less about the parenting and just be the adult I want to be when
interacting with the child or children. The other thing that helps is to
recognize how lucky I am that I get to do this life. I know that it's not
just luck, it's a lot of work and thought and reading and breathing and
patience and curiousity and exploration. But I have a life where I can be
home
or out and about with Simon and Linnaea in ways that so many other people I
know just don't seem to be able to manage. And while I am sure if this life
was something they really wanted they could achieve it, it is still because
of all the wonderful gifts in my life that I am able to do this. It helps a
lot to see my life as this wonderful joyous trip that I'm on. Sometimes I
screw up, some moments I suck and grouch and say the wrong thing at the
wrong time. Who am I to throw stones at glass houses? I get to live with my
choices and so do other parents."
"I try and limit my expression of opinion to appropriate forums. Here is
great. Here I'm asked what I think and for help and advice. In other
people's homes and lives and company I don't have to be on call as an
advisor. And when I'm asked for advice, I need to take it with a grain of
salt, and be prepared not to have anything that I say be taken more as a
momentary conversation. " ---Schuyler
<http://www.waynfort h.blogspot. com/>
with one of my very best friends right now. She keeps making surly comments
to me like how I'm giving in to the tantrums just because I don't want to
hear it anymore and that's not the right message to send (to the child)
because he just gets what he wants all the time.
Well, she did it again yesterday! My son came to me and asked for sorbet
(while playing at a pizza & play arena with large play structures and slides
and bouncers) and I was kind of in the middle of some work I had brought
there to do while he played and (selfishly) asked if he needed it right now
or if he could drink some lemonade and wait a few minutes (for me to finish
a task on my computer). Well he started to cry and mumble something about
how he was SOOOO hungry he had to have it right away, but it was sort of
nonsensical gibberish (only a mother can understand) as he fell onto the
floor and rolled around. I'm sure we had been there too long and he'd been
playing so hard, he just needed a break, so I picked him up and tried to
calm him down in my lap. I said it sounds like he can't wait so we'd better
go get the sorbet now! So that's when my friend says I'm just giving in to
the tantrum, and it worked because he gets what he wants. I just don't see
it that way! I feel like it's my job to know when he's had enough and needs
a break, and he was right to come to me! I was selfishly wanting to finish
something first, and when I realized that, it was easy to comfort him and
wait for him to be calm. Then we got the money out and he got to make the
purchase (he's 4, it's a big deal). Now I could go on about how I don't like
to always buy the $1.50 scoop of sorbet because it's sort of a waste of
money, but how do you explain that to a 4 yr old? So sometimes we get one! I
already feel bad that he is allergic to dairy and can't eat pizza there! We
have to eat at Wendy's before we go, although yesterday I ate pizza there,
so he saw that I had food, so it seemed not the right time to say no to the
sorbet. ;)
Oh I'm sure this is way off topic! I guess I just needed to vent. I started
a thread a while back about this friend in particular and movie choices am
still processing how I want to deal with her and her surly comments.
I did like Schuyler's comments and will be thinking more about how I want to
deal with children, regardless of what their parents think!!! THAT is
setting a good example.
Kim Z
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of rebecca de
Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 7:32 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use
some assistance with.
K,
OH my ! that is impactful! and really true. I did feel like I was throwing
stones -- and I really never say anything because I'm not sure it's my
place... unless the conversation leans there than i tread lightly. I really
hate it when people speak up to me about my kids when not asked :) smiles.
thank you for the info.
--- On Fri, 10/10/08, k <katherand@gmail. <mailto:katherand%40gmail.com>
com> wrote:
From: k <katherand@gmail. <mailto:katherand%40gmail.com> com>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use
some assistance with.
To: unschoolingbasics@ <mailto:unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
yahoogroups.com
Date: Friday, October 10, 2008, 10:12 AM
Schuyler had a great response to this... I'm quoting it verbatim below:
"I've gotten in social hot water for being to forthright about my feelings
about parenting and food, largely. The potential cost for my social faux pas
was to Linnaea and to Simon and not to me. Because of that I've worked
really hard to change my perspective and thus my approach. One is to
recognize that I'm not all that concerned about the parenting, more about
the child. That means I can be generous to the child without worrying about
what their parent is doing, or at least not so much. It may not seem to make
a lot of difference, but it kind of cuts them out of the picture. It allows
me to worry less about the parenting and just be the adult I want to be when
interacting with the child or children. The other thing that helps is to
recognize how lucky I am that I get to do this life. I know that it's not
just luck, it's a lot of work and thought and reading and breathing and
patience and curiousity and exploration. But I have a life where I can be
home
or out and about with Simon and Linnaea in ways that so many other people I
know just don't seem to be able to manage. And while I am sure if this life
was something they really wanted they could achieve it, it is still because
of all the wonderful gifts in my life that I am able to do this. It helps a
lot to see my life as this wonderful joyous trip that I'm on. Sometimes I
screw up, some moments I suck and grouch and say the wrong thing at the
wrong time. Who am I to throw stones at glass houses? I get to live with my
choices and so do other parents."
"I try and limit my expression of opinion to appropriate forums. Here is
great. Here I'm asked what I think and for help and advice. In other
people's homes and lives and company I don't have to be on call as an
advisor. And when I'm asked for advice, I need to take it with a grain of
salt, and be prepared not to have anything that I say be taken more as a
momentary conversation. " ---Schuyler
<http://www.waynfort h.blogspot. com/>
On 10/9/08, HoneyBeeECPlus3@ aol.com <HoneyBeeECPlus3@ aol.com> wrote:
> i don't know, but before i was trying to unschool, i was simply an
attached parent, or trying to be.? i have a very low tolerance level for
other parenting styles.? even though i make my share of mistakes, etc.?
>
> -----Original Message-----
>
> From: jenniferbreseman <jen@... <mailto:jen%40pop.net>
<lt%3Bjen@pop. net>>
>
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com
>
> Sent: Thu, 9 Oct 2008 2:56 pm
>
> Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some
assistance with.
>
> I wonder if this is a universal, or at least very common unschooling
>
> experience. I'm much less tolerant of differences in parenting than I
>
> used to be. I'm much more likely to speak up and be a pain than I used
>
> to be. I think I'm much more opinionated and abrasive than before
>
> unschooling. I don't think my circle is as wide, but my friendships
>
> seem more "real." I seem more "real."
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sherri
Kim I haven't been doing this long, but I do know my child's needs and when
she is playing me. She likes drama sometimes. While that sounds bad, I
have to remember that for 9 years, I didn't always listen to her needs.
This week my sister critizied me, I told her to go pound sound. My daughter
was bullied in various forms for 6 months of school in 2nd grade and on two
occasions by the teacher in 3rd grade which was last year and I pulled her
out. We have quad's next door 3 of which are girls. They are my daughter's
best friends. For years she has been afraid to say boo to Ciara because she
stumps off and won't play with her. My daughter told me at 9pm Weds. night
that she and Ciara had a fight and she didn't back down and they had started
shoving. I asked her who shoved first, she said she didn't know. I told
her Faith, in our family we have a principle that honesty with each other is
what is most important. She asked me was I going to be mad and I told her
no. She said I pushed Ciara first. I said that's fine, I just wanted to
remember we don't use hands to solve our differences. She said okay.
I personally wanted to shout at the roof's that my daughter stood up for
herself, which she has been doing verbally for a bit after discussing many
times how to handleCiara's fit's. I called my sister and said to her, look
here was your fear about homeschooling and that we have made tremdous
progress. My sister or Negative Nancy went into a whole thing about Faith
using her hands. I told her to get off of it. That she is handling herself
better, that the kid's mother and several other people have told me she
isn't afraid of her shadow anymore or to speak her mind. That she can't
have it both ways. Of course I told Faith that she shouldn't use her hands
unless someone does that to her. The boy quad has hit her and she didn't
think she was allowed to hit him back. His mother and I both told her he
looks at her on the same level as his sister's and that if he hits her,
whack the crap out of him. She said she is afraid to and his sister's said
don't be we will have your back.
The quad's are raised by two working parents, who have sitters in every
afternoon and my daughter has been raised with them since they were babies.
We walked the together and they played together from the earliest points in
their life. They have undergone a huge upheaval since their mother had to
go to work and they are acting out more. I'm not going to stop Faith from
playing with them. I do point out the differences in how we live our lives.
Faith doesn't get hit or smacked. She had even prior to our change of
lifestyle maybe 5 time out's. All I would say to her is I know you wouldn't
be acting this way if you weren't tired so go take a rest. She would freak
out. I don't say that anymore. I call her over and ask if she wants to
snuggle with me.
Faith and I have discussed another of the treatment of another child she
plays with by her mother and father and after the last joint outing. Faith
made the decision she can't watch it anymore that it is to sad how angry and
bitter the mother is. How she takes it out on her child and that she has
done the same to Faith. Faith doesn't feel comfortable being around them so
we had to end the friendship. This is something Faith did on her own.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
she is playing me. She likes drama sometimes. While that sounds bad, I
have to remember that for 9 years, I didn't always listen to her needs.
This week my sister critizied me, I told her to go pound sound. My daughter
was bullied in various forms for 6 months of school in 2nd grade and on two
occasions by the teacher in 3rd grade which was last year and I pulled her
out. We have quad's next door 3 of which are girls. They are my daughter's
best friends. For years she has been afraid to say boo to Ciara because she
stumps off and won't play with her. My daughter told me at 9pm Weds. night
that she and Ciara had a fight and she didn't back down and they had started
shoving. I asked her who shoved first, she said she didn't know. I told
her Faith, in our family we have a principle that honesty with each other is
what is most important. She asked me was I going to be mad and I told her
no. She said I pushed Ciara first. I said that's fine, I just wanted to
remember we don't use hands to solve our differences. She said okay.
I personally wanted to shout at the roof's that my daughter stood up for
herself, which she has been doing verbally for a bit after discussing many
times how to handleCiara's fit's. I called my sister and said to her, look
here was your fear about homeschooling and that we have made tremdous
progress. My sister or Negative Nancy went into a whole thing about Faith
using her hands. I told her to get off of it. That she is handling herself
better, that the kid's mother and several other people have told me she
isn't afraid of her shadow anymore or to speak her mind. That she can't
have it both ways. Of course I told Faith that she shouldn't use her hands
unless someone does that to her. The boy quad has hit her and she didn't
think she was allowed to hit him back. His mother and I both told her he
looks at her on the same level as his sister's and that if he hits her,
whack the crap out of him. She said she is afraid to and his sister's said
don't be we will have your back.
The quad's are raised by two working parents, who have sitters in every
afternoon and my daughter has been raised with them since they were babies.
We walked the together and they played together from the earliest points in
their life. They have undergone a huge upheaval since their mother had to
go to work and they are acting out more. I'm not going to stop Faith from
playing with them. I do point out the differences in how we live our lives.
Faith doesn't get hit or smacked. She had even prior to our change of
lifestyle maybe 5 time out's. All I would say to her is I know you wouldn't
be acting this way if you weren't tired so go take a rest. She would freak
out. I don't say that anymore. I call her over and ask if she wants to
snuggle with me.
Faith and I have discussed another of the treatment of another child she
plays with by her mother and father and after the last joint outing. Faith
made the decision she can't watch it anymore that it is to sad how angry and
bitter the mother is. How she takes it out on her child and that she has
done the same to Faith. Faith doesn't feel comfortable being around them so
we had to end the friendship. This is something Faith did on her own.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
What always amazes me is when parents aren't willing to be better parents.
I get that folks generally (with exceptions) are doing the best they can do at the time. At least the best they think they can do at the time.
It's when they think that they can't do/be better---that "good enough" is good enough---that's what blows my mind.
How can someone be a "good enough" parent? Why would that be a goal?
I *know* *I* can be better.
There are things that I do "well enough"---and I'm OK with them. Auto repair. I'm willing to pay someone for that! <g> I really don't want to be more knowledgeable about my minivan. It's OK. Really. Golf. It's OK. Really! Plumbing. Mountain climbing. I don't feel that I need to be better at any of those things. Really. <g>
I *like* being a better gardener, a better dog show judge, a better cook. Because I want to be better at these things, I work at them. If I didn't care about getting better, I'd be happy with "good enough."
Being a parent and a spouse are, *I* think, the two most important roles I'll have. I can never be "good enough."
It's hard for me to understand how a mother can be happy being a "good enough" mother. But, ya' know, for some women, it's OK. Really. And I can't change that.
But I can choose not to let their lack of interest in being better moms affect *me* or my parenting. I can choose to avoid them (which is my usual MO). If I'm around them,
I can be a shining example with my own boys---and then leave asap. <g>
The hardest situation for me is when I'm friends with the other mom. If you're anonymous (like here), I'm comfortable giving advice/direction/opinion. If I know you personally, I struggle horribly. I bite my tongue until I eventually explode. <G>
Are *YOU* comfortable with your choice to be a better parent? You don't have to "go with the crowd." You *can* stand up for your principles without interfering with their lack of principles. <G>
I think it's important to ask *why*. A lot. It gets easier the more you do it.
My parenting doesn't get attacked any more; but when it did, I learned to turn it around on them:
"We choose not to punish the boys. It doesn't work, and our relationship with our children is more important to us. Talking with them and modeling seems to work better for us. Please pass the bean dip."
"I'm not going to punish *my* child so that you feel better about punishing yours. Please pass the bean dip."
"If I thought you were right, I'd probably do the same thing. Please pass the bean dip."
"Yeah? Proof is in the pudding, and I'm a patient cook. Let me know how your relationship with your teen is. Please pass the bean dip."
I think that the best way to "suggest alternative parenting ideas" is to "Just Do IT! BE the example. Because your children are very young, you'll probably be laughed at behind your back
(and to your face) for years. But when you have gentle, kind, interesting *teens* who love to be around you and are honest and generous, you can just sit back and smile when they start whining about how difficult and impossible their teens are. <G>
The view is nice up here. <BWG>
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: Rebecca De Hate <rebeccadehate@...>
Hello unschoolers out there. I haven't posted lately or often but I
like to pop on and read postings. I have some thoughts on my mind and
I feel that this group could help me. First , I'm mommy to to boys 6
year old Ian and 21/2 year old garret. I have been implementing
unschooling for at least 3 years now when my friend directed me to
this exact group for help with "disciplining" my oldest . Wow was my
eyes opened. I stayed up lately reading post having major ah-hah
moments and fully understanding that why and how unschooling could
work.. I have slowly let go of some old baggage and implementing
saying yes more and my relationship with my children has change
tremendoulsy. And usually when there is issues -- deep down there
mine... So here's my thoughts..
How do I "hold" my own when there others around that implement what I
consider old parenting styles? I would like to think that I am a
strong enough person to not be swayed but I find myself being a little
stricter when others are around if I don't watch myself.
I also find myself just feeling=2
0more stressed. Not at my kids but the
other parents. Sometimes they will make comments , not really
directly 'attacking' my style of parenting but I can sometimes feel
it.. or is that just me?? and my insecurities??
I have found myself just irritated as shit when parents scold there
kids over things I really don't know why they are getting after them.
For example, a friend and I are walking around our neighborhood and
our two boys are at the end of some ones driveway (to wait for us and
stay out of cars way) and they are just throwing stones up in the air.
No biggy in my eyes. they are not throwing them at anyone , but my
friend says don't so then I do. in my thoughts just out of respect but
then part of me is why???:?
Oh and the other day a new friend is over with her 31/2 and 11/2 year
old boys and her solution to her boys whining/crying/not sharing is to
put in the corner (now I think she arrived at this conclusion because
her friend implements this technique and she feels that her friends
kids are great their 6, 4 and 15 months =-== well i just met her kids
yesterday and they just plan seem unhappy. they barely talk (not shy
because the girl kept coming to me and climbing up on my lap and
gravitating toward me all night), they are not at all 'rowdy' which I
guess maybe my boys are just overly... and I just sense a feeling of
sadness in them. The mom even joked about that maybe she's just more
strict because when we were
talking about timing out and only going
by the minutes by the age of the child -- and she said she just makes
them stand there until she feels like letting them out of the time
out???) Soooo am I just being overly judgemental... by all means I
am not a perfect parent , I'm still controlling at times, and yell
and have even hit my children (lots better though about controlling
that issue...)
okay and since I'm on a roll , let me vent about the time my cousin
was down here and right away -- I recieved comments about that there
should be routines and bedtimes and controls etc --- which truthfully
she may have all that implemented but I think some of the shit was a
front... basically on me about control and then one time I did over
exert myself with my boy -- she attacked that -- I shouldn't have done
that and if cps had seen that I would be in trouble.......and that I
shouldn't yell so much... Granted I shouldn't and since then even
though she pissed me off I haven't --- however I do know when i'm
stressed I'm harder on the boys (not an excuse just acknowledging and
willing to change).....However, I couldn't see where her harsh
controls were great -- yep she had a trained daughter but..
Anyway I guess my ramblings are that I want to be accepted for my
choices as a parent and I want to except others also...Should I gently
suggested alternative ways to discipling? or just keep my mouth
shut??? I like advocating a more positive, peaceful way of parenting
however not everyone gets it? So many just argue that we need to
control this or that etc??? so I usually just shut up? Figure if I
just show them by actions maybe they will get it... when I have seen a
better way of handling a situation I see it and try it soo????
anyway if I am making any sense at all please respond. Its getting
where I don't want to even be around some parents.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I get that folks generally (with exceptions) are doing the best they can do at the time. At least the best they think they can do at the time.
It's when they think that they can't do/be better---that "good enough" is good enough---that's what blows my mind.
How can someone be a "good enough" parent? Why would that be a goal?
I *know* *I* can be better.
There are things that I do "well enough"---and I'm OK with them. Auto repair. I'm willing to pay someone for that! <g> I really don't want to be more knowledgeable about my minivan. It's OK. Really. Golf. It's OK. Really! Plumbing. Mountain climbing. I don't feel that I need to be better at any of those things. Really. <g>
I *like* being a better gardener, a better dog show judge, a better cook. Because I want to be better at these things, I work at them. If I didn't care about getting better, I'd be happy with "good enough."
Being a parent and a spouse are, *I* think, the two most important roles I'll have. I can never be "good enough."
It's hard for me to understand how a mother can be happy being a "good enough" mother. But, ya' know, for some women, it's OK. Really. And I can't change that.
But I can choose not to let their lack of interest in being better moms affect *me* or my parenting. I can choose to avoid them (which is my usual MO). If I'm around them,
I can be a shining example with my own boys---and then leave asap. <g>
The hardest situation for me is when I'm friends with the other mom. If you're anonymous (like here), I'm comfortable giving advice/direction/opinion. If I know you personally, I struggle horribly. I bite my tongue until I eventually explode. <G>
Are *YOU* comfortable with your choice to be a better parent? You don't have to "go with the crowd." You *can* stand up for your principles without interfering with their lack of principles. <G>
I think it's important to ask *why*. A lot. It gets easier the more you do it.
My parenting doesn't get attacked any more; but when it did, I learned to turn it around on them:
"We choose not to punish the boys. It doesn't work, and our relationship with our children is more important to us. Talking with them and modeling seems to work better for us. Please pass the bean dip."
"I'm not going to punish *my* child so that you feel better about punishing yours. Please pass the bean dip."
"If I thought you were right, I'd probably do the same thing. Please pass the bean dip."
"Yeah? Proof is in the pudding, and I'm a patient cook. Let me know how your relationship with your teen is. Please pass the bean dip."
I think that the best way to "suggest alternative parenting ideas" is to "Just Do IT! BE the example. Because your children are very young, you'll probably be laughed at behind your back
(and to your face) for years. But when you have gentle, kind, interesting *teens* who love to be around you and are honest and generous, you can just sit back and smile when they start whining about how difficult and impossible their teens are. <G>
The view is nice up here. <BWG>
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: Rebecca De Hate <rebeccadehate@...>
Hello unschoolers out there. I haven't posted lately or often but I
like to pop on and read postings. I have some thoughts on my mind and
I feel that this group could help me. First , I'm mommy to to boys 6
year old Ian and 21/2 year old garret. I have been implementing
unschooling for at least 3 years now when my friend directed me to
this exact group for help with "disciplining" my oldest . Wow was my
eyes opened. I stayed up lately reading post having major ah-hah
moments and fully understanding that why and how unschooling could
work.. I have slowly let go of some old baggage and implementing
saying yes more and my relationship with my children has change
tremendoulsy. And usually when there is issues -- deep down there
mine... So here's my thoughts..
How do I "hold" my own when there others around that implement what I
consider old parenting styles? I would like to think that I am a
strong enough person to not be swayed but I find myself being a little
stricter when others are around if I don't watch myself.
I also find myself just feeling=2
0more stressed. Not at my kids but the
other parents. Sometimes they will make comments , not really
directly 'attacking' my style of parenting but I can sometimes feel
it.. or is that just me?? and my insecurities??
I have found myself just irritated as shit when parents scold there
kids over things I really don't know why they are getting after them.
For example, a friend and I are walking around our neighborhood and
our two boys are at the end of some ones driveway (to wait for us and
stay out of cars way) and they are just throwing stones up in the air.
No biggy in my eyes. they are not throwing them at anyone , but my
friend says don't so then I do. in my thoughts just out of respect but
then part of me is why???:?
Oh and the other day a new friend is over with her 31/2 and 11/2 year
old boys and her solution to her boys whining/crying/not sharing is to
put in the corner (now I think she arrived at this conclusion because
her friend implements this technique and she feels that her friends
kids are great their 6, 4 and 15 months =-== well i just met her kids
yesterday and they just plan seem unhappy. they barely talk (not shy
because the girl kept coming to me and climbing up on my lap and
gravitating toward me all night), they are not at all 'rowdy' which I
guess maybe my boys are just overly... and I just sense a feeling of
sadness in them. The mom even joked about that maybe she's just more
strict because when we were
talking about timing out and only going
by the minutes by the age of the child -- and she said she just makes
them stand there until she feels like letting them out of the time
out???) Soooo am I just being overly judgemental... by all means I
am not a perfect parent , I'm still controlling at times, and yell
and have even hit my children (lots better though about controlling
that issue...)
okay and since I'm on a roll , let me vent about the time my cousin
was down here and right away -- I recieved comments about that there
should be routines and bedtimes and controls etc --- which truthfully
she may have all that implemented but I think some of the shit was a
front... basically on me about control and then one time I did over
exert myself with my boy -- she attacked that -- I shouldn't have done
that and if cps had seen that I would be in trouble.......and that I
shouldn't yell so much... Granted I shouldn't and since then even
though she pissed me off I haven't --- however I do know when i'm
stressed I'm harder on the boys (not an excuse just acknowledging and
willing to change).....However, I couldn't see where her harsh
controls were great -- yep she had a trained daughter but..
Anyway I guess my ramblings are that I want to be accepted for my
choices as a parent and I want to except others also...Should I gently
suggested alternative ways to discipling? or just keep my mouth
shut??? I like advocating a more positive, peaceful way of parenting
however not everyone gets it? So many just argue that we need to
control this or that etc??? so I usually just shut up? Figure if I
just show them by actions maybe they will get it... when I have seen a
better way of handling a situation I see it and try it soo????
anyway if I am making any sense at all please respond. Its getting
where I don't want to even be around some parents.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
-----Original Message-----
From: Kim Zerbe <kim.zerbe@...>
I know the comments from other parents are hard to take! I'm having issues
with one of my very best friends right now. She keeps making surly comments
to me like how I'm giving in to the tantrums just because I don't want to
hear it anymore and that's not the right message to send (to the child)
because he just gets what he wants all the time.
--=-=-=-
NOBODY gets what he wants all the time. But I think I should make every effort to help my child get what he does want as much as possible. He'll have plenty of real-world disappointment in his life. I want to be the one he comes to for HELP in reaching his goals.
Does it matter what she thinks? Isn't it more important what your *child* thinks of you?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
From: Kim Zerbe <kim.zerbe@...>
I know the comments from other parents are hard to take! I'm having issues
with one of my very best friends right now. She keeps making surly comments
to me like how I'm giving in to the tantrums just because I don't want to
hear it anymore and that's not the right message to send (to the child)
because he just gets what he wants all the time.
--=-=-=-
NOBODY gets what he wants all the time. But I think I should make every effort to help my child get what he does want as much as possible. He'll have plenty of real-world disappointment in his life. I want to be the one he comes to for HELP in reaching his goals.
Does it matter what she thinks? Isn't it more important what your *child* thinks of you?
~Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vickisue Gray
NOBODY gets what he wants all the time. But I think I should make every effort to help my child get what he does want as much as possible. He'll have plenty of real-world disappointment in his life. I want to be the one he comes to for HELP in reaching his goals.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Such a great point. My spouse recently fell back into 'I don't see the learning happening, therefore, do two hours of seatwork every night to prove it' idea. Needless to say, I stood my ground against THAT idea. Anyhow, direct arguing doesn't work so I found a recent article in the Ode magazine written by John Holt and had the ten yo read it out loud to dad. Problem solved and dad went off to have fun with his son playing with Fruitricity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does it matter what she thinks? Isn't it more important what your *child* thinks of you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We just got to play with this concept, too. Saturday we went to a birthday party. The birthday boy was being a rotten kid. My son told him to stop and the birthday boy chose not to. My son asked to leave. I said that was fine and went to leave. The adults all gave me grief that I should "make" my son stay as it was "good" for him. I told them that they could do as they please and I would do the same. Have a nice day. My son and I left before the food was served. My son thanked me and told me I was the best mom ever. =)
He and I went off and had a wonderful evening together.
~~~~~
Thanks ladies for all the wonderful advise or the years.
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Such a great point. My spouse recently fell back into 'I don't see the learning happening, therefore, do two hours of seatwork every night to prove it' idea. Needless to say, I stood my ground against THAT idea. Anyhow, direct arguing doesn't work so I found a recent article in the Ode magazine written by John Holt and had the ten yo read it out loud to dad. Problem solved and dad went off to have fun with his son playing with Fruitricity.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Does it matter what she thinks? Isn't it more important what your *child* thinks of you?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We just got to play with this concept, too. Saturday we went to a birthday party. The birthday boy was being a rotten kid. My son told him to stop and the birthday boy chose not to. My son asked to leave. I said that was fine and went to leave. The adults all gave me grief that I should "make" my son stay as it was "good" for him. I told them that they could do as they please and I would do the same. Have a nice day. My son and I left before the food was served. My son thanked me and told me I was the best mom ever. =)
He and I went off and had a wonderful evening together.
~~~~~
Thanks ladies for all the wonderful advise or the years.
Vicki
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
----I think it's important to ask *why*. A lot. It gets easier the more you
do it.----
This would gently knock the socks off people when, as the examples are
phrased, one changes the subject (pass the bean dip or what about that I-95
construction in [whatever region]) and then perhaps leaves off eye contact
as well and/or smiles sweetly with it.
But of course if you don't *want* more conversation (or verbal challenge or
whatever), don't ask why. ;)
Kelly's verrrry confident and she might not mind the added commentary after
asking why. So figure that in. Kelly also has an incredible smile.
Confident. It's unsettling to many who try messing with her. I feel after
being around her (only twice) that I could be much more confident after
being asked why or smiled at as though wondering "what the heck for?"
Even though there's a lot of talk about not seeking to *live* (unless you
just happen to be lucky in location) with unschoolers or an unschoolish
tribe, there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers in
real life.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
do it.----
This would gently knock the socks off people when, as the examples are
phrased, one changes the subject (pass the bean dip or what about that I-95
construction in [whatever region]) and then perhaps leaves off eye contact
as well and/or smiles sweetly with it.
But of course if you don't *want* more conversation (or verbal challenge or
whatever), don't ask why. ;)
Kelly's verrrry confident and she might not mind the added commentary after
asking why. So figure that in. Kelly also has an incredible smile.
Confident. It's unsettling to many who try messing with her. I feel after
being around her (only twice) that I could be much more confident after
being asked why or smiled at as though wondering "what the heck for?"
Even though there's a lot of talk about not seeking to *live* (unless you
just happen to be lucky in location) with unschoolers or an unschoolish
tribe, there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers in
real life.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers in
real life.~~
I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and going on a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical unschoolers I've met through these lists. Showing up on doorsteps...Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa, Alex, Joyce. Next time your doorbell rings it just may be us :). While there are lots of unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a family who has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling conference??? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual Unschooling Conference debuting in September 09 right in my city. We're VERY excited, and could use some support from long term, dedicated, and confident radical unschoolers! Western Canada is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
Jodi
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
real life.~~
I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and going on a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical unschoolers I've met through these lists. Showing up on doorsteps...Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa, Alex, Joyce. Next time your doorbell rings it just may be us :). While there are lots of unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a family who has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling conference??? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual Unschooling Conference debuting in September 09 right in my city. We're VERY excited, and could use some support from long term, dedicated, and confident radical unschoolers! Western Canada is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
Jodi
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
We've got a Halloween Non Con planned :) C'mon, er, UP :D
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 1:56 PM, Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@...> wrote:
> ~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers
> in
> real life.~~
>
> I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and going on
> a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical unschoolers I've met
> through these lists. Showing up on doorsteps...Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa,
> Alex, Joyce. Next time your doorbell rings it just may be us :). While
> there are lots of unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a
> family who has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
>
> We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know
> Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling
> conference??? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual Unschooling Conference
> debuting in September 09 right in my city. We're VERY excited, and could
> use some support from long term, dedicated, and confident radical
> unschoolers! Western Canada is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], Vickisue Gray
<vickisue_gray@...> wrote:
people's kids. Its helpful, becasue saying a child is "being rotten"
is purely a statement about behavior and your reaction to it -
better to own your reaction and define the behavior more
specifically. Better still to see a child struggling in a
complicated social situation without enough support. Its better bc
to get closer to unschooling its important to look beyond behavior
to the reasons behind behavior - it promotes understanding and
compassion and better communication all 'round.
That being said, Sunday I left a friend's house when her step-dd
showed up, because Mo and the other girl have a *really* rough time
getting along - so I might have done the same thing at the bday
party!
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
<vickisue_gray@...> wrote:
>The birthday boy was being a rotten kid.?Its helpful to step away from statements like this, even about other
people's kids. Its helpful, becasue saying a child is "being rotten"
is purely a statement about behavior and your reaction to it -
better to own your reaction and define the behavior more
specifically. Better still to see a child struggling in a
complicated social situation without enough support. Its better bc
to get closer to unschooling its important to look beyond behavior
to the reasons behind behavior - it promotes understanding and
compassion and better communication all 'round.
That being said, Sunday I left a friend's house when her step-dd
showed up, because Mo and the other girl have a *really* rough time
getting along - so I might have done the same thing at the bday
party!
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Well Jodi you are more than welcome to come visit me!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for adding me to the list!
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Thank you for adding me to the list!
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Sounds fun. It was just saying to Kelly that I wish some of you lived around the corner and I could just pop over. When the girls are a *little* older I might be more willing to get into a car alone with them for a long trip. Right now it works well to have a body in the passenger seat there primarily to serve my angels :).
Where do you live again?
Oh, and what's a Non Con??
Jodi
Where do you live again?
Oh, and what's a Non Con??
Jodi
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:
From: diana jenner <hahamommy@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 2:19 PM
We've got a Halloween Non Con planned :) C'mon, er, UP :D
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski. blogspot. com
hannahsashes. blogspot. com
dianas365.blogspot. com
On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 1:56 PM, Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> ~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers
> in
> real life.~~
>
> I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and going on
> a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical unschoolers I've met
> through these lists. Showing up on doorsteps... Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa,
> Alex, Joyce. Next time your doorbell rings it just may be us :). While
> there are lots of unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a
> family who has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
>
> We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know
> Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling
> conference?? ? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual Unschooling Conference
> debuting in September 09 right in my city. We're VERY excited, and could
> use some support from long term, dedicated, and confident radical
> unschoolers! Western Canada is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Thanks Alex. You're all so sweet.
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 4:30 PM
Well Jodi you are more than welcome to come visit me!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you for adding me to the list!
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow. blogspot. com/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
Where do you live again?'
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I am in MN and here is my blog post inviting umschooling friends to come visit:
http://polykow.blogspot.com/2008/06/vacancy.html
I had 3 wonderful families visit since this post ( one is a repeat ! and 2 new friends) and a new one coming in a couple of week! YAY!
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I am in MN and here is my blog post inviting umschooling friends to come visit:
http://polykow.blogspot.com/2008/06/vacancy.html
I had 3 wonderful families visit since this post ( one is a repeat ! and 2 new friends) and a new one coming in a couple of week! YAY!
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Your farm looks fabulous, I'm seething with envy. I'm a born-and-raised city girl who longs for the country but whose husband's job keeps us all pretty well fed in the city for now. I have pictures of acreages and country homes plastered all over my dream board. I love all the farm smells too :).
Someday...
Jodi
Someday...
Jodi
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 5:10 PM
Where do you live again?'
-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=-=-=-
I am in MN and here is my blog post inviting umschooling friends to come visit:
http://polykow. blogspot. com/2008/ 06/vacancy. html
I had 3 wonderful families visit since this post ( one is a repeat ! and 2 new friends) and a new one coming in a couple of week! YAY!
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow. blogspot. com/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
We're in Corvallis, just south of Portland, OR. We'll definitely see you at
Life is Good, it's our *hometown* conference :D
A *non-con* is a non-conference gathering of unschoolers; for a weekend, for
a long weekend, for a week or two ;) It started when I first came to
Corvallis to visit the Golds and the trip morphed into a big gathering
(helped us make the decision to move so far from South Dakota!). I
recommend them highly, as a way to get to know your unschooling neighbors &
as a great excuse to party and play together. It's not just neighbors,
though, Marty Dodd came from Albuquerque to the first one and the Traaseths
were here last year from Minnesota :)
Calgary in September... I'm thinking my Super Cool boyfriend might *really*
like that trip! I'll throw out the idea and see what happens :)
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
Life is Good, it's our *hometown* conference :D
A *non-con* is a non-conference gathering of unschoolers; for a weekend, for
a long weekend, for a week or two ;) It started when I first came to
Corvallis to visit the Golds and the trip morphed into a big gathering
(helped us make the decision to move so far from South Dakota!). I
recommend them highly, as a way to get to know your unschooling neighbors &
as a great excuse to party and play together. It's not just neighbors,
though, Marty Dodd came from Albuquerque to the first one and the Traaseths
were here last year from Minnesota :)
Calgary in September... I'm thinking my Super Cool boyfriend might *really*
like that trip! I'll throw out the idea and see what happens :)
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
hannahsashes.blogspot.com
dianas365.blogspot.com
On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 4:32 PM, Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@...> wrote:
> Sounds fun. It was just saying to Kelly that I wish some of you lived
> around the corner and I could just pop over. When the girls are a *little*
> older I might be more willing to get into a car alone with them for a long
> trip. Right now it works well to have a body in the passenger seat there
> primarily to serve my angels :).
>
> Where do you live again?
>
> Oh, and what's a Non Con??
>
> Jodi
>
> --- On Mon, 10/13/08, diana jenner <hahamommy@...<hahamommy%40gmail.com>>
> wrote:
>
> From: diana jenner <hahamommy@... <hahamommy%40gmail.com>>
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some
> assistance with.
> To: [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>
> Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 2:19 PM
>
> We've got a Halloween Non Con planned :) C'mon, er, UP :D
> ~diana :)
> xoxoxoxo
> hannahbearski. blogspot. com
> hannahsashes. blogspot. com
> dianas365.blogspot. com
>
> On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 1:56 PM, Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@ yahoo.com>
> wrote:
>
> > ~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers
> > in
> > real life.~~
> >
> > I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and going
> on
> > a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical unschoolers I've met
> > through these lists. Showing up on doorsteps... Kelly, Ren, Diana,
> Melissa,
> > Alex, Joyce. Next time your doorbell rings it just may be us :). While
> > there are lots of unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a
> > family who has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
> >
> > We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know
> > Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling
> > conference?? ? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual Unschooling Conference
> > debuting in September 09 right in my city. We're VERY excited, and could
> > use some support from long term, dedicated, and confident radical
> > unschoolers! Western Canada is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
BRIAN POLIKOWSKY
The best part Jodi is that I am 8 miles from Rochester and 10 minutes from Mayo Clinic and IBM so lots of city jobs around here plus only 1:15 minutes from the Twin Cities for BIG town stuff. So I am out in a farm in the country but close enough to city life.
Alex Polikowsky ( born and raised as a city girl )
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Alex Polikowsky ( born and raised as a city girl )
http://polykow.blogspot.com/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kathleen Gehrke
Jodi,
We are in Montana. Where are you?
Kathleen
--- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
<jodibezzola@...> wrote:
unschoolers I've met through these lists. Showing up on
doorsteps...Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa, Alex, Joyce. Next time your
doorbell rings it just may be us :). While there are lots of
unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a family who
has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
conference??? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual
Unschooling Conference debuting in September 09 right in my city.
We're VERY excited, and could use some support from long
term, dedicated, and confident radical unschoolers! Western Canada
is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
We are in Montana. Where are you?
Kathleen
--- In [email protected], Jodi Bezzola
<jodibezzola@...> wrote:
>unschoolers in
> ~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical
> real life.~~going on a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical
>
> I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and
unschoolers I've met through these lists. Showing up on
doorsteps...Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa, Alex, Joyce. Next time your
doorbell rings it just may be us :). While there are lots of
unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a family who
has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
>Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling
> We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know
conference??? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual
Unschooling Conference debuting in September 09 right in my city.
We're VERY excited, and could use some support from long
term, dedicated, and confident radical unschoolers! Western Canada
is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
>
> Jodi
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Jodi Bezzola
Now I can picture exactly where you are. Lots of years ago my grandmother died at Mayo Clinic, so Rochester is somewhat familiar how I remember it at 13 years old anyway. Now I'm *totally* envious of your setup, because that's exactly what I want...boonies, but not too boony! :)
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...> wrote:
From: BRIAN POLIKOWSKY <polykowholsteins@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 8:26 PM
The best part Jodi is that I am 8 miles from Rochester and 10 minutes from Mayo Clinic and IBM so lots of city jobs around here plus only 1:15 minutes from the Twin Cities for BIG town stuff. So I am out in a farm in the country but close enough to city life.
Alex Polikowsky ( born and raised as a city girl )
http://polykow. blogspot. com/
http://groups. yahoo.com/ group/unschoolin gmn/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Not too far, just look up above you to the north and you'll see us in Calgary, Alberta! Where in Montana are you? I spent a summer in Billings once.
Jodi
Jodi
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, Kathleen Gehrke <gehrkes@...> wrote:
From: Kathleen Gehrke <gehrkes@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 8:56 PM
Jodi,
We are in Montana. Where are you?
Kathleen
--- In unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com, Jodi Bezzola
<jodibezzola@ ...> wrote:
>
> ~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical
unschoolers in
> real life.~~
>
> I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and
going on a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical
unschoolers I've met through these lists. Showing up on
doorsteps... Kelly, Ren, Diana, Melissa, Alex, Joyce. Next time your
doorbell rings it just may be us :). While there are lots of
unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a family who
has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
>
> We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know
Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling
conference?? ? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual
Unschooling Conferen ce debuting in September 09 right in my city.
We're VERY excited, and could use some support from long
term, dedicated, and confident radical unschoolers! Western Canada
is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
>
> Jodi
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jodi Bezzola
Okay, now I'm super committed to making it to Life is Good so I get to meet the famous Diana :). And Calgary is cool to visit, would be spectacular to have you here for our first conference! We've driven to Oregon from here a couple of times and the trip is beautiful.
I'd love to make it to you Non Con...but it'll have to wait until next time. We're moving this month, so all is a little chaotic and preoccupied with that. The girls keep asking if we're bringing their stuff with us to the new house.
Jodi
I'd love to make it to you Non Con...but it'll have to wait until next time. We're moving this month, so all is a little chaotic and preoccupied with that. The girls keep asking if we're bringing their stuff with us to the new house.
Jodi
--- On Mon, 10/13/08, diana jenner <hahamommy@...> wrote:
From: diana jenner <hahamommy@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some assistance with.
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 8:13 PM
We're in Corvallis, just south of Portland, OR. We'll definitely see you at
Life is Good, it's our *hometown* conference :D
A *non-con* is a non-conference gathering of unschoolers; for a weekend, for
a long weekend, for a week or two ;) It started when I first came to
Corvallis to visit the Golds and the trip morphed into a big gathering
(helped us make the decision to move so far from South Dakota!). I
recommend them highly, as a way to get to know your unschooling neighbors &
as a great excuse to party and play together. It's not just neighbors,
though, Marty Dodd came from Albuquerque to the first one and the Traaseths
were here last year from Minnesota :)
Calgary in September... I'm thinking my Super Cool boyfriend might *really*
like that trip! I'll throw out the idea and see what happens :)
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski. blogspot. com
hannahsashes. blogspot. com
dianas365.blogspot. com
On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 4:32 PM, Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> Sounds fun. It was just saying to Kelly that I wish some of you lived
> around the corner and I could just pop over. When the girls are a *little*
> older I might be more willing to get into a car alone with them for a long
> trip. Right now it works well to have a body in the passenger seat there
> primarily to serve my angels :).
>
> Where do you live again?
>
> Oh, and what's a Non Con??
>
> Jodi
>
> --- On Mon, 10/13/08, diana jenner <hahamommy@gmail. com<hahamommy%40gmail. com>>
> wrote:
>
> From: diana jenner <hahamommy@gmail. com <hahamommy%40gmail. com>>
> Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Just some thoughts that I could use some
> assistance with.
> To: unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com<unschoolingbasics% 40yahoogroups. com>
> Date: Monday, October 13, 2008, 2:19 PM
>
> We've got a Halloween Non Con planned :) C'mon, er, UP :D
> ~diana :)
> xoxoxoxo
> hannahbearski. blogspot. com
> hannahsashes. blogspot. com
> dianas365.blogspot. com
>
> On Mon, Oct 13, 2008 at 1:56 PM, Jodi Bezzola <jodibezzola@ yahoo.com>
> wrote:
>
> > ~~...there's growth potential in meeting confident radical unschoolers
> > in
> > real life.~~
> >
> > I think SO often of just packing the girls and I into the car and going
> on
> > a serious road trip to meet all the joyful radical unschoolers I've met
> > through these lists. Showing up on doorsteps... Kelly, Ren, Diana,
> Melissa,
> > Alex, Joyce. Next time your doorbell rings it just may be us :). While
> > there are lots of unschoolers here, I think I have yet to be exposed to a
> > family who has really 'got it'. Well, maybe one, kind of :).
> >
> > We are planning on being at Life Is Good, oh!, and did you all know
> > Calgary, Alberta, Canada is having its' first every unschooling
> > conference?? ? Yep, Alphabet Soup: Calgary Annual Unschooling Conference
> > debuting in September 09 right in my city. We're VERY excited, and could
> > use some support from long term, dedicated, and confident radical
> > unschoolers! Western Canada is *beautiful*, and well worth visiting.
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]